Chapter 8: Ch8: Overdoing It

AN: Ok, first off as always, reviewer replies, including an answer that I'm sure plenty of people were wondering about after the last chapter! (Heads up, this answer's a little longwinded)

Reptil: Here is a list of confirmed canon kills, in Fairy Tail, BY Fairy Tail:

Ikaruga: Cut down by Erza

Azuma: Cut down by Erza

Tempester (twice no less!): by Laxus (and/or Gray depending on which version you prefer)

Jackal: Pummeled to death by Lucy with Urano Metria

Ezel: Beaten to death by Wendy

Torafuzar: Cut open by Gajeel

Keyes: Blown apart from the inside out by Juvia

Kyoka: Cut down by Erza and then stabbed through back by Minerva for the finisher

Wall Icht (puppet): Killed by Freed and Ichiya, I'm including this one because lethal force was used

Bloodman: Killed by Gajeel

Wall Icht: Electrocuted/Fried to death by Laxus

The VAST number of soldiers wiped out by Makarov's Fairy Law during the Alvarez War

Now I know what you're thinking, in every one of these situations it was kill or be killed and all but two of the ones named weren't human, and therefore nobody could blame them for using lethal force. This is true, but also, THIS IS TRUE.

The reason that's important is because it gives an excuse for using that lethal force. Fairy Tail are meant to be the heroes, unambiguously the good guys, and that would be pretty dang difficult to pull off if they were willing to just axe any opponent they came across. Also, this isn't some dark, gritty, broody story, lots of the characters have tragic pasts, but the closest we ever get to a sure enough DARK arc is the Tartaros arc, so you don't really expect to see a lot of killing from it. It's also meant to be something which can be enjoyed by readers of any age (within reason), so it can't really go all in on the blood and guts the way another story might.

Fairy Tail is meant to be light hearted and fun, and that's one of the things I love about it.

HOWEVER, it doesn't change the fact that these characters can and ARE willing to use lethal force when the need arises. Not to mention that they routinely use weapons and magic which can be deadly very VERY easily, and they use the same magic on people that they use on the giant monsters. Case in point, Natsu blows up a ship. One bad fire wizard jumps out and starts fighting him which draws our attention...what happened to his gang and everyone else including the innocent girls on the ship? They're pulling themselves out of burning wreckage as best they can, but that's never focused on because it would throw our hero's recklessness into the really REALLY bad light that it honestly deserves.

So I think that while they WOULD kill if they had to, they most probably really REALLY don't like to if they can avoid it, and it's all but canon that most of the collateral damage they do which is just played for laughs in the show but in reality is incredibly serious is simply just them being just that damn absentminded, reckless and clumsy. That's why I included that last section of this chapter with Natsu, Lucy and Happy all looking at Jerry like "What the fuck dude?! How can you be so chill about this?!" and Jerry having his little mini-breakdown over it.

In Jerry's case you see, it's almost a case of "wrong genre-savvy". He focuses entirely on the desired result, he's an "ends justify the means" kinda guy despite his actually very strong morals. He may be a Fairy Tail wizard, but he hasn't got that Fairy Tail mentality yet. This'll be gone into in more depth (in this very chapter even!) but for right now, he's probably the most dangerous-to-confront member of Fairy Tail, with the possible exception of the S-Class and the Thunder Legion, not because he's necessarily just that strong, but because he's focused on one thing: WINNING, and he doesn't really care if his opponent survives because he only really fights people who in his eyes deserve whatever misfortune and punishment they get. He's a combat pragmatist: talking is not a free action, neither is transforming, he WILL hit below the belt, he WILL go for the sucker punch, and he will DEFINITELY bring a bazooka to a fist fight.

This is something that's VERY ingrained into him, and it will prove beneficial to him as the story goes on. This isn't some super dark story that's going to be all BLOODBLOODBLOODDEATHDIEGORE, but that willingness to do whatever it takes to win is one of Jerry's core personality traits, and it hadn't really gotten a chance to shine yet as this is only his fourth fight. However if you look back at fights one through three, he wasn't exactly GENTLE in those either.

