2. Chapter 2 - Lori Arc

AN: And we have a second chapter. Because Auto is some kind of, Loud...Automata, or something. Glad to see people are enjoying this, we had a lot of fun putting our heads together and figuring out how this universe was going to work, hopefully the story itself will hold up.

Guest: Thanks for the kind words man, but Auto likes to kid around like that, and he forgets that sometimes sarcasm doesn't carry over in written form. To clarify, I did not alter the original chapter in any substantial way without running it by him first, we're still working together on this, and he's done pretty much all the actual writing for this story thus far, hehe. But I agree with, and appreciate your sentiment that a written work should not be judged on its premise alone.

Originality does not equate to quality, and anyone who would dismiss a story because other, similar stories exist, is going to find themselves with very little to read, because everything is derivative of something. There are a LOT of bad harem fics out there. There are also a LOT of bad No Such Luck fics out there. But this doesn't mean that people shouldn't be writing those stories, it just means that people should try to write good stories. Execution is everything, and it's my firm belief that a properly executed story can make nearly any premise work. Moreover, this is supposed to be a project for us to have fun with, and we decided that this was the kind of story we'd have the most fun writing together. So that's what we're doing.

But enough of that, enjoy the chapter!

Lincoln didn't get to see the rest of the ceremony. He was pulled by his sleeve to the back of the stage, behind the velvet curtains and metal beams, so they could shield him from the glares of the crowd. And yet, he could still feel that the air had changed, that there was a tension hanging over the audience like a gray storm cloud. Or maybe he was just imagining it, and it was just him.

Harem King…

Those two words kept thundering in his ears. What did they even mean? That he was supposed to have a large harem of girls? That didn't make any sense; both of the girls he'd crushed on in the past had turned him down. Paige politely rejected his confession letter, and Cristina shrieked when Clyde accidentally told her how Lincoln felt about her. If he was really a "Harem King" wouldn't both of those girls have accepted his feelings?

"And that's assuming I even want to be a H-Harem King," Lincoln said to himself. "Ugh, why did I get this weird, creepy Archetype? I didn't want this, I wanted to be a...a Superhero. Or a Knight. Or an Exorcist. Even a Cowboy or a Pirate. I could chew tobacco, I could get scurvy, so ughhhh why this?"

He slammed his hands in his face and slid down a wall until his butt hit the ground. There he hunched over, feeling his hot face burn his palms. "And the worst part," he mumbled, "is that everyone knows what I am."

The shocked and scornful faces of the crowd would forever be seared into his mind, but the worst of it came from his sisters. They had looked so proud before, and all their swelling smiles had fallen within milliseconds of the big announcement. Lincoln wondered what they were thinking now. Then he shook his head; he knew exactly what they were thinking. That their brother was a pervert, a deviant, a creep...and maybe they were already making plans to stay as far away from their disgusting brother as possible.

He didn't want to cry, but tears started to well up in his eyes. He could see Lori—proud, beautiful Lori, the person he wanted to live up to the most—looking down at him with disgust like he was the most repulsive thing in the world. The thought made him wrap his arms around his knees and curl up. He was staining his jeans with tears, but he didn't even care.

I want to go home, he thought with a choking sniffle.

His ears perked as he heard a loud, thunderous applause from the other side of the stage, followed by the sound of a thousand footsteps, walking farther and farther away. I guess the ceremony's over, Lincoln thought. So...what now?

His question was answered instantly as Principal Huggins lifted the curtain over his head and stepped up to Lincoln. He smoothed out the wispy gray hairs of his mustache before he beckoned to the young man. "Let's go," he said.

"W-where are we going?"

"We're holding an impromptu board session for your, ah, big revelation today."

"The school board?"

The principal nodded.

Lincoln squeezed his knees tighter. "Am I...am I going to be kicked out?"

Principal Huggins didn't answer for a moment. His tongue darted out to quickly wet his lips. He looked down at the frightened boy, and Lincoln could've sworn that, for just a second, something like sympathy flashed in his grim eyes.

"We'll see what happens," he finally answered.

Lincoln was led into a small room and seated in a small chair in the middle of a long semicircular desk that stretched all around him. On his right side sat Ms. DiMartino, her pretty features expressing uncertainty. In front of him were Principal Huggins and Mrs. Johnson, both sifting through some paperwork. And on his left side was…

"Lisa?"

Lincoln's six-year old sister gave a curt wave. "Hello, brother," she said.

"What...are you on the school board, Lisa?"

