Aftermath

My strength slowly returned to me and I pulled myself out of my stupor. I must have been in shock, because I was emotionally numb to everything that had just happened.

I sat up and looked down to survey the damage. Trevor pulled my skirt up from both sides, so the blood and other fluids only leaked onto my legs and bed, leaving my dress unblemished. It was a small blessing that I didn't have to lose it. I used the sheets to clean myself as much as I could before getting up, then washed myself with the water of the basin.

I found my undergarments lying discarded on the floor. They were undamaged, so I put them back on. Then I pulled the sheets off the bed and rolled them into a ball and took them to the creek on the edge of Trevor's land where I would go to do laundry. Walking was painful as it irritated the sore spot between my legs, but this was something I just had to do.

At the clearing besides the creek I gathered some rocks into a circle, then placed the soiled sheets in the center of the circle and summoned heat into a single point on the sheets, as small as my meager control could make it, setting them on fire. The smoke irritated my eyes and caused them to water. Before long I was crying freely while watching the evidence turn to ashes.

There was no point in keeping those stained sheets. Nobody would ever use them again, and what was the use of evidence when there was no crime? There was no such thing as raping a beast-kin, at least not in the eyes of the law. All Trevor did was make use of his property. Most people found this particular use distasteful, but it was considered legitimate. Even if we had been blood relatives, nobody would have cared since, as Trevor said, animals and humans can't be family. It didn't even matter that he was married since using your property wasn't considered adultery no matter what the use was. The only thing evidence could do was to remind me and inform Liliana of what had happened and thus bring us both pain, so I burned it.

I considered what my future held. Since Trevor did it to me once he will definitely do it again, and again, and again, for as long as he pleased. Perhaps for the rest of my life, however long that may be. I clutched my slave collar while breathing heavily and for a moment I considered trying to tear it off. Even if it really did kill me, death might be better than continuing to live like this. Then I lowered my hands.

Trevor traveled a lot on business. He was rarely home, except for the winter, and even then wouldn't do it with Liliana in the house. I can learn to put up with it and survive, and if I survive long enough maybe something will change for the better. Even if it didn't, I could always kill myself later.

I spent the rest of the morning working without a thought to what I was doing until I was standing over the chickens trying to decide which one I should butcher for lunch. I watched the chickens running around innocently, eating and making a commotion, and had the strange sense that the chickens were me and I was Trevor. I couldn't slaughter them today.

I returned to the house and found some frozen meat in the ice box and decided to prepare a stew instead. I fried some onions, added some garlic and spices, then put it all in a pot to boil with water and red wine. I added some carrots, potatoes, beans, and finally the meat itself and let it cook on a strong flame, where it would remain until lunch time. It wouldn't be as good as if I prepared it properly and cooked it slowly on a weak flame, but it would have to do.

Then I took the dough and put it on a tray in the oven. I couldn't be bothered to do anything special with it. I hadn't done much work but I was already drained of all my energy. I sat down on the chair to rest while staring blankly into space, but the lack of activity only made the ache between my legs stand out more and seem as if it were growing stronger, so I tried to think of something, anything, to keep my mind off of what had just happened to me, but it was difficult to think of anything else. The pain was too strong, and the experience was too shocking. Every detail was carved into my mind as if written in stone.

The food was just about ready when Liliana returned home with Henry and entered the kitchen through the back door.

"Hey Vivian, what are you cooking for us today?", she cheerfully inquired. The thought of seeing her innocently happy face while knowing what her husband had done was too painful. I couldn't look at her.

"A meat stew with vegetables", I mumbled. Liliana instantly picked up on my mood.

"Are you alright? Did something happen?", she asked. I couldn't tell her the truth, but I didn't want to lie either.

"I just don't feel well today. I'm sure I'll be better tomorrow", I said, trying to sound better than I felt.

"Do you feel sick? Are you in pain?", Liliana inquired. I could hear worry in her voice.

"It's okay. I'm just bleeding a little differently from usual", I said, trying to answer as truthfully as possible while still hiding the truth. I looked at her while avoiding her eyes and gave her a wan smile.

"Oh. I see. Is it really bad this time?", she asked with concern.

"Yes, but I'm sure I'll feel better soon", I said. Liliana came and gave me a one-handed hug with the hand that wasn't carrying Henry.

"I'll excuse you from cleaning today. Go rest in bed after lunch, okay?", she said while giving me a sympathetic smile. She was such a kind human. I hoped her bubble of happiness would never burst.

"Thank you, Liliana", I said with another forced smile.