Chapter V

The state of events that has occurred has been indisputably contrary to what you expected it to be. You don't know whether to think of it as a mistake, or if the universe is playing a trick on you.

It's funny really

You were the one who doesn't want to meet up with him in the first place, because you're afraid that you wouldn't pass his standards. You thought that he would back out the moment he sees you, but he proved you otherwise.

The ironic thing about the situation, is that he chose to stay, while you, in the end, were the one who came running for the hills.

Three days.

It has been exactly three days since the incident at the library happened.

You remember leaving him there. His confession has left you speechless, and his words left your heart beating violently against your chest, that you feel like it will burst out at any moment. You feel so lost and nervous, you cannot fathom how and what kind of things he can be capable of. You realize now that you don't know him that much.

You heave a sigh as you stand in line to pay at the grocery store.

The past few days you have been over the edge, you keep waiting for him to pounce on you, to lure you into the vast abysses of the man that is Oh Sehun.

"I'll make you mine, even if it's the last thing I do."

You smirk mockingly at yourself when you remember his words.

You have no idea whether to feel relieved or bitter.

Relieved because after three days of waiting, after three long days of feeling like the anxiety will eat you up, you got nothing.

He never showed up after that.

No phone calls in the middle of the night.

No messages.

No nothing.

It's like he vanished into thin air, except you know that he didn't. You always see him inside campus. Suddenly he's everywhere. You would think that he's there to see you because your building is far from his, but no, he's there because of her.

Because of his girlfriend.

Yes, you're relieved that he didn't do anything to prove himself to you, but knowing this, you can't help but feel bitter as well.

Every day you see him and his girlfriend together. Sometimes when they're leaving the building, other times when he's there at the lobby waiting for her. He's just there, standing at the corner, gracing the world of his perfection. Every time he sees you, he would look at you with that blank expression of his, intimidating you with his dark orbs.

But then one day, he suddenly just smiled, and you couldn't help but melt.

Every time he does you feel weak on the knees, and you wanted to slap yourself right then and there, because you realize the painful truth that his smile isn't directed at you, but to his beautiful and perfect girlfriend.

Cruel.

He is just so cruel.

Later that night you deleted his number, you deleted his messages. You want to forget him, but what you can't bring yourself to do, is to delete your conversations on Facebook.

Those conversations were proof of your friendship, back when everything was less complicated.

Those times when you feel so down in the dumps and he just appeared out of nowhere, saving you from everyone, saving you from your own demons. You met him just in the nick of time, and felt so thankful for him. Whenever you talk to him, you feel invigorated, it seems like he took all the weight off your shoulders, and you just feel so...light.

So light that you feel like flying. It's the most wonderful feeling in the world, like you can just do anything and everything because of this man.

But as the saying goes, "The higher you fly, the harder you fall".

You did not expect this at all from him, and it hurt you so much that you wish you hadn't met him at all.

Now you're back to where you started. Back to being the awkward girl, back to being the loner that you are. Your only consolation now is that he doesn't know how much damage he did to you, because you did not confess to him, you did not tell him how you feel about him.

At least now you still have some pride left in you. You can still pretend that you're fine without him. You can still fool everyone into thinking you're doing alright, even if it means you're fooling yourself as well.

With the groceries in hand, you walk your way outside. You are so lost in your own thought, that you didn't notice a male jogging towards your direction. Only when he stopped in front of you, were you able to notice his presence.

"Oh, it's you again." You blink a couple of times, sounding a little too distraught, while the male smiles a little as he tries to catch his breath.

"Well hello to you too princess." The male sniggers, finding it amusing how you never fail to make him feel unwelcomed.

"Hello Jongin." You greet him with a forced smile.

If only you have noticed him earlier, then you would've done your best to avoid him, yet there's not any valid reason for you to dodge the male, after all, he gave you no reason to do so.

"Well I was waiting on you last Friday." He says as he took some of the plastic bags from you, while you gratefully smile at his action. "Yet there I was, sulking at my own party, because a certain someone didn't even bother to tell me she's not coming."

The male gave you an accusing look. "I can't believe you didn't come to my party!"

"But I never said anything about going." You timidly reply, while you try to take the bags from his grasp, but the male only dodged your hands.