"That's correct. As the second-greatest mind involved in the study of Archetypes in the Americas, I have the distinct privilege of being able to guide minor decision-making at this institution, for the benefit of my own field of study as well as the students'."

"Second-greatest?"

Her face darkened and she shook her little fist. "Damn you, Ernesto. One day I'll go down to Havana and settle this once and for-"

There was a loud clearing of a throat. Lisa quieted down as Principal Huggins stood up. He kept his palms glued to the table, leaning on it slightly. "Thank you all for coming here," he said curtly. "This is a delicate matter at hand, and I thought it would be best to discuss it."

"Discuss what, exactly?" Lisa immediately asked.

"Lincoln's Archetype is...well, Ms. Loud, as an accomplished Archopsychologist yourself, surely you're aware of the elephant of the room here."

"I am," Lisa said with a nod. "This 'Harem King' archetype...I've never heard of it before."

"Neither has anyone else," said Mrs. Johnson as she organized her messy papers. "We've read the records of every student we've had, and we've never had anything like this."

"Perhaps another educational institution would have-"

"We could spend weeks checking every student from every school in every country," Principal Huggins interrupted, "or we can just face the facts, Ms. Loud."

"And the facts are?" Lisa responded coolly.

The man sighed and swiped at his mustache with his thumb and forefinger. "We're dealing with a completely new Archetype, never seen before," he said with gravitas.

The room fell silent. Everyone looked down at their hands or the desk underneath them, including Lincoln. He could feel his pupils widening at the revelation. A...a completely new Archetype? Me? he thought. But...but I never showed any powers. Not like my sisters. I can't even believe I have an Archetype, let alone a new one.

"Umm, excuse me," he heard himself blurting. "What...what does this mean?"

"It means," Principal Huggins started, "that we need to figure out what you're going to be like and whether you'll be allowed to attend Archetype Academy."

Fear gripped Lincoln's racing heart like a rough, calloused hand. "Are you expelling me?" he squeaked.

"We might."

"Objection!" shouted Lisa. "I can understand your apprehension regarding a new Archetype, especially one with such a tasteless name, but I cannot approve any course of action that would impact my brother's future."

"Lisa, be reasonable," Ms. DiMartino uneasily said. "Right after the ceremony finished, I had a mother come to me and ask if we were going to allow a 'Harem King' in the same class as her daughter. Parents are concerned, and rightfully so."

"They're jumping to assumptions," Lisa said dismissively.

"Reasonable assumptions," said Mrs. Johnson. "I can't blame them for being worried and...I wonder if they have a point."

"Agnes..."

"Agnes isn't the only one who thinks so too," said Ms. DiMartino. "We don't know what this Archetype is, but just from the name alone, we can make some guesses. And those guesses don't look good for a classroom environment."

The youngest member of the board fell quiet. Her face scrunched up with frustration, and Lincoln had no doubt that inside her head, her genius brain was whirling at a thousand miles a minute to come up with a counterpoint or a solution. And though he appreciated it, he was also starting to feel despair, a sinking sense that this whole thing was futile, that he never had a future at Archetype Academy like his sisters. He would never be brave like them, he would never follow them on their heroic path. Playtime was over, and he needed to face reality: all he was, and all he ever would be was just a pasty, scrawny, nerdy boy with old man hair and chippings all over his large teeth. Oh, and that he was a pervert too, going by his Archetype's name. A pervert that snuggled with a stuffed rabbit every night—he wasn't a hero, he was a trip to a mental home waiting to happen.

No.

His hands balled up into fists. No, he thought again. The word struck a spark in his chest, one of confidence and triumph. No...I'm not that. I'm not a pervert or a loser or a Lame-O or anything else...I'm a Loud! And Louds don't go down without a fight. Lori wouldn't let herself go down like this, so why should I? Maybe I'll never be like her against a horde of Husks...but I can still be brave like her now.

"Excuse me," he said, raising his hand. He was proud of how steady his voice was. "Can I say something?"

Lisa was still stuck in her own head, but the other three board members gave him their attention.

"I know you just want the best for the school," he started, "and I understand why you might reject me from...from the school. B-but I just want you to know that, if you do accept me, I'll do whatever it takes to be the best I can be, even with my, um, unusual Archetype. So, uh, please, if it's not too much...you know..."

His cheeks turned red as he trailed off towards the end. Still, as he lowered his gaze back to his shaking hands, he liked to think they understood what he was trying to say. He could feel them staring at his head as if they were trying to get a peek inside (and hell, for all he knew, one of them could see into his mind). The moments after his attempt at a plea slowed and stretched, and time only seemed to resume normal speed when he heard Principal Huggins cough and say, "Well, thank you, Lincoln, but I think we've all made up our minds. With all that out of the way, all in favor of-"

"WAIT!" cried Lisa suddenly, jerking back to life like a reactivated robot and startling her male colleague. "I have a proposition for you if you'd care to take it into consideration."

