Chapter 94 – Give Me Your Balls! Part 2

~ A Short While Later ~

"Oi, six energy signatures just showed up and split into groups of four," Jeice reported, his energy sense sharp as ever.

"Hmmm, it looks like we have one set of readings registering around 4,000 each, another hovering near 10,000 each, one at 13,000, and the last peaking at 14,000," Burter stated the figures, even though it was redundant. "Captain, should we split?"

Ginyu hemmed and hawed, his fingers stroking his chin in deep consideration. His usual flamboyant manner was briefly replaced by a calculating seriousness. The team knew better than to interrupt him during these moments of reflection.

"Hmm, splitting up might be a strategic option," Ginyu mused aloud, his voice nearly lost in the howling wind. "It could help us cover more ground and handle these groups more efficiently."

He paused, then continued, "But at the same time, splitting up could also leave us vulnerable if these energy signatures are more than they appear." Ginyu looked at each of his team members, assessing their readiness and the potential risks involved.

When Ginyu spoke again, his tone was brimming with confidence in his team's collective might.

"This should realistically be a walk in the park for us, no? Most of these signatures are not even one-fifth of our power, so we shouldn't anticipate too much trouble. Lord Frieza did make it clear that we need to wrap this up quickly, so let's just get to it."

He paused for a moment, a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. "The usual protocol, folks. First come, first served. Call out your dibs now."

Recoome, brimming with eagerness and excitement, was practically vibrating with anticipation. He was clearly primed for action, waiting only for Ginyu's command. Before Ginyu had even finished speaking, Recoome's hand shot up, and his booming voice filled the air.

"Vegeta and Nappa! I call dibs on Vegeta and Nappa! Let's GOOO!"

The rest of the Ginyu Force exchanged looks of exasperation and amusement. They were well-acquainted with Recoome's enthusiasm for…certain opponents and knew better than to contest his choices unless they wanted to face him themselves. They just weren't entirely sure which energy signatures belonged to the Saiyans.

"Which of the four is that, mate?" Jeice asked patiently.

"That one!" Recoome declared with confidence, pointing decisively in the direction of his three o'clock. He took a deep breath, his nose twitching as he added, "I can smell them!"

The rest of the Ginyu Force exchanged funny glances. They didn't exactly have a history of relying on Recoome's nose, so they knew it was all nonsense. Nevertheless, they kept silent, respecting Recoome's choice.

Ginyu gave Recoome an approving nod. "Excellent, have fun, buddy," he said with a touch of resignation. He then looked over the rest of his squad, noting Guldo's presence. "I'll handle the two smaller ones with Guldo. He needs more practice dealing with multiple opponents on his own, so this will be a good chance for him to get some experience in."

The rest of the team acknowledged Ginyu's decision with nods of acceptance.

"I'll take the highest of the other two," Jeice said confidently.

Burter, as laid-back as ever, shrugged and added, "Guess I'm the slowest this time. What a change of pace. Alright, I'll take the last one then."

With everyone's targets now assigned, Recoome's excitement soared to new heights.

"Okay, okay, let's GOOO!" he roared with boundless enthusiasm. Ignoring any and all further instructions, Recoome bolted, his speed creating a gust of wind that boomed through the air as he sped away.

The remaining members of the Ginyu Force watched in exasperation as Recoome's figure quickly receded into the distance. The group remained in their formation, minus Recoome, and continued to fly together in a somewhat awkward silence.

Jeice broke the silence with a deep sigh. "You know, I reckon I'll miss those two," he said suddenly. "Nappa had some of the best one-liners, and Vegeta wasn't that much of an arse once you got to know him a bit."

"Speak for yourself, dude. The only one I actually liked in their squad was Alpha." Burter's reply had a note of finality as if closing a chapter on a somewhat bittersweet memory.

The rest of the Ginyu Force chorused "Alpha!" with collective fondness. They all remembered the excitable and exceptionally intelligent little Saibaman, who had left a lasting impression on them. His energy and enthusiasm for their silly antics had been a rare bright spot in their otherwise grim career.

The little Saibaman must have been a mutant too, but he was just too weak to officially join their squad.

"Such an impressionable and energetic little misfit," Ginyu said softly, nostalgia forming a wistful smile on his lips. "I'll miss that little bugger."

"Umm, Captain, Saibamen don't have any balls. Alpha should be okay as long as Recoome remembers there's nothing to retrieve from Alpha."

Ginyu, momentarily taken aback by Guldo's interjection, turned to the usually quiet member of the Ginyu Force and nodded in agreement.

