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Rambling and Random bullshittery

This be your most daring story; A rambling if you must, Of language most foul, of unexplored ways to curse. Of bullshit in every turn, in every twist, in every twists of tongues. As told by thine ol'hands and masterminded by the crude tongue, with all my tics and antics. Do-told tale of a vegetable who limbs and stumbled on a new realm of where creation was pierced in it's boundaries. Of a connoisseur who learns of ways of an unshackled breathing body, the occasional doggie styles and the utmost high of all forms of unequaled shag-getry, wooing tarts and thots and hoes, all manners of terms modern and old to name all wenches of all- the ripened titties; "Thine taste ranges from nymphs of florescent pure to flooded lips which hangs and are forgivably bonk-able with a passing thought riled up by the hard down under, Which in short means all!" Heinously wholesome in ways of the vile tongue which grew most crude, terribly heinous with every breaths more lived- after to after and then more, much much more. A rambling- to what he sees, to what he does. This is a story of a living, in a world of pixels; of new universe where a man could swim in lava, a world where such and such is deemed mundane. An epic where a naked fledgling dove in the heat of an avian war, baby-steps towards a destiny-, etched in the root webs of two worlds with only a goal; To be the Pirate Ki- nevermind! To live most free. Rejuvenation; maketh man a new being, now what would be his tale when all he knew of living was blinking a set of dead little eyes, what would such a virgin of a human ways do in a surreal world that explodes magics and bullshits. I'll tell ye all! Just listen to the ramble. (Stay with me, I won't ever drop this.) [Warning:] 1. Not for the faint of heart. 1½. Smut will be there but it will be extremely rare. 2. The english dictionary would require a thorough update after I'm done with this epic. 3. Fuckery most heinous most foul. (By decree of a certain fool) 4. Don't tell your mums you learnt (curses) from me. 5. No other warning just enjoy, If ye dares. Cover art not mine, thank you for letting me use it and sorry but pray tell if you ordered it removed. Will use it until I could afford a more authentic cover art or until boss wants it removed.

JF_Fanai · Fantasía
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32 Chs

Crocs and planets are not a match

Fuck all hecks.

What's the beef between I and the deity of Fat-Crocs?

One was already a bone shattering death enough but four?

I won't just die with four of them lot, they'll munch on my soul too- with sets of tooth, teeth, teeths it was not unlikely- I'll cease to exist.

Rows and rows of murder teeth for each one of them giant snoot.

Teeths they were, insufficient was the plural, I had to upgrade and add that extra 's' just so you could grasp the death penalty yours truly was in.

You sort of innately expect some relaxing paradise or at least a short moment of a breather after nearly drowning but no, someone was dead set on fucking up my little plans for baby-steps- and here's me guessing that the eye who kept watch on me was having a swell thriller of a movie from my scenes, from some-fucking-where, The Prick!

Closed were the eyes, wet pants and skin I laid a weak man, a smile was non-existent.

And with every eye closed moment fleeting, the nose unwittingly then sniffed the scent of many rotted scrapes of meat tidbits those murder teeth had left behind- stuck inbetween each tooth, the stench only grew and grew more intensely stronger as time went by.

I tried to move but butt-fuck it, the game was too unnecessarily real that the muscles took a break after overworking themselves, 'Selfish bastards.. see if yall like it when I cease to exist!'

Lifting the fingers alone tired my tall height of 5'4.

The notion of me knowing that this is a game still somehow puts the dying aspect as a thing to not worry much of, all I'll get is a penalty I thought but my flinching lips did not cater well to the imagination of the experience of death- the reality aspect forced the lids shut and muscles contracted as tight as they could, they couldn't move but were stiffened, as though they were embracing death.

Then suddenly;

I felt a tight grasp on my afro, dragging me in a sudden, like rags I were thrown to the left in a drum-beat like a thing was ragdolling me away.

Only the stench of rotten somethings grew and slowly I creaked an eye open, "Godzilla!" was all I could yelped.

I saw the tippy rugged edge of a snoot of one of the fat-croc's and the pink death of it's gums just above the forehead, the fucker was chomping it's jaws on my afro, the afro was huge near to a little more then half a size of a bush some used as fences or walls in rich arsehole's mazes, the fuck fat-croc managed to unhinged it's jaw wide enough to put thine hair in its molars between its mouth, large beasts they really were.

Amazing really, the bite force of these creatures could be many a multiples of instant death but indestructible as it were- my hair saved me from certain doom.

The fat-croc was dragging me away from the other three, greedy bastard it was. I could hear the other crocs cursing in hissing reptilian-, I'd cracked a smile if I wasn't due to be a meal, however this greedy bastard's all for one maneuver came to my benefit.

I managed to spy that the cooldown for my power hath been reset and what an opportune moment at that, with many a thanks to Lady Luck for giving me this greedy croc-, who helped me stall for time- I let out my aura and with swift a blue smoke popping all I could comprehend was a fucking blinding whites of explosion; which blew to shreds- the long jaws of the beast's and a portion of its head.

