Chapter 54 - Refuse to Die

His death was undoubtedly very moving. He tried hard not to fall to his knees again.

Still, he could not break down at this stage. He had to understand and learn the rest of what had happened. With determination, he tightened his steps. With each step, this hill, which had been like a beautiful picturesque landscape, became hellish.

His memory became clearer as he felt the sadness in his bones. He stopped counting his steps to the hill. As he looked at himself on the hill, he saw the self he remembered.

He remembered the trouble he had gone through raising Joseph. He didn't understand how to raise a child. At least he could not understand it partially. James was learning as the boy grew.

He had to get over the sadness of losing Joe quickly, even if he didn't want to. Joseph was Joe's child and he had to take care of him.

James expected the sun to shine on the hellish hill as he progressed, but it never did.

As he recalled the years, his memory was clearer than ever. He was happy. Joseph was a calm, understanding, intelligent, and good-natured kid.

Today's cartoons failed to nurture his imagination. James had made him watch the cartoons of his generation and wanted him to grow up as imaginative as possible.

Well, how successful he was was debatable, but James still thought he was smarter than Joseph's generation.

He kept walking.

***

Time passed. Joseph grew up and James grew old. One day, he felt terrible and went to the doctor.

The doctor ordered many tests he couldn't understand. When he had them done, he said his time was too short.

It was a freak disease he had never even heard of. It was advanced and there was no way to recover from it at this stage. At most, they would buy time.

***

The moment James found out about his disease, he stopped abruptly. He was too close to the hill. The sounds of fighting outside filled his ears, but he couldn't intervene, so his focus was here. His eyes were locked on the figure.

His body - everything about his body was shattered. He already knew what was going to happen after this stage, what he was going to go through, and most importantly, what he had to do now.

He started moving forward with quick steps. Each step was strong, his eyes full of determination. There was no sadness or fear of death. He had already died once for sure. He would not be afraid if he died a second or third time.

***

He might still be young to some, but James felt like he was well into his sixties with his illness.

He was tired and his whole body ached. In front of him, Joseph was sitting beside his bed, asking him if he wanted anything.

James thought for a moment. There was not much he could do. As he looked at Joseph, he could see him when he was little.

Now he was a muscular man with jet-black hair, like his father, Joe. He could see his youth in him.

A smile appeared on his face.

"There was a certain cartoon we used to watch. Do you remember it? Your favorite?"

Joseph nodded. A smile appeared on his face too.

"I remember it, Bakugan. I watched it over and over again thanks to you, though you seemed to like it more than I did."

And it was true. James loved Bakugan. He loved the plot, he loved everything in general up until the fourth season.

He always admired the courage and determination of the main cast, or rather the main character. This feeling was fueled by the fact that, after Joe's death, he had begun to see Dan in a similar way to him.

Smiling, he offered:

"How about watching? For old times' sake."

Joseph was a businessman and made a lot of money with the company he owned. The best part was that he didn't have to be on the job all the time.

James often said that his father would be proud of him. Joseph was a successful entrepreneur.

After thinking about it briefly, he nodded. He asked as he dialed on his phone:

"From the beginning, right?"

James nodded. 

"From the beginning."

They had finished all the seasons in three days. Each day James fell asleep and felt worse and worse, but he did his best to savor the last moments.

And on the night of the day they finished all the seasons, James found himself in a strange dream. A white light was trying to envelop his whole body. The sweetness of the light filled his heart and the whispers of someone familiar drew his mind towards it.

It was so tempting to surrender in that moment that words could not describe it. James was thinking of leaving. Hadn't he suffered enough in this world? Peace was his right too.

But then Joseph, whom he considered like a son, appeared in his mind. However, as reality penetrated his mind, he resolutely rejected the call. He could not leave yet. He had not yet... he had not even seen Joseph, his son, get married!

"I can't go yet, not now. I refuse... to die!"

He refused to die, even though he didn't know it at the time. It was a determination impossible for a normal person to make. With that shout, the light began to pull itself back. As the light disappeared, a strong voice of unknown gender was heard:

"How is this possible?"

James opened his eyes immediately after the voice. He looked around and saw that he was in his room. Almost everything was the same. The TV, the cabinets, his body... Huh? His body? What was his body doing on the bed?

It was Joseph's sobs that brought him back to himself as he stared at his body in confusion.

"Dad! Please, please open your eyes! Please don't leave me."

He looked so much smaller in that moment. It was as if a little boy had replaced the young man. He looked so fragile, so helpless... James called out in surprise, emotion, and confusion:

"I'm here, son, here... Can't you hear me?"

But there was no answer. As he heard Joseph's pleas, it dawned on him that he had died physically in a very short time, but somehow, metaphysically, he was still here!

He tried to touch him. He wanted to tell her that he was here, that everything would be all right, but it didn't work out that way. He was watching Joseph, incapable of saying anything, incapable of doing anything.

He had refused peace even after his death. What a joke!

