A New Direction

The energy was using the mana like a battery. When it was used up the mana from the surroundings naturally entered my body and filled the missing gaps. This renewal was normal for humans.

A human awakens when they gain the ability to absorb mana into their core and use it. A body can only hold so much. When a core is created mana can be stored inside. Once mana has circulated once throughout the body (this is the process of it entering the body) and enters the core it is then able to conceive the commands from the human it is in and affects the world according to their wishes. The mana does not exit the core at this point. It is directly used up by changing something in the world.

This is the main difference between energy and mana. Mana creates a permanent change directly onto or using the materials provided. Energy can create something out of nothing temporarily. The energy returns to the user while the mana gets replenished naturally by the thick mana in the surroundings. The mana is essentially being pushed into the air pockets because the density is so thick.

Mana sickness occurs when the mana in the surroundings is too high for the body's capacity. It continued filling up the 'space' without caring what human is in that 'space'. With no core to project it, that human's body begins breaking down. It can also happen in lower mana-density areas after a long period of time. This is rare. Most of the world is only getting higher and higher densities of mana with all the dungeons opening. Humans with a low capacity or resistance get mana sickness at higher rates.

Such is the case for the previous owner of the current body.

My body had not awakened; Thus it did not have a core. It was still sick. However, the mana could be used to control my energy.

I suddenly released the suppression when I realized something. The aches returned. I stopped. Subsequently, I fell into despair.

If I continued using the mana, the energy in the body would lower. When it becomes lower the consciousness of this body… would it reawaken? Would the original owner of the body reawaken?

I already have some of his memories. The moment I had them, I changed. I took a calming bubble bath. A human-like ritual for reducing stress. My kind would rather circulate their energy with their partners. Of course, that is impossible for me right now, but what good would a human stress relief ritual do to me? Our state depends on our energy levels. The mental state is not a necessity for health and wellness. This means that it wasn't only memories that filled me when I passed out on the ground.

If my energy levels lower and more of his mana fills me, then what else about me would change? What more of me would become human? I don't even know if this ends at baths. I had candles and music going.

I imagined myself trying to talk about this with other crossers. Even among the eccentrics, they wouldn't understand. They may have been able to adapt to find some interest in music or baths. However, now that I've experienced what those things can be for a human I realize how naive we are about them. Despite all that I know, all that I've learned and studied, despite everything I thought I knew due to my studies--I really never truly tried to understand them.

They have so many parts to them. So many overlapping bits and pieces that they need to find a way to satiate at all the same time.

A human cannot live their entire life with only their lifelong partner. They need friends and family, stress-relievers, goals and motivations and initiatives and purpose, spiritual something or other, even. I've read about all of these things but it's only now that I truly begin to understand them. My body is telling me that I need to keep my hands busy. This isn't an instinct for survival or self-preservation. It's to settle my mind. My human mind with human needs.

The first time I was in this body I did not have such needs.

I am no longer the race I once was. I've become something different. Something not crosser, nor human. I no longer could belong on either side.

I ignored what the apple-cheeked doctor was trying to tell me. He was about to start the vision test. He thought I was deaf because I'd been tuned out. Just as he handed me a pad with the regular crosser entry questions, I smiled at him and sat up.

"Thank you, doctor. There is no need. I was simply in awe of finally crossing into the human world.

"I am the culture crosser specialist. My assistant, a Mary agent will be able to tell you all you need to know about the proceedings. She can help you with all the paperwork you need. My job is simply to teach." I smiled and stood up. I expertly walked to the stack of clothes at the side and glanced through them. As I checked them I continued, "I assume the lecture hall has finished? The checkups shouldn't take too long on an ideal host, correct? Ah yes, this is the bathroom. If you'll excuse me. I'd like to cover my newly-discovered butt. Please bring the doctors you need for any and all checkups now. I'd like to start my work right away." I smiled and nodded before shutting the door between us.

If there is no place for me, I'll make a place.