Let's recap:

Slavers in chapter 1: Dropped from heights more than great enough to kill an ordinary person, many bones were broken and handed over to a pissed off minotaur who basically reduced them the rest of the way to stains on the dock

Vanish Brothers: Basically had a billboard dropped on them, and then blown up repeatedly until they surrendered

Everlue and Virgo: Virgo left partway through, and Everlue didn't put up enough of a fight to even call it that, but take just a second to consider the damage done by "fifty two rapid fire sledgehammer blows". Severe internal bleeding, most internal organs traumatized, most bones badly broken if not outright shattered...Everlue will never walk again, likely never twiddle his moustache/nosehairs again, and be lucky if he can ever eat anything not delivered through a straw again.

But when you think about it, how much damage would say NATSU's standard attacks actually do to an ordinary human being? We've seen this guy catch the weight of a BUILDING and just nonchalantly shove it hard enough to make the giant robot its attached to stumble back. A punch from him would at the very least shatter an ordinary person's bones, if not outright knock their head clean off!

"It's Fairy Tail, it's an anime, they're just exaggerating, oh he's holding back when he fights humans". I'm a martial artist, I know what holding back looks like, especially holding back THAT MUCH. Holding back is not in Natsu Dragneel's vocabulary.

Now it's obvious that people in Fairy Tail are stupid tough, that'll be addressed later as well, but just the stuff that Gildarts nonchalantly does to young Natsu which is played for laughs would be outright LETHAL if you did it to anybody in our world (example, that half mile flick through the roof when Natsu sucker punched him that one time, any ordinary kid would've been in a full body cast AT BEST!)

Once you take all this into account, I think the evidence speaks for itself. They don't LIKE killing, but they definitely aren't too concerned about their opponents living either, so Jerry's tactics aren't really going to be much of an issue for anyone who doesn't see his more brutal curb-stomp tactics in action, and even then, this was exceptional circumstances. I'm of the same mind as Jerry and I'm pretty sure most people would agree with me that kidnapping raping slavers deserve very VERY painful demises and there's no such thing as overkill.

However, this will be his last confirmed kill until...hmm...some chapter in at least the twenties probably, and this will probably be the darkest chapter until some time around then as well. There'll be some deconstruction of some things that will be kind of "oh shit!" moments, but this is likely to be the last chapter to get such a downer ending for a while.

As for Archive, yep, check out Hibiki's use of it in the Nirvana arc. Shields and minor explosions.

An Old Crow:Quite glad you're still enjoying, commentary is always welcome, and I'm glad you like the picture! :D It's not the best picture of Jerry, he's a little too sinister looking in it I think, but it serves well enough to give a general impression of his appearance. I'll be honest, I had entirely forgotten about Kamika (the Garou Knights girl), no the paper mage in this chapter is actually a subtle expy of Konan from Naruto. I do apologize for that downer ending last chapter, but it seemed like a really good place to end that chapter. The ending of this one's a little bit serious as well, but don't worry, I think this one's light enough to make up for it. :)

On with the show! :D

Chapter 8 – Overdoing It

When we made it back that evening, I made a beeline for the bar. I wasn't going to drink, I liked my brain cells too much to sacrifice them so needlessly. Besides, there was something much better at the bar than booze. Or rather, someone.

"Oh hey Jerry!" Mira exclaimed with a bright smile as I slid onto a barstool and slumped over the bar. Mira noticed my slumpiness and frowned, "Did the job not go well?"

I shook my head, "Oh no, job went as smoothly as could be asked for. Saved seventeen young ladies from being basically toys for a gang of sick pieces of shit, got the immense pleasure of dropping said sick pieces of shit down a deep dark hole, along with their entire hideout coming down on top of them, and then I had Natsu set the whole kit and kaboodle on fire." I might've had a bit of a sadistic grin slide across my face as I said that, and I definitely did as I added, "I love it when bad things happen to people I despise, and that bunch was scum of the earth the likes of which I hate the most."

"Sounds like it went pretty well then," Mira replied with what sounded like a hint of carefulness in her voice, "So why the long face?"

I pouted slightly, "Eh, Natsu and Lucy were both really uncomfortable with my method of 'drop 'em all down a great big hole and set 'em on fire until they're crispy'. Then Natsu complained about it on the way back, which got me all riled up, and then I convinced him that it was the best way we could possibly have handled it, no casualties, all the hostages saved, not a single escaped target, no collateral damage…and then he just blows off the whole thing that he's been giving me the cold shoulder over for hours like it was nothing. Really kinda left me in a bit of a funky humor, was hoping you could cheer me up?"

