3. Chapter 3

W-where am I?

Lincoln spun on one foot, surveying his surroundings through blurred, blinking eyes. There was nothing around him but an empty white void, so bright that it hurt him to stare at it. Perhaps that's why his eyes were dripping with water.

Tentatively, he took a step forward. A mist poured in around him, obscuring his vision more. He coughed and waved his hand as he began walking through the thick fog. Whenever he could, he'd take a quick look around, in case there was something out there for him.

Eventually, it paid off. There was a small, thin silhouette in the distance. Lincoln didn't even care who it was, he just broke into a run towards the figure. "Hey! Hey!" he shouted, manically waving his hands above his head like a lunatic. As the figure neared, Lincoln saw that it had its back to him. He also saw oddly familiar features: the figure was wearing an orange shirt and blue jeans and large shoes. Their hair was as white as his pallid skin. And they were...exactly as tall as he was.

Wait...that IS me!

The figure turned, and Lincoln saw that it was an exact doppelganger of him, but with two key differences: there were black markings underneath his eyes, and his shirt was open from the front, revealing a killer set of abs.

"What the...who are you?" Lincoln demanded to know.

"Don't you know?" the other Lincoln said with a smooth smirk.

"No, I don't. That's why I asked."

The smirk dropped, and the other Lincoln rolled his eyes, annoyance written clearly on his stained face. "I...am DEMON LORD DAIMAO LINCOLN! And you ripped me off!"

"No, I didn't! I just, uh...look, when it comes to forming a fanfiction of any sort, but especially of the AU variety, writers look to multiple sources and draw on them, using their elements to create something new. In fact, one of the authors (the only one that's actually written anything so far cough cough) even made the parallels explicitly clear for those who understood the refer-"

"SILENCE!" roared Daimao Lincoln. The void shook from the magnitude of his booming voice. Even his abs shook, and it was very hot, I think. He pointed a clawed finger at Lincoln. "You ripped me off, so now I'm going to rip off YOUR HEAD!"

"No! Not my head!"

"Yes, your head. And there's nothing you can do to stop me. Not a single thing. Nat a single thing. Nat nat nat nat nat nat..."

It was at that point that Lincoln realized he was listening to his alarm clock, and his eyes shot open as he jumped in his own bed.

"Man, that was weird," he said. He put his hand to his chest, and felt the pounding beating within. He took a deep breath, and waited patiently for his heart rate to slow. When it finally did, he tossed his blanket off himself. But before he got up, his face crinkled with confusion. Something felt...weird.

Then he put his hand between his legs, and he groaned.

"Dang it. I hate wet dreams."

Once he changed out of his soiled clothes and put on his clean uniform, Lincoln rushed downstairs. He was especially enthusiastic for today. Even his weird dream hadn't been able to distract him from his purpose.

I'm going on patrol with Lori today!

The thought filled him with excitement and energy. He jumped down the last five steps of the stairs and tossed a great fist pump in the air. He would've shouted victoriously, but he saw some of his sisters' rooms still had the doors closed and the lights off. Which wasn't surprising; it was the weekend, no one woke up early if they could help it.

But I don't care about sleep, Lincoln thought, a warm feeling swelling inside him. I get to go out with Lori today. Finally, an actual chance to see what her job is like. I bet it'll be incredible! Maybe she'll punch a meteor back into space, or destroy an entire army of Husks with her laser vision. Oh man, it's like hanging out with a real life Ace Savvy!

His cheeks blushed as he realized how childish it was to be fawning over one's older sister...but he couldn't help it! Nobody had an older sister like Lori Loud: smart, strong, beautiful, and oh yeah, a frikkin' superhero!

Speaking of the lady of the hour, she was in the kitchen, leaning on the counter and sipping coffee with her parents. The only other two around were Leni and Lily, who were sitting next to each other at the table, with Leni spoon-feeding the baby Cheerios out of a little bowl in front of her. Lily ate them dutifully, but when she caught sight of her older brother, she squealed, "'Inky!" and began excitedly slapping her fists into the bowl, scattering cereal pieces all over the floor.

