Back home

Next few days were quite a train wreck for me.

Seeing my parent alive again brought all kind of emotions. Deadline for just short of few months did not help at all. And Petunia bitchy behaviour when she visited to drop insults and talk about Vernon just robbed me all wrong way.

Finally in Friday evening I had enough and decided to talk to them.

"Mom, Dad there are some things that I need to talk to you about" I said as soon as we finished our dinner.

After that we moved in living room and I explained all hidden things that Professor don't tell new muggleborn parents. I covered all about my possibilities for the future as is and how it's going to be hard to roll back to muggle world with no education for school and college. I did a brief overview of the customs and expectations for witches from wizard world and possibility to sell myself out for gold and support to have any prospects in career. I finished it up with current political climate and possible civil war for future development.

They were both horrified and quite distressed.

"I told you all of this because I think you need to know what is going on. I was lucky to have a Professor interested in my future to actually explain it to me. So here we are."

"What can we do?" Asked my father. While mom was still holding her hand to cover her mouth and silently crying.

"Not much. I am looking for options. I have two more years to sort it out. I promise to keep you updated."

"How about Severus? You did not explain why he did not go back with us this time"

"He is in difficult situation as well. He had to visually distance himself. Don't worry it's just pretend. I am going to see him tomorrow. But yes, due to political climate - he has to distance himself to be able to move forward for his own benefit. He has no gold to his name but he is good with potions and has more options to make name for himself.

On that note, I am plaining to arrange potion course for you both. Again it's something that nobody talk but there is an option to make potions work for muggles. It will help to get back some years for you back. Who know maybe you will be able to make me one more sister that is not so biased."

Mom blushed and laughed after that.

After that we spoke about possibilities to reintegrate me back to muggle world.

Magic can do a lot and can cut expenses quite efficiently. I've got a list of questions that need to be answered.

First year spell reparo can revert object to unbroken state. I don't know if any one thought about it before and keep it silent or disregarded idea on legal base.

It doesn't count as enchanting and if objects don't reverse back to broken state, it might be a viable option to have incom.

Car market is growing and from Harry's memories it will keep growing. It is possible to make income without full hours commitments, specially with magic.

I can open auto shop and fix cars with quick spell work. To mask it all I can do all regular auto shop works like oil change, cleaning (again another first year spell) and other similar tasks quite easily.

Dad promised to look for all needed paper work and how much it will cost. Unfortunately he have to do it under his name, because I am not going to be creditable to get loan.

I have to find out if I can get in any legal troubles with Magic Law Enforcement and learn if reparo spell has any long term effects.

Also dad promised to find any needed mechanical educational materials. I will needed it just to have a general idea what I am doing, learn vocabulary and if needed to pretend to do actual work. He has some friends that do some mechanical work on his car and it's going to be a good starting point.

—

Next day I was in much better mood with viable possibilities or at least general idea how I can get away and secure my life in a way that keep me free from wizard world clutches.

It will give me safety net to finish my mastery in charms. Even if it's going to be ten years later. Witches and wizards live much longer and having mastery at 30 or even 40 is not so big deal to me.

War on another side is quite hard issue in near future.

It was in that mood I came to our spot next to old tree near river.

Severus was already here and he probably came here even before sun rise.

I sit next to him and passed him a sandwich I made this morning. Thermos with black tea landed between us.

"Morning Sev"

He was deep in thoughts and barely reacted to my appearance.

"I guess cleansing ritual and flush potion gave you quite a shock"

Only then he turned to me and said:

"How did you know? I was always checking my food and routine check for curses and potions in food just common sence in Slytherin"

"I was cursed. When you came, it was just few hours short since I broke curse via sheer luck and will power. It was anchored to our friendship and it was something quite dark. I got soul scars Sev"

"Fuck!"

"Fuck indeed. So what changed for you?"

He put both his hands into his clean hair and breathed out nervously.

"It was unbalancing me and feeding my anger, obsessions and desires. Hate as well."

"So long term influence for you and short term but quite nasty for me. Any idea who is behind?"

"Black and Malfoy"

"Not just Malfoy or just Black?"

"No no. I think Malfoy just wanted me to go deeper in Dark arts and then have a benefits from prodigy potion master. Black on another side had something to prove Potter after…"

He visibly winced.

It was years later, when I found out about incident in Shrieking Shark. I was vivid with Sirius and he avoided me for a while. It took James some time to convince me to calm down, but I never forget it.

"I got it. Sorry I did not believe you before. Let's move back to Black."

"Yeah, what is better way to prove himself if he can drive me away so Potter have a clean way to you without me being around."

"It is hard to prove Sev. But I will be careful around him. Promise. What you gonna do about Malfoy?"

"Well, I have to keep my head down. I got sympathy filled letter from Narcissa about our "break up" literally next morning. All sweet promises and future that is open for me now. So I will keep pretending that …. Yeah. Also I will distance from everyone. I will play along with idea of "broken hearts" and dive in into potion making. I am sure that everyone will forget about it just to keep their supplies on time."

"Sev, there is something you need to know"

When he turned to me with worry in his eyes, I cut it right to the point.

"I am lesbian"

He looked so surprised and quite different to James that I couldn't stop myself from giggling.

Then I saw that his brain got caught to implications and he whispered:

"You should keep it quiet!"

"Yeah, I know. It's actually Slughorn who explained it to me."