Mira was staring at me and I felt a bit of a sinking feeling in my gut as I wondered if she was going to have the same reaction Natsu had. "Mira?" I asked tentatively.

Mira shook herself slightly and smiled at me, "I'm sorry Jerry, I must've misheard you. I could've sworn you said 'no collateral damage'. About a job. With Natsu."

I raised up slightly with an eyebrow quirked, "Well, yeah… I mean Master said make sure Natsu didn't burn anything down he wasn't supposed to, so I did. We beat the location of the rogue's guild's base out of one of their pickpockets almost as soon as we were off the train, and then while Lucy went to get the army, me and Natsu flew out and did the whole 'drop em down a deep dark hole and set 'em on fire' thing. I wasn't gonna let him burn down a town after Master said not to. The whole thing took like, maybe an hour?"

"So let me get this straight," Mira leaned down to look me in the eye, "You're telling me that you hunted down and took out an entire rogue's guild, saved everyone they had kidnapped without any harm to any of them, and kept Natsu from destroying anything except the one building he actually needed to destroy…all in the course of an hour."

"Well if you want to get technical it took a grand total of sixty-two minutes, if we include the time it took to turn them over to the authorities, and collecting our reward took another hour," I replied dryly, "We're wizards. Eating the notion of 'impossible' and using improbability for toilet paper is kinda the whole shtick."

Mira searched my face for some sign that I was lying and then turned and walked off. I didn't bother to watch her go as her staunch disbelief had me feeling even more agitated than I'd been when I'd walked in. I flopped back onto the bar and fumed silently.

A few moments later, she came back with wide eyes looking like she was in a bit of a daze and told me, "Don't care what you order, first round's on the house."

I sat up in surprise, "Eh?"

Mira looked at me with a quirked eyebrow of her own, "You might eat impossible and shit it out on improbability, but around here taking a job, especially a job with Natsu, and coming back without a single incident and the entirety of the reward is basically unheard of. I think this is the first time I've heard of anyone from Fairy Tail doing anything more exciting than going grocery shopping without destroying something…and to think you did it with Natsu on your team…"

I stared for a moment in polite disbelief, "You're shittin' me right?"

Mira smiled at me sympathetically, "Yeah, you're definitely from another world. This is Fairy Tail, the biggest and best guild in Fiore, and also the most notoriously destructive. Every guild has something it's known for. Fairy Tail is known for having extremely powerful, and extremely reckless wizards. More often than not we wind up doing as much damage getting rid of monsters and such as the monsters themselves were. What happened in Hargeon was only a little bit bigger a mess than what Natsu usually gets into, and believe it or not, despite being arguably our most destructive member due to his magic, he's actually pretty normal for this guild. So for you to go on a job, collect the full reward and prevent any collateral damage? It sounded too insane even for Fairy Tail. So, in honor of your doing what we had begun to assume was impossible, first round. On the house." She told me with a smile.

I blinked, "If it's not too bold, can I have a kiss?"

Mira smirked, "Someone's feeling brave! What happened to that funky humor?"

I smirked right back, "I'm 95,000 jewels richer than I was this morning, I helped save seventeen pretty girls today, apparently I did the impossible, and now I'm sitting here talking to the most beautiful woman I've ever met who just told me first round's on the house. I came to talk to you hoping it would make me feel better, and I gotta say congrats! You've succeeded."

Mira smiled at me, "Well when you put it like that…" she turned, poured a mug of something fizzy, shot me a wink and took a sip. Then she set the mug on the bar and slid it over to me with a smug little grin, "There ya go hot shot."

I blinked as I processed that her lipstick was still on the rim of the mug, indirect kiss? I felt myself blush and then a grin just as big and smug as hers settled across my face, I'll take it. I threw it back and drained the whole mug in one go before setting it back on the counter as I met her eyes with a grin, "Best drink I've ever had."

Mira snorted lightly with laughter, "Are you sure you don't just want in my pants while you're at it?"

I think that blush would've been in the 'neon fire engine' category, but I carefully schooled my face into a neutral expression, "That'd be nice too…"

Mira took one look at me trying (and largely failing) to keep my cool and burst out laughing, along with Cana who sat down next to me and then I realized Elfman was sliding onto the stool on the other side. "Hey guys!" I said with a cheerful smile trying to cover up the nerves from having the sasquatch sized brother of the girl I'd just been quite shamelessly flirting with slide onto the stool next to mine.

