Chapter Eight: A Vicious Cycle

"You have to protect her. Die if you have to. Never reveal your location, though. We don't know how much time you have, but he is coming." The man was back in my nightmares. "Please take her away. A war will break out here!" I was only a child at the time, but I recognized the face of the hooded woman whose hand I had taken.

It was my mother.

"Philippe, are you asking me to sacrifice my life?!" The woman asked in a voice full of astonishment, whose grip on my hand became firmer and firmer. I did not feel even a bit of annoyance; I was so far from reality that if someone had slapped me in the face, I would have sensed nothing.

The man first looked at her with pleading eyes and then turned the same gaze to me, giving me a slight smile. "Yes, you must protect her until her last breath. It is our only chance to be free."

"Philippe!" sobbed the woman.

Philippe gritted his teeth and grabbed the woman by the shoulders, shaking her. "Listen to me... " he pressed two fingers over his eyes as if trying to regain the lucidity he had lost, "I am not asking you as a friend, but rather I am forcing you as your superior, Kara."

"But how can you force me to do such a thing?! I'm just a damn filthy woman who earns her bread by prostituting herself!" She exclaimed angrily, as hot tears streaked her face. "How can you expect me to protect the child?"

Seeing her in that state, I frowned and laid a hand on our already intertwined hands.

"Mommy?" The lady looked at me sharply and squinted tearlessly, thus also attracting the man's attention.

"Please, Kara." She murmured weakly, receiving a strange look from the latter.

The woman knelt down and took my face in her warm hands.

"Kesey, honey, would you like to go somewhere nice with... ", she said as she looked at Philippe, who nodded in assent, "your mother?" and finally looked at me, smiling at me with puffy eyes.

I smiled back. "Yes!"

Like a bucket of ice water, I suddenly woke up and gasped for breath. I looked around with my eyes slightly averted and brought a hand to my throat, feeling pressure at that very spot. I shifted the covers over my legs and rested my feet on the cold floor. It was just a nightmare. I shook my face nervously and gave a push to pull myself up.

I checked outside the window and noticed that it was still the middle of the night, so since sleep was no longer serving me, I decided to get dressed and go to the kitchen to make myself a brew.

When I reached the kitchen, I went in and turned on the stove, placing a pot with water on the stove. I waited patiently for it to boil and went to sit on a wooden chair placed in a blind corner of the room. My hair was slightly ruffled, so I brushed my bangs with my fingers, trying to fix them.

Before long the water reached the right temperature, and so I filled the teapot and added crushed black tea, stirring it with a teaspoon. I returned to sit in the chair, arranging my legs under the table, and slowly drank the liquid inside the teacup, holding it from the hook. The warmth of the tea began to give me a better feeling; at least the shaking of my legs and sweating had passed.

I rested a hand on the back of my neck to massage it, observing an indefinite point in front of me. It had been a long time since I had had that kind of enigmatic dream, and having it in the pitiful conditions of stress and insomnia certainly did not help to preserve my lucid state.

I huffed and rested my forehead on the wood of the table.

"If you keep staying in that position you will get a hunched back." I jerked back and lifted my head suddenly, squinting slightly at the speed emanating, and seeing black dots flash before my eyes.

Edmund passed into the kitchen, addressing me with a polite half-smile. "What... What are you doing awake?" I cleared my throat.

"Can I have some tea?" He asked rhetorically, pointing to the remaining water and the small jar the tea was in.

I nodded softly and massaged the back of my nose. "Go ahead." I replied, savoring my brew.

"Bad night?" I watched as he replenished his tea. He grabbed onto the back of the chair, pulling it off the table, and sat down.

"I was actually asleep, but I had a strange dream and couldn't get back to sleep." I explained vaguely. "You, why?"

"...I guess for the same thing." He replied slightly embarrassed, crossing his long, thin fingers on the table. "Ever since I discovered my behemoth nature, I have been dreaming of strange incidents at night that I couldn't give you a description of. I always feel under pressure, but I try my best to find a solution."

"Are you afraid of losing your mind again?" I took the cup, bringing it to my lips.

Edmund observed me deeply and then lowered his eyes to his hands. "...That's something I fear too, but it's not the feeling of losing control that distresses me." He sighed deeply.

"As a child, I would never have believed such a thing. And I don't know how to get out of it. In fact, every single day that goes by it's as if my anger multiplies or even quadruples in my search for the source of Truth."