"Why the hell not?! Chen even got drunk and cried like a baby, because you did not show up." He retorts playfully, and then he laughed at the memory.

A small smile appeared on your lips, imagining how his friend was crying over the fact that you didn't come, while he's holding a bottle of cheap beer with his hand.

You shake your head. You're absolutely sure that he's lying, because, who even are you to begin with?

"Then it's a good thing I didn't, because crybabies are a huge turn off for me."

"I'll let him know you said that." Jongin sniggers at your reply. "So, any chance you're gonna show your face to us? We miss you, you know. Maybe get off from school work sometime and stop being a nerd?"

"Wow Jongin." You roll your eyes automatically. "That is the sweetest thing that anyone has ever said to me. I looove being called a nerd, it's such a freaking honor." You say, a sarcastic tone in your voice.

"Ahh, there she is! I've missed that smart mouth."

"I can't say that the feeling is mutual mister." You reply mockingly, your awkwardness slowly dissipating.

"Aww! You're so cute! But, you know who else misses you?" He asks as he looks at you in earnest.

You didn't bother to answer, nor did you bother to ask. You already know who he's referring to, and truthfully, you are so fed up with this bull.

"Sehun's being a total dick, because you're not showing your pretty face to us anymore." He shakes his head. "Why don't you come with us later? What do you say?"

You frown at the man.

That is the biggest lie of the century.

How can someone who cut all communications with you, even miss you? But you gotta thank Sehun for not caring, because he saved you a ton of shit to be awkward about.

"Nah. He won't miss me." You give him a forced smile.

"Besides, he's got his hands full with his girlfriend." You reply rather indifferently, which the male didn't fail to see.

"Girlfriend?"

Confusion is written all over the boy's face, which you chose to ignore. Sehun must've given him a head's up, so his friend decided to play the innocent card.

Well, it was too late for that.

"Don't panic now, but there's a giant spider on your hair." Kai says wide-eyed, as he moves closer to you.

"I do?" You ask as you lift your hands to remove the said "spider", but Kai holds your hands to stop you, your groceries now on the floor.

"Aren't you even scared?" He asks while still holding your hands. "Don't touch it!"

"Um..." You try to take your hands from him. "I'm not afraid of spiders Kai."

"Huh. Ok." You see him frowning while his hands are holding yours.

"Well it's a cockroach then." He furrows his brows. "Don't move."

"A cockroach? Really?" You roll your eyes at him. "If I tell you I'm not afraid of cockroaches, will you say a different insect this time?" You ask as he finally let go of your hands, then you press your hands on his chest to slightly push him away.

"Too close mister." You scoff, and he laughs that stupid contagious laughter of his.

You're a sucker for contagious laughter, and you couldn't help but just laugh along with the guy.

Jongin knew you caught him. You don't know why he suddenly decided to tell you that an imaginary spider, or cockroach is currently sitting on your hair. Maybe he wants you to scream your lungs out, or to stupidly run away in complete panic. Too bad for him, because you're not afraid of spiders. Cockroaches are another thing, but you immediately caught on because he is so obvious.

"Are you like five or something?" You ask.

Kai smirks at you as he replies. "No, but it served its purpose."

You frown at his response. You have no idea what he meant by that, but when you see the male smiling at someone behind you, you suddenly feel this overwhelming feeling of dread.

Kai raises his arm as he waves at someone behind you.

"Hey Sehun! Over here man!"

Panic strike you at the mention of his name.

You don't know what to say or do, and you can't help but turn your head and look at him.

Sehun is a few centimeters away from you, and he stands there in the corner, his face blank, his eyes on the both of you.

Immediately, you turn around and clear your throat.

"I have to go Kai." You say as you try to take the bags from him. "I'm kind of in a hurry."

"Oh? Then let me walk you home." He says, completely forgetting about his friend.

You nod in reply. You didn't wanna argue with him, so you just let him walk you home, because meeting Sehun face to face is the last thing you wanna do right now.

The two of you start to walk away, leaving a fuming Sehun behind.

-----

You: You know what, whenever I talk to you, my mind screams murder.

