A Self-Inserts troublesome adventure by ippon (Highschool DxD)
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Latest Update:December 21, 2017
Summary: Dying wasn't fun. Getting born again was even worse. When my new parents abandoned me because I turned out to be human, I thought I had really bad luck. It wasn't until I found myself underwear shopping with a magical girl that I finally understood someone upstairs had a serious vendetta against me. Self-Insert
Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/12602631/1/A-Self-Inserts-troublesome-adventure
Word Count:51k
Chapters:7
Chapter 1: Where I get reincarnated
Reincarnation sucks! Why you ask? Well first of, to get reincarnated you must die and, believe me, that is not fun. How did I die? Well I was hit by a truck. Yes, yes, I know that's just cliché, I have read light novels too. What they don´t tell you is how much it fucking hurts. No, I didn't die instantly, it took me minutes to finally bleed out, and let me tell you that were the longest and most agonizing minutes of my life. I couldn't feel my feet, so I assume I broke my back somewhere, but man, the rest of my body hurt more than enough. So yes, step 1 of my reincarnation was pretty shity. I´ll try to avoid trucks from now on.
Step 2 is hard to describe. One moment I was dying on the street and the next moment, I simply wasn't. I couldn't see, hear, smell or touch anything, kind of logical since I wasn't in my body anymore. Still, somehow, I could feel … something. It kind of felt like drifting through a river. Not terrible but still damn concerning when you don't know what's going on. An explanation would have been helpful. But hey, I assume somewhere along the way you normally lose your memories of your past, at least I dodged that.
And know we arrive at glorious step 3, where I am stuck now. Currently I can feel myself floating around in what I can only assume is my new mother's womb. Who am I and why am I talking to myself? Good question my new best friend! Well first my name is … no longer important. I will get a new one soon anyway, so I should probably stop using my old one. I am, or rather was, a student in Austria, Central Europe. If you haven't heard of us, we are basically the annoying little brother of Germany, who always gets into fights. The last 2 world wars? Yes, they were kinda our fault, sorry.
I was walking home from my final exam for this term, wanted to cross the road and BAAAM, here I am. So why am I talking to myself then? Well I figured if Reincarnation is a thing now, then maybe the multiverse Theory is also true, which means someone out there could be listening to my ramblings. Mostly I just want to talk to somebody. Stuck in the dark with nothing to do but thinking? Yeah that's not good for a human. Well I am in for some boring time.
-0-
I was totally wrong, being stuck here isn't boring, it's really creepy. Why you ask? Because I can feel something GOING INSIDE MY BODY! Whatever it is, it's all over my body and it is somehow getting in. I am this close to a full out panic attack. What is that stuff?
-0-
Well shit. Whatever this stuff is, it's all inside my body now. The problem is it doesn't stop there. That creepy thing is now trying to go deeper. What do I mean with deeper? Well you know, that part of me that went through that whole reincarnation shit, my soul, if you want to name it? Yeah that part lies "deeper" inside. So bad news it´s going after my immortal soul. Good news, as soon as it touched me there I could somehow push back against it. How do I do that? I´m not sure myself, but if I concentrate hard enough on it I can somehow force it back. So now I am struggling to keep this creepy stuff as far away from my soul as I can manage. This whole reincarnation thing gets shittier and shittier.
-0-
Wuhu, I managed to get the creepy stuff under control! It´s still stuck inside my body, but at least it doesn't try to get my soul any more. And I can move it now around somehow! Maybe it's some sort of Energy, like Chakra! It would be so cool to be able to walk up a wall. But I get ahead of myself. It´s still difficult to move my new-found chakra (and yes, until it´s proven that it is something else I am calling it that) around. Doesn't chakra strengthen the body? Maybe if I try to infuse more of it into my body it will get more durable? Well I have nothing else to do anyway.
-0-
Success! Yes, it's possible to infuse it into my body. But I must be careful, if it is too much at once it starts to hurt like a bitch. I can also move it much easier now. The more I practice the easier it gets. I really want to try using it outside. But what if I manage to blow up my mother? Yeah, I think I should wait with that. But now I am bored again.
