~ chapter 05 ~

  °Julia°

                          ________________

I can't believe I managed to finish all of that in just 3 days. Maybe it was because of the 'You got it, bitch' playlist I made on Spotify.

Or maybe it was because I had to prove my impostor syndrome, wrong.

Or maybe it was because of the 47 minutes long speech, Lily had given me, during the time of which I almost dozed off once, almost cried because of how brutally honest she can be, and felt so motivated that I worked for 6 hours straight without a break after she ended the call.

Or maybe it was because all of these things.

I open my drawer and bring out the picture of us, in high school.

We were 15, that's when we met. My parents had moved out from the house we used to stay. We had lived there for...I don't know how long. We had been there since I was born, as far as I remember.  And when my parents decided to split up, me and my mother moved out to her hometown.

I finished my highschool and college there.

I remember Lily, throwing a death glare at the girl who tried to bully me on the first day of high school. I was not much of a badass then. I am now. I learnt how to stand up for myself. And she is the reason why! She had been my only friend ever since. I had a few other friends, but no one can or will ever replace her.

Then, I moved to the city.

But that didn't put up an end to our friendship.

We still facetime every night. No matter, for how many minutes or hours. No matter how busy we are...

Lily can really be a bitch at times.

But, a bitch I love to death! She was my bitch, my only friend, my sister. Not by blood, but she meant even more than that!

Sounds cliche, I know. But hey, I'm no poet!

Anyways, she was coming to visit me the coming weekend. And I can't believe, I am gonna see her after almost 2 years and 6 months. But, the fact I can't believe even more is that,

that crack-head was getting married by the end of next month.

She is going to stay with me for the week and finish her 'wedding' shopping. After which, I had the "maid of honor duties to fulfil" as she mentioned, and help her choose a wedding dress.

I told her to ask Steven, her fiance to help her, because they both were so in love with each other, they asked each other's opinion on literally everything.

I swear, I once heard Steven asking Lily what he should reply to a girl who kept texting him.

And they both kind of played a prank on that poor girl, instead of letting her know that he wasn't interested in a 'good time' that the girl wanted to show him.

They were, more of best friends than lovers.

And I loved seeing them together like that.

He made her happy and that's all I could ever wish for.

I had threatened him on their first date, when I dropped her off there,

that I was gonna break all the teeth that showed at the front when he smiled, if he even dreams about hurting her.

"Oh c'mon," I had told Lily. "He is a dentist. He would easily fix himself a fake set of teeth! No big deal about it."

My phone rings and brings me back, from down the memory lane.

It's her.

I pick up the call, and say "Are you The Devil's incarnation or something? Because you called exactly, when I was thinking about you?"

"Oh, don't butter me up. You are always thinking about me. Because you don't have any other friends. Remember!?"

"Damn it, Lily. Why do you always have to be a meanie!" I fake-cry. "God, My heart..it hurts. Owh owh.."

"Fine, stop the drama now!" I could hear her, rolling her eyes on the phone screen.

"Tell me, how was the submission? Did your client like the copies you wrote?"

she interrogates, and we chat.

After a few minutes, she reaches home because I can hear Steven's voice on the call. We then switch to FaceTime and chat for an hour more.

It's almost 8:30 in the evening when she cuts the call.

There's still time for dinner, but I have an amazing appetite today. I decide to eat my dinner earlier.

I make my dinner plate. Spaghetti it is!

Not just any spaghetti.

It's my special Creamy Lemon Pepper Shrimp Spaghetti.

It smells amazing. I'm such a brilliant cook.

I eat and eat until I can't anymore.

Gosh, I'm so full!

This is the story, everytime I cook this recipe. I learnt it online.

I'm telling you, if I get the proper YouTube video, I could perform a surgery. I won't though, because I can't! The sight of blood, makes me nauseous.

I guess I'll have to put the rest of the creamy, delicious spaghetti, in the refrigerator. Ugh...!

My body is satisfied, but my mind isn't. Story of my life!

...

I come into my bedroom and my eyes fall on my binocular.

It's been days. Since I engaged in any, activities that included me going to my balcony. I was too busy with my work, to stand and stare. It's been days since I did, what I loved doing, i.e. stargazing.

I think I picked up that habit, ever since that night.

When he, the boy who had found me in the garage,

the boy who had given me the peppermint candies,

the boy who had unknowingly become, the only 'friend' I ever had then, had showed me how and where to find the constellations.

I remember how we had, found a place.

The roof patio on the garage. We used to sit there for hours, even when we didn't talk.

