What Did You Expect? She Was Free Real Estate. (P1)

Sakura held Tenshi's hands as she shook her head; the tears that fell out of her eyes gently streamed down like a river.

Her pale lips quivered, "I-I...you don't have to lie! I'll be angry if you lie! I'm not as beautiful as her o-or, or..."

Sakura's pale face became even more paler as time flew by, however, she didn't forget to hug Tenshi as tight as she could.

Tenshi raised his eyebrows at her mannerism.

" I'm not lying. "

" Y-yes you are! You don't want to hurt me that's why you're saying that!"

" Okay, what's the reason you'd even think I would prefer her? Even though I told you that I broke up with her a while ago?"

"Sniff...s-she's beautiful, she can easily socialize, she can go on public places with you...why wouldn't I think you'd prefer her?"

[You can't let this drag on any further: she's clearly having suicidal thoughts right now, if you let her go or "play" with her for more longer, you'll end up in the bad path.]

[She thinks of you as the center of her universe: so it's not a wonder that your opinion of her matters so much to her that she'd be willing to commit suicide over it, and also over you.]

[She's a low-key, meek yandere. And you know, just a while later you'll receive a quest telling you to fix her problems. And do you know the most effective way to fix her? The answer is: accept her love, nurture her love and fuck her brains out, and also fulfill her dreams.]

[Regardless, I want you to say to her whatever I tell right now at this very moment—]

Tenshi looked at Sakura's face, and she noticing his gaze did the same to Tenshi as she sobbed and watched —hopefully— for a good answer.

If it was a negative answer, then she had nothing else to do other that hang herself.

"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself Tenshi...you don't have to bother with me if you don't want to, I can bear with that—" She flashed a reluctant smile. "I don't mind, if you want to throw me away, I don't mind. If you want to throw me away like a bag of garbage, I'll gladly throw myself into a trashbin so I wouldn't bother you..."

"I'd rather not bother you, so if you want, I'll disappear. I don't want to bother anyone I love anymore, if you want, I'll go away with a slight whimper...i won't appear in front of you two ever again..."

"B-but, don't hesitate to answer honestly... I want to hear the truth , no matter how hurtful it is..."

Sakura exposed a frigid smile filled with suffering as she looked away.

Tenshi received instructions from the voice in his head as he gently chuckled and put his hand on his chin.

Tenshi grabbed her chin and pulled her face towards him; exposing a florid, —due to the crying — and uncomfortable face filled with pain. The tears didn't stop either as she gently sobbed and bit her lips.

Tenshi said with a grin: "You know, if you ever have thoughts like these again in your mind — you should remember what I said to you the first time I saw you."

Sakura stared at with stunned eyes; then those eyes turned slightly joyful as a bit of color returned to her terribly-pale face.

" Y-you mean, "th-that", right?? "

" Yeah. 「Hey! Are you a fairy?!」 " Tenshi brightly smiled, although the smile was fake, as he said whatever the fuck the watch told him to tell her.

Doesn't that sound stupid? Who does —or says— that when they see a girl...?

"A-ah...uhm, so, err...you find me beautiful...?" Sakura fiddled her fingers against each other as she wiped away the tears on her face — using Tenshi's shirt anyway.

"I told you when I first met you, right? You look like a fairy, and to me, you still are a fairy. A cute and innocent fairy!" Tenshi said as he looked at the sky.

Regardless, Sakura's temperament was unique. Hell, she matched the exact type of personality Tenshi liked in women — innocent, which she looks(?) like she is.

Sakura blushed, but she did nothing else except brightly giggle like an idiot.

Tenshi eyes sharpened as he innerly scoffed with disdain.

If you truly believed that he would act all warm and cuddly with this woman — lest let her go astray like Haruno by doing so, you definitely don't know him enough.

Tenshi's words were always laced with poison, which were a direct result of his manipulative subconscious mindset that operated even without his permission.

What do you do when a person who was a good worker until a certain time period begins to turn in shoddy work? You can fire him or her, but that really won't solve anything. You can berate the worker, but this usually causes resentment to be born within them.

There's a certain psychological manipulation technique called: "Give a dog a good name. "

The basics principles of the technique were that, if you assign a false value to a person —especially someone that has your respect and likes you— they'd be more willing to follow them due a plethora of reasons.

The average person, can be influenced or lead quite easily if you have his or her respect and if you show that you respect that person for some kind of ability or personality trait that she or he already has. It doesn't matter either if he or she doesn't have it, they'll rather try to keep up with expectations than disappoint someone.