"...But?" I raised an eyebrow, interested in his speech. "There is always a 'but' in every story that is told."

He sighed. "...But I have a strange feeling that sooner or later all this will backfire on me like a double-edged sword." He revealed, pausing. "...You know, she is the first person who believed the version of my story. I am the first person who does not know my nature, General... So, I thank you."

I finished drinking my tea and placed the empty cup on the table, pausing for a moment before responding. "When I entered the trial room, I tried to figure out what crime a boy your age could commit," I recounted, "in a way, I tried to rely on my instincts and trust your word." His gaze was focused on me. "We have the same goal of reaching the Truth; in ancient times it constituted superstitions and struggles among men. And later, the giants appeared... I wouldn't be surprised if I were to see a dragon any day now," I chuckled, receiving an amused chuckle from the boy.

"The difference between you and me is that I didn't choose to fight and be a soldier, while you ... did it to keep your goals high, Edmund." There was silence on his part and he continued, "I don't care about your behemoth nature or how it happened, each of us has hidden secrets from our past. Me, I'm just an ordinary whore's daughter, but she has always been my mother to the end. And if one day I find out that my past was just an attempt to delude myself about reality, I will fight by all means to take back what was mine and what will be mine." I moistened my dry lips and noted that he did not miss this detail, rapt. "Freedom, Truth and Peace."

It fell into silence where my eyes met the boy's limpid ones. I opened my mouth, with curiosity to ask him what he thought, but Edmund's lips rested forcibly on mine. In astonishment, I opened my eyes wide, stiffening, and rested a hand on his chest, instinctively pushing him away.

Edmund noticing the impulsive gesture, widened his eyes. "I'm really sorry, I don't know w-what came over me. I've been acting impulsively and I've wanted nothing more than to do that since I set foot in here. I-I'm sorry..."

I scrunched my lips and averted my gaze, directing it to every spot in the room, and then abruptly rose from my chair.

"General... I'm sorry, I...."

"No, it's okay," I swallowed. It wasn't okay at all. "I'd better go. Excuse me."

"Can I... Can I at least walk you to the door?"

I froze in my tracks.

"Edmund..." I closed my eyes.

"It's my way of saying sorry."

I mussed my face. "Okay..." I cast him a quick glance, "You'll leave afterwards and from tomorrow we'll pretend it didn't happen."

"Yes, general!"

We walked out of the kitchen: I advanced and he quietly stalked me. In a short time we reached the door to my room and I opened it, although Edmund held back my intent to enter. I looked at him and, before I could speak, he anticipated, " It was my first kiss."

"Why did you..." the words died in my throat.

What kind of trouble had I gotten myself into?

"I don't... I don't know," he shrugged. "It was an instinctive thing, I didn't think twice and did it. I don't want to be blamed for it."

"I'm your superior," I reminded him.

He looked at me and I nodded fearfully. "I know, but...."

"And I'm older than you, I have a responsibility to keep you safe and not... do this!" I gestured nervously, straining to keep my tone low. "Fuck!"

"I'm sorry," she sighed. "It won't happen again, I can assure you, ma'am."

I read sincerity in her gaze and took deep breaths. "...Go back to your room Edmund, tomorrow is another day," I opened the door wide, "Goodnight!", I slammed it behind me.

I sat down dead weight on the cot, clutching my head in my hands. "Shit!"

"Do we know the identity of the giant with female features?!" Siena exclaimed, clapping her hands too forcefully on the table.

At the end of the long morning spent in training and practice, we found ourselves seated at the table with Chris, Rivaille, Siena and the three boys, the girl, Edmund and Peter. Judging from the fact that Peter had identified the identity of the female colossus, thanks to his observation skills during the suicide mission outside the secure base-Peter knew who was hiding inside the colossus, and that was enough for him to catch a glimpse of something in her eyes. It might have sounded romantic, but it wasn't romantic at all, and that made life easier for us in the army.

"Mad scientist, don't scream." Rivaille admonished her, clasping his arms to his chest.

"Oh Rivaille, how hateful you are. Can't you see it's a big blow to my research?" the latter whined, emitting a childish pout. Rivaille ignored her with great ease.

"What's his name?" I interfaced seriously with Chris.

"Evelyn Cambrige." He said. "She went through training, placed fourth in her team, and then joined the Custodial Corps."

