13 Safe

"I say you're crazy!" I try to push him off me again, but he won't budge.

"I can't deny that. Now, do you promise to talk to me?" His gaze is penetrating and it's making my heart ping in pain and hope.

"Stop it, Jackson." I give up trying to push on him and just cover my face as I begin to sob. "Stop, please." I beg him.

"I can't stop loving you, Lita. I do not want to stop either. God, I wish I could take back what I said earlier. I'd give everything to go back and swallow my words." He tries to take my hands from my face and I just scrunch my eyes up instead.

"Fuck." He grunts. He sits up on his knees and I scramble out from under him, hugging my knees on the bed and begin to rock my self, burying my face in my arms.

"Lita. I'm sorry you've been alone all these years, with no one but yourself. I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you and love you like you deserved. Please, baby, Lita..." I feel him scoot forward on the bed towards me and I flinch away from him.

"Do not call me baby." I spit venomously.

Why did it have to be Jackson? Why when my life was going so well? I thought I had buried these feelings, these desires a long time ago. I've always yearned for him, even heart broken and betrayed when he wasn't there and never hearing from him. I yearned for him so badly. I want him to hold me, I want him to show me he cares, I want him. That's all I ever wanted, but not like this. Not when I'm broken beyond repair. I clench my heart, feeling like my body is trying to purge me of the damn thing.

I'm fucking exhausted, my heart feels like it's trying to claw its way out of my chest, and I can not get my emotions under control. Jackson comes closer to me and wraps an arm around my shoulders, like he used to when we were younger. I'm still upset with him but I don't know, maybe I need to just relax and think about everything.

My tension slowly starts to lesson, feeling the familiar weight and as long as my eyes are closed I can try to fool myself that I'm still a kid, leaning on my best friend for support. I start to breathe easier and fall into his chest, like I did back then. I find the same questions running through my mind too. I ask the ones though that mean something now.

"Jacks, why would you say I'm perfect when you know I'm not?" I finally get out after we both sit there for a while in silence.

"Because I know you ARE. I jumped the gun earlier, I admit it. I insulted you right after your boss did and I admit that was stupid. I let my emotions get the better of me. I want to make it right, I want you in my life, I need you Lita. When you slapped me, I realized that I fucked up. When you told me to leave earlier, I felt like you told me to walk off a cliff. I felt I like I couldn't breathe, I still feel like I'm struggling to breathe to be honest." Jackson leans his face against my head, "We're both broken Lita, but I want to cherish every broken piece of you, because you are one of a kind. You are priceless to me."

He lets out a long exhale and I curl up into his body. "Do me a favor Jacks."

"Anything."

"Don't ever call or take me to a hospital unless I've been shot or I feel like I am dying." I yawn, exhaustion taking over me. "Also, if you ever accuse me of being a gold digging whore again, I'm going to do more than just slap your ass, before I'm gone."

"Okay, my little Lita." He kisses my hair and soon my body drifts off to sleep.

I wake up and the sun is going down. I'm in my bed, pillows back on it, a tray of French toast sits on the bedside table with a glass of juice. I down the juice and eat, slightly appalled that I'm doing so in my bed. I wait a little bit after eating, listening to the sounds of my quiet house. It seems he left.

I don't know how I feel about that yet. I get out of bed and walk downstairs with the tray and take care of the dishes. Everything else has been cleaned. I'm a little miffed when I see a dirty shoe print on my carpet though. I pull out my vacuum and suck up all the dirt, then my spot cleaner does the rest of the job. I look for any more and get to work. I'm grumbling the whole time but I get it done in about an hour. I then go back upstairs feeling emotionally deflated. I'm the wilted flowers in a crushed lovers hand before he throws them in the garbage.

I open my closet to finish my packing and I'm shocked. Everything is put away. Everything is hung back up. Every single one of my drawings are no where to be seen though. I do notice a paper with something written on it though.

What is this?

Lita, forgive me for not being here when you wake up. I had to leave to take care of some things. I unpacked your items for you. You're not going anywhere. I faxed the handwritten contract to your offices with a note saying it will be signed as soon as it's finished being fixed. Please call me when you're awake.

Jackson

I sigh, set the note down and leave my closet. I climb back into the bed and pull the covers over my head and just go back to sleep. I'm awakened by large hands playing with my hair and inhale deeply of a clean forest scent with a touch of smoke. I stretch and realize I'm curled up around Jacksons body. It feels good, so I just nuzzle my face farther into his chest and squeeze him tighter.

Wait. How did he get back in my house?

I raise my heavy head up and meet his gaze.

"How did you get back in my house?" Sleep is still heavily laced in my words.

"I borrowed a key because I knew you wouldn't call me, but I had hoped."

I chuckle, "Borrowed a key? Is that what you're attempting to try and call it now?"

"Yes, because I returned it exactly where and how I found it." He says his chest puffing up under me.

"Yes, I'm sure, just like when we borrowed the drill, right?"

We both chuckle at the memory of 'borrowing' the drill from his parents garage to help build the clubhouse and returned it dead as a doornail not knowing where the charger was to plug it back in. His dad thought the battery was no good on it and pitched a fit until he found the charger for it to plug it in. We had to finish the club using a screwdriver. Thankfully we had already done the frame work, so it was mainly attaching the tarp and screwing in long screw we had gathered to hang the tree branches over the tarp. We had old fifty gallon metal barrels around one side as a wall, then we had screwed the pallets together for the other walls and the roof. We were so proud of that thing. It was our safe haven. Our place where we found a sliver of peace in our fucked up lives.

"I wonder if it is still there?" Jackson says out loud.

"It's not. It burned down." I say sadly. I burned it down the day before I left for college.

Jackson freezes under me, but then releases a heavy sigh, sadness in his voice, "That's too bad. That's the only place I had good memories of from our childhood."

Guilt fills me as I agree, "Yeah. Same here." I wiggle my fingers and wince looking at my hand that's swollen.

I sigh. "What day is it?"

"It's ten at night, Saturday."

"Wow, really? It feels like it's been longer than that since Friday." I mumble.

"Stressful situations tend to do that." Jackson murmurs, "It feels longer because of all the emotions that run through us, it wears the body out, hence why happy people tend to look younger longer than people who are under a lot of stress."

"hmmm... Makes sense." I agree with him snuggling back into his chest.

"Do you forgive me, Lita?" His quiet voice is full of fear, for either restarting my fury or my answer.

I huff thinking of it all, embarrassment starting to creep into me as I realize how I had acted. I'm surprised that Jackson is still here after all that I said to him. Hell, I slapped him, pushed him, shoved him, and finally released all those emotions I had been pushing down all these years. I feel raw and exposed and vulnerable for a moment before I notice a different emotion coming over me.

I suddenly feel lighter in my heart than I've ever remembered feeling before. It's calming and soothing like aloe gel on a sunburn. The rawness is still there, but you know it will heal.

"Yes. I forgive you." I raise my eyes to his and his whole body releases the tension that was there.

He lets out a shuddering breath and pulls me tighter against him.

I feel the relief and desperation to hold me closer, his desire to keep me there against him. An overwhelming sense of warmth floods my body, making me feel safe.