Him: Why so? 🤔

You: You already know why. 😑

Him: Cause I'm such a confusion?

You: Yes! You keep telling me stuff that confuses me, you always leave me hanging.

Him: Yeah, I'm hanging by a moment with you! 😉

You: I hate you so much right now. 😑

Him: Nahh missy. You're try'na contradict what you're feeling.

Him: And besides, it's more fun this way.

You: Only because you love making fun of me.

You: But aren't you bored already? We've been talking for hours.

Him: Nope. There's never a dull moment with you. 🙃

Him: You know…I could write a book about you.

You: You're so random.

You: But what kinda book?

Him: An analysis of you.

You: Huh. An analysis of me? How very interesting. Very interesting indeed.

Him: Aww c'mon babe, don't be so sarcastic.

You: And what might you be writing there, if I may ask?

Him: Well, it mostly covers the topics of why you amuse me so much, and what sets you apart.

You: Ugh. Don't bother yourself, no one's gonna read it.

Him: I bet it'll sell millions! 😃😃

You: Mister.

Him: Yes babe?

You: Why.

You: Are.

You: You.

You: So.

You: Freaking.

You: LAME?!!!

Him: You wound me sweetheart.

You: Um hmm. Ok. Feel free to make one, so I can finally know what's going on in that manic head of yours. 😝

Him: Remember, it's an analysis of you. It doesn't necessarily involve spilling my personality.

You: Well if it's about how I "amuse" you and what "sets me apart", then it'll definitely spill you. Because it shows what kind of person you are, and what you like about other people.

Him: Not if I make use of purely scientific facts.

You: Hahaha. I really, reaaalllyy hate you so much right now! 😒

Him: I can't say I feel the same sweetheart. ☺

You: I just have one question though.

Him: Shoot.

You: You have to answer it.

Him: What is it?

You: What sets me apart? 😆

Him: You're different.

Him: Period.

Him: Nuff said.

Him: Not gonna explain further. 😂

You: Well of course being different sets me apart! Oh my God! What kinda answer is that???

Him: At least I answered it. 😂😂

You: Ugh! Kill me already! 😐

Him: And lose my Angel?

Him: No baby.

Him: Never.

You smile as you read the last conversation you had with him. You know it's a bad idea to dwell on it, but you plan to remove everything about him in your life, and you just want to read the conversations for one last time. You feel it's only appropriate for you to do, because you know that the two of you have already drifted apart from each other.

The last time you were close to talking to Sehun was a week ago, when you were outside the grocery store with Kai.

You still see him on campus, sometimes with his friends, other times with his girlfriend, but he's mostly alone. If you think looking blankly at you is bad, then it's only gotten worse, because now he acts like you don't even exist anymore. He doesn't even want to look at you. The only good thing that came out of this is that you and Kai had been closer to each other. It's not the same as your friendship with him, you just can't let in any more people. You and Kai see each other sometimes, and you guys exchange messages once in a while, but it's just that. He knows that you cannot go further than that, and you know that your relationship with Kai is only to that limit.

Kai has been very considerate of you these days. He knows that something happened between you and his friend, but he didn't dare ask. He knows you're not going to open up to him anytime soon, and you have a lot of respect for him because of that.

Staring at your phone, you're about to delete the messages, when a doorbell stopped you from doing so.

It's eleven in the evening on a Friday night, and you wonder who could be outside your door at this time of the night.

You walk towards the door, leaving your phone on the coffee table at the living room. You know it's reckless to just open the door for whoever is outside this late, but you did anyway, and you just want to slap yourself for your stupidity.

"Sehun?"

You look at the man in front of you, wondering why he's suddenly on your porch, when you know he will never step foot in this place again. He stood there, looking so much like a model with his ripped skinny jeans, and his black leather jacket, and his hair pushed back messily away from his handsome face. You can't help but stare at him as he stares back openly at you.

The heat from your face is evidently obvious. You feel like a total loser compared to him. Sehun is looking like his gorgeous self, while you're just wearing a plain blue shirt and a black pair of boy shorts.

You gulp nervously as you watch him looking at you up and down, staring at your features, his face wearing a dark expression.

You clear your throat as he stares shamelessly at you.