"Hey, you're right, Gul! Saibamen don't reproduce like most species, so Recoome shouldn't be too rough on him. If he survives this, let's officially induct him regardless, since he'll be without a squad."

The rest of the team nodded in approval of this decision.

"But damn, Vegeta really managed to piss off Lord Frieza. Issuing an order to utterly violate the Universal Fighting Bro Code is pretty extreme, even for Lord Frieza. So let's take it somewhat easy on them, alright?" Ginyu paused, his expression growing serious. "But remember, we still need to bring in our targets in good condition for Lord Frieza's plans."

The unified cry of "Roger!" rang out, affirming the Ginyu Force's understanding and readiness.

"Jeice, anything to add as Vice-Captain?" Ginyu asked, turning slightly to include Jeice in his sights.

"Nah."

"Excellent."

Without missing a beat, Ginyu raised his hand to signal the next phase of their operation. "Scatter!" he commanded.

With that, the Ginyu Force dispersed, each member heading towards their designated opponents.

~ A Little While Later: Gohan and Krillin ~

"We're FUUUCCKKED!!!" Krillin screamed, his voice cracking with sheer terror as he sensed an overwhelming energy signature closing in. His eyes widened in panic, and tears were on the verge of spilling as he flailed his arms wildly.

Gohan wasn't faring much better. His face was set in a determined grimace, but his anxiety was evident from his sweat-soaked brow. He pushed himself harder, pouring all his energy into flying faster, but the ever-closing distance of the approaching power made their efforts seem increasingly futile.

The sense of dread grew sharper as their path was abruptly blocked. Two imposing figures descended from above with precise coordination. One was a towering, purple alien with a menacing stature and two sharp spikes crowning his head. The other was a short, green alien with a grotesque number of eyes that seemed to glare in all directions at once.

In perfect unison, the two aliens performed a dramatic superhero landing while still in mid-air. The tall purple one landed with a powerful "thud," while the green alien landed lightly. They struck their pose, their stances radiating an aura of justice as if they were making a grand debut against despicable villains.

Krillin and Gohan, gripped by terror, gulped simultaneously. Their hands shook as they instinctively assumed their battle stances, bracing themselves for what was to come.

"The two of you are shorter than I expected," Ginyu commented, clearly disappointed. He gave the two a dismissive glance. "And less green. And less imposing. But, well, orders are orders." He turned to Guldo and gave him a nudge. "All yours, Gul. Just try to leave their balls intact when you tear them off."

Guldo nodded in agreement, his four eyes blinking erratically without any apparent rhythm.

"…wait, tear?! WHAT?!" Krillin wailed.

Krillin was on the verge of begging for Vegeta's forgiveness for the atrocities the Saiyan Prince had suffered on Earth. He can't deal with this kind of cosmic karma! He's still a virgin!!

~ At the Same Time: Ajax ~

Ajax's senses, on high alert, immediately picked up a shift in the environment. His eyes narrowed, and a faint frown appeared at the corners of his mouth. To anyone who couldn't sense Ki as precisely as he could, the disturbance would have gone unnoticed—just a subtle shift in the air that might've seemed perfectly normal. But for Ajax, an adept user of external Ki manipulation, the anomaly was glaringly obvious.

Someone was trying to take control of the airspace around him.

Well, excuse the hell out of you. Who the fuck does this person think they are? Ajax would be damned if he just let this invasion go unchallenged. He came to a sudden halt and turned sharply to confront the still-unseen adversary.

At the same time, Ajax extended his own energy outward, weaving it through the environment like threads of a tapestry. His energy probed and countered the foreign energy in an invisible battle for dominance of the space around him.

Thanks to Nappa's brief introduction, Ajax had already pieced together his opponent's identity. Clearly, Jeice's mutation had granted him far more than just "energy control." That must've been the understatement of the century!

Before long, Jeice appeared, stopping a short distance from Ajax. His eyes darted around in visible shock as if struggling to make sense of what he was seeing. Eventually, his gaze settled onto Ajax, his expression a mix of disbelief and curiosity.

"You—you can do this too? You're a mutant, yeah?" Jeice stuttered, pointing accusingly at Ajax. His tone softened, almost pleading. "Like me?"

Oh, hell no! Ajax had no intention of dealing with Jeice's unresolved emotional baggage. Switching sides to align with Frieza was out of the question, and he wouldn't trust the elite if he suddenly changed allegiance either. Ajax wasn't about to risk exposing everyone to potential betrayal just because he felt sorry for Jeice's sob story, whatever it might be. So, with an alliance being impossible, only one of them was going to walk away from this alive.