"Lily, please don't do that," said Lori. She turned back to her little brother and smiled, her eyes half-lidded. "Good morning. Glad to see you up so early."

"Well, I couldn't miss the chance to spend time with my big sister! I mean, uh, a superhero," Lincoln corrected, blushing harder now.

Lori ruffled her brother's hair and tossed him a waffle, which he ate. Their mother, Rita Loud, a level-headed woman who was always concerned with her children's' well-beings, said, "Are you sure it's safe, sweetie?" to her eldest daughter.

"Don't worry, Mom, it'll literally be fine."

"I don't know. I always see you on the news fighting some monsters or super-criminals, and I don't want Lincoln to get caught up in that."

"Mooooooooom," Lincoln complained.

"Mom, the reason it's on the news is because it doesn't happen that often," Lori explained. "It's not like Katherine Mulligan points a camera at me every time I save a kid's balloon from flying off. And that's mostly what I do. Lincoln will be safe. Unless he's allergic to balloons."

Lynn Sr. chuckled, but Rita frowned. Ultimately, though, she relented with a sigh. "Okay, but make sure if things get too dangerous, you'll get Lincoln out of there."

"Mom, come on, I don't-"

"I promise," said Lori.

And that was the end of that.

Lincoln seethed for a few minutes, before ultimately shrugging it off. He was still going to hang out with Lori, and that was what was really important.

Lori took a great swig of her coffee and set the empty mug on the counter. Wiping her mouth, she said, "Okay, I'm going to get changed. Be back in a second."

That wasn't hyperbole, either. One second Lori was standing there with messy hair and still in her sleeping attire, the next she was fully dressed for the day. Lincoln's eyes widened with awe: her golden hair had been efficiently combed and was as glossy as it was neat; she had her eyeliner and light lip gloss painted on her face, and she was in her superhero costume. A crimson cape flowed from her shoulders, and her body was enveloped in a tight leotard with a cutout opening at her chest. Her long legs were fully exposed, and they shimmered under the ceiling lights. In short, she was absolutely stunning.

Rita frowned. "I still don't think I approve of this costume."

Lori pretended not to hear her. "Alright, Lincoln, let's head out."

"Wait!" cried Leni, who until this point had been on the ground trying to clean up all of Lily's spilled cereal. She bumped her head a few times against the table as she tried to get up, but once she successfully maneuvered past it, she rushed into the other room and came back a few moments later with a red cape not too dissimilar to Lori's. She gave it to Lincoln and said, "It's for you."

"A cape? For me?"

Leni nodded. "Lori said she was going to go out with you today, so I decided to make you a cape. Well, I didn't really make a cape, I just had that and was going to use it for something else, but I decided to give it to you instead."

"Really? Wow, Leni, that's...thank you," the young man said earnestly. With a smile, he swung the cape over his shoulders and allowed Leni to pin them in place. She clapped her hands when she was done. "Oh yay. Now you like just like a little sidekick."

"You kinda do," Lori said, rubbing her chin. "I could use a new sidekick. My last one, Jason, doesn't really do the whole thing anymore."

"Oh yeah, Jason," said Lincoln, remembering the surly kid that sometimes appeared with Lori on the news. "Whatever happened to him?"

"Oh, an old enemy of mine, Jackie, tied him up and asked a bunch of Bystanders to phone in to determine whether he lived or died. And a lot of them voted for him to die."

"Goodness!" cried Rita.

"He died?!" exclaimed Lincoln, shocked.

"No, he survived. Jackie was so shocked that people called in to murder a little boy that she just felt bad for him and let him go. Unsurprisingly, he wasn't exactly eager to get back out there and save these people anymore. Not that he was that motivated in the first place...little shit."

"Shit!" cried Lily.

"Lori!" exclaimed a cross Lynn Sr.

