Feeling of Empathy

Feeling of Empathy

He is no different...

~.~♥︎˙

"The world could not afford altruism. So when they said he was insincere, he smiled without malice. But nowadays, he feels like a pretender. Because as he hears those words over and over, he becomes more aware of the slivers of kindness slipping from his heart."

There is something different about growing up surrounded by people who have consistently shown themselves to be the people they warn you about.

They tell you that the world is full of selfish and jealous people and they would be the first to jump on you the moment you make a mistake, the moment you slip.

They warn you that other people may try to steal and drain you but they would be the very first to take your possessions using the secrets they've acquired when you first opened your heart.

They advise you to be careful with your words and do good because only the guilty will suffer but no matter what you say will be warped into their own understanding and your actions will be interpreted as having ulterior motives.

They tell you to listen and forget but they will be the ones to not hear your side, turn down your efforts to explain yourself, and use your mistakes against you.

They tell you that they accept you for who you are but you notice how differently they treat you compared to before. They make you feel that despite all the humanity you have in your heart, you are worse than an animal because it cannot beat for another.

There is something different about understanding that there is no sincerity or genuineness in the world that you live in, and there is something different in knowing that, one day, you might turn out to be like that too.

Much less, you have been faking all along.

Have I been faking all along?

What did I help that person for? 

What did I cover him up for?

What did I lie to that instructor for?

What did I want from all of this?

He looked at the words written on the poem. It was from the 1800s, written by a man who proclaimed himself to be a cryptic.

"And if even the people who have wanted to extend kindness start to doubt themselves, what have we come to?"

"If those mind readers who call themselves psychologists quit their posts and those irrational idealists who call themselves 'feelers' or 'empaths' start to lose them, what could we have come to?"

He thought, 

Were they right?

Did I make mistakes?

Am I being too much?

Maybe I really was just compensating for my inability to give a specific kind of affection. This was the kindness I NEEDED to give.

However, he concluded in the end.

No.

It would not matter.

Because there is nothing more different knowing that you actually never will change.

Because it is different for him. He would always realize.

It is different because he is one of the people cursed to be able to understand. He would understand everything.