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In Naruto with OMNITRIX

Auteur: Rakasa_dark
Anime & Comics
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What is In Naruto with OMNITRIX

Lisez le roman In Naruto with OMNITRIX écrit par l'auteur Rakasa_dark publié sur WebNovel. Its on break till April, I'm quite busy with my entrance exam and all....

Synopsis

Its on break till April, I'm quite busy with my entrance exam and all.

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Description: Anastasia Luckster, known as the most beautiful but vicious daughter of the famous Luckster family. The Luckster’s are sitting on the position of the second top successful business family, second only to the infamous Archblack family. Anastasia woke up in tears. She slowly opens her eyes and immediately got a shock that made her blank for a full one minute. The door opened with a bang. “Anastasia Heartfillia Monarch Luckstar! I’m telling you young lady, you cannot be together with that ugly, black-hearted, arrogant, conceited, uh-bra- “. The one who opened the door subconsciously stopped his word and slowly widened his eyes in shock. “Bro-brother?”, Anastasia cautiously asked, a slight tremble can be heard in her tone. She was so shocked. This is a dream right? I was in an accident! I saw my body so wrecked, I can’t be alive! In her previous life, she was an arrogant and willful woman. She did a very wrong mistake and that was blindly chasing a man that ruined her relationship with her family which eventually doomed her precious little life. This life, I will right every mistake I have done.... The cold and handsome Mr. Black: Saying, “Oh? Didn’t Ms. Luckster always had her attention on Mr. Andrew? What are you trying to scheme, hmm?”, while inching his face towards the panic-stricken Anastasia. The so-called ‘vicious’ Anastasia: (!!!!) “I... I-I was just enjoying the great view! What scheme! Ha, haha” (sigh) Is chasing that wretched man and being “vicious” the only impression the people think of me? Unknown to her, there is one person who thinks differently of her...

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Passerby_Venne
Passerby_VenneLv13Passerby_Venne

This has some good potential. I think this is the authors first fanfic and it is noticeable, although it has potential. I read 8 chapters so far and here is a little advice: 1. Shorter paragraphs makes it way easier to read compared to long paragraphs, but this got better after a few chapters. 2. Shorten the prologue. I have noticed that in most fangics, no one really cares about the Mc's former life or how he died, most readers ONLY care about what wishes he got and then they want to start the story. So it's better to have a very short prologue. 3. It's better to not break the forth wall with sentences like "if you're wondering what year it is then it's..." don't talk directly to the reader during your story, and don't use emojis or other similar things like (-_-) because these things can make the story way less immersive for the reader! If your follow these advice, I'm sure you'll write a really good story. This one has potential and I know that people who like Ben 10 and Naruto will enjoy this. 4/5 which is really good for a first fanfic. I strongly believe that by your second or third fanfic you'll have a really amazing story, while this one is a diamon in the rough.

Rakasa_dark
Rakasa_darkAuteurRakasa_dark

well the first chapter says prologue but it has how the MC dies and his meeting with the Rob and there conversation. I'm the writer so I shamelessly rated it 5 stars

DaoistXs9r4W
DaoistXs9r4WLv2DaoistXs9r4W

Es una novela muy interesante y tiene potencial algo a lo que le llamaría la atención es que de ser posible fuera más descriptiva en pequeños detalles como la apariencia de los personajes como por ejemplo en las conversaciones describiendo si está pensando, suspirando, etc... Si quieres una referencia leer el fanfic "Me niego a convertirme en un cabrón en Tokio" puede servir de ayuda después de todo es una novela por lo que no tiene video ni imágenes entonces tienes que ser descriptiva para que el lector pueda hacerce una imagen mental de lo que Lee.

Project_Traveler
Project_TravelerLv14Project_Traveler

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