"Okay, Lincoln, it's time for us to go," Lori quickly said. Before he could open his mouth to say anything, Lori grabbed his hand and rushed outside, closing the door behind her. She stopped to check her reflection in the house window, then turned back to Lincoln, putting her hands on her half-exposed hips. "Alright, little bro, the rules are simple: just do what I say, got it?"

Lincoln nodded enthusiastically.

Lori smiled. "Good. Now, with all that out of the way...let me hold you."

"Wh-what?"

"I'm sorry, are you able to fly? Is that part of being a Harem King?"

"I...don't know."

"Then come on, jump in my hands already. This is the only way we're going to get anywhere."

Lincoln's face turned redder than beetroot-tomato hybrid. He glanced in both directions, hoping no one would see him. Then he took one slow step towards Lori, who had her arms extended for him. Eventually, she wrapped them around him, holding him like a groom holds his bride. Lincoln's embarrassment wasn't helped when he noticed that he was being nestled to Lori's bosom. Her soft breasts pressed against his warm face, and Lincoln was surprised his burning cheek didn't burn through her suit.

"Hold on tight," Lori said.

"To what?"

She didn't answer. Instead, she jumped into the air, and Lincoln screamed as the sky got closer and the ground got farther. Lori stopped and levitated in place, watching with curiosity as her brother struggled in her arms. "You okay?" she asked.

"I see the angels!" he shouted. "I see gates in the clouds and men in robes standing in front of them."

"So...what you're saying is I should go down, right?"

"YES!"

Lori lowered herself until she was hovering over someone's pointed roof. She waited for Lincoln to calm down, and when he finally did, she couldn't help but scoff. "Wimp," she muttered.

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry, sorry...it's my fault, I'll admit it," Lori said. "Sorry, Linc, I'm just not used to other people coming with me and...well, I guess I forgot that my zone of tolerance is different than everybody else's."

"I...yeah, it is. Umm...it's alright, Lori, it was just a mistake."

"I'll fly lower now. And at less speed," she promised with a smile.

And she did. Her altitude was somewhere just above the roofs of the houses, and her speed equaled that of someone in a very quick sprint. Not quite the supersonic speeds she was used to, but she was willing to take it slow for her little brother. He seemed to be enjoyed himself, his boyish eyes wide as he looked down at Royal Woods with his bird's eye view...it warmed Lori's heart to see, and she couldn't stop a goofy smile from spreading across her face.

He's just so cute, she thought fondly.

And he's also a Harem King.

Her smile faltered slightly. It was true, her brother's Archetype was something called a Harem King, and while she and the rest of the world had no idea what that meant, the name was enough to have a few of her alarm bells going off. Not that she was suspicious of Lincoln, not at all, she loved him and knew he was a good kid, but...actually, yeah, if she had to be honest with herself, she was at least a little suspicious. As she looked at Lincoln's smiling face, at the cute little dimples that formed in his cheeks, she couldn't help but worry that maybe there was something seedier going on with him…

But she would never express that. No, her poor brother was already suffering enough, and the last thing he needed was for his family to turn on him. Lori was so proud of their sisters, who didn't give Lincoln any trouble about it the night before. Sure, Lincoln was in his room the whole night, but Lori suspected that even if he had walked among them, no one was going to fling anything in his direction.

He doesn't deserve it. He didn't deserve any of this.

She was shaken from her thoughts when she heard that classic call for a hero: "Help! Help" a little boy was shouting nearby. She turned northeast and swooped down on the street, putting Lincoln on his feet when she landed. There, she quickly surveyed the situation: little boy under a tree, a concerned-looking crowd around him, a little orange fuzzy tail drooping from one of the branches…

"Cat's stuck in the tree. Got it," she said to herself. She turned to her brother and said, "I'm going to go save that cat. It, uh, might take a while, so you just stand here."

"Why would it take a while?" Lincoln asked curiously.

"Er...you'll see."

