Chapter Seven: If you want to be strong, win yourself

I had never liked to get lost looking at the horizon. I had always been a very concrete person rather than a dreamer. I wished that reality mingled with the knowledge that we all, hanging on the same thread of fate, had a hope of taking back our freedom. I was sitting on the grass with my back relaxed against the bark of the tree in which I clasped my legs to my chest. It had been two days since the last defeat, or rather, since the last fight, and I had lost no points, except by acquiring them. I spent more time reflecting on my shortcomings, near that tree, looking at the horizon.

A flock of birds circled in the sky, passing over my head, while a bitter, weak smile furrowed my full lips. My hair was disheveled and gathered in a low bun, for I had no desire to fix myself and make myself presentable. The bags under my eyes answered the question: "How are you?" instead of using words.

I didn't feel like talking or reasoning or moving.

I just wanted ... to be left alone.

Edward had awakened from his extended sleep only the day before and, needless to say, in my presence began to rail at me. Without the presence of Rivaille and Sienna holding him motionless on the bed, I was certain that a punch in the face would not be removed. Sighing, I moved an annoying strand of hair behind my ear.

Was I ...tired? Tired of my life? Tired of breathing? Maybe, I was.

Suddenly I heard a croaking sound coming from in front of the entrance to the facility. I was not far from the duty station and could hear what others were saying without sounding like a busybody. Edmund and his companions were discussing among themselves. I saw that the three boys I had met in the field: Noah, Ethan, and Peter-were there as well.

They seemed very close-knit, despite Noah poking Edmund repeatedly, with Ethan staying to watch over them and Peter trying to calm their boiling spirits.

"Noah, you bastard, I told you that you must stop standing in my way. You're just a damned envious man!" Edmund, astonished, exclaimed, turning to Noah who was looking down on him, being a few inches taller than him.

Noah sneered under his mustache, clasping his arms to his chest in an overbearing manner. "Would you like to surpass me? Really, Edmund Yeager? You're just a stubborn kid who looks like he wants to get himself killed every time we're in the field."

"Leave him alone, Noah!" Rebutted the only girl among them.

"Come on, guys..." Peter muttered, rubbing the back of his head uncomfortably.

"...So what?" blurted Edmund in an overbearing tone, ignoring Peter and the girl who had good intentions of intervening, "I have a valid reason to hate him."

Obstinate and acerbic, two adjectives that characterized Edmund Yeager.

I closed my eyes and threw my head back, inhaling deeply. It was preferable to stop them before they reached the hands from which Rivaille had prepared them for practice.

I lifted myself off the ground and dusted off my black pants, shaking off the remnants of blades of grass and dirt. I caught up with them, but they were so focused on bickering that they did not notice that I had pulled them back.

The others stood by, some in silence and others, like a girl who was eating a blade of grass, watched the situation with curious eyes.

They swallowed noisily when they noticed my presence at their side. They would surely have thought that I would teach them a lesson for their undisciplined and disreputable behavior, since we had lost most of the army soldiers from the two Divisions and were mourning our comrades. But no, at that moment I didn't feel like kicking people. I felt like interacting with someone, since I had spent two days in solitary confinement.

I raised an eyebrow and closed my arms under my abundantly prosperous breasts, highlighted by my long-sleeved, tight-fitting T-shirt. I did not speak, waiting for the two, before getting physical in my presence, to calm down and nip that argument in the bud. Arguing about who was stronger, smarter, more determined in pursuit of their goal, was understandable. Either way, however, Edmund and Noah were poised between provoking reaction and fisticuffs.

"Have you concluded?" I asked simply, as the two boys simultaneously turned their heads toward me and widened their eyes surprised to see me. Edmund straightened his back, taking on a hard expression. Noah, on the other hand, dropped his arms along his sides and frowned. "You have interrupted my quiet, but I don't blame you. Now please explain to me all this rivalry between you two. You're supposed to be a team." He fell into a noisy silence, in which only the girl's jaw could be heard munching on a blade of grass. I shifted my gaze to Peter, who smiled at me, grateful and dejected at the same time.