In short, if you want to improve a person in a certain respect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics. Give other people a value you want them to grow or develop, then give them a fine reputation to live up to, and they will make strenuous and rigorous efforts than see you disillusioned.

Although that would work rather greatly to someone that was Tenshi's underling or worker — that's true. But who said Sakura was someone equal to him?

Sakura herself thought of herself as under Tenshi, otherwise she wouldn't try to plead and beg him to love her — that's the sign of an insecure and mentally weak woman. And a perfect person to exploit.

You know what Tenshi wanted to do? He wanted to force Sakura to never change, he wanted to instill a deep fear inside of her that the moment her personality changed, he would throw her away like a bag of trash.

But as always, the sharp truth/words are always more pleasant when diluted with —true— praises.

"You know Sakura, you're really beautiful. But even though I think someone's beauty is often more important, the thing that shines at the end of the tunnel is one's personality."

"I like only a certain percentage of women. The women that have personalities like you are the ones that I like. And thank God, that your personality isn't different. Otherwise..."

Sakura looked at him with a curious expression.

"Otherwise, I would regret that I had loved you, because you know, I wouldn't want to live with a woman that I love, but I don't like."

Sakura chuckled and meshed her hands along with Tenshi's.

"Then in that scenario, I would just need to work more harder to make you mine, right? Because if you aren't repulsed by me, there would still be a chance. "

"In that scenario, I would just try to change my personality. You know, it's my dream to be able to act like I'm someone else, so it wouldn't be much to act and become like someone else."

Sakura looked up towards Tenshi and smiled; as if nothing was a barrier in her mind if Tenshi wasn't repulsed by her.

Tenshi noticed how this woman's easily-tearful and meek behavior changed as soon as he reminded her of her past memories and how beautiful she was.

Was that the sign of a sheep dressed up in a wolf's clothes?

"That would be foolish. Utter foolishness. You know it'll only make you sadder, right? Acting like someone else, or even trying to change yourself, will make you die in the inside."

"And either way, changing someone's personality is impossible. At most people will deviate from their personalities or stray from their traits developed from childhood, but no one changes from brave to coward just because someone tries to destroy his efforts. And the same applies vice versa. "

" I'm a horrible person, and have you ever seen me deviate from my habits?"

In reality, he asked that question because he wanted to survey her personality and morals. He knew very well that the watch must've taught her things that even Haruno didn't know until now, so there wasn't anything to lose by asking her that.

In the total opposite of what he thought would happen, Sakura puffed up her cheeks angrily and hit him on the shoulders —although rather pretentiously—, as if she took offense that Tenshi insulted himself.

" You're lying, you can't even lie correctly... I have never seen a person as honest, confident and true as you. " Sakura nodded.

Tenshi rolled his eyes.

That...isn't what he was talking about.

"Any horrible person can have any of the qualities you've stated. I've never donated anything to anyone, I never make friends unless they benifit me, and worst of all, I'm not a hypocrite. I don't like to act like a moral ambassador or a titanic brigadier. "

Tenshi was horribly confused over one thing however, and that was: why does he feel so comfortable and cozy with this girl?

It was as if Sakura was an human capable of hypnosis...

" Hmh, that's what I like about youuu~! "

Tenshi looked down towards Sakura, who was snuggling against his arm, with a weird gaze.

"At least...you're not a hypocrite. I'm meek and clingy, people don't like me. You're too brash and...i-i don't know, different from normal? We're both unneeded, aren't we? I find comfort in that, I don't know how to say it, I feel worse when I realize it, that you're just like me—"

"Someone unneeded, a burden. Maybe that's why I want you to depend on me, and for me to able to depend on you. Isn't it nice? Being the only one for each other?"

"What do you used to call them...ah yes, to me, you're a 「family」and along with that, you're also an「irreplaceable」. I don't have anyone else except you in my heart, do you?"

Irreplaceable? Family?

If Tenshi had to say one thing about his life, it would be that one was irreplaceable or 「family」in his eyes — except for his mother of course. What did you think?

Well, with a series of smart workarounds, he'd be able to avoid answering any questions like: Do you think of me as similar, or some shit from her.

Sakura looked at Tenshi and purred.

"Hey...did that breakup hurt? I'm sorry if it did hurt, can I do anything to help...? I don't exactly know how to, but I'll do 「anything」..."

