Dumbed Down, Up One and Go

All I could see is darkness.

"Where am I?"

I open my eye and look, I seem to be in a grass field...but why? Was I dreaming? I do vaguely remember a bad dream, well nonetheless I should get up from wherever this is and try to catch work.

I push against the ground to get up but I end up falling on my back. In front of me I see a pair of weird hands.

"What the..." .... "...That...wasn't a dream?"

"AHH, now I remember, that bitch, wait am I really a...." I glance at my hands and hind legs, it's true! I've become a bloody rat.

"AH AHHH AHHHHH!" I scrabble to run but I end up losing my balance and falling again. Am I really a rat? No no this can't be true this can't true.

"Howdy friend."

"AGHHH!" I scream in fright, who the hell is that? I turn around and I see.....a rat.

"How do you do this fine evening?"

"No no no no no no no no no." This can't be true. "No, nope." I turn tail and run but I fall on my face yet again; this time slamming my nose against the ground.

"Ouch." It hurts.

"You alright there buddy?" Says the....rat.

"You can...talk?"

"Only on a good day." He smiles an awkward smile, a rat smile. Wait can rats even smile? How can I see him smiling?

"Where is this?" I question carefully.

"A grass field."

"No I mean which country."

"Why, that's Gurope of course." He says

"Gurope? Well what year is it?"

"Why, 163 million 233 thousand 344 of course." He says calmly and quickly with not a moment of hesitation.

"Are you an idiot?" No way this is 163 million years into the future.

"My you're a rude one aren't you?"

"It can't be 163 million years."

"Why not? It's been 163 since the first rat came."

"First rat?" Is that what people use for metric? Or wait...

"Is this in rat years?"

"Why of course, in what other year would it be." He scratches his head in puzzlement.

I'm an idiot.

"Well how about in human ye—"

"A biscuit." He squeaks while running past me like a bolt of lightning.

"Biscuit, biscuit, biscuit, biscuit." He humms as he munches down on the biscuit bit by bit using his gigantic teeth, while eating he sways to the left and right a bit, it's a little cute. However watching him eat the biscuit awakened something in me, hunger, but what should I eat? What a rat eats I guess?

I really am a rat now ain't I?

The other rat looks back at me for a sec then turns around and heads towards me again. He splits a part of the biscuit.

"Say, want a biscuit?" He says.

"I...no well...yeah..."

"Yeah?"

"Yes please."

"'Ere you go."

He puts the torn off biscuit on the ground in front of me, I pick it up with my hands and start chomping down on it, it tastes pretty good.

"Say, let's return to home." The rat says to me.

"Home, like the sewers or something like that?"

"The sewers?" He looks puzzled, are there no sewers here? I don't know. But I guess anything would be better than just hanging around here with no purpose.

"Ok let's go." He seems harmless enough, hopefully that won't come back and bite me in the ass.

"well then onwards we go." He says joyfully as he marches in what seems to me as a random direction.

It's been a while now since we started walking, most likely around an hour or so.

"How much is left?" I say

"Not much amigo, not much." Amigo? Isn't that Mexican? No no no, I shouldn't start questioning things now, my head will explode.

"Wait stop." The rat says.

"What's wrong?"

"Up ahead."

I look straight forward and see a farmer plowing his soil.

"Those are bad news partner I tell ya, we should go around him."

"Y-yes."

Normally some farmer wouldn't have been much to be scared of, but now from where I stand he looks huge, almost the size of a building, it was much more terrifying than usual.

We dance around the field he's standing in very carefully, one step at a time going in a circle around him, till we arrive. Then suddenly the rat stopped.

"What's wr—"

"CORN!" He screams out loud before dashing forward full speed ahead towards the corn fields. That idiot, the farmer could catch us any minute now.

I keep walking along the same route too scared to follow him, I just merely watch him from afar as he grabs onto a piece of corn and just munches down on it.

"Huh?" The farmer takes notice of the noise and moves to its direction.

Come on, this is the part where you run eh...what was his name again? Anyways I gotta do something, I gotta—

"It's a bloody rat!" Screams the farmer as he runs towards the rat's location. He then swings down his plough towards the direction of the rat barely missing him as the rat breaks into a quick spring.

"Danger danger danger danger danger..." shouts the rat as he runs around like a madman.

"You trynna give me the black death scum? I'll show ya whose land this is boy." The farmer screams as he pulls out a book from a satchel around his torso and immediately opens a certain page without looking at it.

"Farmer's Scripture: Extermination 1"