"Excuse us, General Schwarz. We didn't mean to cause any trouble or confusion, but it's business as usual now between Edmund and Noah. They have been in constant competition since we graduated."

"Um..." I mumbled, thoughtful. "Actually, I would just like to know the reason for such rivalry. Have you ever thought of breaking this rivalry by fighting? Of course, not by ravaging the common room, rattling Captain Rivaille, but simply by challenging each other as if it were a kind of training..." I specified, shifting my gaze first to Edmund and then to Noah. " In compensation, whoever wins within a quarter of the start of the challenge can face me." I proposed, regretting in a few thousandths of a second.

Why would I challenge rookies? Had I become so desperate?

Noah's lips painted themselves into a menacing sneer, shifting his gaze to Edmund. "Did you hear what the general just said? I'll finally be able to beat the crap out of you without anyone getting in the way."

Edmund, at the boy's provocation, clenched his hands into two tight fists and went under his muzzle. "We'll see who will beg for mercy between the two."

Noah growled and abruptly slammed his forehead against Edmund's, going so far as to threaten him with his eyes. I sighed and massaged the hollow of his nose with my index finger and thumb.

This is going to be harder than I thought.

"Is this how it works now?" The voice I knew well broke the competitive atmosphere.

"...Edward?" I did not even realize I had mentioned him aloud, from the moment the raven-haired boy behind me continued to stare blankly at me.

"Do you besiege recruits to vent your frustration at being so clueless as to get my comrades killed?" I clutched my shoulders at those harsh words. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, over my shoulder, catching sight of his large, veiled blue eyes, larger than usual, as full of anger as my own.

When would he realize that I was not his enemy?

"I see you have recovered..." I saw his upper lip lift, vibrating with anger.

"Do you mind having me around?" He asked indignantly. "Or would you have wanted to get rid of me, too?"

I closed my eyes and sighed. "I don't want to get rid of anyone, actually. Try not to overdo it." I simply replied, "And anyway, I'm not playing and I don't intend to take out my frustrations on the recruits. " I turned and reduced my gaze to two slits, "and never more so than in this case on you."

Edward gave a bitter smile and shook his head, pointing his index finger at me. "You know what? Go to hell!" He blurted out inviperately. "I don't need you, your fucking help and the fact that you try to save me every time to earn my trust. Rather I would have died along with my comrades. Instead you saved me and brought me back here to clear your conscience." He took a step forward, reestablishing the distance between the bodies. "I should have listened to Houston and left with him in the Custodia Corps....," I raised an eyebrow, "You're just a bitch!"

Houston. He had ruined my life. I had always been convinced that the black-eyed man had a specific goal. Yet, to be reduced to screwing him over and receiving everything as a reward in a short period of time puzzled me.

Why did he despise me so much?

"You're right that I'm a bitch, a coward...but this is not the way to deal with it," the boy squinted his eyes in amazement at my calm and resentful air, "I didn't decide to be the way I am. I didn't decide to face this life..." I was a nervous wreck; it was the straw that had broken the camel's back. Edward continued to look me hard in the eyes, and I tightened my shoulders more. "If you want to resign, do it. At least I will know that you are safe from now on."

Edward, resentful, looked away and stared at a still point, obscuring his face from the raven wisp that descended on his forehead. We remained like that, in silence: me with my fists clenched at my sides and him with his gaze fixed on the ground. Edmund and the others did not say a word about it, and I thanked them. I didn't want the problems with Edward to spill over to them as well. I was not that selfish. I gave a deep sigh for the thousandth time that day, not knowing what the hell to do anymore.

I changed course and made to leave, but a firm grip around my wrist curbed all my attempts. I remained motionless, my pupils widened more than normal, and slowly turned my head. Edward kept his head bowed, as if ashamed of that unexpected gesture. I wrinkled my forehead in disbelief.

"Edward?"

