Episode 19 - Salvation

I was hiding in the bushes in the schoolyard and peeking at my brother as he left school and ran out into the city. He was worried about me after all. He must have been tired and irritated yesterday, or maybe "that woman" had poisoned him with some strange thoughts. That woman really should be eliminated.

　Yes, for us.

　My brother entered a busy alley. He looked around busily. He seemed to be strolling along a route I often take. In fact, I had been walking through here with my brother on a date.

　I was watching my brother from about 20 meters behind him. Watching him desperately searching for me made me want to hug him and kiss him right away.

"Excuse me, have you seen a girl around 16 years old wearing a Hideaki High School uniform around here?"

"No, I'm sorry, but I haven't seen it."

"I, I see..."

　My brother was desperately trying to gather information from the office ladies on their way to work. I watched from a little distance, gritting my teeth.

　I'm glad you're looking for me, but please be careful who you talk to. I know there's no risk, but the thought of you talking to anyone other than me makes my hair stand on end.

　It was the same when I left the house with that woman. I thought about smashing the sow's head with a nearby stone, but then I wouldn't be able to be with my brother. If I was going to act, I had to do it secretly so as not to attract attention. I hated the crime control laws that forced me to do so.

　I was abused from the time I was old enough to understand. But the reason I was able to live a normal life as a girl was because of my brother. Because he filled the darkness in me, I was able to stay one step away from the edge of the abyss, and I am still alive today.

　I was born into an environment that knew nothing of love. Even getting a meal today was a life-threatening experience, I was not given any entertainment, and even the slightest whining was met with violence, with each passing moment bringing more bruises to my body.

　I didn't trust my family. I don't have any memories that would allow me to say so. But I tried desperately to be a good child for my mom and dad. And by the time I was five years old, I had learned to let go of my emotions and was able to endure being hit.

　Was I a good child? There's no way to find out.

　Because I killed my parents.

　The more I tried to be a good girl, the more violent he became towards me. My nose bled, I couldn't breathe, and the pain was so bad my vision was blurred. It was indescribable. My mother barely fed me anything. Naturally, this had a big impact on me at a time when I was growing up. And due to psychological stress and extreme malnutrition, I lost part of my sense of taste. I couldn't taste astringency or bitterness, and could only sense sweetness. I didn't even tell my brother about this. If I did, he would have to suffer more because of me. So I had no choice but to tell him that I was no good at cooking.

　I was certain. My parents didn't really care about me at all, and would rather I didn't exist. I was an unwanted child. No matter how hard I tried, that was the only thing that wouldn't change.

　I went to the pharmacy and bought mercury. First of all, my father. He was extremely violent towards me when I was a child. He had heard from his kindergarten teacher that if you drank a large amount, it could cause a hole in your intestines. He drank the alcohol I poured for him without any suspicion. The moment he put it in his mouth, he slit his throat and died in agony.

"Hey, you! What's wrong?!"

　When my mother came running to me, I hit her with a bat without any hesitation. Mom always put her own interests first and took away my sense of taste. So I beat her up much more carefully than my father did, to the point where she knew what was happening to her, and then I killed her.

　This was the last time my parents, who had lived together for five years, would spend their lives together.

　And so I was taken in by the Shindo family. That's when I met my brother. But because I had killed my parents out of intense hatred, and the person I had directed that hatred at was no longer with me, I had become an empty shell of a soul.

"Nice to meet you. My name is Shiori. I'll be taking care of you from today onwards. I look forward to working with you."

　So when I first saw him, I wasn't particularly interested. But then I noticed the smile he gave me. Yes, he was the first person to ever smile at me.

"Yeah, nice to meet you! We'll be living together from now on, so don't be shy."

　My brother greeted me with an innocent smile. I had only ever seen anger and hatred in his eyes, so I had no idea why he was laughing.

　When he invited me to the park, I didn't think anything of it. Although I no longer had to worry about being abused in this house, I had lost faith in people. But it would be okay to go to the park. With that feeling in mind, I went along.

"Let's play in the sand."

　My brother took up a position in the middle of the sandbox and called out to me. Why do we have to play? Having fun is a privilege only allowed to good people.

　While I was thinking about this, my brother spoke as he made a homemade castle.

"We play together. All the kids our age play like this."

"I've never done it before."

　I answered, thinking that there was no way I could play such games. All I remember is countless instances of violence. There was no way I would know of games like those played by children raised in normal households.

"Then you can just remember it from now on. You really are an idiot."

　I frowned, wondering what he meant by "idiot." When I was in kindergarten, I was sure I had better grades than my peers.

"I'm not stupid. My teachers praised me a lot in kindergarten."

"That's not it. What can I say, the winner in life is the one who enjoys it the most. When I look at you, it seems like you're intentionally thinking gloomy thoughts."

　That's true. No matter how much I was abused every day, I never thought about killing my real parents and building a happy family for myself. Murder is murder, no matter what the reason. How could I, who killed my parents, be given the right to be happy?

　I muttered under my breath, my face down.

