60

Layla

He suddenly grabbed my arm and dipped my thumb into his mouth, sucking softly on the cut. Surprise hit me and I wanted to force my finger out of his mouth, but his grip was firmer. So I just let him have his way.

"You have to be extra careful using the blade..." He said, reaching out for a paper napkin and gently wiping away the saliva on the cut. I couldn't but stare at him, I couldn't but admit that this little show of affection touched me in the deepest of places, rooting out long-buried emotions.

My breath rushed through my lips as I stared up at his face. It was all in nothing but the innocence that laced his eyes and the way that he fluttered his lashes, innocent and thrilling.

My knees would turn butter if I remained there for a second longer. I jerked my hand away.

"What's wrong?" He queried.

"Nothing." I turned away, he mustn't have noticed how flushed my cheeks were.

"At least, let me put a bandage on it..."

"No, it doesn't matter." I reached for the knife that had originally done the job and dropped it in the sink for washing. Then I got a new one to finish chopping the strawberries I intended to cook with. He watched me throughout and though I felt very uncomfortable, I kept mute about it.

"Mummy!" Nathan suddenly appeared at the door. "Have it!" He handed over my phone to me. It appeared that I had missed quite several calls from Hannah. I called back immediately.

"Layla," she said as soon as I dialed her number. "Sofia's been uncontrollable since you left. Georgina and I have tried several things to calm her down, but it was to no avail."

I sighed. I could understand what it meant for something such as this to happen to someone like her, someone so young. Even adults were unable to solely handle such a situation.

"Where is she right now?"

"She has locked up herself in her room. Could you come over right away?" Hannah responded.

"Alright. I'll be there soon." I hung up, contemplating what to do next. Turning on my heel, I collided with Leo. I had forgotten he had not left the kitchen and was actually behind me.

He was staring curiously at me.

"I have to be somewhere right now..."

"Sure, I'll babysit Nathan." He said.

"No!" I almost yelled at him. My medley of emotions had begun to take a toll on me. He arched his brows. I parted my lips to speak.

"I'll take him along with me. You should get going."

"I can't allow that. I will babysit him and that's it, alright?" He said firmly.

"Nathan's my son..."

"And he's my favorite friend." He counteracted.

"There's no need to babysit him."

"Of course, there is. You just said you have to be somewhere." He shrugged. But he wasn't thinking in the direction that I was. I disagreed with him because I didn't want Henry to return to find him around again. It always put me in unrest whenever something brought them together.

"No...he's going to be fine with me," I argued, preparing to leave.

"Layla..." He grasped my wrist. I shivered, his touch was ticklish against my skin. "I want to do it, so let me."

"Mummy!!!" Nathan, who had earlier run off, slid back into the kitchen. "Leo and I want to play cat noir!!!" He said excitedly.

Leo gave off the expression, now-what-can-you-do-to-stop-it?

And there was the defeat. A victory I couldn't claim for myself because it wouldn't be fair on, at least, my beloved son.

"Alright."

"Yippee!!!!" Nathan jumped around, jubilating. Even the winner of an international award couldn't have celebrated more. Leo slowly let go of my hand, and that was when I realized we were still in contact.

"Mummy wants to go somewhere, so mummy will get ready in her room, all right?" I said to him.

"Hmm-hmm." He nodded happily.

Anyone could hear them chuckling excitedly in the nursery. Their voices, especially Nathan's were filled with so much happiness.

Why?

Why was it so easy for him to derive so much joy from one man?

Was it because he was just a child?

Why did it never apply to adults?

Why was it ever so difficult?

The nursery door was ajar, so I was tempted to first peer into the room. Nathan was apparently having the time of his life, his eyes were bubbling with joy. And Leo? I could say the same for him too.

"Ahem..." I stepped in.

"Mummy's here," Leo announced, examining me closely. I wasn't wearing much, just a pair of pants, a bodysuit and a trench coat. A thick pashmina was wound around my neck to keep the cold out.

"I'll be back soon. Be good, okay?" I stroked his hair. He nodded. Then I looked towards Leo and, as if he anticipated my train of thought, he said;

"You can trust me with him. We usually have lots of fun together, isn't it, Nathan?"

"Yes, we have lots of fun together, mummy." Nathan attested. I suddenly recollected how he had returned home the other day in New York and had happily recounted his time with Leo at the park. Indeed, it had been fun for him.

When was he ever dull around Leo, anyway?

"Okay." I breathed.

"See you soon." He smiled.

Sofia wouldn't open the door at first and when she did, she wouldn't talk to anyone. She buried herself under her duvet.

"I've not seen her like this in such a long time." Hannah was saying to Georgina at the door, where they both stood watching as I tried my luck with Sofia. I crawled on the bed and covered my entire body with the sheets.

Then, when we were in the same space, I gave her time to perhaps yell at me or do something she'd never really do at her age anymore. But nothing came, there was nothing that was quiet under the darkness of the bedsheets.

I could hear her steady breathing, which soon joined with mine to create some sort of harmonized musical breath pattern.

"Do you do this often?" I decided to ask, even if she would refuse to answer.

"Yeah," her soft voice came from the other side of the bed.

"What are those two doing down there?" I detected Georgina's voice.

"...when you abandoned me for Africa and Mrs. Carter forbade me to call or FaceTime you." Sofia continued.

"You must have been under here a couple of times then."

"I was here every day." She sniffed.

"I'm sorry to have made you feel abandoned." I was sorry.

"It's an awful feeling." She stirred but still didn't face me.

"I know right? I know that feeling." I had this vivid memory of it in my head, and it wouldn't go away even if I tried to make it decay.

"Glad you came back, though." Her words lightened my heart.

"Glad I'm here with you..." If she could see me, she would know how contented I was.

"Are you feeling evil today?"

"Yeah." She sounded teary.

"So bad?"

"Yeah." Her voice shook.

"Really bad?"

"Yeah..." She finally broke down. Yeah, that was precisely what I wanted. An outburst. An out pour. I wanted her to push it all out, keeping it in would only make it hurt the more.

"It hurts so bad..." she wept. "And to think of bothering everyone else..." She stifled her cries.

"It's okay." I rubbed her back.

"No, it's not okay," she finally twisted and turned and faced me. Her face was thoroughly wet by then. "It's not okay, Aunt Layla. Everyone in school must know by now, Charlene and the others, what would they think of me?"

"I know it's not true. I know everything in there is a lie. You weren't doing anything bad, that asshole merely painted it to look like that," I wiped her tears away. "Listen, it's going to be fine. Aunt Layla will stay here if you want her to, okay? I won't leave you." I drew her into an embrace. She cried even more.

"Let's go now." I heard Hannah say to Georgina. "We have no business here anymore."

The receding shuffle of their feet soothed Sofia as her crying began to die down.

After a moment or two, I knew she had fallen asleep.