Auras first came with a base spherical shape with a radii of 6 feet which could be extended further through some means that I didn't knew yet and from that- one could make out how fuckeningly large these crocodiles were.

And thine aura; engulfed nearly half the head of the giant croc.

The croc died in an instant, nothing remains of what were blown, the nasty gunks and chunks and pieces seemed to vanish from existence- since the jaws were blasted away, I fell to the cold ground below and as I came to- when the eyes opened to see; I've further made another dent in the ground- same size as the dent I've made in the wyrm's toilet.

I felt warm and bright but I yet paid no mind on thine.

I was maybe a couple of feet away from the other three crocs at best, first thing I did was scan the croc which dragged yours truly- ironically saving me- All I could see of it's remains were it's body which laid bareback and dead and a floating green core which rises above the body, "Neat!" said I.

The body dictates I was granted an explosive power so a smirk grinned on my face, cheek to cheek and with a devilish glare to the rest of the crocs, "Let's see who eats who.." I was brimming with confidence.

I wasn't entirely focused on what power were I granted- I stepped menacingly fuming a smirk which seeks vengeance, how dare these mere beast tried to make of me a quick meal?

As I took my first angry step of vengeance, I saw this little ball of globe, like a planet swirling from the right, it was orbiting me like a wrecking ball under my aura close to my heart.

"What the…?" I couldn't make much of a sentence when another one followed the planet, this one was slightly behind and slightly further away from the previous one.

Then it rang, "I'm a fucking solar system.. Ha-hah!"

I figured the explosion I felt earlier could've been the theorized Bing Bang, the croc tasted the full force of it, sad little thing.

And before I could take another step a rather doubtful thought sprang, 'How do I fight with this?'

While the three crocs were dead set on their menu- which were I, maybe unaliving their brethren was not enough to scare them off of their hunger, maybe their croc brain thought that I was doing them a favor instead, cutting short their competition for the meal.

In turn I was left in a pedestal of doubts, 'I talked a big game just then..' I thought.

As this eight balls circled around me, the upper lip pushed to a side making a mountain of uncertainty with a hint of shame for what I've claimed to do to these fuck crocs.

It was then that they started to burrow their tails in the ground, this was a tell that they were cocking and loading for a pounce, with not any other thoughts in mind, puckered lips found it right to sigh- breathing out doubts and embracing whatever to come, "Fuck all hecks!" I said and I resumed on taking a step towards oncoming death.

"Either I turn you all into pairs of comfy crocs or you fight for your meal. I'm fucking ready!"

With that I charged-in, the seconds were ticking in my screen and I leapt, I felt like William Wallace and his scot-free men, the crocs all pounced at thine- all this at the same time.

And;

Snoot first they pounced, one croc was slower than the two and they blocked and crashed it's hungry jaws as it fell.

And the other two;

Just as they entered the range of my aura, two basketball sized planets which orbited thine smashed their jaws into many pieces of scaly flesh and little planet scrapes, obliterating the crocs heads completely, "Whoa!" I went, the eyes saw it clearly- small they maybe but these planets seemingly packed the punch of a real planet crashing onto something, the crash completely blew their heads to shreds and sent them back with such a force that they flew through and stopped and parted the running stream like Moses parting the red sea-, Only stopping after they hit and made a cracking dent at a large boulder at the other side of the stream.

"Whoa-HoHo!" little palm held on top the brows to more clearer see, "Two down!" said I, I was deeply impressed with thine.

So much so that the same devilish smile creep on the face once more and these eyes of mine glared pompous and proud, faintly reeking of bloodlust as I targeted the last remaining croc.

"Two!" read the timer of my power, and suddenly I leapt for the second time towards the croc with it's opened jaws and the tail burrowed down for another pounce.

It indeed pounced as I leapt, there were still six other miniature planets orbiting me but as luck hath forsaken thine the croc luckily managed to get past the gap of the orbit.

The eyes saw it but there were no time to even think of a curse for it but I just knew I was now ultimately a goner- so I shut the lids of my lively blues but what happened then was a true show of a scientific knowledge which I'd only came to a conclusion after it all hath ended- and that was- planets orbits around a sun and Lo!;

The fuck- fat-croc, tried to took a bite of a sun which was yours truly, the force of me leaping towards the croc and the dumb thing trying to bite a sun summed up to it being melted nose first then jaw and just as I creaked these blues open again I barely managed to behold the force of three planets smashing the pitiful remains of the croc, obliterating it to microscopic morsel of flesh.

The timer on the screen then turned to zero and there I were, in the side of a running stream with four floating cores of green for sweet sweet loot and a big fat fucking smile that gleams, "Life's so fucking fun!" I screamed.

I don't know how well I did here, so it's upto you to decide if I'm worthy of your time- you could do that by telling me and all about what you think.

Anyways, thanks again for reading you fucking cunts.

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