"Baaallsy!" Cana cackled.

Elfman smiled in a very nonthreatening manner as he cracked his knuckles, "Yep, that's pretty manly. You know what else is manly?"

"Remembering what happened the last time you tried to interfere in my dating life?" Mira asked him sweetly, causing her immense brother to go as pale as his hair.

"Y-yeah, it's super manly to let a woman make her own decisions…" Elfman stammered.

I tried really, really hard not to snigger at his expression… Then Cana made a whiplash sound and I couldn't restrain myself. Elfman shot me a look but I couldn't help it, his expression was priceless. After a moment I cleared my throat, "In all honesty I don't blame you Elfman, if I had a sister I'd be protective too. That's just a natural thing a man should do, wanting the best for his sister."

All three of them stared at me and then Elfman exclaimed happily, "I know right?!"

Thus began a rather extensive conversation that lasted several hours and completely eradicated whatever remained of the foul humor that Natsu's objection to my methods had raised that afternoon. I went home grinning from ear to ear and a touch tipsy to boot (mostly courtesy of Cana who had proven to be exceptionally fun and a considerable flirt). We'd actually been the last ones in the Guild Hall that night, so the three of us helped Mira close up and I'd actually gotten a full kiss on the mouth from Cana, who was so inebriated I was surprised she could walk a straight line. My offer to walk her home was waved off and she'd just climbed up onto a very flustered Elfman instead, grinning drunkenly as she pointed forward with one hand while she held onto Elfman and clutched her bottle in the other, "Forward noble steed! To Fairy Hills! Mush! Mush!"

Mira sighed and patted me on the shoulder, "Don't worry about it Jerry, we get her home most every night." Then she kissed me on the cheek and whispered in my ear, "See you in the morning…"

As she ran to catch up with Elfman and his plastered passenger, little shivers of pleasure ran down my spine and between her and Cana, the grin didn't leave my face until well after my cheeks got sore from smiling too much. I couldn't have cared less, that was worth smiling about.

…

…

I'm honestly not quite sure what started the guild wide brawl that morning. I think Gray and Natsu were within twenty feet of each other and the usual explosions ensued. Natsu got thrown out of the brawl and slammed into the bar about two minutes in. "GRAY YOU BASTARD I'M GONNA GET YOU FOR THAT!"

Gray's response was a blast of ice magic… which completely missed Natsu and hit me square in the back!

Let it be known that I really, REALLY hate cold. So it shouldn't come as much of a surprise that I started glowing like a spotlight immediately as I blasted the ice off my back. "Natsu…" I ground out, "Tag. Me. IN."

Natsu looked at me and then reached out and patted my elbow, "Tag, you're it."

"GOOD!" I roared before kicking off with an explosion and hurtling like a cannonball through the melee to blast through Gray's hastily erected ice shield and deliver a punch to his gut that launched him out of the brawl just as fast as I had been going in. Actually, he might've been going a little bit faster since I loaded the punch with an explosion to negate my own momentum so I could get my feet back under me.

Somebody took a swing at me, wasn't sure who, didn't really care. I sprang out of the way and dropped a piledriver into the back of his head when he over extended. He hit the ground and I spun out of the way of the next attack, curiously noting that I could sense where everyone was as a gut feeling. I later realized this was Archive's telepathy giving me a heads up, but at the time I just rolled with it.

A kick came in for my back and I turned and effortlessly slammed my weight into the oncoming foot with my arm folded like a shield. It would've been nasty if it had connected with anything soft, but I'd jammed a lot of kicks like that, and just like those times, my would be opponent suffered a reversal of momentum and fell flat on their back, where they immediately got stepped on.

Then Gray was back with what had to be a hundred pound maul made of ice. Knowing there was no way in hell I'd be able to dodge it forever, I took the opposite approach. One blast powered jump later and my knee was connecting to Gray's jaw hard enough to cut him a flip. I angled the flat of my hand up and used another explosion to drive me straight down on top of him. Judging by his expression, I'd say it hurt about as much as I had intended. Then a fireball came right for my face and a hasty Archive screen was all that kept me from eating it.