Getting attached to Jeice would only be a liability, so Ajax ignored Jeice's question and focused entirely on the clash of Ki between them.

Unfortunately, fighting Jeice in Ki control felt eerily similar to sparring with Kami during Ki training. And that does not bode well, since Ajax had never won against Kami in terms of Ki control.

Jeice, noticing Ajax's indifference, raised an eyebrow. With a reluctant sigh, he withdrew his presence from Ajax's immediate vicinity.

Ajax blinked in surprise at the sudden absence of Jeice's energy. Their respective energies immediately fused into their surroundings, creating a visual and sensory divide reminiscent of the meeting of two oceans of distinct salinities. Their energies clashed at the invisible boundary between them where the two "oceans" met.

Across the expanse of the sky, the two warriors locked eyes.

Jeice cleared his throat.

"Well, er, I was dispatched by Lord Frieza to retrieve your balls," he started awkwardly. "But, uh, seeing as you're a mutant much like myself, I'm having second thoughts."

A heavily pregnant silence followed.

"…wait, what you say?" Ajax could not believe his fucking ears. He stared at Jeice, convinced that he MUST have heard that wrong.

Jeice, looking a bit sheepish, clarified, "Your sexual reproductive organ."

Oh, so Ajax did not hear that wrong.

Ajax's face scrunched up at the absurdity of the situation, looking as if he had just bitten into a particularly sour lemon. "Are you sure you haven't misunderstood Frieza?" he asked, completely baffled. "What the hell is an asexual lizard going to do with those?"

Jeice shrugged his shoulders with a helpless expression.

"Look, mate, I don't know. I'm just following orders. Lord Frieza told us to get 'their balls back,' and that's the extent of my knowledge." His tone was defensive as if trying to distance himself from the whole situation.

Ajax kept staring at Jeice, realizing the situation was quickly slipping away from what he had anticipated. He knew he should clear up the misunderstanding before things got any more chaotic. Though Ajax was concerned about relinquishing the informational advantage, he was even more concerned about the Ginyu Force actually succeeding in their bizarre mission.

"Jeice, listen—"

But Jeice interrupted Ajax with a look of bewilderment. "You know who I am?" he asked, pointing at himself in surprise.

"Your reputation precedes you. I'm a big fan," Ajax lied smoothly, almost as naturally as he breathed. "But let's refocus on your mission. Frieza actually sent you to retrieve the Dragon Balls. You know, those legendary wish-granting orbs that Vegeta stole and killed Zarbon for."

Ajax illustrated the shape of the Dragon Ball with snappy gestures in the air, his fingers tracing a large imaginary sphere.

"Oh," Jeice blinked, staring at Ajax. His expression shifted from confusion to realization as the pieces fell into place, and his face lit up with a sudden epiphany. "OHHH!"

The Frieza Force elite straightened up and raised a palm, signaling for a pause. "Wait, time out, hold on. I need to make a call."

Ajax granted Jeice the time to make his call since he didn't particularly want the Ginyu Force to have any extra motivations or misunderstandings that might…complicate matters further. It was clear that clarifying the situation was in everyone's best interest, especially if it meant avoiding any potentially traumatic gender "re-adjustments."

Senzu beans only heal physical injuries, you know?

…

…

…wait, does Piccolo even have a dick?

~ At the Same Time: Piccolo ~

"Hey, what's up! I'm Burter!"

Piccolo's instincts kicked in as he skidded to a sudden stop, narrowly avoiding a collision with the blue alien who had abruptly materialized in front of him amid crackles of blue lightning. The alien's appearance was so sudden that Piccolo's senses hadn't even registered the movement. One moment the alien wasn't there; the next, he was.

Piccolo's eyes narrowed in recognition, and without hesitation, he fired a powerful blast from his hands directly at Burter from nearly point-blank range. The energy surged forward at blistering speed, but to Piccolo's shock, the blast passed right through the blue alien as if he were nothing more than a mirage.

Before the blast had even traveled five meters, Piccolo felt a disconcerting sensation—a casual arm draped over his left shoulder, as if the alien were an old friend. His eyes widened in disbelief. The sudden, mocking familiarity of the touch felt both taunting and patronizing.

In complete reflex, Piccolo's arms shot out to the left at top speed, aiming to dislodge the unexpected hold. However, as his arm passed through the space where Burter had been, he found that the offending arm on his left had already draped itself effortlessly over his right.

Piccolo's face flashed with alarm. The alien had already shifted to his other side and was now casually draping an arm around his shoulders again!

What was this speed?!

Piccolo whipped his head around, his eyes locking onto Burter with disbelief and mounting shock.

