Struggle

ALANA POV

A full week has passed since I was abandoned at the altar, and today marks the final day of my respite. My days have been consumed by slumber, returning the items from our registry, and shedding tears of heartbreak.

Despite my best efforts to hold back, tears streamed down my face without restraint.

After enduring days of feeling broken down, I finally allowed the hot shower to caress my skin. I had spent most of my time behind closed doors, reluctant to emerge. I express my gratitude towards my father, Jake, and Aunty Mei for kindly declining the visitation of my family members, thereby alleviating the pressure that I have been experiencing. They provided me with the essential breathing room to heal and restore myself. With only a two weeks remaining in my internship, I have been contemplating my next move. Upon completion, I have set my sights on relocating to the bustling capital city.

It's not a matter of simply erasing him from memory or suppressing emotions towards him; the sentiment runs far more profound than that. He was the sole connection I had to any meaningful relationships or friendships. The city loomed before me, a stark and unyielding reminder of my personal disappointment - the failure to enter into the sacred bond of marriage.

The statement is quite amusing.

A dear friend from my university extended a gracious offer to me recently. She kindly proposed a position at one of the clinics where she is currently interning. The clinic in question is owned by a veterinarian who will be retiring this year. In light of this, the owner is actively seeking a replacement veterinarian to oversee the day-to-day operations while under his supervision.

The matter has not occupied much of my mental space, for I am uncertain whether my father will grant me permission to depart. Undoubtedly, the situation will prove intricate for him. Nevertheless, I am resolute in my decision to embark on a new journey, seeking a fresh start in a locale where my status as an unwanted bride remains unknown to all.

I stood in the shower, vigorously scrubbing away the grime of the day. My hair was matted and tangled from hours spent lying on the bed. The arduous task of untangling my lengthy locks was quite the challenge. I searched through the cabinet, my fingers sifting through the various items until they finally landed on the cool metal of the scissors. With a firm grip, I carefully snipped away at the locks of hair, ensuring that they were trimmed to the perfect length for washing and brushing. Tears streamed down my face as I pondered my own weakness. Why couldn't I possess the same unwavering determination for revenge as other women, who seemingly forget their former fiancés in the blink of an eye? In the novel, I came across a depiction of individuals who, in an attempt to overcome their heartbreak, resort to marrying someone as a form of retribution.

In this moment, I find myself consumed by a deep sense of misery. The desire to cleanse oneself and lather one's hair is overwhelming, yet the task appears insurmountable, let alone any potential counteraction.

Contemplating the prospect of embarking on a new physical pursuit, I find myself pondering the merits of kickboxing. Is it possible for me to confront him physically? Oh, how I pray for divine intervention! All I desire at this moment is to cleanse myself with a refreshing shower.

Karina has suggested that I meet with one of her esteemed colleagues, a psychologist, in order to help me sort through my emotions. While her intentions may be well-meaning, it seems that she may also be attempting to set me up on a blind date with this individual.

With a courteous tone, I declined the offer, recognizing that love can be as unpredictable as the beating of a human heart. At this juncture, I find myself preferring the solitary lifestyle, envisioning a future where I am the proud owner of ten feline companions and reside in a remote and secluded abode.

Emerging from the steamy confines of the shower, I hastily donned a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, eager to join my companions for dinner. My appetite had been suffering as of late, owing to my stubborn refusal to venture beyond the confines of my abode. Instead, I had been subsisting on a meager diet of chips and soda, pilfered from my secret stash in the refrigerator.

As I made my way down the stairs, I overheard my father's plea to Aunty Mei to prepare a tray of food for me. However, their actions came to an abrupt halt as soon as they caught sight of me standing at the foot of the staircase. My hair is fashioned in a chic, short bob style. Admittedly, I took a rather impulsive approach to the cut, resulting in a potential asymmetry. However, my primary objective was to alleviate the tangles in my matted locks.

"Ah, my dear girl, how stunning you look with your new short hair. It brings back memories of my own youthful days, when I could effortlessly sport any hairstyle. Oh, to be young again and have such versatility in fashion!" Aunty Mei reminisced, lost in her thoughts. With closed eyes, she appeared lost in a reverie, reliving a cherished memory.

"Aunty Mei, it seems unlikely that you were able to style short hair during your youthful golden era."

Her response to Jake's joke was less than favorable. With a roll of her eyes and a disapproving harrumph, she expressed her dissatisfaction.

"What knowledge do you possess?"

With a hint of reluctance, she proceeded to recount her days as a belle of the village and the coveted title of beauty queen that she had earned during her school years. It was evident that she was keen to avoid any potential criticism as she spoke. Her history was littered with the remnants of discarded suitors, each one having failed to capture her heart.

"Have you turned down suitors in the past? It's curious that you remain single".

Jake's cheerful laughter abruptly ceased as a foreboding shadow loomed over him.

As he gazed upwards, Aunty Mei's hand suddenly closed around his ear, causing him to cry out in pain.

The absence of joviality and camaraderie among us is palpable, leaving me with a yearning for its return. Aunty Mei, my mother's cousin, has dedicated her life to caring for us since my mother's passing. She had never tied the knot and her sole desire was to witness our maturation into adulthood.

On several occasions, I proposed the idea of a union between my father and Aunty Mei. However, she staunchly declined, stating firmly that she would never betray the memory of my mother. It is evident that her love for us is sincere and that her desire is solely to fulfill the role of a maternal figure in our lives.

We proceeded with our dinner and engaging discussions, as though the events of a week prior had never transpired. It was precisely what I craved - an absence of pitiful glances or commiseration. As I surveyed my surroundings, everything appeared to be in its usual state. With a hopeful heart, I approached my father with the request to depart from our current abode.

I set my cutlery down on the table and quenched my thirst with a refreshing sip of water, hoping to alleviate the sensation of a lump lodged in my throat.

With trembling hands, I summon the courage to face my father. "Dad, there's something I need to tell you," I say, my voice barely above a whisper.

He paused mid-bite, his attention now fixed solely on me, while Jake and Aunty Mei watched on with keen interest. A thoughtful "hmm" escaped his lips.

"The allure of the capital has captured my imagination, and I find myself yearning to relocate there.Before you decline, this is something I truly require" ... I implored with all my might, but my entreaty was abruptly truncated.

"Okay" ..  

"Did you give your consent? "

My mind was left in a state of bewilderment. The task at hand proved to be quite effortless.

"Lana, I am aware of your need. Does my distance from you please me? Naturally, not. But, Dad loves you the most!"

"What is the most?"

Jake lightened the mood with his playful inquiry, "What about me?"

As Dad chuckled, he remarked, "You can be quite a pain in the ass" In response, I playfully stuck out my tongue and gave him a thumbs up.

Jake: ~….~  

"I have a friend who is in dire need of quick cash as his penthouse is on the brink of foreclosure. I would like to offer this as a gift in exchange for your Dvm License. Your presence during holidays and celebrations would be more than enough for me. Perhaps Aunty Mei could accompany you to lend a hand with your household tasks."

"Dad…As an adult, I would be delighted to have Aunty Mei visit me but I insist on being independent," I declared.

Lana," Jake side-eyed me, "you can't even cook.

With a fervent plea, I clasped my hands together and implored my father to grant me permission to embark on this new endeavor.

"If I have the skill to perform surgery on animals, surely I can acquire the ability to master the art of cooking and household chores. Please, Dad. I beg you"

After a brief moment of contemplation, he gave a nod of assent, allowing me to proceed independently.