Chapter 30: Tomb-Stoned
Well that was quick l, look sorry we just go a few days of writing to ending our book to writing again. We have our own problems right at the moment but we are back...So on with the next chapter of 1000 Ways To Dieeeeee.
Date: July 25, 2012
Location: Austin, TX
Alex spent his time at home creating robots and breaking things, when he could have gone to any top college in the country. He constantly tortured his parents by wrecking the house. He decided to put the micro-processor of a vaccum robot, motion detectors, and razor-sharp spinning lawnmower blades into one machine in order to make it even more dangerous. He tested its destructive power by making it destroy another one of his robots, which was destroyed in seconds. He put the robot to sleep in order to fix up the other for another round. When he dropped a screw, the robot which was thought to be asleep turned itself on, and when Alex bent down to pick it up, it cuts off two of his fingers, and then slashes his foot off. Alex fell to the floor, and the robot lacerated deep into his abdomen and slices his aorta and vena cava and he died from massive blood loss.
Way To Die #723: Bot-ily Harm
Date: May 17, 2016
Location: Tarzana, CA
Tom and Tammy were your average couple in love. Like couples, they went to the movies, took long walks, went to dinner, but unlike other couples, these exhibitionists make love in public. One day, Tom got a Prince Albert piercing to add punch to his and Tammy's relationship. While making love on a power Transformer, the voltage hits Tom in the piercings, causing him to be electrocuted to death. Tammy, while shocked that her boyfriend is dead, is lucky because she felt a little more than a tingle and her feet weren't on the ground during the electrocution.
Way To Die #121: Hertz So Good
Date: October 22, 1926
Location: Montreal, Canada
A magician named Harry Houdini proved that he can cheat death by doing a barrage of magic tricks. Houdini first claimed to free himself from a straitjacket. He also claimed to free himself from a chair. When Houdini was at his house, a fan of him walked by. He wanted to find out if the great Houdini was ever discovered. The fan tried to claim Houdini if he was invincible to pain. Houdini accepted it. Then the fan gave Houdini some punches, but the great magician stood strong, seemingly proving the fan right. The fan walked away proud. However, Houdini collapsed nine days later due to septic shock of his ruptured appendix. Houdini should have known, you can escape from just about everything...except your own fate...
Way To Die #14: Harry He-Done-y
Date: September 29, 2008
Location: Atlantic city, New Jersey
A beautiful young girl named Suki goes to a hot dog eating competition. The reason for this is that she is an emetophiliac, a person who has a sexually overwhelming desire to be vomited on because a person (an ex-boyfriend) dumps Suki. Her plan is to make the winner vomit on her after the competition. A competitor named Jiro Tanaka wins but is about to vomit. He then goes backstage to vomit, only to find Suki, now stripped down to her Victoria's Secret lingerie. Jiro tries to turn around, but an annoying Suki gets him to vomit on her. She jams her finger down his throat. Jiro violently vomits chunks of undigested hot dogs all over her, but mostly down her throat. He finally finishes vomiting and flees in horror. Suki tries to call for help, but with chunks of hot dogs down her throat, she can't talk or breathe. Soon after, she falls to the floor and dies in a puddle of her beloved vomit, putting an end to her emetophilia, once and for all. Suki was a Grade A 'FREAK!', but in all the deaths we've covered on 1000 Ways to Die, this one... is the hardest to swallow.
Way To Die #323: Vom-Ate-Dead
Date: November 21, 2012
Location: Brentwood, CA
He was born with all his fingers and toes, he wasn't dropped on his head as a baby, but for reasons even his parents can't fathom, Benny grew up to be the biggest asshole on the block. Benny was a man who is 26 going on 14 who loved to play incredibly dangerous and immature pranks on his neighbors, whether it was putting sugar in the gas tank of someone's car or spreading a neighbor's front porch with oil. However one day, wanted to cause a wreck by flashing a mirror at people who dare to drive down his street. He blasted one car with the mirror and the car hit the fire hydrant. Benny got his wish, but unfortunately for him, Lady Karma had also decided that today was the day he finally got what was coming to him; the hydrant flew towards Benny and struck him in the head with a devastating amount of force, completely shattering his skull, killing him within seconds and sending the immature, antagonistic prankster down to hell where he belongs.
Way To Die #506: Die-drant
Date: June 6, 1986
Location: San Francisco, CA
An egotistical bully named Rodney White hogs a basketball game. Rodney plays a match with a couple of the players and does a slam dunk after kicking one of the players in the groin and using him like a platform. To rub his feat in the other players faces, he put his head through the basket gloating all his glory until they demanded to continue playing in hopes of putting Rodney in his place. However, as he drops down, his necklace gets caught in the net and acts like a makeshift noose, snapping his neck, and he dies twenty seconds later.
Way To Die #284: Hang Dunked
Date: July 23, 2010
Location: Malibu, CA
When you boil it down, this book is about cosmic justice. People get what's coming to them. For this next story, we asked the cosmos if there was anyone who might have slipped through the cracks. Someone who deserves a cosmic ass-kicking "1000 Ways" style. Here's how the cosmos responded. "Bad" Max, a big-time movie star he had fame, money, and a bit of a poisonous attitude. Even when he was younger, his attitude was lethal, and he wasn't above using racism on some people. One day, after getting a new girlfriend, the latter was fond of recording his abusive tirades (since nobody would believe her). Max demanded her to give him a blow job in the jacuzzi in ten minutes. Ten minutes have passed, and after Max angrily protested, the girlfriend blows him off. After Max got into the jacuzzi anyway, he accidentally sits on the suction pump. The pump sucks out his liver, kidneys, large and small intestines, spleen, and Max bleeds to death because of massive evisceration, much to the horror of his girlfriend as the inconsiderate, racist, bad-tempered, selfish and annoyingly evil movie star is sent to Hell as he deserves. This story is based on a real death. It just didn't happen to this guy we called Max. If he was real and ready to learn from his mistakes, here's what we tell him: There's no rule that says Hollywood stars have to become jerks, but if they do, be forewarned. We love to watch your careers go down the drain."
Way To Die #873: Bad Max
_______________________________________________
Date: September 11, 2001
Location: Twin Towers, New York City, NY
On Sept. 11th, 2001, Joe Dittmar was on the 105th floor of the World Trade Center's South Tower for a business meeting when the terrorist attacks started. Dittmar, then 44, had been visiting New York City from Aurora, Ill., a Chicago suburb, where he worked in the insurance industry. Before the meeting began, the first plane hit the North Tower, and Dittmar saw the hellish aftermath from a South Tower window. Dittmar, now 61, vividly recalled the scene, describing "gaping black holes through the sides of that building ... gray and black billows of smoke pouring out of those holes, flames redder than any red I'd ever seen before in my life, flicking up the side of the building." Dittmar took the stairs to evacuate. He said he'd made it to the 72nd floor when, 17 minutes after the first crash, the second plane hit the tower he was in. Some of the other people from his business meeting took the express elevator to try to get out and did not survive. Out of everything that went down on 9/11 Joe made it out of the tower and is alive to tell the story. Out of 1000 Ways To Die, Joe found one way to live.
Way To Live #455: Die-Scraper