Burter's smirk grew wider, clearly entertained by Piccolo's reaction. He said teasingly, "What, you didn't see that coming?"

Now fully aware of Burter's speed and the threat it posed, Piccolo flared his energy and unleashed a powerful Kiai with a fierce shout. However, the Kiai had done nothing more than pass through the space where Burter had been, the enemy having vanished once more in a dazzling burst of blue sparks.

Burter reappeared a few meters in front of Piccolo. In his hand, he held several torn pieces of cloth, the fabric fluttering slightly as if stirred by a gentle breeze.

Very familiar pieces of cloth.

Piccolo glanced down, his eyes widening in shock as he saw his crotch exposed through his torn pants. For a moment, he stood frozen, struggling to process the sheer audacity. He had to admit, this was a completely new type of attack for him—something he could never have imagined in his most bizarre of dreams.

Burter, meanwhile, looked down at his empty hand, equally flabbergasted. His usual cheerful demeanor wavered as he realized he had grabbed nothing but air. His face gradually turned pink, the color spreading from his neck to his cheeks. It was unclear whether the flush was from anger, frustration, or sheer embarrassment at the unexpected turn of events.

The two fighters stood in an awkward standoff, both equally gobsmacked. The silence between them was thick and uncomfortable.

Finally, Burter couldn't hold it in any longer.

"What the actual fuck! This is impossible! You don't even HAVE balls! It's smooth down there! How the hell am I supposed to complete this mission?!"

Piccolo's eyes twitched. He quickly used his clothesbeam to repair and reassemble his outfit, restoring his modesty. His face, still flushed with rage, twisted into a snarl. "What are you even on about?!"

"I've been ordered by Lord Frieza to take your balls as soon as possible, then kill you. But you don't freaking have any!"

Piccolo's face showed utter disbelief. The situation was so absurd it bordered on comical, and he gave Burter a look that clearly said, Are you kidding me?

"Wait, did I mess up?" Burter's voice held a note of genuine confusion.

At that moment, Burter's scouter emitted a series of beeps, signaling an incoming call. He glanced at the device before quickly accepting the conference call, his movements hurried and slightly flustered. The scouter crackled to life, and Jeice's voice came through loud enough for Piccolo to hear.

"Dragon Balls!" Jeice's voice blared through the scouter. "Lord Frieza wants us to retrieve the wish-granting Dragon Balls from that ancient Namekian legend—not their literal balls!"

Burter's eyes widened in sudden realization, his mouth forming an 'O' shape as understanding dawned on him. He snapped his fingers with a triumphant gesture, playfully mimicking a finger gun and breaking into a wide grin. The 'aha' moment was unmistakable as he put it all together.

"OHHH!!" Ginyu's voice in the background echoed the same realization.

Faintly, Krillin's cry of relief could be heard too.

Guldo, also on the call, added with a hesitant but concerned tone, "Recoome's not answering. Do you guys think he could figure it out?"

The remaining members of the Ginyu Force winced in unison at the mental image that flashed through their minds. The thought of Recoome blithely carrying out the mission with the wrong instructions was just…yikes.

"Ooooh, Vegeta, that poor chap…" Jeice's voice came through the scouter, filled with sympathy and a hint of mournful understanding.

Burter, however, had a different reaction. He erupted into loud, raucous laughter.

"OH SHIT!! Recoome! Vegeta and Nappa are fucked! Literally! Ahahahahaha!"

~ At the Same Time: Vegeta and Nappa ~

"Someone's coming, Vegeta!" Nappa's voice cut through the air urgently as he flew alongside his prince. His eyes darted around anxiously, scanning the horizon behind them for any sign of the incoming figure.

"Who is it?! It's only a one-in-four chance!"

Nappa suddenly went pale, his usual confidence replaced by utter panic. "It's, it's…!" His voice trailed off, faltering as he struggled to find the words.

Before either of them could react, a powerful blast of air swept around them, and in an instant, a large, imposing figure appeared, blocking their path.

With theatrical flair, Recoome twirled mid-air with the elegance of a prima ballerina. He then struck a dramatic pose, standing on his tiptoes as if concluding a magnificent performance. His hands rested by his sides, palms facing downward, reminiscent of Iron Man.

Recoome's smile was almost "romantic."

"Hiya, darlings.~" His voice was dripping with an over-the-top sweetness. "Fate has favored us! Destiny has smiled at us! The long wait is over because Lord Frieza has finally given us his blessing! We shall have such fun! Together!~"

"OH GOD!!!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

"Pull down your pants, boys!~"