Chapter 38: Caged up

Kai, Sabo, and Robin were standing above the cage looking down into the trap door from the edge of the cliff. Kai pushed Sabo. "Have fun pipe boy. Wahahaha!" Sabo heard as he looked up to see Kai and Robin standing on the edge waving at him as he fell.

"I think I'll take the stairs down with you. Care to show me the way devil-chan?" Kai asked Robin. "Nishishi! Shouldn't you be more worried about your friend? Maybe he fell on his face and died on the way down. Or landed on a spike and was impaled."

"Wahahaha! As if Pipe boy would go down that easy." Kai said as he followed after Robin towards the stairs.

Back in the cage.

"What a brilliant trap." Luffy said seriously. Usopp nodded beside him. "Ingenious." He said. Nami's eyebrow twitched. "It wasn't a good plan at all! You guys just ran in without thinking! God why am I on a crew with such idiots!"

"*Thud* That bastard!" Sabo grumbled from the floor as he face planted. "He ruined my cool entrance!" Usopp had his jaw drop to the floor. "You just fell over 20 meters and that's what you're concerned about?! Nami, why did we join a crew with such idiots?!" Nami smacked him in the head. "You're one of the idiots!"

"Shehehe! You guys are funny." Sabo said as he got up and dusted off his suit and hat. "Who are you, and why are you here?" Smoker asked the newcomer. "You can call me. Uhh. I don't know? I didn't think of a name yet. And I'm here because that masked bastard pushed me off a cliff!" Sabo said.

"Was it Fujin?" Smoker asked. Sabo nodded. "Yeah that guy." Smoker patted his shoulder to comfort him. "I understand your feelings. I have to supervise the bastard." Sabo felt sorry for Smoker. "You're his boss. You must have gone through a lot. I feel for you man." Sabo said as he wiped a tear and put a hand on Smokers shoulder.

All of a sudden Smoker smacked Luffy with his jutte. Luffy fell to the ground and felt weak. "It feels like I'm underwater." Smoker let out a puff of smoke. "That's because the tip of my jutte is seastone. Which has the properties of the sea but in a solid form."

"Umm. We already know that. Fujin told us." Usopp told Smoker. "That bastard! Why would he tell pirates that?!" Smoker yelled. "Excuse me Sir. Didn't you just tell pirates that?" Sabo asks Smoker. Zoro smirked. "Smokey, I heard that this girl Hina doesn't like hypocrites." Zoro told Smoker as he had picked up a lot about Smoker from Kai's calls.

"I'll fucking kill him! Fujin, where are you?! You're dead!" Smoker yelled out into the sky thinking Kai was still above them. "Stop! Let's not fight amongst ourselves! Let's be friends!" Usopp cried out.

"Kuhahahaha! You're right, as fellow prisoners who are doomed to suffer the same fate. You should reconcile in your final moments." A man who was sitting in a chair at a table about 15 meters away from the cage said. "Crocodile!" Smoker grumbled as he side eyed the man sitting down.

"You certainly are the wild dog of the marines, Smoker. You truly gave me a surprise today. Barging in here without any qualms about me being a warlord, it appears that you never trusted me from the start." Crocodile started rambling and Sabo had already started a den den mushi that was transmitting to Hack who was in the oasis near Nanohana where the rebel army was gathering. Allowing the rebel army to hear everything Crocodile was saying.

"Well, it was a good idea to not trust me. Too bad it still ended in your defeat. After I tell the World Government that you 'accidently' died in battle with the Straw Hats, they won't bother me anymore. Kuhaha!" Crocodile continued rambling before Sabo asked. "So it was you who used the dance power then. It wasn't the king of this country."

"Kuhahaha! Of course it was me, and those fools in Alabasta believed me when I said it was the king! Now I have the country on the verge of war without me even needing to attack them!" Crocodile said, still unaware of the fact that him saying these words would change the entire country's future as the rebel army could hear everything he said.

The door suddenly opened to reveal Vivi standing at the top of the stairs. She charged at Crocodile screaming. "You'll never get away with this!" She sent an attack right at his head causing it to explode. "It's no use." Smoker said. The crew was confused as to what he meant when Crocodile reformed behind Vivi.

"I ate the sand-sand fruit and I am a sandman." Crocodile told her as he had his hook around her neck. "Now I'm gonna give you a choice. Princess, you can either save these six people in a cage or you can try and leave now to stop the revolutionary army, possibly saving millions of lives!"

At this point the doors opened once more to reveal two figures. "I'm back Mr. 0." Robin said as she walked in. Crocodile snapped his head to the door. "Where the hell have you been miss All-Sunday? And who is that marine with you?"

