Chapter 1: New diary, new me

[April 19, 20XX]

I'm so bored…

I don't know why I need to write this or if it'll even work, but here we go.

Well, dear dear diary, ugh so gross I just got chills.

My name is Yordan.

I guess that's all for today.

[April 22, 20XX]

Ok, Mr. Gray told me that I should try harder, the therapists are so annoying but I promised that I would do it, so let's try.

I won't write that dear diary crap every time, but at least I'll try to "express myself" more just like Mr. Gray said.

[April 27, 20XX]

I almost forgot this even exists if it wasn't for the friendly reminder from Mr. Gray.

I suppose that this boring idea of a diary would occur to someone just as boring as Mr. Gray, I mean, what kind of name is John Fisher? So common, that's why I prefer to call him Mr. Gray is more interesting and even gives it a mysterious touch.

[April 28, 20XX]

Well, nothing interesting happened today either, except for Nils who was bothering me all day to go with him to his soccer camp.

I didn't even think about it and refused, if I go with him, I'll probably die of boredom, nothing ever happens in those camps.

Oh yes, dear dear diary, I seriously hate that. Let me introduce you to our Nikolas or better known as Nils, well, at least to me. You'll see our Nikolas hates being called by any nickname, he feels uncomfortable, but being childhood friends, I mean, lifelong acquaintances and brothers from different mothers, it is very formal for me to call him Nikolas, besides it is so long , no no, it's too rigid, so I've always called him Nils, although at first he got very angry hahaha but he accepted it because it was either that or coke since the kolas in his name is like coca cola, so in short it would be coke, oh I'm a nickname genius, in the end he obviously accepted because between coke and Nils we all know which one is the best option.

[April 30, 20XX]

Today my mother cried again, all because of me, I had never seen her so sad, well until everything was ruined for a while because of me. I guess when dad died, she must have been devastated, she was too young back then to even know what it's like to be sad, despite that I've never seen her depressed at any time, who knew? I have become worse than a dead person, at least he hurt her with her departure, but I with my presence.

I don't know what to do, despite the fact that I promised that I would change and it would be better, nothing will fix the damage that I caused back then.

[May 1, 20XX]

Something so funny happened today dear diary I really wanted to share this with you.

Turns out I'm Chinese can you believe it? While I was eating something with Nils a man suddenly came out of nowhere just to insult us because it turns out that Chinese people who don't even speak the same language as them are not welcome there, I was so surprised, after so many years I found out that I'm Chinese, thank you very much dear and rude stranger for revealing my origins. Ok, leaving all jokes aside, obviously he took a beating, not from me of course, I'm trying to be more peaceful and plead for peace, but obviously our dear Nils doesn't think the same, in the end everything worked out, and we even left with a free meal as an apology from the owner.

Continuing with my origin story, apparently and very clearly, I'm of Asian origin, and in case I have not mentioned it before I'm adopted shhh let's keep it a secret, we don't want anyone to know that a 16-year-old boy with Asian features looks nothing like a white woman who calls herself her mother.

Joke, is a joke hahaha you don't have to be a genius to figure out the situation, it has never been a secret, and let me tell you here among us that I have never cared at all where I came from or the life I had before being abandoned in an orphanage somewhere in Asia. I don't even want to know, but for some reason even though I've told my mom many times, she's still nervous that I would want to meet my biological parents or more about my culture, to tell the truth, just with the simple fact of knowing that I was abandoned is reason enough to never want to find out, I don't care about the reasons about their reasons to do it, whether it was out of necessity or something else.

I have never felt sad about being adopted, even I feel happy and grateful to my parents for choosing me, I mean, I have a wonderful mother so incredible that I don't even deserve her, even after having hurt her so much she has never abandoned or lost hope in me, she has always treated me like a real son.

And if this stupid diary helps anything, then I'll keep writing it, I want to be a better person and son that my mother can be proud of.