He had first helped me identify the constellation.

"You see that, it's the 'The Ursa Major'"  he had taught me, guiding and pointing my fingers towards the sky.

"See through this, it's a binocular." His voice was always calm. As if he had no worries. He always had sounded like an adult to me though.

Maybe adults don't have to worry much, I had thought then. If only I could tell myself, that was so not the case. That, it's always gonna be like that. Some people just upgrade into the 'difficult' part, later in life than others.

But, life was never sweet on me. So, I didn't have any complaint to begin with. 

I had asked how old he was, and he had said that he was 12.

4 years older than I was.

"Mike." his mom had shouted from a distance, to which he had run away, snatching the binoculars from my hand.

The name echoed,

fresh and  gentle in my mind.

A vague smile form on my lips, at the fond memories.

I pick up the binocular.

My balcony has a nice view, as compared to the place I used to live before shifting here 5 years ago.

That's when I met, James, my asshole of an ex, for the first time. He lived on the floor just above me, then. We met in the garden one evening, and I was too sad to care who I was sharing my troubles with.

The chats transformed into dates and with time I just eased into believing that the next step was being in a relationship with him.

It just felt like, that's what people do, and so I had to do the same thing.

I tighten my grip on the binocular and look up.

There it is. The Ursa Major.

I have looked up at the sky so often, and so many times that it didn't take me less than 15 seconds to spot the constellation.

I move my binocular pointed at the sky, towards the right.

The sky is beautiful and starry tonight.

I try to reach out my hand, as if just with a lil bit more effort I'd be able to touch the stars...

I move my binocular down, without detaching my eyes from the eyepiece. And it focuses it self on the apartment window infront of me.

The Universe, as if laughing on me just in time catches me off guard.

It always does!

I guess, just with me.

Because, out of nowhere, James decides to come out into his balcony.

I wasn't even trying to look at his balcony, this time.

I had started caring less about what anyone said about my dating life. I had stopped listening to my mom's deliberate nagging. And, I wanted to move on.

I wanted to, but I was afraid. Afraid of something. Maybe of having to compromise again, maybe of losing my belief in the kind of love I wanted. I don't know, maybe of something that I couldn't name. Maybe because I thought the people around me cared less or should I say didn't care at all about the fact that I don't wanna be forced into it.

Maybe, because I thought there's no man in this world, who was meant for me. And even if there was, he's taking his sweet lil time to walk into my life. And, I'm already losing interest.

I imaginarily roll my eyes on him, who I don't know the existence of.

I don't know who or what I was waiting for.

The only thing I'm sure of is that, the Universe won't just keep joking with me. It'll also show me a way out of it. Please, don't let this belief die.

I realise that it's been a few seconds, since I've pointed my binocular towards James' balcony, where he now stood, with a phone in his hand.

I panic, and move my binocular towards the left, almost defensively. As if, I've been caught doing something that I shouldn't.

Aaaaand.....

Fuck my life!

Because, through my binocular I see a face, that I don't wanna see.

Atleast, not right now... 

My neighbor. Dr. Enzo was sipping coffee with a book in his hand.

And the 'even more embarassing' part  was that, he was looking straight at me.

And he had a huge question mark imprinted on his face. His expressions were indecipherable.

Why ???

Why does everything that ever happens to me whenever I step out of my room, results in me getting embarassed in front of this man!!??

I remove the binocular from my eyes.

He tilts his head slightly, one of his eyebrows slightly raised in confusion, and his mouth as if he was gonna say something.

'Was'... because, I don't give him the chance to.

In a trice, I turn and vanish into my bedroom, before he could even open his mouth. 

Oh Dear Lord, please let some alienic UFO abduct me right now, and take me to Mars or any planet, or some other galaxy, even!

Mortified of the events that just took place, I throw myself on the bed.

"Ughhhhh... I hate it!"

The voice comes out in a mumble from my face buried in the pillow.

"God, why????" I let out another sheepish cry.

He must think I'm some crazy bitch, stalking people in their balconies. Why must this happen to me?

Have I not been humiliated enough, in front of him?

First because of the lock, then the shoes, and now these goddamned binoculars...

It's not like, I can place the blame on him for coming out on his own balcony.

"It's not like, you can change what just happened, Jul. It's just you have a bad luck with guys having dark brown eyes. Fuck you, Universe." 

I let out another sigh, and "tsked"  and "ugh'ed" myself to sleep.

I wonder what he was gonna say though. If only, I had stayed.