Don’t Let The Stick Bugs Bite

(Scene starts with the gang in calculus class. James barely keeping his eyes open)

Chad: James? James?

Luke: I got this. (He grabs a heavy textbook from his book bag and wacks James across the head, James falls out of his chair)

Jen: I get to hit him next.

Chad: Good one Luke. (He gives Luke a high five? High Stub?)

James: Thanks Luke, maybe I'll have a fractured spine if I'm lucky.

Emile: Why are you having a hard time staying awake?

James: You should know! My neighbor, Chad, keeps having parties until 4 in the morning. I barely get any sleep.

Chad: You're just upset that you weren't invited.

Luke: He wasn't invited? I thought you said he got attacked by man-eating Geese.

James: Why would you believe that?

Luke: I would love to believe that there exist such creatures

(James looks at GWC)

James: What is wrong with him?

GWC: No one knows.

James: Whatever. I'm gonna go to my dorm and hopefully get some sleep.

Chad: But you'll miss class.

James: Who cares. Professor Finn is boring. He's dull, he's awkward.

(Professor Finn walks in the class)

Finn: Hello students.

James: He's here.

(Zack runs in the class)

Zack: Professor, the lunch ladies are throwing meat loaf at the students again!

(Finn gets a bat) Finn: what is it with Meat Loaf Monday that gets those women so violent? (Finn walks out)

GWC: Should we help him?

James: Nah, I'm gonna go to my dorm.

Jen: But the Professor will see you.

(James walks towards the nearest window)

James: He won't see me if I don't walk through the door. (James starts climbing the window but has trouble getting over it.)

Chad: I think James is stuck.

Luke: I got it. (Luke closes the window making James unable to breathe.)

Emile: Dude you're gonna kill him!

Luke: Oh, I thought he was a bug.

(Emile looks at GWC)

Emile: What is wrong with him?

GWC: No one knows.

(Scene opens with the crew in the outdoor cafeteria. Luke and Chad plan for their next party, Jen is playing with her Guitar, and Emile and GWC are having a serious match of Super Smash Hoes on the Gintendo Glitch oh and James is snoring)

Chad: So I was thinking we bring in a DJ hippie his name is Antoine and maybe we'll-

Jame: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Chad: Anyways I was hoping that we can have some-

James: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Luke: Wow rude little fella.

Chad: Ahem

(No response)

Chad: AHEM

(No response)

Chad: Are you gonna tell him to stop snoring? We're trying to oneup ourselves tonight.

Jen: What do you want me to do?

Luke: Maybe shove a pineapple down his throat?

(Jen looks at GWC)

Jen: What is wrong with him?

GWC: No one knows.

Chad: We can't plan anything with sleeping beauty having a snore fest over there.

Jen: Maybe you shouldn't stay up all night playing Limbo?

Chad: We weren't playing Limbo.

Luke: Yeah we were doing the macarena.

Chad: Wake him up.

(Jen gets up) Jen: You people give me a rash.

(Bruce walks up behind her) Bruce: I have some ointment if you need it.

(Jen walks off)

James: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Chad: Get the book.

Luke: On it.

GWC: Luke, control yourself.

Chad: But how are we gonna plan a party when we have THAT breaking the sound barrier?

GWC: Okay, James is your dorm neighbor right?

Chad: I'm not proud of it.

GWC: So if Luke is going to your party I can invite James so he can sleepover at our dorm.

Chad: That's brilliant.

Luke: Hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up. He is not sleeping on my bed.

GWC: Why not?

Luke: I don't want him soiling my baby blue bed sheets. My brother gave that to me when we still lived with each other.

GWC: You told me that someone died on those bed sheets.

Luke: I love that scent.

(Chad looks at GWC) Chad: What is wrong-

GWC: (GWC sighs) No one knows.

Luke: James is not sleeping on my dead body scented baby blue bed sheets.

James: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Luke: I don't care if-

James: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Luke: Like I was saying-

James: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Luke: Fine! If only he will shut that up.

(Scene Changes. Luke and Chad are at Chad's dorm. Music is bumpin, Kids are swinging off chandeliers, and the hippie is spreading peace and Love.)

Katrina: Nice party Chad.

Mel: Sweet party dude, you really went wild with this one.

Luke: Hey Chad! Over Here! (Luke says waving his arm in the air.)

Chad: What's going on?

Luke: We're gonna play Russian Roulette. Wanna play?

Chad: Isn't this game extremely dangerous?

Luke: Yeah! That's what makes it fun. Also this is my friend Veinsaw. We met during the Vietnam War!