"Fufu. He is just someone who was gambling and won a bit too much money. So I had to start dealing for his table before he made us go broke." Robin told her boss. Kai whispered beside her. "How's it feel to meet your new crew again?"

"Nishishi! They look to be in quite the mess. I wonder if they will all drown to death soon." Robin laughed as she whispered back. "What are you talking about?!" Crocodile yelled as he was insecure about being betrayed. "Sheesh, Croc, calm your tits. Oh wait you don't have them anymore. Wahahaha!"

Crocodile froze stiff. "YOU!" He yelled out at Kai. "Wahaha! Nice to meet you. I'm Fujin. My pronouns are He/him. May I ask for yours. Wahahaha!" Crocodile charged at Kai and swung his hook to hit him in the face. Kai just kept walking forward and tilted his head to the side as Crocodiles momentum carried him past him after he missed Kai's head. As Crocodile was flying through the air past Kai, Kai reached out his hand and grabbed the key from him. It was so smooth Crocodile didn't even notice it. Nami would be proud right now if she wasn't so pissed at him for leaving them alone.

Kai just took a few steps forward before reaching the bottom of the stairs. He turned around to face Crocodile. "Have you told them all your plans yet?" He asked Crocodile only to be met with a glare for a second. "What plans?" He asked Kai. "*sigh* Do you really have to be like this Croc. I just wanna know because I have a story to tell."

Crocodile didn't say anything because Kai wasn't in the cage so if he told him there was a slight chance he could tell someone else. "You're really gonna be like that Croc? Haaa, alright, I get it." Kai walked up to the cage and unlocked the door with the key he stole. This shocked Crocodile as he patted his body for the key only to see it was missing.

After unlocking the cage Kai walked inside it and shut the door. Locking it again. He twirled the key in between his fingers before saying. "Catch devil-chan." As he tossed Robin the key. "Nishishi! Aren't you worried you might drown Mask-san?" Kai chuckled. "Maybe that's the goal."

"Nishishishi!" Robin laughed. Crocodile was stunned. "Why the fuck?" He asked. Kai got a fist to the back of the head from Smoker. "YOU'RE DEAD! WHY DIDN'T YOU ATTACK CROCODILE?!"

"We are marines. We can't attack warlords. Stupid Smokey." Kai said to Smoker as he dodged. "YOU HAD THE KEYS! YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST FREED US!" Kai shook his head. "That's no good, then he wouldn't tell me his plan, I need him to tell his plan before I can tell my story." Kai said like what he just did was perfectly normal.

Crocodile finally regained his composure. "I did tell them part of my plan already. I plan to take over Alabasta as the king after becoming a hero in the revolutionary war. Then I will have everything I ever wanted."

"Bullshit Croc. I wanna hear the real plan." Kai said, causing panic to start to set into Crocodiles face. "What do you mean? That is my real plan." Kai sighed. "And I'm the pirate king. Come on Croc tell us the plan so I can start my story." Luffy hear this and punched Kai in the face. "NO! I'm gonna be the pirate king!" Kai's eyebrow twitched. "I wasn't being serious you dumbass! I don't wanna be pirate king!"

"Shishishi! Then there's no problem! Why are you so upset?" Luffy asked. "Because you just punched him in the face!" Smoker yelled at Luffy. "See what I have to deal with everyday? They're all idiots Smokey." Kai said to Smoker. "You shouldn't be dealing with them in the first place! You should be catching them!" He said as he punched at Kai. Kai dodged and he hit Zoro. This started a dust brawl with everyone in it.

"NISHISHISHI! These guys are funny." Robin laughed at the crew's antics. The crew was still in a dust brawl when Crocodile couldn't take it anymore. "I thought you wanted to hear my real plan! Why did you just start messing around?!" Kai jumped out of it. "Aha! So you admit that you do have a different plan! Just like I wanted! It was all a ruse to lure you into my trap! Maahaahaaahaha!" Kai laughed like a villain as he came out of the dust brawl without a scratch on him. ""How does he do that everytime?"" Zoro and Luffy asked as they had scratches and bumps all over themselves.

"Don't act like you planned that!" Crocodile yelled at Kai. Robin seriously pondered. Did he really plan all of that to get Croc to admit to his real plan? She wouldn't put it past Kai; he was smart enough to do something like that. Kai just laughed. "Wahahaha! Who cares anyway? Just tell us the real plan!" Crocodile had a smile on his face. "No. Kuhahaha!" He said feeling great that he just outsmarted Kai and put him in his place.

