ten

I swallowed against the tightness in my throat that was slowly intensifying. My eyes fluttered as they stared up at Zhan's face, his mouth playing with a smirk, a mischievous glint in his eyes. My whole body was overwhelmed by the heat, and I was trying to decide - as a distraction for myself - if Amanda had turned the heating, or if I was having a hot flush. None of them seemed likely if I was honest with myself. At that moment, zhan pushed more pressure onto my wrist that was pinned to the mattress by his knees. My eyes shot to his.

"Why've you been avoiding me?" He asked me, his voice low but with an undertone of hurt.

The words haven't been on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't say them because I didn't want to lie. Truth is, I was a little disgusted with myself for lusting after my best friend. Male best friend. I know that if my parents ever found out, they'd disown me. It would be a disgrace to their family name. But at the moment, looking up at him, I couldn't give a shit.

I think you know the reason, zhan. I muttered, but I know he still heard it by the shift of his weight as he leaned back.

The smirk was wiped from his lips, and his knees released my wrists. His eyes looked down at me, not even bothering to hide his disappointment.

"Seriously? Turning homophobic on me now, Yibo?"

I furrowed my brows and propped myself up on my elbows.

"What? No, of course not. That's not what I meant." I paused, taking a breath and scanning my eyes through the air like I was searching for the words, as if they were hiding from me.

"Look, it's just really new to me and I had to get my head around it."

"How the fuck is it new to you? We've been messing around since we were fourteen!" He practically screamed and my hand instantly shot up to slap him before a sharp shush left my lips. He looked at me in bewilderment.

"Mandy's still here. I don't need her knowing about this." I whispered with irritation.

He rolled his eyes in return. I fidgeted underneath his body, that was still weighing down my chest.

"Can you get off me now?"

"No." was his snappy answer. I sighed and collapsed back down into the duvets, a slight ache around my elbows and shoulders as they were released from the strain of holding my torso up. I could feel his stare burning against my skin expectantly, waiting for me to continue. When we used to fool around, that's all it was; we just messed with each other. We meant nothing by it, felt nothing for each other-"

"So you feel something for me?" Zhan interrupted, that smirk fixed back in its place. I fought the itch to smack it off.

"Yes. No. I… don't know. Maybe?" My pitch grew higher at the last word, gazing up at him with confusion at my answer. He didn't seem like he was about to add his own opinion in, so I carried on. I guess now that we're older, it's just different. We're more…

"Horny?"

"No."

"Sexual?"

"No! Zhan, just shut up and let me speak." He stayed silent, so I took that as my cue.

"We're more..." I couldn't find a sensible way to explain it, so I just gave up. "Oh, fuck it. Yes, we're more horny."

Zhan smiled in victory. I rolled my eyes to the side and concentrated on my chest of drawers. It was only a few seconds later that Zhan stood up, his trainers leaving dirt marks on my duvet, and jumped down from the bed. My eyes flickered up to the full-length mirror that was positioned to the left of my drawers, waiting for him to come into view. At first, I could only see half of his body; moving in and out of view whilst I heard him fiddling with the zipper on his duffel. I wondered what he was doing, but didn't remove my eyes from the mirror.

A few piles of clothes came into view, landing on top of my bed as he tossed them out - I briefly wondered how long he'd expected to stay here for - then the rest of his body came into view as he moved to the side, his hand ruffling up his fringe before instantly like he just knew flicking his eyes up to mine at the mirror. I flinched at the intensity of his gaze, but didn't look away. His fingers played with his shirt at the bottom, before sliding his hands beneath the material, slowly and almost painfully, before pulling it deftly over his head. My gaze slid unwillingly over his defined abs before flashing back to his stare. My stomach swirled as if the hot liquid was slipping its way south through my body.

My breathing quickened, but I kept that unnoticeable. The flush that stained my cheeks, however, was a different story.

Zhan's face was emotionless, empty. His hands dropping to the button on his jeans, quickly and efficiently undoing it and wasting no time in sliding the zipper down too. I didn't know what to expect, and I wanted to leave, but I felt glued to my place. My eyes resting at the top of his - now viewable - black boxers. He let his jeans fall to the floor before clearing his throat arrogantly. My eyes lurched towards his, finding one of his golden eyebrows raised and a smug a smile set on his lips.

"Don't mind if I take a shower, do you?" He said, his voice composed but plagued by amusement at the same time. I suddenly just wanted to facepalm from embarrassment, but settled for shutting my eyes and hearing him chuckle before hearing the en-suite door close and lock. When I opened my eyes again, the pile of clothes on my bed was gone. I huffed out a large breath of air that I was holding in and pushed myself from my bed.

With a moment's hesitation, I closed my bedroom door behind me and jogged back down the stairs, only to collapse on the couch, my forearm resting across my eyes.

I could distantly hear Amanda humming to a tune from the kitchen. I should probably go get her check and let her off for the night, but that would mean being completely alone with Zhan for at least five hours. Depending on my parents even making it home instead of stopping at a hotel, like usual. But hey, I have no complaints about them doing their business somewhere far, far from where I am.