"Go on," said Ms. DiMartino.

"In light of this discovery of a new Archetype by the Index, I feel like this would be a great chance for our schooling institute to be the first in the world to study this so-called 'Harem King' Archetype. We're lagging behind right now in this field, and this might be a once-in-a-lifetime chance to pull ourselves ahead. A top researcher like myself studying a completely incomparable specimen in the form of my older male sibling unit AKA someone I live with and have access to at all times...if I believed in Fate, then this would be it."

Principal Huggins nodded lightly. Out of all of them, he seemed to be taking her words the most into consideration.

"So allow Lincoln to continue pursuing his education here, and I promise that I'll dedicate my vast resources to studying his unique Archetype and share all of my results with Archetype Academy. That is my deal, take it or leave it."

"And what if we leave it?" asked Mrs. Johnson.

The little genius shrugged. "Then I guess I'll take up the Japanese on their wonderful offers for me to conduct studies in the Land of the Rising Sun."

"Okay, okay, let's not get too testy now," Principal Huggins relented. "I'm convinced. Mrs. Johnson?"

Mrs. Johnson pursed her lips. "I'm sorry, but I still have to say no."

"And that leaves one." All eyes shifted to Ms. DiMartino. "The call is yours. Will you drag this whole thing out with a tie, or will you join the winning side?"

The tension rose as Ms. DiMartino thought about her options. Her eyes flitted back and forth, as if there were two voices arguing in her head with presentations of evidence. But finally, she let out a sigh and said, "Sorry Agnes, I'm siding with Lisa and Wilbur."

"Then our decision is final: Lincoln Loud, you are now and for the next few years of your life, a proud student of the Archetype Academy."

"WHOO! Thank God, thank Yeezus!" cried Lisa as she threw her hands victoriously in the air.

"Alright, fine," said Mrs. Johnson, rolling her eyes. "But I'm not going to be the one answering to any parental complaints."

"Mrs. Johnson, with all due respect, if any parent complains about a Harem King, then you could simply remind them that two students today were classed as Assassins and one as a Dark Lord. A so-called Harem King is the least of their concerns."

The board members went back and forth for a little while longer, but Lincoln didn't hear any of it. He was too busy riding a crashing wave of relief with a great big smile on his face. If he were alone, he would've broken into a crazed dance of joy, but for now, he expressed his happiness with a simple fist pump.

Ten minutes later, after a quick discussion about broken sinks on the second floor of the building, the meeting concluded, and everyone went their separate ways. The rest of the Loud family had gone home in Vanzilla by this point, so Lisa and Lincoln opted to walk home. The sun was setting by now, and Royal Woods was bathed in the soft orange-pink glow of the sky. It was a beautiful, serene time, but the calm effect of the day wrapping up was spoiled when Lincoln fell upon his younger sister, and hugged and thanked her in a way that, looking back, could've been less pitiful.

"THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!"

"You're more than welcome, Lincoln, now please get off me!" Lisa shouted over her brother's loud gratitude. Once he finally stood up and wiped his face clean of tears and snot, she said, "I only did what I had to do to ensure that all of my familial members are properly educated."

"But if it wasn't for you being on that board, well...actually, come to think of it, why are you on a school board? And why was everyone else a principal and a teacher, I thought school boards were made of outsiders?"

Lisa cocked an eyebrow. "Do you really want to hear about the Shakespearean behind-the-scenes corporate politics and betrayals that created this specific school board?"

"Ummm..."

"The answer is no, of course. You don't, because the story is boring at best and depressing at worst. Besides, I just got lucky with being born with the Genius Archetype that allowed me to propel myself to such a place at such an early age."

"How do you know you're a Genius? You haven't been through the ceremony yet."

"I don't need two antique crystal balls to tell me who I am," Lisa said, "and neither should you, dear brother."

Lincoln smiled fondly at his little sister, and he reached down to ruffle her messy brown hair. "Thanks, Lise," he said warmly.

The little girl blushed, and let him touch her hair longer than she normally would've.

"Well," Lincoln said when he was finally done, "it's been a long day, but I'm glad this whole mess is finally ov-"

Suddenly, he stopped dead in his tracks. It took Lisa a second to notice. She glanced up confusedly at her brother's face and noticed that he was looking at something. She followed his sight and gasped when she what—or, more specifically, who—he was looking at.