"I'm sorry!" Edward raised his head slowly, and I noticed how his cheeks had turned a beautiful pink.

"You...?" I blinked several times.

"Don't... don't make me repeat myself." He mumbled, taking on a hard expression on his face, although the blush on his cheeks betrayed it.

I opened my mouth to answer him, but nothing came out, because I had just stood there.

Edward loosened his grip from my wrist and, without another word, put his hands in his pockets and walked away.

Peter flanked me, while I kept my eyes on Edward's figure as he gradually moved away until he re-entered the facility where we were staying.

The boy at my side, he said, "You are strong, General Schwarz." Edward understood that too, despite your differences."

I looked at Peter and rippled my lips in a shy smile. "How can you tell?"

He chuckled embarrassedly, "Well..." "The last mission was a failure. Edmund was about to be kidnapped by that behemoth and, thanks to Captain Rivaille, he is here," he revealed. "So you and the Captain are more alike than you think. The good of others always comes first, and standing by your side means you are assured of a shield forever."

I smiled gratefully and ran a hand through his hair, disheveling it. I turned to the recruits and felt a sense of relief following those two days of agony.

"Well, guys...shall we start the challenge?" Peter, meanwhile, had turned all red.

Edmund's eyes lit up and he raised a fist to the level of his face. "Always!"

"You bet!" Noah retorted elatedly.

I pulled the jet and placed it to the side of the red sticker, allowing the hot water to run down the walls of the shower stall. I had recently finished training, and the boys had achieved nothing, although they had praised each other for their endurance. The result had been negative, the winner was not there. Therefore, without good reason, I said they could both challenge me.

Noah had ended up in the infirmary, while Edmund had been luckier, with only a bandaged head. Peter congratulated me, saying I had crazy strength, especially for knocking out two individuals with different but high characteristics. The only person who looked at me with indignation was the girl I had seen at the trial, whose name I did not know but only her face.

I took off my last garment, tossing it into the corner of the large shower I shared with the other girls. I threw myself under the spray and tipped my head back, allowing the warm water to beat against my skin, giving me relief.

I ran my hands through my hair and loosened it, biting my lip at the satisfaction I felt. It was dinner time and I was not very hungry, and I took the opportunity to be alone in the showers before the other girls' turn came.

I don't know how long I stayed under the stream, but the warmth of the water and the steam that wafted in relaxed my body. I slowly soaped each piece of skin and then moved on to my hair, keeping my eyes closed and vigorously massaging the skin.

"I finally found you!" I let out a breathless cry and gasped. I quickly flushed my eyes and opened them again, discovering Rivaille at the 'entrance to the showers with an amused and relaxed expression. I looked at him angrily for allowing myself to be caught off guard. "You should have locked the door, anyone could have come in." He added, running his transparent eyes over my naked body.

I realized too late the situation we were in and covered my breasts with my arms, giving him my back and clamping my thighs on each other. "What the hell are you doing here?" I emphasized annoyed, while he remained indifferent.

"I didn't see you at dinner." He reiterated. "So, I thought...."

"...Of sneaking into the girls' showers?" I concluded for him. Rivaille raised an eyebrow and nodded. "Now that you've found me, can you come out? I'd like to finish washing." I blurted out dryly, beginning to feel chills from the change in temperature.

Rivaille looked up. "I didn't think you were so shy...."

"Rivaille!" I shrieked, now red in the face.

"Okay, well..." she huffed and raised her hands as a sign of surrender. "I'm leaving!" and in saying this I heard his footsteps proceeding toward the exit.

I resumed breathing. "... Kesey?" I sighed, convinced that he had left the showers by now.

I turned my head slightly, just enough so I could look at him, "What's wrong?"

"It's been a heavy few days. Don't go to sleep without eating something first. You need the energy...." I nodded slowly.

"Yes, I will eat some leftovers...." I gave a small smile.

Rivaille returned the smirk almost invisibly. "I'll save you something, then," and walked off, leaving me to my privacy.