001

The void around me felt strangely familiar. As if I'd been here before, a long time ago ... I remember ... I'm dead, again. Fuck.

Yes, yes... now I remember, a long time ago in another life I was on a ferry to Sweden ... and I was killed by a truck in the middle of the Baltic Sea.

Then I woke up in this void and after three days God appeared and said that at Weles' request my soul would be reborn. And I was born again ... in the 17th century in the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth. Cool times, though brutal ... especially since I was born.

How long has it been, my first life has been tragically cut short by a lazy worker who has neglected his job ... second life ... I don't even know how I died.

I will wait, maybe God will appear and explain to me, I have nothing else to do ... It was so boring here that I started playing rock, paper, scissors ... with myself but it quickly pissed me off, I started cheating.

I don't know how much time has passed, but eventually he appeared ... Lord and Ruler of this Void.

- We meet again, how many years has it been ...

- Definitely not enough, not that I am not happy. Good to see you well ... but can you answer some of my questions?

God looked at me with a smile and I didn't like it ... it was this kind of smile ... it's hard to describe but something like

"Come to the basement, little girl, I'll show you the kittens."

- You know that I read your mind?

- I didn't know.

He's even more pervert than I thought.

- HMM!

- Yes, Yes... I wanted to ask you why am I here ... again? The rest of the questions depend on the answer to that question.

- Weles ...

- Thank you, but no ... I am dead and I have a day off, vacation, holidays ... I would like to help, but I have to clean the windows ...

- Weles wants you to be reborn again.

- The last few years have been tiring, give me a break.

- Unfortunately you have nothing to say ... you are reborn in 1053 ... in Australia.

Before I could say anything ... I headed for the light... Ten minutes later.

There was a void around me ...

- What are you doing here? Were you supposed to be reborn in Australia?

- Spider ...

- What a spider?

- A DOG SIZE SPIDER BIT ME ... maybe next time some less dangerous place ... like Pompeii August 24, 79 is a good date.

- You don't have to get angry, even the Gods get it wrong sometimes.

- You can bring Weles here, I think he is a bit more ...

- Experienced?

- I wanted to say more intelligent.

God wasn't pleased with my behavior ... and vice versa. I was dead anyway, so what more can he do to me, because of my faith, my soul should go to Nawia after my death.

I don't know how much time has passed, but Welse appeared ... a well-known figure of an old man appeared before my eyes.

- Lord Weles greetings.

- Greetings Michal, why did you want to see me?

- Lord Weles, apparently at your request, I am to be reborn again. Is that necessary?

- Is it necessary? No, but it will continue to do so until we say otherwise. We have plans for you, of course you can refuse, but you won't get to Nawia, but you will stay here ... in this void.

- So I'm fucked?

- No, your previous life was full of fights, women, fun ... life and death. Most people dream of doing something meaningful, but they lack the opportunity or the strength or both.

- I know when I have no choice, Lord Weles, where do you want to send me and what should I do?

- To spread our faith. In the time of the Vikings, you will be born two years before birth of Ragnar Lodbrok.

- Could be worse, will I keep my knowledge and memory?

- Yes, you will also keep our blessings. You have full freedom in your actions. However, these times were more magical, you might find creatures from legends and tales.

- I knew there was a catch ... there must always be ... Okay, I'm ready, but no spiders this time.

- What spiders?

- Lord Weles, please ask this genius there ...

- I forgot to add ... When I was talking about the Vikings I meant the reality of the Vikings series ... good luck.

- WHAT?

But before I could say anything more, I was heading towards the light again ... fuck me.

The Vikings series was a nice fantasy series because historically ... Ragnar had three wives, he was not a farmer, but allegedly the grandson of Godfred, the King of Denmark. Rollo wasn't his brother and they hardly ever met. Ivar would not survive in those days because of the fragility of his bones, and there are historians that the nickname "boneless" could refer to the fact that his penis was only used for peeing. Not to mention the costumes and the hairstyles ... The creators of the series took the assumption of probability ... Could the Vikings have stylists? There is no proof that they didn't, so we'll assume they had ... Gods ... lice were normal in those days.

All my knowledge of history was worth nothing now ... and I only watched the series until the fifth season. At least Lagertha is sexy, or at least the actress who plays her ... If I got fucked, I can fuck someone too.

I always get into something, I can't even die normally anymore ... I had to ask how I died.

I have to play with the cards that have been dealt to me ... it can't be that bad. I can handle. It could have been worse ... I could be reborn in 1939 in a Jewish family.

I tried to console myself, but I didn't really believe it ... I'm supposed to convince the Vikings that Perun is better than Thor ... and survive.

The next thing I felt was a headache ... something was crushing my head ... I figured it was my birth ... another one.

Woman ... loosen those muscles.