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Rambling and Random bullshittery

This be your most daring story; A rambling if you must, Of language most foul, of unexplored ways to curse. Of bullshit in every turn, in every twist, in every twists of tongues. As told by thine ol'hands and masterminded by the crude tongue, with all my tics and antics. Do-told tale of a vegetable who limbs and stumbled on a new realm of where creation was pierced in it's boundaries. Of a connoisseur who learns of ways of an unshackled breathing body, the occasional doggie styles and the utmost high of all forms of unequaled shag-getry, wooing tarts and thots and hoes, all manners of terms modern and old to name all wenches of all- the ripened titties; "Thine taste ranges from nymphs of florescent pure to flooded lips which hangs and are forgivably bonk-able with a passing thought riled up by the hard down under, Which in short means all!" Heinously wholesome in ways of the vile tongue which grew most crude, terribly heinous with every breaths more lived- after to after and then more, much much more. A rambling- to what he sees, to what he does. This is a story of a living, in a world of pixels; of new universe where a man could swim in lava, a world where such and such is deemed mundane. An epic where a naked fledgling dove in the heat of an avian war, baby-steps towards a destiny-, etched in the root webs of two worlds with only a goal; To be the Pirate Ki- nevermind! To live most free. Rejuvenation; maketh man a new being, now what would be his tale when all he knew of living was blinking a set of dead little eyes, what would such a virgin of a human ways do in a surreal world that explodes magics and bullshits. I'll tell ye all! Just listen to the ramble. (Stay with me, I won't ever drop this.) [Warning:] 1. Not for the faint of heart. 1½. Smut will be there but it will be extremely rare. 2. The english dictionary would require a thorough update after I'm done with this epic. 3. Fuckery most heinous most foul. (By decree of a certain fool) 4. Don't tell your mums you learnt (curses) from me. 5. No other warning just enjoy, If ye dares. Cover art not mine, thank you for letting me use it and sorry but pray tell if you ordered it removed. Will use it until I could afford a more authentic cover art or until boss wants it removed.

JF_Fanai · Fantasy
Not enough ratings
32 Chs

High and Low

"Fuck-Fuck-Fuck-Fuck-Fuck it! Fuck all Hecks!"

I gave up on this aura thing, reading and knowing on how to shape and manipulate auras gave as much help as that one missing leg of a centipede.

And as that fat rocket croc- rocketed for my death, instincts took over and clenched both butt-cheeks forcing thine to use the shitty power, "Whatever!" I yelped.

Just as the tippy top of his bulging snout came inches close, I felt windy fore I was granted winds and in a beat I shot up high into the sky with the force of the thigh snapping from the butt-cheeks clenching, "Hah-Haha! Eat me now bitch!" braved blues closed not, always with a pathetic unperturbed grin which dwindled with the slightest mishap yet shining easily the brightest with the littlest of good fortune on I and they teased the fat-croc goodbye.

I shot on up over trees, over a small plain by the end of a sloping hill, zooming past it like curtains unfurled in a world where up is down and after a blur- There! Wonder awaited me as I slowed down from the shot and wonderfully twas now afloat after a thought I had of flying in motion there.

What awaits thine were sights light-years far ahead in a meter of lively and beautiful from the gloomy concrete I was made used to, I could not help but wept in joy, I was left with only, "Whoa!" slowly I exclaimed to the serene beauty I beheld.

This beauty, living in it was what I always wanted to but never really do; I could never stoop too low to be a burden, a weigh to any.

Props to my parents who tried taking my vegetable ass out to mate with the world, fondle it's beauty, I know you love your son but love was not enough, tis hard to appreciate any when you cannot help but be a burden- I love them lot, love them for buying me this present.

For taking care of me, my all but I was baggage and I pitied them to have to deal with thine but now it seemed as if I was lifted and made a new man.

The eyes gleamed with wanderlusts, way yonder upstream were roads of sorts snaking up to a side of a hill with a huge black mole it seems- or whatever that big black thing in the hill's belly was; on top were dots of whats and nots, maybe the little noises there was what Kang told me about but Alas I decided to always live in the moment and in the moment the shades of all colors on the leaves of Sunder-Bloom were beyond what my imagination could conjure, they were paintings with colors of the passionate, the glistening stream forking paths for another journey, there down the ground I saw them bid farewell, each of them were inviting thine with minor worries for fat-crocs.

A bird I deemed meself, I swam effortlessly above them; in the sky, the winds welcomed my awesome, the winds I generated seemed to possess a type of resistance to the eyes waterings, mouth flutterings, skin pushings winds I felt from before when I were blown.

Or, maybe I was now wind!

When I thought of floating like a humming bird to more capture the sights I remained afloat, controlled and in place, inside the aura, in the sky and gleefully above.

"I'm so free!" I then smiled.

"Yeaa-!! I'm so alive!"