[AU Note - I don't know why I put brackets over the "anything" word. Maybe I'm just a pervert. *insert lenny face*]

Sakura, upon seeing Tenshi fall silent, took it as a side-effect of the break-up he was speaking about and exposed a slightly painful smile, yet she knew that, maybe, Tenshi wouldn't go after that woman anymore, so she didn't mind trying to cheer him up for that reason.

If it was anything else regarding girls and Tenshi, Sakura would just wallow in self pity and run away from the scene in order to not bother him, but when such an opportunity-filled situation came, she couldn't help but try out her luck — and most importantly, help the most important person in her life.

"Nah, such sets of events can't even make a dent in my armor." Tenshi offered a voracious laughter towards Sakura.

"I thought so, after all, you're more stronger than me..."

"Yeah, my mother raised me like this..." Tenshi looked towards the trees with a wistful glare.

Tenshi wondered: why is he losing his backbone and exposing secrets to this girl, who he hasn't even known for more than like, what? An hour?

Oh wait, he's using her as a coping mechanism due to impact delivered by Haruno to his mind...so, nevermind about that previous statement.

"I know about your mother, and I also know that...nevermind, you won't tell me anyways..." Sakura shook her head helplessly.

"Hey, Sakura, you never answered the question I asked you. Why would you, God forbid, act like someone you aren't in case I didn't like you in some alternate dimension?"

"It's better to be hated for what you are than act like someone you aren't and be loved — unless you're running for public office, now that's a different subject."

Sakura smoothed the creases on her skirt as she looked downwards, the edges of her eyes however, were slightly red as they gazed towards Tenshi.

" If it was true that you didn't like me in some alternate dimension for who I was, my simplest reasoning would be that — sometimes, you can't let go of something that's making you sad. Because it was the only thing that made you happy."

<What the fuck? What's her backstory?! >

[You won't believe it bro, you totally won't. You have too see it. But not now, I'm piecing together the highlights of her life.]

Sakura looked up towards Tenshi with a bit of water in her eyes, nonetheless, she wasn't crying as she smiled with a sigh.

Tenshi felt a unique feeling in his heart as he saw her cry, and without even thinking, he threw his hands towards her eyes as he wiped the tears on them away.

"You know, I think I'm a bit unique in the regard that I like whenever you show vulnerabilities and cry to me — and you should too. I think it's the most unique and underestimated aspect of a relationship for women — a shoulder to cry on, and a therapist. "

" Men like to solve problems; insecurities and problems in women they like — and I'm a bit more stronger in that aspect. "

" But I should warn you, don't expose this side of yourself to other people. They'll gladly take advantage of you and undermine you. "

" I-I I know...its not like I haven't been taken advantage of before due to my lack of social abilities and anxiety..."

"See? Don't do that, at least, try being more stronger in front of other people, because I want you to become stronger in front of them."

[You know the best way to make her more comfortable in her own skin? I know. And the first thing you need to do is bed her.]

<Wot[sic.]? How's that even related with this? >

[Trust me, I know. You won't believe how much sex env—]

[Look, I can't explain this in a straightforward way unless I want to sound like an pedophilic uncle. But you should trust my words, I'm trying to help you out.]

<I'll see for myself if I need to follow your advice or not. >

[Fine with me.]

Sakura nodded her head and grinned at him.

"So, are we a c-couple now?" She didn't forget to blush or avoid Tenshi's gaze — a signature move of hers that Tenshi knew she'd never get rid of until her death.

"That we are. Say, wanna go on a date?" Tenshi rolled his eyes as he prepared his heart to ruthlessly manipulate someone to have sex with him.

Wait, it's not manipulation if it's for something good. It's called "influencing". Both are different in terms of who's talking about it.

"A-a date?!" Sakura's entire body jolted in joy as she left her hug looked at Tenshi with a shocked expression.

"B-but I've never been to one before! What do I do in them?!"

"Relax, I'll "teach" you about that."

"Ah...okay. But how do we get out of here...? It's not like they'll let me go out with someone they barely know..."

"Oh, don't worry about that."

Tenshi shook his head as he smirked and looked towards the wheelchair.

This. Will. Be. Fun.

Just then, Tenshi's phone buzzed.

"BuzzzzzzzdontreadnarutofanficstheyretrashBuzzzzz!!"

"BuzzzzzzzzznarutoisgaeeBuzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!"

...

...

...

...

...

...

Gyihhuhu slapped shut the laptop on his desk and called it a day.

He looked outside the windows, and saw thousands and thousands of yellow-haired ninjas screaming low-grade trashy believe-in-yourself quotes.

