Chapter 20: fooling myself

Chapter 20: fooling myself

I tried to keep my lips from trembling and I kept my hands clasped together tightly. If I can convince myself that everything was alright then my evil half brother could be fooled too. It was one of the things my grandfather taught me, Beta Sanders told me if I can fool myself then fooling others wouldn't be so difficult. And it was a strange thing to teach a seven year old but then again, it was the first time someone had called me a bastard in school and Owen had taken two of his teeth with him.

And so I crossed my legs and leaned back in my chair and I stared at King Zuri.

Please, don't see how frightened I am! Please, goddess…don't let him see how terrified I am…please…please!

"I think you should go ahead and make the arrangements today, your majesty. We would hate for me to come to my senses before I am officially betrothed to this idiot prince, wouldn't we?" I told him as a smile appeared on my face and I fought to keep the panic out.

God, let him buy this. I needed him to believe it was for his own good because I was out of options. I couldn't possibly wait for two weeks.

Two weeks seemed like eternity.

Two weeks was a long time to be stuck with a part of Owen growing in me. I needed to get this done as soon as possible.

King Zuri leaned in and he watched me curiously like one would watch a prey. I kept my steel face on or at least I hoped I did. My heart pounded like it was out of control and I was beginning to feel the sweat at the nape of my neck.

Was he reading my mind? Can he notice I was a second away from visibly shaking?

Please, dear lord! Don't let him see through me! Please…

"Very well, little sister, I guess you are right after all. We would hate for anything to stand in the way of my dream. Breakfast?"

I stopped myself from taking a breath of relief when I heard his voice.

"Of course but if you would excuse me, I need to take a piss" I nodded and stood up.

I could see my brother was disappointed in the way I left abruptly and the manner I spoke to him but I didn't care. I had just fooled the most ruthless king I have ever met and without his knowledge made him an accomplice to my mission, so excuse my language while I go puke my guts out in private.

I made it to the end of the hall before I took off in a run to my room.

Desire was still in my room when I got there in her perfect posture and pain free life.

"Your royal highness…"

"Get out" I murmured to her and kept my eyes down.

I heard the sound of the door open and she turned and said "I hope you will come to see me as an ally, princess Emily"

"Don't hold your breath" I murmured and shut the door after her.

I rushed to the bathroom and I puked to my heart content or all my stomach content.

Then I sat on the cold hard floor near the window and I simply stared out into the beautiful view, all the while wishing I could rewrite my story.

I wondered if I was some insignificant character in a story solely there to be toyed with. And if so, I would really like a moment with the author of my story and I would really like to shove my fist down their butt hole and then i will take the time to give myself a better ending.

An ending where Owen bust through those golden gates with his alpha ring iris as bright as ever and maybe, just maybe he would be on a horse because that kind of bullshit makes every girl cry but I won't and he will proclaim his undying love and devotion and grovel on his knees for my forgiveness.

I will kick his ass and I will cuss at him but I would probably forgive him. If I was the author of my story, I would give it a different ending but I wasn't.

"You suck, goddess!"

I must have sat there awhile feeling sorry for myself before my mother came to join me in the bathroom. She looked like she hadn't slept a wink.

"According to King Zuri, we are going to Zolcovia on your request, am I hearing that right, Emily?" Eloise leaned against the wall and she spoke in a low voice.

I looked up at her and good lord, how i was sorry to be putting her in that position. She had bags under her eyes, bags she didn't have yesterday and she looked exhausted too.

But the worse was the haunted look in her eyes, shadows that were there to haunt her and keep her awake for as long as the night stretches.

I stood up from the floor and I went to my mother. I didn't think twice about it when I wrapped my arms around her and buried my face in her bosom as she was still taller than me.

"I know you are disappointed in me, Mom. I am disappointed in myself too. I didn't set out to be stupid and to love foolishly and it's on me. I will fix this, I promise. One day, you will look at me without that shadow that you have in your eyes right now. You will be proud of me again, I promise"

I knew when she looked away and when she looked at me again and she kissed my hair.

"Hush, now…you are not a disappointment, Emily. You were dealt a bad hand and you are dealing. Now, let's pick out a dress for you, okay?" My mom tapped my back and walked away.

I took several breaths before I stripped and soaked my tired sad body in the now cold water in the bathtub.

Please Zolcovia, be everything I want you to be.

Then for a brief moment before I slipped and became fully submerged in the tub water, I wondered what my future husband was like.

Who was Waylen Xavier Cole? Was it a blessing or another disaster waiting to blow up in my face? But who cares about a probably stuck up pampered pot bellied prince when I could just focus on the murder I was about to commit.

Bravo, Emily Sanders!