Lori lifted herself into the air and gracefully floated closer to the tree, her arms extended and a nervous smile on her face. "Alright...here, kitty kitty kitty," she said. She approached the striped cat slowly, hoping not to startle it, hoping not to get a repeat of last time…

As soon as she was close enough to scratch, the cat hissed and did exactly that.

"Ah!" Lori shot back, not from surprise and certainly not from pain, but from deciding she needed a new approach. She cast a somewhat apologetic look in Lincoln's direction, and sighed. She really hoped she didn't look stupid in his eyes.

Why do I even care what he thinks? That's not what's important right now.

Back on the ground, Lincoln watched as his super sister struggle with the cat rescue. It was...actually pretty strange to see. Lori, who had seen bring down entire buildings with one punch, was now desperately flying back and forth as she tried to bring this irritable cat back to its owner. He couldn't help but chuckle, which drew the attention of a nearby Bystander.

"Nice cape, kid," he complimented.

"Thanks," said Lincoln.

The man turned away, but then his face twisted, like he was confused. He looked back to Lincoln, scanned the young boy's features, and gasped as recognition dawned on him.

"Hey, wait...you're that harem kid from the school!"

Lincoln's smile evaporated like steaming water.

"Yeah, yeah, I recognize him now," said another Bystander. "He's that freak Harem King kid. He's in the same year as my niece."

"Ew gross, keep your niece away from him," said one woman, who was most likely named Karen.

The crowd began to turn away from the heroic deeds of their friendly neighborhood Lori and turned towards Lincoln, surrounding him and towering over him like imposing trees of flesh and angry eyes. Lincoln suddenly felt small and weak; he felt more self-conscious now. His eyes darted towards Lori, hoping for a save, but unfortunately, she was so wrapped up in her task that she didn't notice. He realized he was on his own with this judgmental crowd, and he squeaked fearfully with the realization.

"I...I..."

"You what?" demanded someone Lincoln couldn't see.

The same Bystander from before looked down at Lincoln, a fiery dislike in his eyes. "Now I want you to stay away from my niece," he said, jabbing an angry finger in front of Lincoln's face. "I don't like the look of you, and I don't want you playing your dirty games with her. Got it?"

"Y-yes..."

"You're a fucking freak!" someone in the crowd shouted, which opened the floodgates for the others to chime in.

"You're a gross and sexist pervert!"

"Incel! That's what you are, an incel!"

"Why does it always have to be Lincoln? Why can't my self-insert OC have a harem instead?"

"Hey kid, if you want a harem, why don't you go back to fucking Utah?!"

"Hey, hey, no need to drag Mormons down to his level! Bullying this kid should be an experience open to all people."

It was at this point Lincoln was glad he had a cape because now he could hide behind it. Lori, please hurry up, he thought. He wanted to go home now.

Back at the tree, Lori panted as she glared at the cat, who glared back at her. She frowned; every attempt of hers to grab the cat resulted in it freaking out. Lori could've just ignored that and tossed it back in its owner's hands, but she tried to be more delicate with animals. She stroked her chin, weighing her options. She could rip the tree out of the ground and lower the cat from there...yeah, if she were an impatient idiot, she'd consider it. Hmm...maybe carry the kid up to the cat and have it come to him? She wasn't too sure. Maybe she could use telekinesis…

"Oh my God, telekinesis. I completely forgot I had that!" Lori said.

She put her hands around her forehead and began mentally willing the cat down. At first, nothing happened, but Lori just figured she was rusty. She hadn't used this power in a long while. Slowly, though, she began to see results. Strands of the cat's fur were standing up, followed by the whiskers and the tail and eventually the whole body. The cat seemed more surprised about his sudden flotation than scared, which was a good sign. Gently, she lowered the feline onto the sidewalk, where it ran and leaped into the little boy's arms. "Thank you, Lori. Thank you, thank you," he thanked her excitedly as he stroked his cat.

"No need for thanks, I'm just doing my job," she said, patting him on his head. She was surprised, though; usually, at this point, the crowd would've been applauding her heroics. It actually bothered her that they weren't, she liked the fawning praise! She looked around and saw them all crowded around a certain point, and she floated over there to see what the fuss was about.

