Hello darkness, my friend

Huobai was lying in his bed, at home. It was already late at night, but he wasn't able to sleep.

No, his knee wasn't hurting. And if he was, he could just take painkillers that he was prescribed. But what pained him wasn't so easily solved.

He felt hollow inside. He had nothing to do, nothing fun. He couldn't run around anymore. He shouldn't jump anymore. He could walk and sit.

What was this life like? Ever since he was a child, he was always running around. He felt the thrill of being the fastest. He loved the competition. He loved being the winner.

But now what he could do? Go to school normally? See, what he lost in his friends?

Huobai got up from his bed and walked to the shelf he had full of trophies. First place for basketball, first place in the sprint, first place in another sport… was a sport the only thing he was good at?

He threw one of the trophies at the ground, pissed at himself. He could do nothing now. He was an outsider. He was no one. And that was something he never was before.

"Boubui, are you okay? Open the door. I want to see that you are okay." His mother knocked on the door, but Huobai had no intention to open them.

She tried it often. And she tried it a few more times now again. But Huobai wanted to be left alone. He had to keep his distance.

What if he really had cancer? What if he died? They would be sad, right? Would all his friends cry for him if he kept his distance? What if he hurt them now less, rather than later, if he died?

"Boubui, I have a gift for you here. Please open the door." His mother sounded as if she was crying. Of course, she was crying. Her child had the possibility of cancer. Only heartless butch wouldn't cry.

But Huobai didn't open. The darkness was his only friend. Because he didn't have to see the damned knee. The knee that, now, had a slight hard bump visible.

"I will leave it here. In front of the door. So, please come out and take it together with your dinner," she said, and Huobai heard the steps of her walking away.

He didn't want to eat, but he had to. He had to eat so he would be strong. But. What to be strong for? Sports? He didn't have to be strong because of that reason anymore.

But Huobai still had manners, and it felt bad to just throw away all the food they prepared for him. So he opened the door and saw a trolley with food and a big box underneath it.

He steered the cart inside his room and left it in the middle of the room. He didn't care about the box for now. He just raised the lid of the food and saw his favorite Dongpo pork. He took the pork and ate it together with rice. And that was it.

He went back to the bed. Huobai picked up his phone out of habit, but the screen did not lit up as usual. Because he didn't bother to charge it. So he just threw it on the side again.

He was bored. He had nothing to do. Huobai just laid on his back and stared into the darkness. He saw nothing, but by memory, he knew that the ceiling was spotlessly white. Nothing.

Just like in his life.

But it wasn't like him. Just to stare at a wall and not move. He was used to being active. He was used to doing things. So he got up from the bed and turned on his laptop.

But when Huobai saw all those messages as soon as connected to the internet, he just closed it. Not bothering again.

His gaze fell on the boy his mother brought, and he decided to check it out. He wasn't such a loser to be depressed all the time. He had to do something.

Huobai carefully sat down on the floor and took the box. It was neatly packed, and he just had to open it. As soon as he did it, he wanted to scream and shout.

The first thing he saw was a gaming console. That wouldn't be so bad. Huobai actually already thought of playing games, doing at least something. But it was the game she bought for him that awoke his anger.

It was a basketball game. Why of all the games she picked up this? Did she think that he would be happy because he can't run around in real life so he would be happy to run on the court, at least in a game?

No, he wouldn't.

Huobai grabbed the basketball game and just threw it to the farthest corner of his room. He could only hear the breaking sound of the plastic cover and something that was in his room, but he had no idea what it was.

He pushed the box away and raised to his legs again. But when he did that, he felt a slight pain in his knee. It was the knee that destroyed everything.

It was the damn knee that forced him to stop following his dream of being an athlete. The knee that had destroyed his dream.

He was so pissed that he curled his fingers into a fist and struck his knee a few times.

Many times. So many times that even tears from the pain he felt started flowing out of his eyes. But he didn't care. He continued.

He wanted to destroy it as much as it destroyed him. But the fist wasn't enough. It was too weak. It couldn't make it suffer enough. Maybe if he hit it with something heavier, it would come to its senses.

Huobai looked around, searching for a heavy object. But he couldn't find anything. He couldn't find even those dumbbells he always had in the room.

Those damn parents! They knew he would try something, so they prevented it.

Huobai dragged himself to bed, laid on his side, and pressed knees to his chest, as many times before. But now, he couldn't even shed a tear anymore. He sobered up.

He had no other choice than to continue living and fight whatever would happen to him.

Huobai found his phone and put it on the charger. He decided to do everything he could. To keep his own sanity.