Then there was an overly excited Dragon Slayer right in front of me torqueing a full body punch towards my face, through my Archive screen and into my hastily crossed arms. My only thought as he sent me flying anyway was, How the fuck is he this strong?!

I slammed into a very large solid something and landed on my feet, glancing over my shoulder and up as I'd felt it give a little on impact, "Oh hey Elfman…" Then I saw a massive double fire and ice attack headed my way. I reached behind me, grabbed Elfman's shirt and teleported straight up with him. As Natsu and Gray's combo attack roared by beneath us, I turned us with my teleportation, "ELFMAN! BODY SLAM!"

Then I braced my back against his and kicked my feet up to give us a little rocket boost. I think it actually wound up hurting Elfman as much as Natsu and Gray who I successfully pinned under him. How do I know this? About five seconds later, Elfman was after me too.

If not for the fact that my best friend and most frequent sparring buddy back home was about the same size as Elfman, I might've been significantly worried. Something I quickly learned though, was that Gabe was a much better fighter than Elfman. Elfman probably had an edge in sheer strength and size, but he was nowhere near as efficient in his movements and that made his strikes very easy to predict and dodge. Yes, dodge because even as good as my guard is, there are some things you just do not try to stand your ground against. A fist at least half the size of your head being swung by a guy nearly seven feet tall is one of them. The other thing I noticed about Elfman? His guard sucked.

Normally I was a quick, light and mostly evasive fighter. I had always been severely lacking in the offense department, but now that I could accelerate and strengthen my hits with explosions? Elfman lasted about the ten seconds it took me to get inside his reach, put my fist into his jaw on my way past followed by my foot torqueing into his face just in time for me to teleport back to the ground and sweep him with the tail end of the spin on my kick while he was off balance. The bigger they are the more satisfying it is to put 'em on the ground.

There was no time to pat myself on the back though, because Natsu and Gray had circled around and were charging. All I had to do was teleport backwards about two feet and out of the way. They clocked each other instead of me and when they started to get back into it with each other, I grabbed a table and used my telekinesis to pick it up and slam it down on top of them. I picked it up and hauled back in case I needed to do it again, but then I noticed how quiet it was.

Then my wild grin vanished promptly as I noticed Master Makarov standing there looking at me with a bemused expression. I carefully put the table back, "Eh, mornin' Master…nice day ain't it?"

"Yeees…" Master drawled, "And now that you've gotten involved in one of our guild brawls for the first time, you get to help with another Fairy Tail tradition. Cleaning up afterwards."

I looked around and noticed that most of the furniture in the main hall was upended and there was food and drink splattered everywhere. It looked like a riot had gone down, which technically it kinda had. I flexed my fingers, "Right." I raised my hands and reached out with my telekinesis, locking onto all the food and drink that had been spilled, then I furrowed my brow in concentration as I brought my hands together to trigger the transformation magic. I had an instant pounding headache which was not helped by the collective gasps and exclamations of surprise from everyone in the room.

Master asked me in a slightly freaked out tone as I clutched my head, "Jerry, what did you just do?"

I cracked an eye through the stabbing pain right above my eyes, "Telekinetic and transformation magic, busted all the more complex molecules in the mess back into the very most basic particles they were composed of. Turned the whole mess into dust and gas. Did it work?"

"Yes, but I think you probably shouldn't use that magic again so lightly," he told me in a gentle tone, "For one, judging by the way you're holding your head, I'd guess you've got a splitting headache." I nodded and he continued, "You've over exerted your magic, do that too much and it can kill you. You're in good health right now, but if you had tried that while you were injured it might very well have drawn from your very life force, which would've badly impacted your ability to heal and fight off infection, making it take far longer to recover and opening you up to things you'd normally never have to worry about. Magic Deficiency Syndrome is no joke kid, you shouldn't risk your health for the sake of getting around a little house cleaning."

Then he motioned me down closer and told me quietly, "Also, that looked like a very devastating form of magic, please tell me you can't use it on living things."

"Theoretically it works on anything except for the very most basic components of matter, so basically anything except metal, sand and air," I grumbled.

Makarov nodded, "I thought so, yes that's a very dangerous ability and not one you should flaunt. Don't tell anyone how you did that, and never use it in combat unless you want the Magic Council gunning to have it outlawed and you with it. Next time just use a broom and mop like everyone else. For now, sit down, eat something and try to recover a little. You probably just shaved half an hour off the clean up time."

