Chapter 236: Boring...
[What should I do?]
[Why do you hate me?]
[I...]
[Should I die...?]
Two knocks on the door made Sakura open her eyes in confusion. She sat on the bed and stared into the void for a second.
'Again...'
Those strange experiences manifested as blurry dreams. She could no longer understand what it was all about.
The door sounded again with two soft knocks. So, putting the dream aside, she got out of bed and realized it was still dark, so she went to the door to see who it was, but when she opened it, she woke up completely to see that Gray was in her pajamas hugging a pillow.
"Gray...?"
"I... I..."
Gray looked down at the floor trying to hide her embarrassment. She wanted to say something, but this same embarrassment prevented her. Besides, for Sakura, this was the first time Gray had come to her room in the middle of the night.
But even if she felt embarrassed by this, the fear she felt was even stronger, which urged her to speak her mind.
"Can I sleep with you...?"
A 16-year-old girl being afraid of ghosts was something quite unusual in these modern times, but, even though Sakura already knew this, she understood that everyone can have a fear that surpasses the mental strength of the people in question. She is also afraid of something and that is normal. If Gray is afraid of something, Sakura is going to help her.
She then smiled kindly at her and took her hand saying:
"You didn't need to ask."
And Gray just looked at her as if he was apologizing for bothering her so late at night.
***
"Is there something you want to tell me?"
Lying both of them on the bed, covered by the sheet protecting them from the cold, Sakura asked Gray a question due to this girl staring at the ceiling unable to sleep.
Sakura looked at her waiting for an answer.
"No, really..."
"It's okay if it's something that makes you uncomfortable. Telling others lessens the size of the problem."
Though she felt very hypocritical saying that. However, if it was to help this girl, being hypocritical was fine.
Gray still doesn't quite trust others. Even though she has been living for over a month in this house, it is still hard for her to have confidence in herself and others.
"Maybe this is a good opportunity for us to get to know each other better. If you tell me something about yourself, I'll tell you something about me."
Those words, though brief, were enough for Gray to feel a bit of confidence. She did want to tell Sakura everything she has in store, but it still remains difficult. But if Sakura has the confidence to reveal something to her, she wasn't to waste that.
"Well, I... I'm afraid of ghosts..."
Gray expected Sakura to laugh at her, but that wasn't the case. Sakura just nodded her head, understanding what this girl meant.
"Do you have any memories that relate to that? I understand that you were tending the graves in a cemetery?"
"I don't really know, but I seem to be susceptible to spirits. My mentor told me that's because the negative thoughts and feelings of ghosts affect me."
"I see. It must be difficult for you, but don't worry. If you are afraid I can help you."
"... Thank you..."
Now it was Sakura's turn to confess something, but she stopped to think. If they talk about ghosts, the first ghost that comes to her mind is Toru. Talking about her love for him... Well, she's talked about that before, but deepening that love was a bit more complicated.
"When I was a child my last name used to be Tōsaka."
She said turning around to look at the ceiling. She closed her eyes to see herself in the past.
"I had a sister...I had a father...I had a mother...and they all...gave me to another family."
She opened her eyes sighing.
"I really don't know whether to be thankful or feel angry because thanks to that I'm here. I've grown up learning a lot of things thanks to father, thanks to Waver Velvet and I'm thankful for that."
Listening quietly, Gray turned around and looked at Sakura.
"That's not the whole story, is it?"
"You realized..."
"You don't need to say it if you don't want to. You've said enough. I appreciate it. You really are a good friend."
-By Gray-
As I watch her look up at the ceiling remembering all that she has been through, I realize that she is no different from her adoptive father. What kind of life must this beautiful violet-haired girl have led? I have no idea.
She is always so kind to everyone, as if she really hasn't had a tortuous past. It's amazing how strong she is to bear such a heavy burden. In that respect, she is very much like her adoptive father.
And with what little I know of her, I admire her greatly for all that she has accomplished.
"We all have things that are hard for us to tell."
I told her and she just kept looking up at the ceiling with a soft smile.
If I remember correctly, she's been in love with the same man for 10 years, how would it feel to be in love? I don't know. The knowledge of romance I have is only limited to what I've read in books, but imagining Sakura ten years ago in love with a guy much older than her makes it very adorable to me.
Anyone would think that love would only be a passing feeling in a girl's life, but ten years have passed and she still loves and misses that boy.
If she's thought about him all this time, that means she really loves him.
"Good night..."
Having overcome the fear I felt a few minutes ago at the sight of that strange entity in the library that was surely just a joke in my mind, I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep.
"Good night, Gray."
Said she who, apparently, also went back to sleep.
***
The sound of some wooden compartment opening reached my ears, which made me wake up wondering what had happened.
I felt two soft and warm lumps touching my face, so when I opened my eyes listening to that noise, I realized that my face was between Sakura's breasts. She was hugging me like I was a stuffed animal and it was a little hard to breathe. It seems that was another reason why I woke up.
To save myself from Sakura's embrace, I timidly moved under the sheets like a snake and got off the bed.
'What about Add?'