Sehun, unbeknownst to you, has always admired your physical appearance.

He loves staring at your face, loving the way how your big amber eyes can drown him away from everything.

Your small pointed nose, for him, is so adorable and is just waiting to be pinched all the time, especially when he remembers how you wrinkle them in annoyance whenever he tries to irritate you.

And your lips…

Oh he just cannot forget the feeling of your soft lips against his. It has been on his mind ever since he kissed you in the library. Those pink full lips have been haunting him every single night, ridding him of his sleep. He knows that you're not aware of how beautiful you are, and it only adds up to his admiration of you.

"What are you doing here Sehun?" You ask, ridding him of his thoughts.

Sehun lets himself in, shoving you not so gently away.

You're left speechless.

After days of ignoring you, he had the balls to come here, and invite himself inside your apartment.

You close the door behind you in annoyance, then you face the guy as you show an exasperated expression.

"Mind telling me why you're here?" You ask as he boldly stares at you.

He looks at your smooth legs, up to your thighs. Sehun has never seen you wear something this short before, and he appreciates the sight before him.

Looking up at your shirt, he gazes at you, as your body hugs the blue fabric, the outline of your breasts showing. He can tell that there is nothing else underneath your shirt, and it made him hot just thinking that you're not wearing anything other than the thin fabric.

"I asked you a question Sehun. What are you doing here?" The irritation now clear on your voice due to the lack of response from the guy.

Sehun's adams apple bobs up and down, as he gulps nervously at the mention of his name.

He missed hearing you say his name, and he just wanted to gather you in his arms and crush you in his embrace.

The past few days have been hell for him. He doesn't want to ignore you. Hell! He just wants to show you how much you mean to him. The only reason he avoided you is because of what you said, and how much pain he saw inside your eyes as you reject his confession. All he wanted to do is to tell the world how much you mean to him, and it broke his heart knowing that you didn't believe him. So he kept his distance, because he doesn't want you to feel pressured, he doesn't want to force himself on you.

"I uh- I forgot my book here. I need it for school." He says as he looks away. I think I left it in the kitchen."

Lies.

It was all lies.

He wanted to see you, and that's the best excuse he can think of.

"Oh." You nod. "I'll go get it then. Feel free to make yourself comfortable, since you already invited yourself in." You couldn't help but roll your eyes at him.

You made a beeline towards the kitchen, but your phone suddenly starts ringing, so instead of going to the other room, you walk towards the living room instead.

You take your phone that is placed on top of the coffee table, and answer the call.

"Kai."

"Hey, just wanna remind you about tomorrow. Don't forget okay?" The person on the other line says, and you can't help but laugh.

"Um hmm. How can I forget when you keep reminding me about it?" You hear him laughing.

"Although I will be late. I'll just call you tomorrow, yeah?"

"Sure, just as long as you will not leave me hanging again." He replied.

You laugh at his response.

"Can you please just move on from that? I told you I didn't mean to. I'll make up for it tomorrow okay?"

"Are you absolutely positive? Because I swear, if you-"

"I promise! I have to go now Kai."

But before you can even hang up the call, you feel rough hands taking the device from you, wiping the smile off of your face.

"You heard her Kai, she has to go." He looks at you while he says every word. "Don't you dare call her again." Then he turns your phone off and tosses it on the couch.

You stare at the man with an astonished expression.

How dare he take your phone and talk to Kai that way?

You feel your face burning as you feel this huge desire to smack some sense into him.

"What was that all about?!" You look at him, your face filled with irritation.

"You think it's a good idea to use my friend to make me jealous?" Sehun looks at you, his face rid of all emotions.

There is a dangerous tone lurking inside every word, and somehow, whatever's left of your irritation was replaced by confusion and fear.

"W-what are you talking about Sehun? I'm not-"

"Sweetheart, you don't want to make me feel jealous." Sehun walks towards you, his eyes brooding, his face dark.

"You should never make me feel jealous."

You walk back as he follows your every move, but you're stopped when you feel the side of the couch on your legs.

"I-I think you need to leave Sehun."

The intensity in his eyes has rendered you speechless and you begin to ramble, as he leans closer, and closer towards you.

"I'll make you regret ever making me feel this way."

.