Chad: It's a pleasure meeting you.

Veinsaw: Never look me in the eye. (Veinsaw says walking towards Chad)

Chad: Message received. (Chad immediately looks away)

Luke: So you gonna play or not? Winner takes all the money and that weird acting girl in the corner.

(The girl in the corner is rocking back and forth twitching while humming 'She'll go around the mountain')

Chad: I can't now. Jen will be here any minute. She's gonna perform for us.

Luke: Oh cool. I'll tell you if I win. If I don't tell you then that means I probably lost. Let's hope that doesn't happen.

(Chad walks out.)

Bruce: Hey Chad.

Chad: Hey Bruce.

Bruce: Your friend is hot.

Chad: Luke?

Bruce: No, the girl one.

Chad: Jen?

Bruce: So that's her name. She looks like a Clair or even a Melinda.

Chad: Okay?

Bruce: Anyway, send her my way. I promise she'll be happy with me. (He walks off. Jen arrives on the scene almost immediately)

Jen: 'sup chump. You got the stage ready for me?

Chad: You know it. Andrew is just up there ready to use the smoke machine, and he'll also be in charge of the lights and-

(Luke walks up to Chad and Jen holding a wad of cash and a girl over his shoulder)

Luke: I won. (He has a smug smirk on his face) You should probably clean that area.

(Scene changes with GWC, Emile and James in Luke's dorm)

GWC: So this is the bed you'll be sleeping in.

James: Oh sweet. (James observes and takes a sniff) It smells like a dead body.

GWC: Yeah, I know.

Emile: GWC and I are gonna attempt to beat the final boss. You wanna play?

James: Not today. I'm very tired.

GWC: No sweat. Good Night.

James: Night.

(GWC and Emile leave)

James: Finally I can get a good night's sleep.

(A couple of hours pass, James is seen sleeping on the dead scented baby blue mattress, he is drooling, and he is sleeping that good sleep. Yes indeed)

James: zzzzzzzz…. Money, money, money, money... zzzzzzzzzz….. Financial aid, financial aid, financial aid, financial aid…. Zzzzzzzzzzzz

(James proceeds to get sprayed with ten gallons of febreze, James wakes up immediately, coughing up febreze, GWC also wakes up)

James: AAAAAHHHH!!!! What the H is happening!!!!!

(GWC shuts off the device)

GWC: Oh crap, sorry dude, I forgot to mention the febreze spray.

James: The what?!

GWC: The febreze spray, Luke made Timmy install it after we had many complaints about the odor of his bed sheets.

(James looks flabbergasted.)

James: What….

GWC: Yeah, his bed gets sprayed every couple of hours, the next spray will be at three o'clock in the morning.

James: So instead of throwing them away, he just insists on installing febreze spray?

GWC: Look, I'm not proud of it either, but he's Luke, what were you expecting? Logic?

James: No, not at all.

(Scene Changes showing the gang In Literature class, Chad and Luke are planning the next big party, Jen is tuning her guitar, GWC is cleaning his cap, Emile is listening to music and James looks dead)

Luke: We definitely need to bring back Antoine. He really knows how to make people feel inner peace.

Chad: I agree, Antoine gave me these special stones.

(Chad opens his hand, he has an Amethyst stone, a peridot stone, and a Jasper Stone)

Chad: I don't know what these stones do but Antoine says they are magical.

(Chad and Luke notice James, James' skin is much paler, his hair is greasy, and he has black eye bags)

Chad: What's up with him?

Jen: You two morons should know, especially Luke.

Luke: What did I do this time?

Jen: Febreze spray? Really?

Luke: Hey! It's not my fault at all. GWC could've warned James.

GWC: That is true, but why install such a stupid contraption?! You almost scared James to death. He was gonna be another addition to your bed sheets. Wow, that was a loaded sentence.

Luke: Ooh! More scent to my bed sheets, SCORE!

Emile: Hey Handy, do you think I made a mistake coming to Willstick University?

Handy: Most definitely, you puny being.

(Mrs. Jody walks in the room)

Mrs. Jody: Sorry I'm late guys, traffic was a nightmare.

(She notices James looks unalive)

Mrs Jody: Dear god, it's too early for this.does anyone know why James looks the way he does.

(Luke raises his hand)

Mrs. Jody: Anybody but Luke.

(Luke slowly lowers his arm in defeat.)

Jen: James had no sleep last night because he got sprayed with gallons of Febreze.