When she saw her little brother in the middle, looking frightened, she nearly smacked herself in the face.

"Lincoln!" she shouted as she swooped down and quickly snatched him away. She set him wrapped one arm around him protectively and turned to the crowd. "What's the meaning of this?!" she yelled angrily.

"Oh look, the kid's brainwashed Lori to help her!" One Bystander shouted. "He's made her into one of his harem girls."

"H-harem girls?" Lori repeated. Bright redness shot through her cheeks, like her face, was a stoplight. She shook it off and said, "For your information, that's my little brother! What's wrong with you people? Why are you bullying a pre-teen?"

"Because of his weird Archetype, that's why," the same Bystander indignantly responded. He was supported by the self-righteous nods of his peers.

With a scowl, Lori turned away from them and looked down at Lincoln. "Lincoln, are you alright? Did they hurt you?"

"N-no," he answered. "They just...you know..."

He fell silent, and suddenly Lori felt guilty for leaving him to the mob. With a sigh, she picked him up again and shot a disgusted glare at the Bystanders. "I'd say that you should all be ashamed of yourselves, but knowing people like you, I literally doubt you've ever felt shame," she coldly said. Then, without another word, she flew off into the sky.

Lincoln wanted to go home, but Lori insisted that she at least treat him to lunch as a quasi-apology, which he reluctantly accepted. Their next course was to the Royal Woods Mall's food court, where they stopped by the Burpin' Burger. "The president of BB promised me free meals for life," Lori explained, "after I saved him from dying in a rafting accident and then saved his company with my Super Advertising powers. Sometimes I go order a lot and then distribute it to the homeless, but today, we can just indulge ourselves."

"Okay. Yeah," said Lincoln. Lori frowned, both at the lack of enthusiasm in his voice and his failure to react to the mention of her long list of overly specific, and some might say mostly "useless" superpowers. Her siblings usually had a field day with that kind of thing. Didn't matter that she could tear steel apart with her bare hands like it was made of tissue paper or fly around the world in literally seconds. People find out you have the power to make perfect chocolate milk without even measuring the mix, and they never let you live it down.

They made their orders and waited a few minutes before a pimply waiter put their orders in front of them. "Enjoy your meal, Lori. And, uh, if you don't mind..." He held out a pen and notepad, and Lori gave him an autograph. He shouted triumphantly as he rushed back into the kitchen, and Lori smiled, deliberately ignoring how he had been looking down the window on her chest the entire time.

The food looked great. Two plates of fries, both steaming and doused with red spices and black pepper. Their burgers were large, thick, and meaty, with fresh lettuce and tomatoes sitting atop the beef patty like crowns. Their sodas were large and cool, with a moderate number of ice cubes swimming in the sugary goodness. Basically, it was the complete opposite of a Burger King meal!

"Well, dig in, bro," said Lori. She took a fry and ate it, savoring the spicy taste. Unfortunately, when she looked across the table, it was clear to her that Lincoln wasn't in the eating mood.

"Hey, Lincoln...don't let those people bother you too much, okay?"

"Yeah, fine. Alright."

"Lincoln, seriously, they don't know you like I do. They just know your Archetype. But I know you for more than that, and I'm saying you shouldn't let people hating you bother you."

"Easy for you to say," he muttered. "Everyone loves you. You don't know what it's like."

Lori looked offended for a moment, but she quickly dialed it down as she realized that, well, he wasn't wrong. She dismissed all the hurtful things she had been preparing to shoot back with and instead sighed. "You're right, Lincoln. I don't know what it's like for a lot of people to not like me." Her face then took on a sterner look. "But I won't let you say that 'everyone' loves me. Because that's not true at all."

"Well, who doesn't like you? Supervillains? Soulless? They're not supposed to like you."

"How about the entire country of Denmark?"

Lincoln's eyes bulged. "What? Denmark hates you? Why?"