I realized that I had left it in my room because of the fear of seeing the ghost in the library.
I'm still scared, but I have to go get him. I can't leave Add alone since it's the Mystic Code that I inherited.
So I plucked up my courage and opened the door to return to my room.
Somehow the hallway in front of me seemed to stretch into the abyss, but this was just another bad joke of my mind. I tried not to get carried away by this and, placing a hand on the wall to my right, I moved forward.
I hurried to my room and, when I was there, I opened the door at once. I took the bird cage and returned to Sakura's room.
"Hm... What's the matter, brat, you leave me lying around and then come back like it's nothing? Even a dog is treated better."
Add started making the usual comments, but I ignored him. All I wanted right now was to get back to Sakura, but as I finished climbing the stairs, another faint noise, as if they had just put some glass on a wooden surface reached my ears.
The noise came from my mentor's office.
This time Add said nothing, as if he knew what was going on. That puzzled me, but now that I have Add in my hand, I can defend myself against any evil entity.
I thought so...
So I walked over and opened the door very carefully. I slowly peeked my head through the door opening and froze the moment I saw him.
He had black hair illuminated by the faint light of the moon and the exterior headlights, strange and mystical silver eyes accompanied by a handsome face with fine and elegant features.
He looked at me the moment I opened the door and I stared at him, not knowing what to say and unable to move.
He slowly lifted a crystal glass full of that whiskey my mentor usually keeps on his desk and drank the liquid without caring if I had figured it out. After drinking some of the contents of the glass, he let out a cold sigh and, with his voice broken and weak, whispering in a language I didn't understand, he said to me:
"Looks like I screwed up...did I make too much noise?"
As I listened to him, I realized it was the voice of a normal person, or so it seemed. In fact, he didn't sound like a ghost, but he's definitely who I saw in the library. Other than that, there is a bad feeling in the bottom of my heart.
He's there in front of me, but I can feel something different. I... I feel sadder than usual.....
"Regardless of whether I've made noise, I've made a mistake. I'm leaving."
He left the crystal glass on the table and advanced towards the door. He walked past me, as if I wasn't there and that's when I realized the most important thing in this situation.
He vanished shrouded in darkness, which inevitably brought me to my knees in terror. I understood that I felt all that sadness because he was in front of me. It is as my mentor told me. The negative thoughts and feelings of spirits are able to get to me, which overwhelmed me quite a bit.
"That guy...what would he taste like?"
Add said. He seemed to be amused by the situation, but I just stood there, frozen and helpless.
-In Sakura's room-
Toru was a little drunk because he was drinking before, but he was still in his five senses. He can still control himself.
In his dematerialized form he looked at Sakura, who seemed to feel pain in her whole body, because for a few seconds she made a face of pain at the same time that her body trembled.
With his disembodied body, he brought his hand to Sakura's head and stroked her hair.
She, feeling Toru's presence inside her dreams, calmed down with a sad and soft smile.
'What a horrible life you lead, Master.'
He thought. 'And yes, he's a little drunk. He wouldn't normally do this, but the influence of alcohol fell on his brain. It was normal from an objective point of view.
But now there are so many things on his mind, he really doesn't know how to escape from it all.
...
He's tired of it.
He's tired of being alive.
But he's also so tired that it's a bummer to die.
He's so tired of it all, but at least alcohol exists and he could forget about it all by drinking a little and having the time of his life, but he's tied to this girl, because she's his Master, she's the one he must protect in this war regardless of whether he knows her or not.
He has the option to refuse her service as a Servant, but even that's a bummer for him.
And he's bored with it all...
'You told me I should talk more... I... I'll... I'll try.'
Nothing can erase his past, but at least he shouldn't have allowed himself to be a nuisance to others because of his stupid and depressing traumas, for no one cares in the end.
'But it's weird...'
He thought carefully...
'I feel like I've already done this for you...'
And then, through his body invisible to the human eye, a couple of tears fell down his face. He didn't notice this, so he just moved away from the bed and sat down in a corner of the room. There he closed his eyes and allowed himself to rest.
***
That night, even though he fell asleep for a few minutes, he had a dream.
He saw himself from someone else's point of view.
A strange, blurry mansion and the silhouettes of two people. From the stature of those people he thought they were two children, but everything was so blurry that he simply couldn't tell clearly.
So, when he opened his eyes, he saw that, on the bed, the gray-haired girl was also sleeping.
'Yes...'
He thought...
'How boring...'
-The next morning-'
Waver held a book in his right hand while looking at Toru.
"Okay, let's start with the first class."
Toru nodded his head. At least studying a bit would relax all his heavy thoughts. Besides, he took advantage of this to become stronger.
"I'll teach you one of the most basic magics Magus have. It shouldn't be a problem for you."
"Bounded Fields, right? It looks like a rare kind of barrier. I think I'll be able to do it."
"Open this book to page 78. I'll take care of explaining the rest to you."
"Yes."
Thus, without Sakura or Gray noticing, Waver got a new apprentice. He thought that, being the powerful and mysterious Asahi Toru, he could learn magics that would strengthen him or at least help him in his work as Servant.
To be continued...