-0-
I am bored. I am bored. I am bored. There is nothing to do here. I can move my chakra around without trouble, and I infuse as much of it into my body as possible. But there is nothing el … wait a moment. The liquid in which I was swimming around just started to disappear. Does that mean my mother's water just broke? Finally! I am getting out of here! I would do a victory dance if I could. Fresh air and blue sky, oh I missed you. Now I just needed to wait a bit more and I am free. A bit of pressing and it will be over. A bit of pressing through my new mother's birth channel. A bit of pressing which, if I remember correctly, can last several hours. Oh, fuck me sideways!
-0-
I will not talk about the following hours. I will only say that it was the most disgusting time I have ever experienced. I really need a long bath now. This whole reincarnation process was really shit. But let's look at the positive side of things. It can only get better now. And I am finally out of here.
Ah, sweet air how I missed you. I cried out in manly jubilation (which really didn't sound very manly) when a thought hit me. Was I even a boy this time around? By all that is unholy and divine let my balls be there. I will not live as a girl, I will not! I will take a pillow and smother myself if that is the case. I wiggled as hard as I could and tried to look between my legs. Come on, come on just a bit more. There are my legs and there … thank you, thank you whoever oversees the afterlife! Crisis averted, I am 100% male!
Now that I think about it, shouldn't Baby's see blurry the first few months? Meh, I am sure it has something to do with my super cool chakra abilities. So, let's look around a bit. The room looks big, but then again, I don't know if I have my proportions right. But it doesn't look like a hospital room. Maybe my new mum decided to give birth at home? Any birth helpers around? Yep there was a bunch of women dressed as maids, I was held by one of them. Good, good, next poi … maids? Who the fuck has fucking maids to help them give birth? What about a doctor, or a nurse? Even if you want to do the whole baby thing at home you should at least get professional help!
Oh, look the door is opening. And through it walks a man I only knew from light novels and anime. He is dressed in an expensive looking suit, has blue-green eyes and red hair. Well calling it red wouldn't do it justice. It was the most intense crimson color I had ever seen. As I inspected the newcomer I heard the maid speak while she handed me over to him: "Lord Lucifer, you have a son."
And so, I looked in the face of Sirzechs Lucifer, one of the four Maou of the Underworld, Husband of Grayfia Lucifuge, certified Siscon, all around Badass and, apparently my new father. Does that mean I replaced Millicas? That would suck, I would be too young to effectively change the story.
What's that concerned look doing on your face Sirzechs? You should be overjoyed, I am your new adorable little son! This should be the happiest day of your life! Did I mutate myself in some sort of Monster when I pressed chakra in my body? Wait, I am in the DxD Universe now, and the son of 2 Devils so its most likely magic, got it. Oh, he is handing me to Grayfia. That's the first time I really notice the women who is now my mother. Damn, it´s creepy to say that as her new son, but she is a real looker with her matching silver hair and eyes. I can definitely see why Sirzechs married her. And there is that concerned look again. That can't be good. I suddenly feel sleepy, really sleepy. Damn you my new Body and your limited energy reserves! Well I am taking a nap.
-0-
I woke up in the arms of Grayfia, or should I call her mum now? It would probably be for the best, or it will be really confusing for me when I reach the age where I can start talking. But for now, I should take care of a far more pressing problem. I´m hungry, really hungry. And so, I did what every hungry baby does, I started to cry. Mum seemed to understand my needs pretty well and shoved one of her breasts into my mouth. Damn this whole thing is embarrassing. I´m a grown-up man! Breast milk, at least, didn't taste as bad as I imagined. And Grayfia was smiling this time. Maybe I didn't turn myself into a monster while experimenting? I got a kiss on my forehead after she breast-feed me and was put in the hands of a waiting maid. Then she marched out of the door.
Wow lady, your newborn son is here and you pawn me off to some attendant? I can feel the love there! Maybe she had work to do? And I must say that I am impressed that she is running around again so shortly after giving birth. Well I was soon napping again anyway.