I gratefully sank into a seat at the table I had flattened Natsu and Gray with and started trying to amp my ethernano intake so that maybe my brain would quit throbbing a little sooner. After that Master set everyone else to sweeping up the dust my magic had left before turning to me, "So what do you call that magic? I've never seen or heard of anything like it before."

I thought for a moment, "Decomposition."

A few moments later I managed to amp my ethernano intake and I asked Master quietly, "Master, I understand that this power is devastatingly dangerous, and of course it shouldn't be used lightly, but in the event that I am faced with the choice of using it or being overwhelmed and someone getting killed…I can use it then, right?"

"Of course," Master replied, looking slightly offended that I even had to ask, "That is a stipulation on any rule in Fairy Tail. No matter what it is, our comrades come first. Just please, don't send yourself into Magic Deficiency Syndrome with it. I don't want to have one of my brats saved at the cost of another. Always look for another way out, your teleportation can be used on targets besides yourself right? Resort to it before that. Given that you pulled that out of something as simple as telekinesis and transformation, I wouldn't be surprised if you come up with something equally terrifying to do with teleportation."

I smiled, "You're right about that Master. Back home, telekinesis, teleportation and limitless transformation were widely regarded as among the most dangerous of all abilities. Yes, even without Decomposition, I still have quite a fearsome arsenal with just those three."

WHACK! "Magic is not a weapon," Master told me firmly as I rubbed the back of my head, "Nor is it just some mundane tool to be used. It's a part of you, just as much as any of your limbs, it's an extension of your very being."

I blinked in confusion, the first part was easy. The second… "So…my magic is…a reflection of who I am?"

Master nodded, "Yes. Can't you feel it?"

I looked at my hands and gently flexed a glow into my palms, "No. It just blinks on when I think about it, like flicking a switch. I get a headache when I overdo it, but that's about the only feeling I get that I can directly correlate to it."

Master frowned, "That's very strange, but not unheard of. You must not be very in tune with your magic if it's such a trickle that you can't even feel it."

"So…how do I get in tune?" I asked.

Master thought for a moment, "Magic reflects the user, so I suppose to grow more in tune with it, you will need to become more in tune with yourself. You're still new, so I don't know you as well as my other brats. Tell me. What sort of person are you?"

I sat forward and laughed slightly, "A lazy glutton who can only be roused from his apathy to indulge his adrenaline addiction."

Master was silent for a moment and then, "That's…a very harsh assessment of yourself. May I ask how you came by it?"

I looked at him and blinked, "Eh? Oh…just took a good long honest look at myself really." I sat forward and rested my cheek on my fist with my eyes wandering across dimensions to home, "I never suffered or struggled with anything, and even though opportunities for mental challenge were there, I was always content to coast. I could've been number one at virtually anything I wanted, but I didn't care enough about any of it, so I was content to be the bottom of the top quarter. Better than most, but nowhere near as good as I could have been. I had what I needed, and entertainment was so easy to come by…I never had any reason to get off my ass and go do something, so I never did. The one thing I did do was karate, and that's because it fed my adrenaline addiction perfectly."

"Karate huh? That's not something that lazy people get very far in," Master pointed out, "Judging by your performance in the brawl just now though, I'd guess you stuck with it long enough to gain proficiency?"

"Seven years under one of the most skilled masters in an area about the size of Fiore," I agreed, "I was nowhere near mastery, but I had gotten into the higher ranks."

"Oh? How high?"

"Um…three ranks shy of master and one shy of being able to open a sub-dojo of my own…" I admitted a little shyly, "I think it would've taken at least another two or three years to get to the rank where I could be considered a sensei, but I only ever failed one rank test and that's because I got sick halfway through it, so I think probably two or three years at most. We only had one person above that rank aside from Sensei, and she was really really old, so I think she had been that rank for a while. I never asked, didn't really matter. It was a part of my life and I had no intention of ever stopping."

"And did you?" Master asked.

