Despite Having Friends, I Never Change

My brain was using the minimum amount of power required to function during everyone's favorite daily activity: sleeping. Unfortunately for me, I felt something weird touch my face, and it felt like the limb of another creature in my vicinity.

"Gah!" I suddenly sat up, startled.

"Mew!"

I look to my right to see Kuro-chan. Still half asleep, I tried to converse with her while scratching her chin. "What's wrong? Why did you wake me up?"

"Mew!"

The kitty jumped off the bed and onto my dresser. Next to her sat an alarm clock, which read 8:55 AM.

It took several seconds for me to realize two things. First, it's Monday. Second, I am late for school.

"Shit."

In order for me to make it there as soon as possible to prevent Sensei from getting any angrier than she already is, I will have to sacrifice my breakfast for the day. I quickly combed my hair, used a little mouthwash, put my clothes on, and left the house with my clingy catpanion [14].

Parking my bike and fast walking into the campus, I hurried to class and opened the door, closing it behind me. Some people looked my way while others continued working on something, the sound of pencils dragging across paper filling the classroom.

"Hikigaya, why are you late?" Sensei glared at me.

"I overslept. No excuses."

She sighed. Instead of assaulting me like I feared she would, Sensei handed me a sheet of paper. "These are the directions for your mid term exam. Go sit down and get to work."

I nodded and immediately did as she said. The directions read, "Write a constructive essay about anything. Good luck."

After brainstorming for a minute, I settled on a topic and immediately began writing. After a while, I finished and turned my essay in a couple minutes before class ended. By the way, that was my Japanese class. Next is English, and I completed both mid term exams before I knew it.

It is now time for lunch, and with it came the realization that I did not bring anything to eat with me.

Suddenly, an angel approached me. Totsuka! Is this what the old man felt when he discovered dragonite [15]? "Hachiman, what are you going to do for lunch?"

"You are to me what Eris is to Kazuma [16]," I said out loud.

"Eh?"

I shook my head. "Nothing. Anyway, I don't have anything to eat for lunch since I overslept this morning."

Totsuka smiled. Stop it! You will seriously give me a heart attack! Are you Ruka [17] or Yukimura [18], you androgynous trap!? "In that case, why don't we go to the cafeteria?"

What!? "You mean together!?"

"Yeah. Is that a problem? Maybe this is an inconvenient time." Totsuka frowned, biting his lip.

"No! No problem at all. Let's go!"

. . . . . . .

Unfortunately, when we got there, the line was already really long. Without thinking, I said the first thing on my mind in Engrish. "This is Japanese lunchtime rush [19]!"

Ignoring all the chaos, Totsuka and I followed the line as we looked up at the menu. Meal A is curry. Meal B is mapo tofu. It can't be! Is it the same mapo tofu that no one dares to touch [20]!?

"Hachiman, can you order some curry for me? I will go reserve some seats for us." Said Totsuka. I nodded and watched him sit down at one of the closest available tables.

After a couple of minutes, it was my turn to order. The old lady behind the counter yelled, "Next! What would you like to order?"

"I would like a Meal A and a Meal B, please."

She gasped. "A-Are you sure? Anyone who dares to challenge our mapo tofu always ends up flailing on the ground with tears coming out of their eyes as they scream in agony. Hell, we even once had a group of boys who thought they were tough enough to withstand any spicy food, but we had to call an ambulance for them. I cannot speak of the name of their group, as it is taboo to do so in the kitchen."

Is she talking about the Black Spice Alliance [21]!?

I sighed. "It's fine. I have a high tolerance for spicy food, at least on occasion."

"Okay. Wait here. It will take a few minutes to make since it is very rare for anyone to order it. I cannot believe I am going to see that abomination again." She said, muttering the last part.

After a few minutes, two trays were handed to me. One contained a delicious mix of curry and white rice. The other... looks like a red, fiery hell on Earth. I can already feel my lips tingling in anticipation! This is bad! My bowels will take a nose dive tonight. No, I am not a masochist!

I brought the food over to where Totsuka sat and handed him his tray. "Here you are." I resisted the urge to call him 'M'lord', telling him to keep up his strength for the sake of world domination [22].

"Thanks! Let's eat."

Totsuka immediately began feasting on his curry. Meanwhile, I nervously gulped as I stared at the food that lays before me, if you can even call it that. I've already wasted half of my lunchtime. I can't back down now!

I took a bite of the mapo tofu, and I immediately resisted the urge to scream. The spiciness hit my throat, causing my throat to feel scratchy and irritated. My face turned red as I coughed a few times. After finishing the food in a hurry and buying a carton of milk, I ran for the bathroom.

. . . . . . .

After school, I headed to the club room with Yui and Kuro-chan. Unfortunately, I found myself in a predicament.

"What the hell is this?" Hiratsuka-sensei said, slamming down a piece of paper onto the table. She seems too angry to give a damn about the fact that Kuro-chan is in the room. I looked at it to see that it was the essay I wrote earlier in my Japanese class. What could it be this time?