Mrs. Jody: Okay then, I never thought I would hear that sentence in my life. Tell your brother that he needs to stay awake, I can't allow him to sleep during my lecture.

(Luke smacks James with a text book, James falls down to the ground.)

James: OW! Bro! What is wrong with you!?

Luke: No one knows, dude, you can't sleep during class. You should really organize your sleep schedule.

James: Okay, I'm gonna kill you.

Chad: Dude, you need to get some sleep. You look even worse than before.

(James gives Chad a cold-dead stare)

James: Gee, isn't that a wonderful idea. Why didn't I think of that?

Luke: Yeah James, why didn't you?

Mrs Jody: What's wrong with him?

GWC: No one knows.

Jen: Look bro, I can see that you look worse than usual so I'll make you a deal. I'll convince Trixie to go to Chad's party tonight, so I can let you borrow Trixie's bed for the night.

Emile: Wait, isn't that against the school policy? Boys and girls shouldn't be rooming together.

Jen: Bro, the school is totally fine with Russian Roulette.

Emile: No they're not! They just didn't know!

Jen: Exactly! And they won't know about this either. Quit being a momma's boy and be rebellious once in your life.

Emile: Whatever, I'll just go back to my book.

(Emile begins to read his novel)

Handy: Strike her when she's not looking.

Emile: Ssshhh, quiet down Handy, they can hear you.

Handy: But they won't hear the voices of the damned. Mwahahahaha!

(Scene Changes showing Jen and James in Jen's dorm room)

James: I don't like this room.

(James looks around the room, Jen's half is filled with music vinyls, rock posters, cds, punk rock clothing and five electric guitars. Trixie's half is the polar opposite. Trixie's walls are painted pink, has teen boy magazines, tons of makeup kits and nail polish and scented candles)

James: It feels like I just discovered Sticktoria's secret. *Bleh*

Jen: Yeah, I hate it too. I wanted to paint her wall cyan but she insisted on pink. It burns my eyes just looking at it.

(Jen grabs her stuff)

James: And where are you going?

Jen: I'm off to Chad's party, did you really think I was gonna stay here with you?

James: Kinda?

Jen: Nope. See ya sucker!

(Jen leaves)

(James sits down on Trixie's bed, her perfume scent evaporates out of the bed, James begins to cough violently)

(Scene Changes showing the rest of the gang at Chad's Party, Music is slapping, kids are dancing and the DJ is still spreading peace and love)

Bruce: This party is wild dude! Totally better than last night's!

Chad: I'm glad you're enjoying it Bruce!

(Luke jumps into frame)

Luke: Yeah, it's totally bonkers! I also invited another friend of mine.

Chad: Uh oh.

Luke: Don't worry Chad, it's not Veinsaw, let's just say that he's foreign.

(Hellfire engines besides the trio, a devil looking being walks out wielding a pitchfork, everyone including the DJ stop dead in their tracks to witness)

Luke: Chad, Bryan.

Bruce: I'm Bru-

Luke: Meet my friend Natas!

Natas: Greetings my future fellow tortured souls, I'm your friendly underlord Soul Torturer, Natas. It's an honor to meet you all.

Katrina: Is that the literal devil himself?

Andrew: Doesn't scare me, back in mother Russia the devil is scared of us.

(Everyone is still looking at Natas with fear)

Natas: What? Haven't seen a demon before?

Bruce: Weirdly no?

(Natas pulls out a jukebox)

Natas: Now it's time for this party to start.

(Natas begins to play heavy metal, a crew of demons also come out from the underworld)

Demon 1: So who's soul are we taking?

Demon 2: Yes, which soul?

(Luke hugs the two demons)

Luke: Linguine! John Smith! I missed you guys!

Chad: Luke, are you sure about this? They seem very demonic.

Luke: Oh Chad, they are very cool. One time they helped me find my way home. Sure they had to burn whatever was in my way or whatever moved, you gotta do what you got to do.

(Jen barges through the door, Trixie is with her as well)

Jen: Wassup Sticks! Mrs. Stale is in the house, can I get a Whoop Whoop?

Everyone: Whoop, whoop!

Jen: Awesome! Now, never do that again.

(Trixie enters the dorm room, she's very shy)

Luke: Hey Chad, what was all that abou-

(Luke stares at Trixie, while (I Just) Died in your arms begins to play in the background, Luke is in a trance, eyes are fixated on Trixie)

Chad: Luke? (snaps fingers) Luke!

Luke: *says nothing*

Chad: Luke, did you die?

Luke: Yeah.