"He did? How did he know?"

"Well he is not blind and have expirience. Talking about him. We had a talk about my opinions for the future as a muggleborn. You know, sickles worth work hours and all that jazz. Of course he explained marriage contacts as well"

"Oh fuck Lily! I did not think about that…. Fuck."

"Yeah. So here we are. We need solid plan for safety checks and make sure we did not get cursed or potioned for next few years. And some ideas how to do not ended up dead."

"Yeah, I think flush potion just in case once a month. It will be toxic to do it more often. I will try to improve it, of cource. I will write you down all Slytherin spells for curse and potion checks. How are we going to keep in contact during school year? We need something to trigger warning if another need flush potion or help to setup cleansing ritual?"

"I am going to work on proterian charm as soon as we back. We cannot meet in person, it is too risky. How about leaving message in library? Remember Conan Doyle Dancing Men code?"

"That should work for a while I think."

"Okay. I will make you a copy of the cipher. Talking about potions. Can you do a set of potions to improve health of my parents? I will cover expenses. Actually no, my parents are going to pay for that. That's going to be your official order" I smiled to him briefly.

"That would be a bit hard. I need runic array and I have no information on that. With low ambient magic level here it will not be potent enough "

"I actually have it memorized, but I will send mail to Sloghorn just to see if he can send me copy."

He looked a bit in awe at me and then frown again.

"Still, it will be hard to make."

After some silence, I changed topic:

"I invited Marlene to go to muggle London"

He looked at me, and then with a smile said:

"Are you going to date her?"

It got me surprised and I looked at him with open mouth.

"What, you think I will not connect dots? Lily I know you since before Hogwarts! I saw how you ogled her few times!"

"I did not!" I exclaimed alarmly.

"Oh you did" now he was smiling so hard it was probably hurting.

"You prat!" I hit him in shoulder.

He just laughed at me.

"So, Marlene. What's your plan."

"Well, we will go on some shopping, lunch or dinner. Walk around tourists check points back in London. Get her comfortable in muggle word a bit."

"Well, good luck on your date then."

"Thank you Sev. You are real friend here" and then I have him hug for all that years that I miss him.

—

We spent some time to rehash our plans, what need to be done for potions.

I got back home in time to catch owl with a mail from Marlene that she allowed to go to muggle London next Saturday. I wrote quick note back, asking her about what she going to wear. Wizard and witches has ridiculous understanding of muggle fashion and I need her to wear something adequate.

"Mom! I got mail from Marlene, next Saturday we are going to meetup and spend some time in non magical London!" I said coming to kitchen.

"Oh! Do you have a plan dear?"

"I do, I actually want to do some shopping as well."

"You do need to update your wardrobe. Some nice dresses are not going to be amiss. Maybe talk to Petunia? Sure she can give you advice on current fashion trends"

I am not sure about that mom, I thought to myself and making face.

"Join me" she said, and sat at the kitchen table.

She did a deep breath in and out.

"So you are sixteen and I knew it will come soon but it caught me unexpectedly"

I looked at her with confusion.

"I am sure by now you notices all that interesting sensations in your tummy and down in your privates by now."

"Mom!!!"

"There is nothing to be ashamed about. I have the same talk to Petunia not long time ago and she brought Vernon just next month after."

With a horror and fascination I was looking at this scene that never happen last time around.

"What I need you to promise me that you will never do what you are not ready for and don't let boys to dictate or manipulate you to do what you don't want to. And if you feel like something is like that is going to happen, get away immediately. I am sure you have this romantic notion about sex. Well you need to know that young boys have no clue what they are doing and you should not expect your first time to be anything but a bit gross and painful."

With a horror on my face I was not able to even squeeze a word out.

"I have a book prepared for you. It cover in details all about sex and how you can prepare yourself and what to expect and how to get positive experience . Of cource we are not going to tell Dad about it. I don't think he is ready to even contemplate such idea as a boyfriend for his little princes."

"What I want you to do, is tell me when you meet a boy for a date, his name and where you are going. No need to use your friends to cover it, alright?"

At that point the situation was so absurd that I started to just giggle trying hard to bite on my finger.

I think my mom decided that I am going on a date with someone and use Marlene to cover for us and decided to give the TALK.

"Mom" I tried to squeeze out between giggles.

"Don't worry darling, I was young as well and understand appear and curiosity. I asked my friends to cover too, when I was on first dates with boys. There is a chapter about pregnancy prevention. I want you carefully read it and if you don't know maybe ask older girl friends from your school what they use it as well?"

"I … like … girls, Mom" I squeezed out between catching breath.

"Oh!" I was watching how my confession got understood and processed. Confusion, eureka moment, implications and finally realization what she just told me right now.

"Are you sure darling?"

"Quite. I was sure for some time already. Even Severus noticed it" I added with laughter.

"Ah, I see. I thought he was in love with you for a while. I assume you told him?"

"Yeah, just today"

"How did he get this news?"

"Quite supportive actually. And while we are on this topic, let me explain how it perceived in magical world"

I went on details about what I know now and all complexity for me due to that. We spoke a bit about "OUTREACH: LESBIANS AND GAY MEN" live show on American WNET that happen just recently and all that followed newspaper coverage and mixed reaction in society.

It was nice to be out of closet and actually talk to mom about all that. I missed her so much.

We spoke for hours doing home work, laundry and cooking.