P.S I hate you

Two hours before Hex was found by the Avengers

Loki seemed to be more lost than ever, especially after he escaped Thanos and the Avengers brought everyone back. The god wandered closely as he watched the Midgardians restore what ever is left from the compound. He had small hope left in him since the only trail he has for where Hex might be, led him here.

He stood with hands in his pockets staring ahead at nothing in particular. His mind wondering to those in the distance, but none have any information that he can use. At least not yet. There was a subtle wind blowing through his hair as it fell just past his shoulders. The top button on his black dress shirt is open to reveal a part of his chest. His dress pants fit perfectly with his frame and his shoes shone as the sun hit the sleek material.

The tree he was under reminded him of the one that used to stand in the royal gardens. He hated that tree, but Hex spent most of her free time there if her nose was not stuck in a book. The green leaves lightly brushed against him as they hung loosely around the trunk. His shoulder leaned against it and the scent of the flowers travelled up towards his nose.

Closing his eyes he took a breath of fresh air and frowned at the situation before him. Nothing. He thought. Standing straight once again, he grabbed onto his wrists and sighed in disappointment. He broke a promise he made for her. He fears she'll hate him for it, his soul disagrees with him.

Sitting down and leaning back against the trunk he sighed once more, appreciating the calmness around him. His journal conjured in his hand and a pen sat in his palm, waiting.

Glancing to his side he saw an old man sitting on a bench in the distance. He seemed familiar in his features this man. But Loki did not bother to read him to know. He admired how much at peace the man seem to be. He smiled while his eyes stared at the water before him. His features held a wonderful story yet to be told. Loki noticed a wedding ring on his finger and wondered if the old man has someone waiting for him or if he's alone.

"Alone," Loki said to himself, "Like me. At least you got to live your life."

His eyes grew sad and he moved to stare at the empty page before him. Nothing is the same since he escaped. Everything was quiet, too quiet. He hated his mind being invaded but at least there was no silence. For a few hours he was okay. Children laughed and played, while adults gossiped and smiled. Half of the world vanished and with it the joy that used to exist.

The knives Loki held in his hands seemed to mock him more every day. Their sharp blades edging him on and his thoughts eventually compiling. It was a cold winters night when he sat in his once white tub. The crimson colour falling from their owner and tainting the pure with its mark.

Salted water stains his features as his memory betrays him. He did not want to remember, he did not want to see. He did not want to see the broken promises, empty words and somber feelings escaping from his wrists. He did not want to see the broken man that stood in front of a smashed mirror, the glass littering the floor.

Around him, the weather turned cold and the surfaces he sat and leaned upon turned to ice. The skin on his forearms and face turning blue. His sad eyes and porcelain features changing along with it. He let out a shaky breath and the mist escaped from his lips. The memories fading away as his skin and all that is around him turn to its former glory.

The man at the bench spoke with one of the Avengers and when he finished, stood up and left. Loki gave in to temptation and familiarised himself with the man's memories. A well known red head and a blue eyed soldier flashed in his head. Loki only stared content at the man who lived a full life, only to leave it all behind for the next hero following in his footsteps.

Loki's thoughts were so engrossed in the memories of this familiar elder, that he almost missed the soldier noticing the god sitting under the tree. The two stared at one another, each studying the others' face. The elder man smiled lightly and walked off without a word. Loki only lightly nodded in the soldier's direction and continued staring at his still blank page before him.

A mutual understanding between two men who knew everything about one another without having to break the silence.

Loki stared at the journal before him and wrote what he has been dying to say. Thoughts and feelings from over five years finally being released as his hand delicately moved before him. It was only when he finished did he hear what he has been waiting for all this time. A smile crept onto the god's face and he quickly wrote his last words before disappearing from his post.

He made his way towards the compound, invisible to the eyes of everyone else. It was her, he knew it. He could feel it. The other half of his soul was finally waking up. A genuine smile of joy was etched on his features and his past worries of never being able to find her vanished.

The Avengers all stood in the medical wing around her bed, all of them talking and discussing on who or what she is. But Loki knew and so did Thor. The conversation went on but Loki paid no attention to it. His focus was on her. Her face was the same lightly tanned as he remembered, her hands still delicate as they lay beside her.

He stood next to Hex and lightly stroked her cheek as he stared at his other half before him. His rings shone against the light as he moved his fingers in her hair. Soft, like always. He thought. She was waking up, he could feel her consciousness becoming stronger. Her pale cheeks turning a light pink and her eyes stirring beneath their cage.

"It's time to wake up darling." He said, but only she would hear him.

Her eyes sprung open and Loki could finally see the emerald gems he has been waiting for all this time. Admiring them for a split second before disappearing form the compound. She could not know he was there yet. He had to wait. He paced around his temporary room as he counted the seconds on the clock.

He abruptly stopped and smiled to himself as a familiar sensation ran through him. He walked towards the window and closed his mind off but not without seeing what Hex is doing. He did not want her to find him, he had to go to her. He saw her staring ahead, searching for anything and everything. He knows she sees the threats and he knows she is informing the Avengers. He also knows that amongst her search is his name.

A calling only aimed for him. She eventually stopped searching and he knew she was busy with the others. He changed his clothes to be more casual and started pacing once again. Waiting patiently for the right moment. He waited far too many years for this and it had to be perfect.

He disappeared from his room and appeared in the compound. He could sense her but he had to find her still. The room was quiet as she stood staring into space in concentration. Loki could hear the compound's AI system alerting the others of his presence. But she did not hear, her mind too far off to care to listen. He slowly walked towards where she was standing and stopped a mere centimetres from behind her. He tugged at her mind and waited for her response. Her far off gaze snapped back to the figure in the glass before her. Their eyes met as they both finally gazed into the eyes they each have longed for far too long.

--

Loki's poem:

I hate you

I love you

No, I hate myself

My mind, my soul, my body

For it is useless without you. I don't need it. I do not care.

I am alone, I am afraid.

Of myself? No. Of the Future? No. Of you?

I am a man, I am a King, I am a reader, I am a lover, I am a god

A god with no power, A king with no crown, A man with no name, A reader without a book, A lover without you

Fear me, hate me, love me

See all, see none, see me, not you

For I am here and you are there

No soul for the Asgardian, No purpose, no life

You seem to have forgotten and wondered into the wasteland

For I have wondered from your path and slowly followed to catch you

But you are not here

Does that mean you are lost too?

Have we both left with the path in search for one another?

Or have we forgotten who we are?

Our souls long but dead from the sadness that consumed them

Yes.

I hate you

I miss you

But,

I love you