Leaning on a wall, one foot propped up on it while the other was firmly planted in the ground, was Ronnie Anne Santiago.

She looked up from the ground and straight at Lincoln. A deep scowl grew on her face, and she gave him a look so sharp and angry that Lincoln had to take a fearful step back. She began to walk over, and Lincoln limply lifted his arms, as if to defend himself, before setting them back down again. Both of their faces were red, but, as Lisa suspected, for different reasons.

Ronnie Anne was the first to speak: "Harem?" She hissed, her voice dripping with accusation.

"Ronnie Anne, I-"

"SHUT UP!" the girl shouted. Half of her face was obscured by shadow, but the other half was burning with fiery colors. She pointed and jabbed herself repeatedly, painfully, in the chest as she growled, "I'm the one who's talking, not you, asshole."

Asshole. Strong upgrade from the usual "Lame-O" and loser.

She poked him in his chest with her slender pointed finger. "I used to think you were a good guy, Lincoln. A nerd and a wuss, yeah, but still a good guy. But now I know better, you...you...you BIG PERVERT!"

Lincoln winced at the term. "Look, I didn't ask for this, okay? I can't control my Archetype!"

"No, but I can," Ronnie Anne said. With a final quick punch to the arm, she dashed a meter off before turning back and saying, "If you think you're going to get a harem on my watch, then you have another thing coming!"

"What?! No, Ronnie Anne, I don't want a-"

"Stop lying, you perv!" Ronnie Anne screamed. She stood there shaking, her fists quivering, as if she wanted to punch him again. When she spoke again, her voice was unusually shaky...almost hurt. "I can't believe I thought...I can't believe I was going to...t-to tell you how I f-"

She cut herself and shook her head, her long ponytail flying back and forth. "I'm going to stop you from getting a harem, Lincoln," she promised, "if it's the last thing I ever do!"

She bolted off after that, leaving the two Loud siblings alone.

"Um...brother?" Lisa tenderly spoke.

It was such a ridiculous scene...his childhood friend, one of his closest friends ever, had just declared that she was going to stop him from "getting a harem". In any other context, Lincoln might've laughed at how stupid it all sounded…

...but right now, he wasn't in the mood to laugh.

They got home, and Lincoln ignored everyone and dashed upstairs to his room. He didn't come down for dinner or for the "congrats on getting your Archetype" party. He didn't even leave to go to the bathroom to brush his teeth when it was time to go to bed. His sisters were worried, but what could they really do or say? After Lisa told them everything, Mom and Dad had told them to just let him be for now. And everyone reluctantly listened.

Well, almost everyone.

Lori Loud wasn't usually a rebellious teenager, but standing in front of Lincoln's door as the rooms behind her were shutting off their lights, she decided to indulge that side of herself.

"Lincoln?" she whispered, rapping her knuckles gently on the door. There was no answer, so Lori wrapped her hand around the golden doorknob and, with a twist, opened it. She stepped into his dark room, where all the light either streamed in from the silvery moon outside the window or the squat, fat lamp sitting by Lincoln's bedside.

The boy himself was doing what he usually did when he was upset: read comics. Lori tried to ignore her brother's nudity as she sat on the edge of his bed. "Hey Lincoln," she said. Her tone was soft and sisterly.

Lincoln looked up from his comic at the woman who intruded on his privacy. With a groan, he sat up in bed, crossing his feet Indian-style. "Hey Lori," he said. "What are you doing here? If it's about dinner, I'm not really hungry."

"Dinner? Lincoln, dinner was literally hours ago."

"Wait, it was?" Lincoln glanced at the digital clock by his bed, and seemed surprised. "Huh," he said, rubbing his head, "I could've sworn I was only in here for about an hour."

His sister chuckled lightly. "Time flies when you're reading," she said. Then she took on a more solemn look. "But I just wanted to check in on you. Make sure you were...alright."

"Yeah, yeah, of course, I'm alright, why wouldn't I be?" said Lincoln, who definitely sounded like he wasn't alright.

"Well, a lot of big stuff happened today. Weird Archetype, kinda-pervy name, and...well, Lisa told us about Ronnie Anne."

At the sound of her name, Lincoln heaved a sigh.

"Look, Lincoln, Ronnie Anne is just confused, okay? I'm sure she didn't mean any of it-"

"But she did mean it. And..." Lincoln trailed off, only to sigh again. "...and she's right."

"What?"