Yui and a certain curious kitten came over next to me and began reading over it:

Essay Title: The World's Accelerated Apoptosis

I am a pacifist and a realist, but despite those two traits that can contradict each other, I need to write this. Human activity is destroying the world. I am not going to explain the science behind it just to come to the obvious conclusion: the environment has major problems because there's so many people, and our population is depleting the Earth's natural resources. Instead, I will elaborate a moral issue that has been passed down for generations, and I will offer what I think should be the solution.

Countries are trying to mitigate greenhouse gases to try to prevent further global warming. That won't be enough to stop Earth's destruction. As greenhouse gases increase, the Earth's average temperature will rise. As our natural resources run dry, various industrial byproducts pollute the environment. There are some first world countries whose standard of living have fallen bellow those of developing countries. People are dying from heat waves every year in big cities. Coastal areas are always at risk of flooding as sea levels are on the rise due to the polar ice caps melting.

It has been years since people started raising these issues, but not much has changed. Why is that? I think that it is unfair of those who are alive to push these problems onto their children, knowing that they won't live long enough to have to worry about the world they live in. Homo Sapiens are like parasites, and the Earth is the giant, single-cellular host. And yet, even us kids spend all our time worrying about problems like if a girl likes us or what we should spend our afternoon on. As if all these events are happening on some far away planet. Humans are so sheltered. If we keep going at this rate, our world will be destroyed within a thousand years, and with it, all life. The point of no return will occur much sooner than that, though, and when it does, we will not be able to reverse the damage we have done or prevent the increase of the Earth's average temperature. Why is it that Venus is called Earth's sister planet? Is it because they are similar in size? Whoever came up with that title might have predicted that Earth could eventually turn into an uninhabitable planet like Venus.

We need to be realistic and start getting rid of people we do not need. The stupid and weak should parish. The complacent and corrupt should be executed, as politicians and businessmen and women have no intention of saving the planet. The criminals who have been proven guilty beyond any reasonable doubt need to be eradicated. We need to reduce our population to about one billion and keep it under control. Teens should not be allowed to have sex, and adults should not be allowed to have any more than two kids. I am not saying any of this because I am sick of society or that people give me stress. I am trying to ensure the continuity of the life force of the Earth, because it is not omnipotent. Even if this solution were to be implemented, and even if the end result was the Earth dying, I think that it is still worth the attempt.

Also, anyone who believes that the world is a beautiful place should blow up. Nature is always trying to kill us in the wilderness, where survival of the fittest is the law. That is anything but beautiful.

I looked back towards Sensei, who was cracking her knuckles. "Explain yourself."

Yui laughed nervously. I tried to literally swallow my fear. "Sensei, I believe this is me being realistic."

"What the hell? You call systematically erasing a bunch of people 'realistic'?"

"You said I could write my essay on anything, and so I did."

She sighed. "I will give you an 85/100. You're smart, Hikigaya, but unfortunately, in your case, the more knowledge you acquire, the lonelier you become. I am trying to help you fit in, not cast you out."

"I do fit in, Sensei. I have two very important friends here in Yukinoshita and Yuigahama."

She looked at Yui and back at me. "... I see. That's good to hear."

Sensei then left, leaving the essay behind.

"You alive, Hikki?"

Yui's voice reminded me to breathe. "I'm fine."

"So, why global warming?"

"Mew!"

I blinked. "What?"

"You could have chosen any topic. Japan's high rates of suicide and domestic violence, low birthrates in our population, why parents lie about Santa Claus, etc."

"I am pretty sure that I would have gotten a worse grade if I chose that last one..."

"Mew!" Kuro-chan agrees with me.

Sighing, I pet Kuro-chan. "I chose this topic because it's the first thing that comes to my mind. There's no special reason."

. . . . . . .

Yukino POV

Later that night, I lay in front of Hikigaya-kun as he lay on his side, his earphones plugged into his laptop as he streams an anime. I had nothing better to do, so I decided to watch with him, and my ability to hear as a cat is far superior than a human, so I could hear through his earphones just fine.

The main character turns around and is suddenly stabbed to death by one of the heroines. Hikigaya-kun sighed in relief, and said, "Take that, you riajuu bastard!" [23]

Why am I not surprised that you would say that, Hikigaya-kun? Although, I do have to agree with him on this one. The main character is far more deplorable than Hikigaya-kun.

"..."

Did I just think highly of him!?

To Be Continued

[15] Nekopara reference

[16] Outlaw Star reference

[17] Kono Suba reference

[18] Steins;Gate reference

[19] Haganai reference

[20] Kuroko no Basket reference

[21] Angel Beats! reference

[22] Rewrite reference. Greatest visual novel ever.

[23] The Devil Is A Part Timer! reference

[24] School Days reference. I think everyone was happy when Makoto Itou was killed.