Chapter: 10 The park meeting.

On her way back to home, she passed by a park and thought to take a slight walk there. while passing by the lanes of the park, she was immersed in her own thoughts but not negative ones this time. she was thinking what Noir had told her but Even if she change herself now and even if she considers that Noir was right but the problem lied that no one would accept her for her dark past.

when she was thinking all this, someone came near her and said, "Ah!.... Ella... Hi," it was a familiar face. and who was it again, yeah right . it was Jayson unexpectedly. "hmmm?" she looked up, she was surprised to see him there.

"Oh! it is you. Hi," she replied. "Umm... How are you doing?" he asked hesitating.

"I am fine. what about you? " she said feeling a bit awkward, after memorizing what had happened during their first meeting.

"I am also good.... umm, can I... can I have some of your time." he asked a bit confused.

"Yeah, sure" she said and was rather calm.

He than continued, "about..... the other day, I am really sorry about last time. I did not know that things would turn out like that."

"That`s fine. it was not your fault anyway. I guess I was the one over reacting then. I should not have done that. I let you witness all that. I am really sorry."

"No, it wasn`t also your fault. maybe the set up was a bit too quick and forward and we had not expected it." he said explaining.

"heh, that`s so sweet of you to not to blame me for that. thanks." she said and smiled.

"umm,.. so... what do you think about the proposal? I mean it was the basic reason for the meeting anyway." he asked gathering all his courage.

"Yeah, right. about that, then let me ask you something first. do you really want to marry me after all that. and you also don`t know me yet and don`t know what my personality is, so even after all this you still do to consider this ?" she asked him head to the point.

"Well It`s fine for me and I think that we can get to know each other better once we are in a relation." he said casually.

"No, Jayson!" she suddenly said forcedly. "you have to know me before any commitment. you have to know what kind of person I really am. because I don`t want any kind of misunderstanding afterwards and I don`t want you to think that I hided something from you deliberately. If you get to know me then you definitely won`t like to be with a wretched person like me. You surely won`t be able to accept me after knowing me" she burst out.

"Why are you saying it like that? I mean, we don`t know yet what will happen in the future so how can be so sure about all this?" he asked confused.

"Because I know how I am. I know the outcome and know that I am not worthy of you. and I am really not what you think I am." she said loudly.

"Then just tell me what kind of person you are." he said sighing.

"I am a total scumbag. I am a wrecked person and a total idiot, not a pure and innocent girl you think or you want. I really am quite bad." saying this she finally fell silent.

"I get it now. you are just saying this because you don`t want to be with me. right? "

"Noo! it is not like that. you are not understanding it, Jayson. it is not what I meant". she said explaining herself.

"Then I think that you don`t like me." he said again displeased.

"That is not it. In fact, I think that you are a very nice person. you have a very good personality and someone like me don`t deserve or suit you. you should have some one worthy of you. In fact, I maybe will never be able to find someone like in my whole life but I really do not want to ruin your life along with me." she said trying to make her point of view clear to him and to make him understand.

"please.. don`t say it like that" he said frowning.

Ella had been calm till now but she got angry at this and burst out with anger.

"Fine, if you don`t agree with me then listen. I will tell you why I have been refusing till now. to be honest, I am a very molested person with a very totally ruined personality. I... I have had many affairs till now and have even slept with people i did not even knew. in short a total playgirl and f*ker. and I am not saying this to get rid of you this really is the damn truth about me . you see I am totally ruined so,.... will you still be able to accept someone like me. will you still like to be with someone like me. because if all this does not matter to you then I am also fine with you.' she finally said everything she did not wanted to say to him.

she kept starring at him, but he fell silent and did not utter a single word.

"Humph!" she grinned, "I knew it. I knew exactly this would happen when you will found out the truth. because I know that a person who values dignity and pride would never be able to accept someone like me. as a person like me is a real shame to our society. only that person can accept me loves me unconditionally and luckily there is not a single person in this world like that." she said and her voice began to shake While Jayson was still quite. maybe he was in a shock and did not knew what to say next.

"that is why I was saying that you should get to know me first. anyhow, I guess then it is a goodbye now. I hope that you find someone who is really worth it for you. and who ahs a great personality unlike me. may you live happily for the rest of your life. good bye." she finished her sentence and then walked away.

On the other hand, Jayson kept standing there in a daze. he wanted to say something to her, any thing, but could not find any words. he could not understand what to say, should he blame her or thank her, should he get angry or be happy. well I think there are some times in the world when you have to say a lot but could not find any words so the best you do is stay silent and that is exactly what Jayson did. he kept standing there silent and confused.

In this world we encounter many people but not all of them are able to accept us as we are and not everyone is able to stay with us because.... not every one is worth it.