"She's right. I said she's right. What kind of a person has an Archetype like Harem King? A pervert, that's who," he spat. "I mean, look at me now. My sister is here and I'm almost naked..."

"You're not a pervert, Lincoln. I don't care what Ronnie Anne or the Index say, you're not some kind of weirdo. You're my brother, and I know you're a good, kind, thoughtful person."

"Yeah. Just like a Nice Guy."

"Is that...is that an Internet thing?"

"You're on your phone all the time, how do you not know about that?"

"I've had less time to be on my phone since I started doing the whole, you know, dress up and save people thing," she noted. She smiled, hoping to get at least a chuckle, but for some reason, he seemed to be even sadder now. He mumbled something in a low whisper, and Lori leaned in. "What was that?" she asked.

"Don't patronize me, I know you have super-hearing. You know what I said."

"I do, but I want to hear you say it louder."

Lincoln groaned, annoyed. His cheeks flushed red. "I wanted to do that too. I wanted to be just like you and save people as a Superhero. But then I got...this."

"Awww," Lori said, clasping her hands to her breast. Lincoln's blush darkened to deep crimson when she reached and hugged him tightly, especially since his shoulder was touching her...you know, her right boob. Lori seemed to realize that and let him go, and now she was blushing.

"Look, it's literally sweet that you want to be like me, but you wanna know the truth, Lincoln?"

He nodded.

"If you tried to be like me, you would only ever be a worse version of me."

"Ouch. And there goes the last of my self-confidence."

"Hold on, let me explain." She coughed into her hand to clear her throat, like a professor about to deliver a lengthy lecture. "Let's say you had to display two dresses for a gallery, and you had one good dress. What would you make for a second dress: a copy of the first one or a new one?"

Lincoln didn't know anything about dresses, so it took him a while to answer, "I'd display that dress and a new one."

"Why?"

"Because...I don't know, the diversity would be nice. Plus, a copy can't be as good as the originalohIsee you're talking about me copying you."

Lori smiled and nodded, and shifted her weight on the soft mattress. "Leni used to be just like you. She was really upset when the Index told her she was going to be a Magical Girl instead of Superhero, because she wanted to be just like me. And I told her exactly that."

"And she realized she didn't have to be a copy of you?"

"No, I realized that metaphors don't work with Leni. But you realized it, and that's good."

"But Leni got to be a Magical Girl. Everyone knows what a Magical Girl is, and everyone likes them. Not...not my Archetype..."

With a sigh of sympathy, Lori put her hand on her brother's bare shoulder. "It's true, we don't know anything about your Archetype besides the name. And true, people aren't going to like a name like that. But who knows? It might literally be an amazing, helpful, great Archetype. Maybe you'll be able to do a lot of good with it. You won't know if you just give up so easily."

"So, you're saying I should...give my Archetype a chance?"

"I'm saying you should give yourself a chance," Lori said with a sweet smile. "And no matter what happens, no matter what your powers turn out to be...we're all here for you, and we love you. Mom, Dad, our sisters...and me."

She concluded by placing a tender kiss on her brother's warm forehead. Before she had time to pull back, she felt him hug her tightly, and with a gentle smile, returned the hug.

"Thanks, Lori," she heard him say.

"You're welcome," she murmured, running her fingers delicately through his white hair.

When they finally broke the hug, Lori got up and went over to the door. "Try to get some sleep now," she said. "And tomorrow...well, since you seem to want to superhero around with me...I can take you on patrol with me if you want."

"Really?!" Lincoln excitedly asked. Then his face fell. "Oh, but I have school tomorrow."

"No, you don't. Tomorrow is the weekend."

"Wait, really? They had the first day of school the day before the weekend?"

Lori shrugged. "Look, do you want to join me tomorrow or not?"

"Oh, y-yes, of course, I do!"

She smiled. "Then get some sleep. If you're not awake by seven, I'm leaving you behind. And I'm eating your breakfast. Alright? Good night, twerp."

"Good night, Lori," she heard him say as she closed the door behind her.

She didn't go back to her room immediately. Instead, she stood in front of the door and turned on her X-ray vision, and watched her brother pull out his little stuffed rabbit, wrap himself in his blanket, and turn on his side to sleep. She smiled, then turned and headed back into her room. She kicked off her slippers as she got into bed and pulled her azure blankets over herself. And as she lay her head in her cold, rock-hard pillow (it was literally a rock, her super-senses hated things that were too soft), she sighed quietly. "Looks like I'm going to have a full day ahead of me tomorrow," she said to herself.

She didn't seem to notice the way her cheeks flushed as she said that.