Time flew by. He felt a weird calm as he watched his own funeral. It was as if someone else's body was being cremated. Something that didn't belong to him. He didn't feel any sense of loss. In fact, to be frank, his emotions seemed to be dulling.

Even though he pondered over these things, he could not come to any conclusion. Had he stopped feeling emotions because his soul was separated from his body? Would they gradually fade away? Or was this just a side effect?

He knew nothing and there was nothing he could do. So he chose to go with the flow. After all, it wasn't so bad to watch the life of a child he considered like a son.

At least that's what he thought at first. As time passed, it got worse. James realized that few things hurt as much as seeing and not being able to talk to anyone, watching, and not being able to be involved. Yet he felt he had to endure it.

Days, weeks, months, and even years passed quickly. One day, he followed Joseph as usual. Today was a special day. James could feel an excitement with what little emotion he had left, which was very little. Joseph was going to get married.

James could read in Joseph's face how happy he was. He followed him like a fast ghost. As he continued to follow, he realized that the atmosphere was getting brighter and brighter. It was very familiar.

It was the same light as when he died, the same feeling that warmed his heart, and he could hear the same voice. It was calling him. It was telling him that he had to come now. Although James was sad that he would not be able to see Joseph's wedding, he knew that he really had to go.

He thought of letting himself go, fully understanding and accepting the situation. But just then he realized that there was a car speeding towards Joseph. In his excitement, Joseph didn't even see the car that was about to hit him!

At that moment, James' heart was filled with panic and fear. He felt the clearest fear in a long time. He hesitated only for a moment, but with all his determination he once again rejected the same call and brushed it off.

As things returned to normal, James knew what to do - no, what he could do. He was completely focused. All he could think about at that moment was pushing Joseph out of there. Time seemed to slow down, and James was gliding through the slowed down time much faster.

He quickly caught up and pushed Joseph with everything he had. Yes, for the first time in a long time, he could touch something tangible!

He didn't know how he did it, but he thought he could. Maybe it was an idea that came from the fear of the moment, or maybe it was just instinct. Either way, he should have felt happy that he had done it.

But he didn't. As he pushed, blood-red veins appeared on his normally white hands. Like magma from a volcano, it was alive and quickly enveloped his hands. James threw himself back as he cried out in pain.

His hands were burning madly. It was as if the lava had stung his hands! The burning sensation was so strong that James could do nothing but scream in pain and shout that he was on fire.

As his hands burned, a few memories burned in his mind, although he didn't realize it yet. He had plenty of time to think about it, even if it was extremely confusing, and his conclusion throughout the wedding was that he had broken some kind of rule.

Probably even being here right now was a rule violation. Because come on, who had ever seen a real ghost?

James was not a believer in ghosts, so he assumed that the media reports were fake news. So the most logical possibility was that it was a violation of the rules. A violation of what? God? Or Jesus? Or was it the Buddha or the body parts of Exodia?

It didn't matter to James. He understood that if he touched anyone, the price would be a severe burn. Time was again moving at a terrible speed.

James was putting himself in more danger with each passing moment. He was constantly having to prevent possible accidents for Joseph. As a result, the burning sensation increased exponentially and he was left in a desperate situation.

The most important thing he realized as the burning sensation grew was that something was missing in relation to him. But there was not much he could do. Many times, he thought it would be best to leave Joseph to his fate, and many more times, the light and the call appeared. But after the first few times he saw that Joseph was about to be involved in unfortunate accidents, he gave up.

The magma-like veins that started in his hands gradually spread throughout his body, deforming his hands and legs as far as he could see. He was now a pale shadow of the past.

Meaningless, unworthy of existence. Who was he, really? Who was James and why was he protecting that young man?

The memories that remained in his mind were of the first moment. He remembered watching with that young man, but that was all. Why had he loved Bakugan? Why had he felt close to him before?

In his confusion, his mind became increasingly clouded. The only thing that made the silhouette human now was its physical form. He was just a shadow. A helpless shadow, covered in streaks of magma, waiting to be torn apart.

But one day, by chance, he saw Joseph smiling as he looked at his Bakugan toy. He had heard him mention that day as the anniversary of his father's death. Who was his father, he wondered.

When Joseph's daughter asked him why he was smiling, he looked extremely sweet. James wondered in confusion if he had a child like that himself. Joseph looked at his daughter with a very meaningful, sad smile.

"It just... reminded me of my father who raised me. I hope he's up there now, watching over us in a good way."

When he heard those words, he felt tears welling up in his eyes, he didn't know why. Really, why were they flowing? There seemed to be nothing sad. But when his hand went slowly to his eyes, he could feel a wetness, tears or whatever they were called now. Was he crying? Why was that?

Bakugan... Maybe Bakugan could solve everything. Bakugan was one of the few clearest memories in his mind. Maybe that would solve it, wouldn't it?

Those were his last thoughts before the remaining shreds of his will shattered.