The vast lands of this world, more to feel, more to behold, what's left was there to mold me further in love with this world, "I'm in love!" I confessed.

The near experience of a meat being shredded left no tingling after-taste in me, I breathed in all sense of ease.

If only seconds hath not ticked in the temple, I was now a second short of four, it not took but even a second to make it past the sloping hill to the views of above, of where I am flying a bird, I had already known that I was to wait another four after the four seconds tick of my power to use said power again.

In game terms, the cooldown of four seconds begins after the four seconds of activation is up.

Using the brain, if not to praise myself, I was more often than always- stuck to my own devices, my own thoughts before coming in here, neat thing really since I've gained quite an exotic ability- I've mastered all cracks and bulges of the brain, give me a situation; send me to hell, six seconds in I'll know a way to gleefully roast some meat in the unholy flames while sleeping lazy and cool under a palm tree.

I was gifted with quick thinking and in living a breathing life I've found that the tongue was just as quick; I knew I had time to fuck about in the sky.

Gazing down the long fall below, "Whew!" whistling to the height which only pleases me further, "I made it this far in a beat.. I'm so cool!"

I took time to flutter about, "Three!" counting the seconds;

Then,

Quickly comes, "Two!" as that timer in the right of my screen showed.

And given proof of my speed, which shot me up feet above in a single beat of a second urges me to moan more of the sights.

I was over streams, over there then there I fluttered everywhere and with deep a long breath-in, I now searched for a safe place to land.

And Lo! Flying upstream thine eyes smiled me a sight- seeing this merry man-made waiting shed, with a roof and possibly seats in the middle of the deep stream, on top a neat lift of land, it stood fitting, like the little land thing was lifted by a higher power just so men could sit the little construct on top, like it was made exclusively for it.

"There!" I smiled as the timer in the corner of the eye-screen counted to One, "I'm close!"

Fwoosh!

I dove straight down, the mind was soooo fucking sure, 'It took only a second!' it told my conscience and the department of the brain which labors on decision making.

I was too sure until only mere fucking feet above the timer reaches zero, I was many feet away too-, I did the math, added in and subtracted the fucking distance, but I was living the joke literally as it rang in the ear- cursing, "I did the math but boy am I bad at math!!!!"

Blue puff of smoke appeared and sentenced me powerless once a more- as it usually does; I nearly spat out a full chorus of curses but gravity comes into play and I was hurled down, pulled down the stream below before the tongue could have its ways.

However this height was way shorter than the fall I had before, the fall that allowed me a meeting with Kang, so I figured keeping a head down dive, "I wouldn't be damaged at all!"— last time I didn't even feel the shock of water so now twas a tad sure I wouldn't be damaged at all.

Maybe some little minuses on my HP bar but not a margin too showing only a thing worries yours truly and I screamed, "Anything but fat fucking crooocs!!"

SPLASH!

Dove I did head first, I was stuck now with the afro so why not use it?

It dampened the fall, maybe too good of an unlikely armor it were, I felt not any pain from the fall.

Like that lucky few who not felt that pain in the tender when plucking a dame's recently ripened tender.

I'm talking about two virgins shagging, doing the deed.

The splashing dive I did was in lieu of pain a worthwhile experience, 'I'll never understand why people like swimming…'

I felt nothing but water molesting me with it's cold hands, the eyes then opened after they braced themselves for the splash, "Brro-Brrroccc!" I bubbled some words, to any wondering it means no crocs.

Only stones and water plants as I dubbed them were in wait for thine beneath the water, for second I've come now to brave the weight of water, and for the second I find it's force constricting, displeasing thine.

Quickly I resorted to; Hugging, kicking grabbing fistfuls and armfuls of liquid, I quickly made my way to shore.

Closed were the eyes through the horrible swim I would've done, until the tip of the toes would touch a familiar rough of land I wailed all limbs.

And in shore with heavy breaths I crawled, dragged and slept my tired ass.

It not took much ticking moments for thine to open my blues and as I did it were blurry but I saw four reptilian snoots each with the same murder teeth; rows and rows of grinded death from all sides; salivating at the thought of me being munched to little edible bits of shreds.

Dead and ahead to the sky I immediately stared, 'Maybe I'm….' I thought, 'I'm seeing things?'

After a quick rub and rapid lids blinking I took another moment to scan each of the snoots;- From, "One.." I started the count upto, "Four.." resulting in only a deep worrisome sigh- and I resorted back to stare dead on ahead to the sky above, "Hah-!" I expelled quite a quick and abrupt laughter to my luck, I've ran out of it.

Then;

Slowly I closed thine eyes as a huge drop of sweat flooded the brow, "Aaaaah~! Fuck!" I slowly cursed.

How's your day?

Bet you're having a swell time now that you're reading this or not, fuck you but no really thank you again for reading.

Love y'all.

JF_Fanaicreators' thoughts