-0-
The next time I woke up I stared in the face of Ajuka Beelzebub. Fucker nearly gave me a heart attack. What was the scientist of the Maou doing here?
"And?" I heard Grayfia asking. Hi mom, you're here to? Then why is Ajuka holding me? Are you passing me around to your friends now? Can I expect an overexcited magical girl to come barging through the door next?
"His body is well developed, but it contains only minuscule amounts of demonic energy, most likely remains of his time in the womb. There are no other devil traits. He has no manifestable wings, no trace of self-produced demonic energy and his soul shows no sign of corruption. He is human, a human with a strong body, but still a human." Answered Beelzebub.
"What about an Evil Piece?" Sirzechs I didn't notice you there! Wait did he say human? I froze at the thought. I am the son of 2 of the strongest devils around. How could I be human? How does that even work? Wait a minute! That creepy magic that tried to invade my soul! Was it trying to change me into a devil? But I still have it in my body! I mean, I can understand you guys, isn't that the devil translation thing from the anime? So, I clearly should have devil magic, or demonic energy, or whatever you want to call it. Oh, look Ajuka got one of the Evil Pieces, like in the show! Well that will take care of the problem. He presses it against my chest and … nothing happens.
"I am sorry" Oi, why are you giving up so fast Ajuka. I thought you were the greatest Genius in the Underworld? Grayfia, am I seeing tears in your eyes? Sirzechs, don't look so defeated now! Come on guys not you too. Fight a bit harder will you! And even if I am human, I am still your son, right? Right?
-0-
After Ajuka had excused himself I was handed over to one of the maids again. I really feel neglected here! Well at least I had time to think about my situation. So apparently, I´m human, while my parents are both Maou class devils and are considered in the top percent of the whole world strength wise. Not to mention the whole deal with the pureblood devils. I am sure the rest of the devil clans would be pretty unhappy if they found out that their leader sired a human baby. Ugh, I hate politics. It is kinda my fault that I came out as a human, but how should I have known that this energy wasn't trying to eat my soul!
Well no use crying over spilled milk, first I should find out what my parents will do with me. My money is on being raised in secret in one of their lesser known estates. I´m sure the old Satan faction would use my birth as propaganda material, so it would be best to keep the whole thing under wraps. And they could visit from time to time, so yeah, I would be okay with that option. I feel sleepy again. Do baby's normally sleep this much?
-0-
I opened my eyes shivering, damn was it cold around here. So, like a good baby, I started crying to let my current caretaker now that he should start a damn heater. Immediately someone touched my head and suddenly the cold disappeared. If that was magic I really have to learn it. Now warm and comfortable I started to look around.
I´m currently being carried around by my father. I can see stars overhead, so we seem to be outside. There are cars and street lights everywhere. Looks like a normal neighborhood to me, but not really like I imagined the underworld. Do they even have stars down there? I´m not sure, but for now let's assume that we are in the human world. Which leads to the question what are we doing here?
Sirzechs suddenly stopped in front of a large building. It was painted in a bright yellow color, had a nice parking lot and you could see a garden right behind it. It gave me a bad feeling. My father decided to interrupt my observations at this point.
"I am sorry, but this is the only way I can protect you. Your mother and I will always love you, even if we can't be there for you" Oh no, Sirzechs tell me you are not about to do what I think you will do. With a sad smile, he laid me on the stairs in front of the building, pressed a button right next to the door, and disappeared through a magical circle.
I can't believe it, that fucker just pulled a Dumbledore on me. It took a few seconds to sink in properly but then I began to scream in furry. Well it was more like crying, but very, very furious crying. He just left me there, can you believe the nerve of that man? He is the leader of the whole devil race, he should have more than enough options! I mean come on, you can't tell me he doesn't have an old friend or a loyal subordinate that could raise me while keeping his mouth shut. But no, he decides the best way to protect me is to drop me of in the human world! Then, while I was mentally cursing up a storm, I came to a realization. My new parents didn't even bother to give me a name.
Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/12602631/1/A-Self-Inserts-troublesome-adventure