Wake Up

Tianshi Xue was already in bed. The prince's words were still echoing in her mind: Lady Nia's was not the only life that she was going to take. That was a hard pill to swallow. She didn't want to become that kind of person who could kill someone with a few words.

"Where are you going?" she asked the prince when he had stepped out of the bathroom. 

"Hmmm, out," he said.

"Why?"

"Didn't I make a deal that I'll let you have the bed for two weeks if you apologize to her? Well, there's your bed."

"Where are you going?"

He shrugged. "Walk around, I guess. Think."

"Can't you just stay?"

Tianshi Xue could not believe that the words came out of her mouth. But it was true. She didn't want to be alone for the night.

"I'm not a dog that would just stay because you told it to," he answered.

"I know," she said, staring at the white ceiling. "Stay for the night and I'll take the bed for a week."

Prince Qui turned his attention to the entryway to their balcony. It was still dark. "Fine. I'll stay on the couch."

"No, you can actually stay here on the bed."

His eyebrows furrowed but it disappeared the moment that it appeared. He didn't want to be alone either the night that he had made his first kill. That night, it felt like the shadows were out to get him.

"You scared?" he asked her when he climbed to his side of the bed.

"I'm not scared," she answered.

Prince Qui put an arm over his eyes. "It'll pass." 

There was no such thing as comfort for a person who had just 'killed' someone. Taking another's life was always unforgivable.

"What is it like playing God?"

"Huh?"

"When you kill people outside the walls. How does it feel like?"

He told her that he didn't want to talk about it. But there seemed like no satisfying this princess. Prince Qui's conscience had long been calloused over that. It was a harsh reality that he had to face. "It's not like I have a choice. It's either I kill them or they kill me."

"Is that so?"

Prince Qui had always felt like he never owed anyone an explanation about the way he lived his life outside the walls. It was just a matter of survival. Nothing else. Just men, succumbing to their true natures. "If you're so curious, you can join the army."

That brought a humorless smile on her lips. "I think I'll die within a month out there."

"I'm pretty sure you would." Prince Qui turned to her and found that she was still staring blanky ahead. "You should sleep. It's going to be a long day tomorrow."

"Yes, another party," she said, her voice quiet.

"You don't look so happy."

"When are you leaving again?"

Prince Qui was surprised at the question. "Why you ask?"

"Are we really going to get divorced?"

"I'm going to talk to the emperor about it tomorrow."

"What if he says no?"

"Then I'll talk to him again until he says yes."

"What if he would not agree even then? Would you kill him?"

Prince Qui's muscles grew taut. "You should not say things like that. You could go to jail for it."

"Or hanged?"

"Jailed. Flogged. Hanged. Boiled. Decapitated. Whatever is it on his mind." He didn't want to try to sugarcoat things. She had to know what was coming for her. It was a warning.

The princess turned her body. From the corner of his eyes he saw that she was looking at him. "If he's going to ask you how I would be killed, what would you say?"

"Easy, chop off your head.  It's a quick death."

"So you would kill me? If your father tells you so?"

It was a squeeze on the prince's heart. "I'm a soldier of the emperor. Yes, I would follow his orders."

"Your loyalty has no bounds."

It bothered Prince Qui at how bluntly the princess was describing his situation. It was not that he was a mindless thing that does what the emperor tells him to. It was just how the world worked. The emperor stood above everyone. What he says goes.

"If you were an emperor--"

"Don't," said the prince. "I'm too far down the line to think about it."

"You're not that far. You have the crown prince, then the second prince, then you."

"Exactly. There are two people ahead of me. I'm not going to be sitting on that throne. Not in this lifetime. And I have no intention to."

"But—"

"Shh," he said gently and turned to his side. The princess was looking at him with these empty big eyes. "You're my wife. You can't put ideas like that in my head. If I let you corrupt my mind with your sweet words, wars would start."

"Do you really think that I could put ideas in your head?"

The prince smiled at her. "Women are more powerful than you think." In an instant, his smile was gone and he was on his back again with a sigh. "Go to sleep. I'm not going anywhere. If someone is going to slice your throat in your dreams, wake up."