"Well, hated me. Past tense. To make a long story short, a wormhole opened in Copenhagen about two years ago, and what came out was someone who looked like me but was nothing like me. A...bizarro version of me, if you will. Her name was Irol, and she caused chaos all over. When I went over to see what was going on, the public thought I was the crazed monster that was going around and smashing things. I was blamed. I was hated."

"Whoa..."

"Literally 'whoa', yeah," Lori agreed with a nod. "And you want to know what I did about them?"

"What?"

"I proved them wrong!" Lori said triumphantly. "I did heroic deeds to show them I was a better person than they thought, and by the time I captured Irol and sent her back to her world, the Danes thought as highly of me as they do here in Michigan. I proved them wrong and showed them what I was capable of...and you should too, Lincoln."

He was clearly already digesting what she was saying, so she sealed the deal by closing her hand around his. Soft flesh gingerly stroke her brother's tense hand. "I know you can do it," she said, her smile warm and loving.

Lincoln smiled back. "Thanks, Lori."

A golden beam of sunlight fell on their hands, warming them like their faces were warming. The two siblings looked into each other's eyes, mesmerized by each other. It would've taken nothing short of an explosion to separate the two from each other…

...which is exactly what happened.

The sound of a loud explosion crashed through the mall, followed by the sound of hundreds of people screaming and running away. Lori and Lincoln immediately stood up and looked out into the distance. A large orange fireball was subsiding from one corner of the mall, and big billowing clouds of smoke poured out. This is bad, Lori thought. She turned to her brother and said, "I need to get over there. Now."

"Sure. But maybe, um, you could let go of my hand first?"

Lori blinked, confused until she realized she was holding onto Lincoln's hand. She quickly released the boy from her grip and prepared to dash off before she heard Lincoln say, "Hold on, I'm coming with you."

"What? Lincoln, no, it's dangerous."

"So what?"

"So what? I literally promised Mom I wouldn't put you in danger's way, that's what's so what."

"But Lori..."

"No, Lincoln. Don't act like a little brat. I need to go alone now. I can feel someone there, and that someone is dangerous."

"But I have to help. You just told me to prove myself by being a hero! I want to help you!"

There wasn't time for this, Lori knew, but she also knew that when her brother wanted something, he could be as stubborn as an ox. However, as she was mediating about it, she picked up on another sound, one that made her face pale…

"Help! Help!"

"There's a little girl. Second floor. She's trapped under a beam," Lori said. She grabbed her brother by the shoulders, urgency written all over her face. "Okay, Lincoln, you want to help? Go down there and rescue that girl. Take her outside and then stay there. Don't come on after you save her. Got it?"

"G-got it."

"Good." She would've exchanged a goodbye if she had the time, but she had delayed for too long. She zipped over to the site of the explosion and found herself surrounded with shredded clothes, scorched purses, and smashed mannequins. It was like a graveyard of retail. She quickly scanned for any living (or, shiver, dead) victims, but thankfully she didn't find any.

"Well, well, well," said a voice from above, a voice that made Lori tense. "If it isn't my archenemy, little Lori Loud."

A young woman landed in front of Lori, and Lori took a combat position. The young woman was the same age as her, and had the same blonde hair, even if it was styled differently. Her outfit consisted of a purple skintight suit, with fishnet covering her long legs. There was an amethyst-studded choker around her neck, and her face was hidden behind a violet, operatic mask. Not that she needed it, because Lori already knew her identity. Oh, she knew her too well.

"Good to see you're out of house arrest again...Whitney," Lori said.

Whitney smiled. Her eyes turned dark purple as she lifted her arms. Stray pieces of the store rose into the air, and Whitney psychically tossed them all at Lori. Lori lifted her arms and let the barrage of material pound against them, but by the time she lowered them, Whitney had flown over and struck her in the face, sending her flying into the wall behind her.

As Lori slumped to the ground and wiped her mouth of blood, she knew she was in for a long fight.

I really hope Lincoln stays outside, she thought as she began charging up her laser vision.