Sonia's first full report

"Tear drops 💦" by Kate Purr

Salted water released

like an elastic band

loose my ribs cage

finally allowin' air in.

Roll down cheeks

turn at the jaw

trace down the neck

caress my armor.

When all else is pain

this human reflex

revives the senses

makes me feel again.

Let slide, wash away

like soul rain

brighten the gray

bring back sun-rays.

Oh, please let it begin.

What I wouldn't give,

in this moment I'm in,

for my dry eyes to spill.

Every class I had the same watched filling, and when I turned I had the same notion... The same chilling eyes penetrating the whole of the class and focusing beyond the college yard. To the discomfort was added stress... then nervous wonder... and finally sinister chills. I could no longer hear the class without picturing the pale owner of such bleach blue eyes lighting telepyroprojected fires meters away at his focal point, or releasing a feverish humming of a ghost song that would make us all bleed from the nose. Nobody else seemed to notice or to mind. Could I be getting out off my mind? I guess after discovering your fury side you are entitled to fear some monsters under the... cupboard? Thank the heavens for ``Akita'' who kept amusing me in the most natural and pleasant way. I could almost forget the silent hovering behind, though every class I would notice it again and again.

It was an eternity since the day started and I could hardly remember any of the long introductions of this semester subjects or even what courses I was in. I could remember several faces and hardly any name.

Must have been my new improved knowledge of the world, I most identified these new faces with dog types and animals in general. And then there were these eyes from the back of the class, that were always simply there before I noticed them arrive, that stared without a blink, that bleach blue contrasted with the carved shadows around them, that soundlessly hummed a violent nothingness and disdain for one's reality. Was this all getting to me? Were those eyes real, was it possible? Or was my psychic succumbing to the overwhelming reality I was exposed to.

Since the classes ended I thought of waiting to see who would come out of the shadows, but I couldn't just wait at the door, or stay behind slowly putting my things back in the backpack. No! It didn't make sense none the less, so I would follow my feet back home and forget about this, all of it. I did so, but as time passed, my curiosity gained and I couldn't let go of wondering... then imagination gained and I couldn't stop making the craziest assumptions... or detailed pictures to associate with this hollow look. Without a voice to pull me back from that vacant thought, from that empty state... I was getting deeper and deeper into character or the closest I could imagine. I was contemplating the total of nothingness this eyes followed so well.

I got home without knowing how, I didn't hear or say a word from the college gates out. The rest of the world makes me a crazy person and I don't belong to it anymore. I couldn't answer my parents when I arrived. They had to come and see for them selves who was entering the door. I got to my room, in the slow nothingness presented in trance, thinking of those strange creepy eyes that followed my thoughts. Now that my Savior of boredom and endless ego owner ``American Akita'' was gone I could not unfocus from the dreadful sight I was having repeatedly.

The blankness of my mind was broken by my mother's presence, surrounded by stiff noises I couldn't focus on... I distinctively heard the anger in her and the words ``Sonya'' and ``phone''. My brain took a long moment, but then computed this information and slowly commanded my hands to take the receiver.

-``There you are. Tell me everything!''

-``How? I can't! There is... There is so much...''

-``Hey! You there? You seem lost. I will tell you about my day first if you want to wake up in the meanwhile.''

(Nothing!)

-``Are you there? For heavens sakes, it's college. It is not the horror land! besides I will have to go to my classes in a while, this thing of you having night classes gives you a huge jet-leg, at least in comparison with my early mornings! Maybe I could change to meet you in the middle! You think night guys are as quiet?''

(Nothing!)

-``You major pain in the rear end! If you don't start answering me I SWEAR I will HANG UP And Live It All IN YOUR ANSWER Machine. 'Cause at least I won't be wondering what it is thinking. You hear me?'' - Her voice got stronger and pissed. I was able to concentrate on it and pull myself from this mysterious hypnosis. Sonya's voice would definitely do the trick.

-``Sorry. What?''

-``Finally! I though your mother forgot to get you to the phone for a minute there, or you got low on sugar from all the restrictive thinking and dropped fainting on the floor.''

-``Restrictive?'' - How did she know? What is happening? Is she a product of my imagination too? Am I in coma somewhere? And all I have been through these months is just my world of daises? Is this conversation only an illusion and those scary eyes were already the beginning of my hallucinations?