"I'm... a murderer..."

"Murder, you know? That's what bad people do. What's wrong with punishing adults who use violence against innocent children? I don't think so. So you don't have to worry about it."

　That's true, but I thought that was a fallacy. Or rather, I thought that someone who had never been pushed to that point would never understand.

"You don't mind the idea of ​​Satsujinhan becoming your little sister?"

　But I asked him for an answer. He didn't look at me with a nasty look. He didn't say anything derogatory. I just wanted to hear a little bit more.

"I told you, I don't mind. Anyway, help me build a sand castle."

"Y-Yes."

　I answered back unconsciously and ran over to my brother. When I was in kindergarten, I tried to stay away from boys my age because they were rough and insensitive. But I imitated my brother and started to pack the sand into my hands with unfamiliar movements.

"I'm a naughty girl."

"If you're talking about good and bad kids, I'm a bad kid too. You must have been so sad you wanted to cry, but you never cried, not even since you came home. You're a great kid."

　My brother knew what I did and said I was still forgiven. But I didn't think so. If there's something he doesn't like, he'll pull a knife on me and hurt me. Just like his parents.

"No such thing"

　I shook my head in disgust.

　But my brother continues as if nothing happened.

"Generally, it's the parents' fault for bullying their children. If they hadn't done that, you might have died, so what you did was right."

　My brother's words weighed on my mind like a heavy stone. Looking back, it seems unthinkable, but at the time, I felt sick at my brother's naive thinking.

"That's not true!"

"Whoa."

　My brother looked up in surprise.

　This is only natural, as the child had been quiet up until then and suddenly started yelling.

"Wh-what's wrong all of a sudden?"

"I killed my parents because I found them annoying! If I had been a better girl, my parents would have taken better care of me! Then I wouldn't have done such a thing..."

　The emotions that had been building up until now. Regretting that I should have been a good child. I'm sure Mom and Dad were tired of life and didn't have the time to love me. I could have run away. But the reason I ended up killing them was because I had a dark mass of malice in my heart. To put it bluntly, I killed them because I hated them.

　but...

　So then, what am I living for?

"Hey, hey. Calm down."

"I wish I'd never been born! Then Mommy and Daddy wouldn't have had to die! No one would have had to suffer! I wouldn't have caused your parents any trouble!"

　I shook my head and cried without caring about my appearance. I didn't want to be saved. I didn't want to be saved. I just wanted to be told. My life up until now was a path I didn't want to look back on. So how should I live in the future that I was about to embark on?

"I'm nothing. I'm nothing..."

"Signpost"

　My brother called out to me softly.

　Then he shyly shows me what he has made.

"What is that...?"

　It was uneven and looked like it might collapse at any moment, but it was a "castle."

　My brother said bashfully.

"A sand castle. It's tiny now, but one day I'll build a real mansion. And then I'll have you."

"me...?"

　I asked, gazing intently at him. What could this man do for me, a person who lived on the verge of life or death?

"I'll make you my bride."

"My wife...?"

　I knew what it was. I was sure, I was sure...

"Do you know? For girls, it's the happiest event in the world."

　Yes, that's right. There was a time when I dreamed about it.

　That a wonderful prince would rescue her from her imprisonment.

"If you're having a hard time, rely on me. If you're in pain, come to me. There will be lots of happy things, and I'll halve the sadness. I'll be by your side until you're old and worn out. So."

　My brother's eyes were wet with tears. His earlobes were red. I listened to him as he spoke in a husky voice, pleading for help.

　Ah, this person. Maybe this person will rescue me from the depths of the cold ocean. Maybe this person will make me happy. Maybe this person will gently illuminate the life I had once almost given up on.

"Big bro."

　The tears are getting in the way and I can't speak properly.

"So don't cry. If you keep crying, I won't marry you."

　I'm the one who did that.

"If I endure it, will you marry me?"

"ah"

　I, who had lost everything.

"Will you stay with me forever?"

"ah"

　I was someone who was not needed by anyone.

"Are you going to like me?"

　My brother said with a smile.

"of course"

　I was so happy...

"Then I won't cry...!"

　I tried my best to force a smile through my trembling lips. I wondered, was this a pass? Would he marry me?

　As I watched with a feeling of unease, my brother gave me a happy look.

"That's a nice smile."

　Then he gently stroked my head. I was worthy of living. After all, my brother was going to marry me.

　In my brother's arms, tears flowed from the depths of my stomach. No matter how hard I tried to hold them in, they would overflow again and again. For someone who had lived like a dead person, the realization that I could cry like everyone else made me incredibly happy.

"You may have forgotten what happened that time, Brother. But that's okay. I'll make sure you remember. Otherwise, I'll never be able to become your wife."

　I took out my cell phone, pressed the button several times, and sent the message. Of course, I sent it to my brother. My email address now has no other number registered besides my brother's.

　The text reads as follows.

　"There's something I want to tell you. I'll be waiting for you at the abandoned factory on the outskirts of town. Make sure you come alone. From the sign."