I curled in on myself a little, "Yeah… I had to move to pursue my education and it was too far to make it back for weekly practice. I fell off my training routine big time and I'm honestly surprised I did as well as I did just now." I smiled thinly, "I guess some of it stuck, but it's hard to tell. That wasn't my old style, I always fought defensively. Of course," I mused, "I suppose I did still use the knowledge pretty regularly even if I had no call to use the movements…" I laughed lightly, "You know it's funny, it wasn't until after I'd been gone for a year that I figured out the openings in my old sparring buddies' styles. Gabe always left his left side open when he punched with it and Julie, for all that her kicks were superb, she always dropped her guard on the back side when she was throwing them. A fast opponent could hammer them." I sat back and looked up at the ceiling, "Don't guess I'll ever get to tell them now…"

Master thought for a moment, "So you think yourself lazy because you never strove for anything when you never had a reason to?"

"Ye…oh," It hit me halfway through what he meant, "So…I'm not lazy?"

"If you never had anything to strive for then how is it wrong to not strive?" Master asked, "There's a lot to be said for being content with what you have, and a lot to be said about throwing your all into goals which ultimately amount to nothing. So. Are you lazy for not doing things which have no need to be done? Is it lazy to accomplish that which you set out to do, no more and no less? Is it lazy to not beat yourself up over not achieving everything there is to achieve?"

He let me ponder that for a moment before continuing, "According to Levy, Jet, Droy, Natsu, Happy and Lucy, you've been a complete and utter draft horse of assistance and help on the two missions you've been on. Mira says you carried everything for Lucy when she was moving in, and that you went out of your way to invent a spell on the spot to make your breath smell better when she was close by because you didn't want to inconvenience her with bad breath before spending an hour helping her get things ready to open in the morning. I've also heard no small amount of talk from Levy and Droy about the wonders of your flying card-mobile which got you all to Shirotsume and back in record time. On top of all that, quick recovery time aside, Natsu tells me you pushed yourself to your limit on your last job for the sake of making sure the mission went as smoothly as possible."

"Seems to me," he mused, "you're mistaking effortlessness for laziness. A lazy person doesn't help and complains even when they do no matter how easy it is. Just now when I asked you to help clean up, you didn't even hesitate did you? Even if that spell was intended to get you out of spending an hour or so with a broom or mop in your hand, you saved everyone else at least half that much by turning all the spilled food and drink to dust. Finding a better way to do something is innovation, not laziness. Don't sell yourself so short. After all, it's not like any of us use brooms and mops and such when we don't have to either. Observe." He pointed and I saw a couple of people playing rock paper scissors.

Then that guy with the brown hair…Max? I think his name was Max… stepped out of the huddle pouting and carrying a broom. Then he raised his broom like a bat, a dull yellow magic seal appeared in front of him and he swung his broom through it. All the dust in the room suddenly flew right out the door as though it had been blown out by a fierce breeze.

"What was that you told Mira?" Master asked with a smile, "We eat the notion of impossible and shit it out on improbability?"

"Something like that," I mumbled.

"So don't be so hard on yourself," Master told me, "From what I've seen, you're practical, not lazy. Try to be a little more accepting of yourself and you might just find your magic responding."

…

…

Two days later on a job to root out some counterfeiters, I learned that there were wizards who could force a "trump card or dead friends" situation with alarming ease.

If anyone ever tells you that Paper Magic is a joke, slap 'em. The origami witch responsible for the counterfeiters' success had blue hair, orange eyes and a high collared black overcoat. Tracking her down had been the easy part. Archive made spotting the distribution pattern and tracking it back to the source a piece of cake…admittedly a very big, tough to chew piece of stale cake… but damn it if it hadn't been the last part of that job that was easy.

I had more papercuts and puncture wounds than anyone should ever have courtesy of a swarm of paper butterflies that despite looking like they should be flimsy and harmless were as hard as steel and acted like a swarm of itty-bitty fighter jets. Natsu and Happy were trying to outfly an apparently fire proof origami dragon the size of a rhino that could apparently unfold itself into a giant razor sharp blade at speeds too fast to even see. The paper shield and sword she had summoned were letting her go toe to toe with Taurus effortlessly and I couldn't tell if she was just that strong and capable of turning into paper or if we were just fighting a magically animated paper… puppet…

I cursed as the thought occurred to me and spread my telepathy, trying to pinpoint our foe's real location.

Then time seemed to slow down and I whirled, not even needing my telepathy to spot her as I realized where she was… right behind Lucy with a javelin.

