What’s a party without a few tears

First things first I head to the bathroom, god this house is a maze. Rhea has followed me to freshen up and check in no doubt.

"Yeah I'm all good" I laugh answering her question for the 2nd time.

"She really has it in for you I wonder why" Rhea says.

"Oh I know she was with Matty, he told me" I say.

"They were fucking around" I tell Rhea and recognition dawns on her.

"What a bitch though. Fucking epic reply by the way, I was cheering you on in my head" she laughs.

"Thanks I'd had enough by that point." I tell Rhea putting my lipstick back on in the mirror.

"She's jealous babe" Rhea tells me.

We head back down. I tell her I'm just going to get another drink and that I'll be right back in. I head for the kitchen and mix up a very weak Malibu and lemonade. It's mostly lemonade to be fair.

"You okay Tay?" Ross says.

I didn't even realise he was in the room. I'm a little let down that it's not Matty. He's normally so present. Why is he acting so cool? Probably because we're with his friends.

"Thanks for earlier, I appreciate it" I tell him. I don't want to face him. I don't want to look at him, he makes me feel emotional.

"Hey, anytime." He says softly.

I stay facing the other way. I will not look at him. I genuinely feel I will cry just looking at him. Because of so so many reasons. I can't handle Jen and being publicly humiliated, yes I stuck up for myself but no I'm not okay. Putting up with Jay and then having Matty shout at him for talking to me. Seeing Ross, and his constant disappointment that we are not together.

He stands next to me still facing the other way.

"I'm here" He says.

And honestly I'm so glad he said that and not what's wrong? Or what's up or anything else that would make me have to think about it all.

I start to cry, for the second time this evening.

What's a party without a few tears?

He just waits, he places his hand on my back and rubs it gently.

"Why does she hate me so much" I ask him.

"I feel like I'm missing something, like as far as I'm aware I didn't do anything to her? I didn't start on her first" I say.

"Oh that's an easy one, she's so jealous of you." He says. He's still facing the other way.

"Plus she's a bit of a bitch, if you didn't notice" he laughs.

And I have to laugh back.

"Hey you want a drink" I ask him.

"Of course" he says.

I make him a jack and coke and hand it to him. He smiles.

"Thanks babe" he says.

We both lean against the counter facing the same way, sipping our drinks.

I've stopped crying thankfully.

"Thanks for being there for me, it does mean a lot to me" I tell him.

He just smiles down at me.

"Tay, I care for you. I'll be here in any capacity that you want me" he says and I give him a hug. Before I cry again I tell him that we need to get back. He holds onto me a fraction longer and then accepts it and lets me go.

I slip back into place next to Matty on the sofa. I made him a drink, I tell him not to worry they're both weak ones including mine. He smiles and kisses me.

"Oh you missed your go" Rach smiles at me

"I think I'll be taking a dare this time" I laugh

"Of course. Ugh I would say take your top off but yeah you're wearing a dress. Roll it down a little?" She laughs.

I pull the straps down and roll it down to my waist thankful for my new white lace bra and suspender belt. Jay winks at me which I was half expecting. Matty places his arms over my chest, chuckling.

"Oh that's quite enough of that" he laughs.

"Oh I like your suspender thingy" Rach says.

"Suspender belt thanks! It's from Ann summers" I tell her. And she smiles back at me.

"Yeah me too Tay, I like your belt thingy" Jay laughs and she swats him.

"Dickhead" she jokes.

Matty plays with my stockings with his finger. He seems completely distracted by them.

Jay does his dare and ends up really making out with Rachel. Gosh I like her but he is not the answer, but each to their own. He kisses her and opens his eyes and looks my way. I feel slightly sick and avert my eyes.

It's Matty's go next.

"I'll take a dare, by the way it can involve Taylor" he says suggestively hands still on my cleavage.

"Just putting it out there" he laughs.

I smile at him. He's so cheeky. He's laying back, no top on, I love his chest and I stroke it. He pulls his hand through the front of his hair moving it back and out of his face.

Jen scowls. She's been sitting on her own. Ryan is kinda next to her out of pity I guess.

"Oh I've got a dare for you" she says grinning suddenly.

"Let's hear it" Jay says.

"It involves Taylor" she laughs.

Rach looks a little uneasy, and I begin to feel like Jen is conspiring again.

Matty tenses a little, which adds to my anxiety.

"I dare you Matthew to tell Taylor, finally, that your relationship to her has all been a lie, part of one your games." She says watching me.

What the fuck is happening? This can't be happening to me. There must be a reasonable explanation. He is definitely going to tell her to fuck off in a minute and we're all going to laugh it off.

"Oh you look confused, shit I thought he told you. Fuck sorry yeah I put £20 on it. He was pretty confident that he could get with you. Take you from Ross. He always takes the girls from Ross, and you were just another one. Ross didn't wanna play at all, but that doesn't matter because we all thought Matty would get the girl after all. He's a good liar and he was pretty confident babe, looks like he was right to be too. He even told Ross that the odds were in his favour. Looks like he was right seen as you're no longer a virgin" Jen finishes.

I'm still processing, I turn to Matty expecting him to deny it or say something, anything. He is looking at me in despair. I suddenly feel completely hot and like I can't breathe. I'm standing now and he's still not saying anything at all? why is he not saying anything?

"Tay, let's take a walk" I hear Ross briefly say from my side.

"I would go with the honourable one, not the liar" Jen says behind me.

"Enough Jen" Jay warns her.

Rach tells her to shut up.

Ross grabs my hand. And I yank it away.

"You're not going to even say anything" I say to Matty quietly.

"Why would he, he's won his game" Jen mocks.

I turn around and face her, this will be the last time I see her, the ugly bitch.

"Good for you" I tell her and I pull my dress up.

"I bet you're really happy that you got what you wanted" I tell her.

I muster up all of dignity and courage and I am out of there. I grab my bag and I'm out of the door. I don't even know where I am or where I am going. But I'm away from her, and from all of it.