-``Yes. For pure secret blood. Isn't that what that school is all about? Have they made you that unique and special already you don't have to listen to me?''

-``No!'' I abruptly interrupted her nonsense like monologue... I couldn't let her ever feel that way. I was the monster or the crazy one. I wouldn't feel above anyone ever, I couldn't. I was just feeling undead all of the sudden, that didn't seem like superior to me. - ``I just... I had a hard time. It's late and my brain just felt asleep on the way here, ok. I just... The school is terrifying and the fact that I am back in school is terrifying and the people are just as terrifying as in any other school I have been through and then some. And the fact that these are just like those makes it all the more terrifying. And then, when everything is back to its perpetual freshman condition, there are these eyes... these bleach blue eyes that follow me always and move never... and I am so tired. Why can't I have a normal job at a normal store and a normal husband to shout at when I get to my normal home from a normal day?'' - My breathing was too fast to continue and I scared myself at how much I wanted to say and how forbidden it was. Whether I was crazy or I was a wolf I couldn't tell her.

-``Easy girl! EEEasy...'' - She tried a poor imitation of a horse and suddenly my whole world was back in place. I could feel my feet on the ground and my abdomen contracting with laughter.

-``You know what? Only you to make it all sound cheap. I did meet this great guy, more or less like an American Akita. Dark short disheveled hair, dark brown eyes, a nice smile and a funny goatee. He made my day bearable. And then there is the usual love triangle. The gorgeous voluptuous blondie, the gorgeous slick red and the blond Greek god guy that doesn't know who to stare at. the red that thinks she is so over-the-top she loses eye lashes looking at normal people.''

-``And the blondie that only wishes the blond guy looked at her?''

-``Almost. But you get the point. It's high school all over again, the only difference is these guys are beautiful. I mean, you remember our drama queen?''

-``Yes. She would guilt guys into doing what she wants and always have them begging for more...''

-``The same but classy and without a doubt modeling material. These guys could earn a fortune just by doing a reality show in the yard.'' - They really could, but I wouldn't say that had to be the reason why. That part, I could omit.

-``So tell me more about the American Akita...hum?''

-``It is not like that! And there was this guy'' - which I don't know if he was just a manifestation of my sleep privation - `` who had these eyes''

-``Definitely tell me about the eyes guy. It is always the eyes guy! How does he look? what is his name? Did you talk to him?'' - Her voice warmed with anticipation.

-``I don't know, I only got a glimpse of his eyes. He was under the shade. But I could tell them apart any where''

-``Howo... so he could be Notre Dame bell ringer and you would be there breathing uneasy for him? It's so you. You know? It goes against all that, the brain matters more mumble jumbo you are always trying to preach.''

-``It's not like that! I know I am a romantic, but you have to trust me. Those eyes are to be kept away from as hard as possible. And the guy didn't look that normal, more like in an hypnotic trance.''

-``Oh, my god! I knew it, you go to this highly selective university, with models where ever you look and the only guy that catches your eye is the crack addict. You need help! Well, at least you had guys. Mine weren't such a good sample. You know how they used to say that the world of men would be governed by women in comfortable shoes? Well, I guess in advocacy I don't blame women for using tight skirts and high heels, 'cause the man are so few to pick from. Only one that I could tell. It's like they are afraid to argue with women, go figures.'' - The sound of laughter echoed in the call.

-``We have to get you to know some elsewhere... Want to check where the guys from the engineering's end up after dinner?''

-``No. I think I will wait for them to realize advocacy is filling up with gorgeous talented women. I wouldn't want to end up with a macho intimidated by my skills.'' - and her laughter filled the echoes of my brain.

-``You know what? I really enjoy talking to you. I was in such a shock when I arrived home. It's like everything is the same, but so much is so entirely not. And I don't know which is more frightening, the fact that I don't know what to expect from what is entirely different or the fact that somethings never change and I don't ever fit in them!'' - my voice started trembling threatening tears to roll down my face. I took a deep breath before she could tell, letting the fresh air fill my lungs slowly and resuming my natural voice. - `` Guess life has still a lot to teach us. I just hope we'll make it intact.''

-``Gurch! You make it sound like you were sent to sleep with the wolves! ''

-``You can't imagine how much so.'' - And a powerful laugh burst from my chest.

-``I got to go, I have classes in an hour, but I'll call you later.''