Gyihhuhu couldn't believe it, how can humans degenerate so much that they —literally— turn into trash? They've even corrupted ATG by creating a fanfcition based on it with some original character or something.

It was great by the way, that Gyihhuhu had never read Naruto or its spinoffs before in his entire — because his parents always told him to never search for food in a trashcan.

Which also lead to an interesting view of his disdain for its army of fans — he never read it before, thus he also didn't know why people liked it to much, so he didn't have the right to diss or insult it.

Regardless, Gyihhuhu is here to share an interesting message with you people.

The man —or boy if you're old as fuck— spinned his chair and smirked towards the imaginary camera — imaginary because he didn't have the money to buy it, and also since the camera doesn't exist, but it also exists simultaneously because the author wanted to look smart by referencing the Schrodinger's cat theory.

"Hell— oh fuck this shit, this isn't some interview."

"I'll be direct and to the point: I won't update tomorrow, for reasons, one including school. And another one since my fucking laptop's keyboard—"

Gyihhuhu opened the laptop and showed the keyboard, which was strangely trashed and broken. But it wasn't broken, it's figurative.

" Is unresponsive and writing on mobile makes me want to turn into a serial killer. "

" Nevermind though, I'll get it fixed. Do you know the reason why this conversation is getting so long?"

"I want an opinion on something I've been wanted to do for a few days."

"I wanna write a Naruto fanfic too..." Gyihhuhu blushed as he hit the camera in the dick.

"B-baka! It's n-not like i-i like Naruto or so-something! Baka!"

"Now before you guys mark me as a retard and burn my figure from your heart, just listen to what I have to say."

"I made a synopsis for it, there you go."

Gyihhuhu muttered "baka baka ashiteru" under his breath.

[AU Note - lemme remind you, it's just for fun. I don't actually intend on writing any other shit.]

**Synopsis** —

Itsuki Fanficacito's life was filled with tragedy. As far as he knew, if there was a Guinness world record for tragedies — he'd rank first in it, and guess what? The entire organization would then go bankrupt because he's cursed!

Itsuki's mother died of cancer, his stepmother died because he mistakenly ripped apart her perineum while having sex with her, his father died because he mistakenly dropped lube in his morning tea, and finally, his stepfather —the one that adopted him along with his stepmother— died because Itsuki's dick mistakely slipped inside his penis's uretha.

Talk about disasters...

Then his grandparents died because of some unknown men cladden in dark, which he will forever remember and chant everytime he chances upon a bottleneck.

His girlfriend then died because her moaning made his house collapse and cause the Nepal earthquakes while the next one ran away with a Nofap Cultivator.

Talk about luck.

Itsuki himself doesn't know how and why everything could happen in the way it happened, but he was sure, the world's largest and most popular religion's God had something to do with it!

Narutoism! The most followed religion in the world where in order to enter, everyone needs to cut off their nipples and dress in short, yellow ninja robes. The religion does nothing but cause misery and insanity in its followers, because it's rumored that their God 「Naruto」and his son「Boruto」 visits them in their sleep and rapes them as a reward for their faith.

Everyone that dared criticize its morals and teachings were met with hangings and executions, because no one liked to see any bad regarding Narutoism.

Itsuki himself was an example of the above, his desire to overthrow the tyrannical government did nothing but unfortunately get him chucked into the slammer.

With nothing to do but drop the soap numerous times in the bath in order to get laid and sniff coconut cocain, Itsuki slowly ages as he grows 50 years old with no signs of release.

Thinking about telling his mates to rape him into a coma in order to get relief from the daily Narutoism preachings, a savior in the clothes of Jesus comes and visits him — and sows the seed of the holy spirit in his back entrance.

The Jesus tells Itsuki that his name is Gyihhuhu, and he's here to overthrow the Narutoism Regime using Itsuki.

Jesus tells him that it was his fault — that he made a horrible mistake by trying to stuff numerous cliches into Itsuki's body in order to make him more stronger and resilient.

Itsuki doesn't care, because Gyihhuhu is now his God and lover.

And uh yeah, did I tell you that Jesus is a beautiful woman with a dick? Did I? Are you surprised?!

Bitch, that ain't even his final form. She/he/zhe has eight dicks extending from his legs, arms, ass and hair, what more could you even want? He's literally the Shiva of the author world. He can rape you in eighteen different ways without even lifting his finger.

[Mind you, the author doesn't actually know anything about hindu mythology.]