It wasn't even a conscious decision as I lashed out with my magic, the paper javelin disintegrated into powder along with every other piece of paper on the street and a fair deal of cloth and other things as well. I didn't get any flesh with it…I think…but about ninety five percent of everything else? WHOOM. Dust on the breeze.

I passed out immediately as pain lanced through my skull, but the last thing I saw was Lucy springing away from the flabbergasted and suddenly naked paper mage and Natsu springing at them. He was yelling something I think, but for the life of me I couldn't tell you what.

…

…

I must've woken up pretty quick because I hadn't moved from the spot I'd been in and Lucy and Natsu were only just making it over to me. I felt like my head was a jar of pickle juice with the bass set to BOOM. I could see Lucy's lips moving as I forced myself back up onto my hands and knees, the ringing in my ears screaming as I shook my head, which felt like my brain sloshing around in the pickle juice.

I decided that trying to go anymore vertical was a bad idea and instead flopped over onto my side so I could roll onto my back, scrunching my eyes shut against the murderously bright sunlight. I'm not sure how long it took me to amp my ethernano intake, but once it did the pain went from "utterly intolerable" to just "horrid".

As the pain started to recede and the ringing in my ears with it, I was able to hear Lucy, Natsu and Happy freaking out. "Did we get 'er?" I forced out. I raised a hand, "Natsu…" Natsu took my meaning thankfully and a second later a disproportionately strong hand yanked me upright into a sitting position with another set of hands immediately steadying me.

The ringing in my ears flared up again and I tried to crank my ethernano intake higher, which was actually higher than I'd ever pushed it before. It worked and a few moments later I could hear, see and think again. I sat forward and put my head in my hands, "How long was I out?"

"About a minute," Lucy replied, "What was that? You turned half the street into dust! Is that the same thing you used on that mess the other day?!"

I nodded and Natsu exclaimed, "Didn't Gramps say to never use that and that it would send you into Magic Deficiency Syndrome?!"

"Unless it was that or see one of you die," I clarified, "That witch was right behind Lucy with a javelin. I overdid it big time, but I panicked. I'm glad it worked. I couldn't have shot her without hitting Lucy, and even if I teleported, there wouldn't have been any guarantee I could stop that javelin. You did tie her up right?" I asked as I cracked one eye and immediately felt my heart skip beats for the second time that afternoon as for the second time that afternoon I saw the paper witch standing behind one of my friends with something sharp and poised to strike.

I slammed Natsu to the side and suddenly the pain lanced through my head again. As I scrunched my eyes closed at the pain, there was a flash of light visible even through my eyelids and a sound of fist meeting flesh. Then again and again and again. It must've been one hell of a pummeling and then I heard Leo shout, "REGULUS… IMPACT!" There was a not inconsiderable explosion that set my ears ringing again.

When my hearing came back I heard Natsu ask Leo, "Dang Loke, I never thought I'd see you hit a girl."

Leo snorted, "Are you blind Natsu? Look at the Adam's Apple and fake boobs. That's a crossdresser. Totally fine to pummel."

"What's a crossdresser?"

"A dude dressed up like a lady! How do you not know what a crossdresser is?!" Leo exclaimed, "Anyway, I'd better get going. Every second I'm here is a drain on Jerry's magic. He's at like one percent of his usual magic levels. Take care of him for me will ya?" There was a flash of light as Leo dismissed himself and then the pain in my skull faded. My limbs still felt like rolls of wet felt, but I could think again.

"Natsu…Lucy…" I mumbled, "That was…that was way too close. We…we need to get stronger…"

Next time! On Mad Little Slice of Heaven...

"DONE!" I exclaimed happily as I set my pen down and slapped the final sheet over on the stack.

Then I turned it over and straightened the stack before putting a fresh sheet on the top and scrawling in a rather fancy but still legible script, Pirates of the Caribbean. I was immediately glomped by Lucy and Levy who were clamoring for an opportunity to read it. I hissed as I felt my still healing ribs creak and they both immediately let go and apologized.

I winced as my ribs reluctantly pulled back to where they were supposed to be, "Okay. Now that my bones have re-cracked…who wants to read about them that sail under the skull and crossbones first?"

Before Levy and Lucy could begin to argue over who got to read it first, Jet burst in through the door, "HEADS UP! ERZA'S HEADED THIS WAY!"