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The Eldrim Cards Legacy

Fantasía
En Curso · 1.2M Visitas
  • 292 Caps
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  • 4.7
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Resumen

Growing up in a cursed world, brought up in a country of warriors and soldiers, Nero was always eager for the day he would awaken his innate ability, and gain the chance to become an Eldrim Card master! Eager for the day he could fight against hell, hail and damnation itself and rid the world of its many curses. But the day his older brother was framed and sent to the frontlines to die, he woke up to a new truth. The notions of his youth - camaraderie, brotherhood, patriotism - they are all fake, and in the eyes of the powerful he and his ilk were just cannon fodder. In this cursed world, humans were curses too. He continued to wait for the day he could awaken power and rid the world of its curses - all of them! WSA 2024 Hey guys, for access to maps, character pictures and more check out the discord. For those that don't use discord, I'll think of something so you can see them as well! Discord: https://discord.gg/xTWUR5BnD2

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Zurbluris · Fantasía
4.4
289 Chs

Armipotent

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HotIce · Fantasía
4.4
1765 Chs
Tabla de contenidos
Volumen 0 :Auxiliary Volume
Volumen 1 :The Luminari Cards
Volumen 2 :Virtuous Villain

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lifesketcher

lifesketcher

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NitrogenousBeing
NitrogenousBeingLv14

The author’s writing skills have progressed since his previous work, The Innkeeper, particularly in that expectations set are upheld. The storyline and setting are great. The characters are decent and likable. However, the writing quality itself needs improvement. On the minor side, there are plentiful small grammatical errors, run-on sentences, and a notable amount of info dumping.  The work’s major flaw is the unnecessary, indirect, awkward, and abstract phrasing. This is particularly glaring in action scenes. Too often the MC’s direct senses are avoided or obfuscated. Instead, there is an uncalled-for post-analysis topdown view of events. It takes the reader out of the action.  Direct advice to the author: Please use direct phrasing. Write “It was this,” rather than, “He felt it was this,” or “He knew it was this,” or “It seemed like it was this.” Describe the MC experiences without processing them through a third party’s perspective. Avoid abstractions in fight scenes. Don’t write “Their fight, almost too fast for Nero to follow, seemed like a masterwork of a performance,” (quick example from chapter 9). Instead, write what is being sensed. For example, “A series of clangs rang out, as Invictus’s spear parried the colorful blur of magical sword attacks with masterful precision.” The second quote conveys similar information in a more detailed, direct, and exciting fashion. It gives us direct sound and sight without referring to Nero as the filter. This work could shine and garner greater popularity with an external editor or better self-editing that pays particular attention to the above flaws.

Despair512
Despair512Lv12

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