Chad: Do you need ibuprofen?

Luke: Yup.

Chad: You want a drink?

Luke: Yup.

(Chad gets annoyed)

Chad: Do you want to rob several banks while singing "Old Mcdonald" While wearing Penguin outfits?

Luke: Yup, that sounds deadly and fun.

(Jen and Trixie walk up to Chad and Luke)

Jen: Hello amigos, this is my roommate Trixie.

Trixie: Hi.

Chad: Yeah, we met three days ago.

Luke:....

Jen: Luke?

Chad; Yeah, he died.

Trixie: Hello there, are you okay?

Luke: Never better. Hey, do you want to…

(Small pause)

Luke: Make out?

Trixie: WHAT?!

Jen: Woah, dude! You came off really strong there.

Chad: Luke, dang bro, you have a lot of confidence.

Trixie: And, this is where I take my leave. Good night y'all.

(Trixie runs off)

Luke: Wait! My princess, your knight in shining armor awaits you! Oh wait, that's me!

(Luke runs off)

Trixie: Get away from me you creep! (Trixie Runs out of the room)

Luke: But I have yet to show you my collection of "My little Beastly Monsters" playing cards!

(Luke also runs out of the room, leaving Chad and Jen alone together)

Jen: So… how's it going?

Chad: It's going good, it's going good. You like white chocolate?

Jen: Yeah, I can tolerate it.

Chad: True, true.

Jen: What's your favorite color?

(Scene Changes showing James sleeping peacefully. Until Trixie barges in the room, she grabs James by the throat and chucks him at Luke)

Tixie: And stay out! (She slams the door shut and nails it with a nail gun)

(Luke begins scratching on the door like a dog being punished, whining at the same time)

(James groans in pain, he gets up and cracks his back)

James: ow.

Luke: Oh hey James what are you doing here?

(James stares at Luke without any expression)

James: I will destroy you. Trust that homie.

(Scene Changes showing the crew in the cafe where Mel works at, James, Chad and Luke are sitting together)

Mel: How will I assist you fine gents? (She pulls out her little pocket notebook)

Chad: I'll take a cappuccino.

Luke: I'll get a large frappe with four cups of non-dairy milk, five packs of sugar. Splenda sugar to be exact, I don't want to get all jittery after, ya know what I'm saying? Anyways, I want it to be prepared in a very specific way, temperature should be at 20 degrees, no more, no less, and add some whip cream if you can. Did you catch all of that?

Mel: No, I didn't because I stopped listening when you requested Splenda sugar. You're getting a coffee.

Luke: Okay, I want it with four cups of-

Mel: What about you James?

James: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Mel: Is he okay?

James: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Mel: What's up with him?

Chad: His sleep is off so we decided that maybe coffee can help him.

Mel: Is it because of those stupid parties?

Chad: My parties are not Stupid!

Luke: Yeah, their lit. Shaking my head, my head. Tsk tsk.

(Mel tries to wake up James)

Mel: James? James? James?

(Luke grabs the textbook but Chad put's the textbook down.)

James: What is it?

(James looks up at Mel while (I Just) Died in your arms begins to play in the background)

Mel: You good?

James: I'm good. Very good, I'm the goodest person in the world.

Chad: Goodest?

Luke: World?

Mel: That's nice, so… what can I get for you?

James:...

Mel: James?

Chad: James will take a coffee.

Mel: Okay then? I'll be back in twenty minutes.

(Mel leaves)

Luke: Dude, did you malfunction?

James: NO! I can barely function normally. You guys need to tone it down with the parties? I can't get any sleep.

Chad: I'm sorry Bro, but the Chadster must host the best parties in all of Willstick University.

James: Dude, I am running on thirty minutes of sleep.

Luke: Dang, you should fix that.

(James looks at Luke with hatred in his eyes)

Luke: Maybe coffee can help?

James: What I need is for you two losers to chill out with the parties.

(Dawn enters the cafe)

Dawn: Does someone have a sleeping issue?

Chad: Yeah? How did you know?

Dawn: Jen told me everything. I heard that James can barely get any sleep. I also heard that James has a horrible rash where the sun doesn't shine.

(Luke and Chad laugh)

James: Gee, I wonder where you got that information.

Dawn: Jen told me.

James: I know!

Dawn: Well I have just the thing for you.

Luke: For the rash or the sleep schedule.

James: Stop mentioning the rash!

Dawn: Both actually.

(Dawn pulls out a bottle of cream)

Dawn: I made this cream using nothing but the feathers of baby pigeons and mushrooms. I also added a dash of male chromosomes.