I chuckled bitterly, drawing to myself the confused attention of those present. "I knew it..." I muttered to myself. "I fucking knew it!" I exploded loudly, slamming against the table and rising from my chair more enraged than ever. "Those damned Custodial Corps..."

"The problem is just Evelyn Cambrige, Kesey. Try appeasing your hatred for the Custodians by giving yourself a demeanor." Chris brought me back to my feet.

I brought my fist to my lips, rubbing my knuckles against my teeth. "Do you think I should cut it out, Chris? She exterminated all my comrades!" I blurted out, glaring at him. "She killed all our comrades, from first to last, and you tell me to be calm?! What do you take me for?! I'm not your subordinate!" I shouted, gesturing nervously.

"We have a plan Kesey and it is to lead under Peter's supervision, into some kind of trap Evelyn Cambrige in District 12." He explained. "Peter will ask for Evelyn's help in getting Edmund to escape from the base, revealing that the prisoner in the convoy is actually Noah in disguise."

I smiled with mock humor. "And you think he'll fall for that? They are giants, not fools." I replied irritably, arching an eyebrow. "If he discovers the plan before we can complete the mission, he'll take out innocents, although I wouldn't mind if he took out those in the Custodial Corps... starting with Ston."

Chris breathed deeply, massaging the bridge of his nose with his index finger and thumb. "You are the classic sadist...." he contemplated. "And by the way, we have a plan for that, too: Peter along with Lana and Edmund will lead Evelyn to the underground area, while some members of the Recognition Army will spy on them on the roofs of the houses. Should a probable transformation by the girl occur, we will attack without hesitation. They already know the orders."

"Oh, wait, wait, Chris," I looked at him crookedly. "Who the hell is this Lana?"

Chris was losing his cool, I could tell by the way he glared at me. I waited undaunted.

"It's me, Lana...," the chair screeched and the girl for whom I had agonized for days over what her name was stood up. "Lana Writer, general," and bowed her head.

"...Rest," I smiled uneasily.

Chris sighed. "Well, since we've finished these introductions you should have taken care of from the beginning," he cast me a look. "We can proceed to the plan of 'killing Evelyn Cambrige...'"

"Chris, you promised we would not kill Evelyn Cambrige!" Sienna interjected in a grave tone, staring him straight in the eye. "It's a good friction to find out the Truth."

"Well, just know that if I ever run into the cursed one, I will kill her without fail." I retorted dryly, getting a shrill shriek from Siena.

"Kesey, no!" She blurted out contritely. I looked at her indifferently. "It's worth conducting my experiments!"

"Fuck your experiments, Siena! I'm going to kill her without posing any problem, just as she did with my comrades."

"How can you reason like that?! Don't you want to find out the truth behind it?!" She asked incredulously before my hostility.

I gritted my teeth so hard they creaked. "Of course, I do!"

"Then don't mess up the good intentions of all the research faced over the years..." She stood up, approaching. "You know how difficult it has been to reach this point, so please try to think with your head and not with your heart."

Siena's eyes peered imploringly into mine, making me feel a little guilty for my overreaction. I let out a big sigh.

"All right ... but let me talk to her once I catch her. Alone." I emphasized, receiving a ragged sigh in response.

"Deal!"

Chris stood up, scooting his chair backward. "That's it." He said. "The plan will begin in an hour with our arrival at District 12."

"What is my location?" I asked.

Chris smiled. "Logically, you will not fight; you will be accompanied by me and Rivaille to talk to a superior of the Gendarmerie Corps."

"What?!"

"You heard me, this is the only order you will have to comply with." He admonished me seriously, pointing his finger at me. I reduced my gaze to two slits and gritted my teeth.

"All right!" He scanned a snarl, preventing me from exploding like a time bomb.

Chris took his leave and my eyes, furious as they were, settled on Edmund. At the thought of what had happened between us, the anger disappeared, forcing me to blush suddenly. I looked away and caught a glimpse of Rivaille at my side, who carefully squared my face in search of a hidden detail.

"Let's go!" He suggested, giving me a chance to continue. I obeyed.

We walked down the long corridor until we reached the horse stables outside the facility.

"Kesey!" He called me back and I slowed my pace, turning to face him.

"What?"

Rivaille approached, grabbing my chin between his thumb and forefinger. "Don't screw up," he blew his lips at me, sending shivers down my spine. "Don't screw up the plan, do you understand?"

"I won't," I lowered my gaze. "And leave me alone!", I slapped his hand resentfully for the lack of trust and resumed marching.