Day 9 "Heart Palpitations & Social Problems"

It just happened again.

Heart palpitations. While I was reading too! At least that's what I think.

Okay I just looked it up after a long time and yes. They are heart palpitations.

I'm very concerned.

Sometimes my heart beats irregularly. And I notice because they beat much louder and they're more noticeable. And I can feel them, like in my throat. It's really concerning.

So I searched the causes and stress is one of them.

Yeah.

I have that everyday.

No wonder.

So I won't panic more than I already am I will move on and talk about the....

I searched for something like a cure and they said the palpitations will subside if the causes are known and you do something about it.

Like if the cause was stress or smoking. Then you have to reduce the amount of time you get stressed or stop smoking.

Thing is, after that bit, they talked about how it might be a heart disease or some other serious condition. And now I'm trying not to overthink things. When I read that bit I cussed in my mind.

Others have told me to go to the hospital. Which is a great idea! Really.

Except for the fact I'm broke.

Just a check up is already so expensive.

Last time I was at the hospital I was told to make friends...

Hahahaha!

Basically I was told that I'm okay after checking my blood and all. And they asked me about my mental health and concluded I'm physically okay but mentally unstable. They said I think too much.

Which is true. Always been. I think.

And they said to get some friends of my own that I can interact with frequently. I think.

Was trying hard not to cry on the spot to remember word for word. What I got from the conversation was that my mental health is not alright and I need friends to talk with.

Oh past self definitely didn't see this coming. I used to think I'd rather have no friends than have friends. I was forced to interact with other people at some point during my childhood. Now I'm dependant on human interactions.

Look what it did to me.

Haha!

But really, I'm thankful. Making friends.....wasn't so bad.

Majority of those friends I don't talk to anymore. But at least we've got some memories together. The good ones. And the could've-been-better-if-we-were-more-mature ones.

I have a headache now. Who knows why.

Where was I? Oh yes. Hospital. Right.

Anyway, I can't go to a hospital right now. So I'll just have to deal with it. Which sucks, but it is what it is.

As for the friends bit...I tried.

It's a slow and agonizing process.

I mean I can't just knock on someone's door and say, "Hello! I'm in need of a friend so will you be my friend? I'm a needy bitch that needs human touch often so I hope you don't mind such a thing. And oh! I wish for us to meet very often for my mentality!"

And if you're wondering if I've found someone I can act like that around with on a daily basis.....no not really.

That's why it's agonizing.

Where am I supposed to look?

I've tried online. It's actually great. It's not ALL great. I've met some who are great that's why I said it's great.

But I need a friend I can meet on a daily basis. To keep my mental health stable.

Because it's different when it's in person you know?

Which reminds me of the roleplays my friends and I used to play a few years ago.....

I might want to talk about that someday. I don't know. It was fun coming up with ideas and writing them down on paper. Still is.

Anyway it's over 500 words now and I want to read something or watch a video. Or maybe another chapter...

Until next chapter!

Bye~