(James throws the bottle away)

Dawn: Rude.

James: Dawn, can you actually help me with my sleeping problem?

Dawn: Of course. (Dawn pulls out a pill) This pill is perfect for anybody who has a sleeping issue. With one pill you'll be knocked out in seconds.

James: So your solution is to roofie me?

Dawn: Yes and no.

James: Get out.

Chad: Wait, James. Give it a chance. Maybe the pill can help you out. What other choice do you have?

Luke: May suggest something?

Chad and James: NO!

Dawn: So what's it going to be? I'll give you a pack of this stuff for free.

(James stops and thinks)

James: Fine.

Dawn: Oh Goodie! (Dawn throws a pack of pills to James' face) Trust me, these things work.

James: And if it doesn't?

Dawn: Trust me it will work. My father took one and he fell asleep within a matter of seconds.

Luke: Seems trustworthy.

Dawn: Yup. It's been one week and he's still going strong.

(James' heart sinks)

Luke: Seems trustworthy.

James: Never mind, I don't want these anymore.

Dawn: I'm kidding. (Dawn's watch begins to go off) Oh no! I'm late.

James: You have a job now?

Dawn: Yup, I work as a cook at a restaurant. I recently modified the stove, now food gets prepared in three seconds. And after I work I have to check on my dad's pulse. Toodles.

(Dawn leaves)

Luke: I like her. She seems trustworthy.

(James and Chad look at Luke)

(Scene changes showing the trio at James' dorm)

Chad: Alright, so you'll have to take one pill every night for the next two weeks. You ready?

James: No. In fact I'm the complete opposite of ready.

(Luke is seen wearing a lamb costume)

Luke: There is always a plan B.

James: Luke, I'm not going to count sheep.

Luke: Fine! Sorry boys, we are not needed.

(GWC, Rocky and Veinsaw are seen walking out the dorm room wearing lamb costumes)

(Chad brings James a bottle of water)

Chad: Dude, this is the only other option we have. And let's be quick about it. My party is going to start in twenty minutes.

(James swallows the pill, Luke and Chad stand in silence)

Luke: Well, how do you feel? Are you going to pass out yet?

James: I don't feel any different.

(James immediately falls asleep)

James: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Chad: It worked, it actually worked!

Luke: Not so fast Chad. There is only one way to find out. (Luke pulls out his drum set from his back pocket)

Chad: Where did you get the drum set?

(Luke then proceeds to do a killer drum solo. The dorm begins to shake)

James: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Luke: Well my dear human friend. It appears that the British man has fallen fast asleep.

(Chad smiles)

Chad: You know what that means?

(At the same time)

Chad: Party Time!

Luke: Adventure Time.

(Scene changes back to Chad's dorm. Music is cranked up to the max. Kids are going crazy, the DJ is bumpin, and Jen is performing on stage)

(Luke walks up to Chad)

Luke: I won again!

Chad: Can you believe that it's been three hours and James has not been bugging us about the volume?

Luke: Yup, it seems as though the pills work. Now if you excuse me, I have to clean myself up for round six. I'm on a winning streak.

(Luke walks away)

Dawn: There you are. I've been looking all over for you.

Chad: Oh, hey Dawn. What's up? I'm surprised to see you here. I thought you'll be working.

Dawn: I got sent home early. Apparently the managers found a gas leak in one of the stoves. Little do they know that it was me who was behind everything. Muahahaha.

Chad: …..

Dawn: I'm just joking. I just wanted to say that this party is off the chain.

Chad: Thank you, thank you. I appreciate that. But we couldn't have done it without you.

Dawn: Without me?

Chad: Yeah! Those pills you gave to James really did the trick. He's been sleeping for almost four hours! Thanks Dawn.

Dawn: *concerned* Ooooh

Chad: What do you mean "Ooooh"?

Dawn: It turns out I gave James the stronger pills rather than the normal one.

Chad: What does that mean?

Dawn: The pills you gave James could knock out anyone or anything. Including Elephants. So, James may or may not wake up. And if he does, he'll probably wake up in two weeks.

Chad: ….

Dawn: Okay then, off I go! *Smiles*

(Luke comes back)

Luke: Seven in a row. Man, I am on fire.

(Luke notices Chad's shocked face)

Luke: What's up with you?

Chad: We might have just poisoned James.

Luke: Oof, bummer, anyways, wanna order a pizza?

Chad: Yeah, I could eat.

(Episode Ends)