"*yawn* Don't be such a stiff. If you really won't say it then I guess I will. May I?" He asked Sabo who nodded and handed him the transponder snail. Crocodile's eyes widened at this sight. He had one the whole time! Who was he broadcasting too?! Robin was also shocked. She had no clue they were doing that. They must have gone behind her back at some point. She felt a little disappointed that they didn't trust her enough to tell her for a second before she realize how stupid that was. She was still technically their enemy. So why was she so upset that she didn't know? Why did she feel bad she couldn't help Kai out more?

"Hello there everyone! This is your favourite announcer, here today to tell you all about Crocodiles plans. Where to start? Ah how about the bomb! There is currently a large bomb in the clocktower of Alabasta that is set to go off and destroy the city and both armies who are fighting! What an evil plan! Do you know why he would do this? Because his real goal isn't the throne but something else! Isn't that right miss All-Sunday and Mr. 0. Ah just so all you know Mr. 0 is none other than Crocodile himself. As for his true goal. That's gonna have to remain a secret for now."

Kai looked Croc dead in the eyes. "How was that Croc? Did I miss anything?" Crocodile was enraged. "How do you know that? Who told you? Was it you?" He asked as he turned to Robin who raised her hands innocently. "Fufufu. I don't know either. Why would I tell him before I got what I wanted?" She said to Croc. "Leave miss All-Sunday out of this Croc. Anyways, you just admitted to the fact that what I said was your real plan like an idiot so what now?" Crocodile started fuming. "Who is that too?! The marines? I'm not scared of them! I'm a warlord for a reason! After I take over this country they will have to call me a king anyway. And they won't be able to attack me even if they revoke my status as a warlord! You may think you're smart, but you will still lose in the end!"

Kai said nothing. He looked at Sabo and whispered. "You get enough?" Sabo nodded and Kai hung up the transponder snail. "Alright Croc. You got me. The marines can do nothing. I mean even if you didn't become a king you'd still be fine right?" Crocodile narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean?" Kai sighed. "Still playing dumb. I mean your real goal. It has nothing to do with the country does it?"

"How do you know all of this?" Crocodile asked. Kai looked at him deadpan. "I'm not you. Why would I tell my enemy all of my sources of information, goals and plans? I'm not an idiot."

"Nishishi!" Crocodile heard his own partner laugh and a tick mark appeared on his forehead. "It's not funny Nico Robin! Are you trying to get me to sell you out?!" Robin stopped laughing and looked at the reactions of everyone. Smoker was the only one who had the reaction she expected. "That's the devil child Nico Robin?! We need to catch her! She wants to destroy the world!" Kai smacked Smoker when he said this. "For fucks sake Smokey! Don't believe everything you read! You would think you would know that with how many times the government twists stories about the marines that not everything is real." Kai took out a cigarette and sighed again. "*ahem* I meant to say, oh no! A devil! Ahhh! We're all dead!"

Robin smiled at Kai's reaction. "What's with all of you? Why are you reacting like that?" Crocodile asked everyone. Everyone else in the cage just shrugged. Kai laughed. "Wahaha! Croc, you're overestimating these guys. They don't even know who she is." The crew nodded at this. They had no clue who the devil child was. Crocodile face planted. "How did these idiots figure out my plan?" He asked. "I'm not an idiot! Asshole! And it's not these idiots who figured it out. It was me. They probably still don't know your plan even though we both already told them."

Crocodile was just speechless at this point. He finally regained his composure and asked Kai. "What do you know about my real goals, marine?" Kai was done with Crocs shit at this point. "Holy fuck Croc, lets end this ring around the rosey bullshit. Your here for pluton. An ancient weapon. You got devil-chan over there with you to read the poneglyphs which tell you where it is. Then the bomb goes off and destorys all evidence and bada-bing bada-boom, you think that you will be strong enough to take over the world and get revenge on Whitebeard. Alright there's you stupid plan. Am I right? Just kidding I know I'm right now let's get this show on the road."

Crocodile was shocked once again. This guy knew too much. Luckily he was still locked inside a cage and had no way to escape. "Good for you. You figured out my master plan. Too bad you're still stuck in a cage surrounded by water! You have no escape! You still lose!"

Kai just shrugged. "Oh well, anyway! Everyone listen up, it's storytime! Who wants to hear a funny story about a Crocodile? I know you all do. So, once upon a time. There was this little girl. However, she didn't like being treated like a girl. She wanted to fight too just like all the boys around her. Well luckily for her, she eventually met a man who could make her dreams come true! That man went by the name of Ivankov! You see, Ivankov has a special devil fruit that can change people's genders. So one day this little girl asked Ivankov to help her out. Ivankov agreed and changed the little girl into a little boy, forever changing his life. Now I don't like to judge people based on their gender, but this little boy was very insecure about his gender being exposed so he made Ivankov promise to never tell anybody! Now does anyone here wanna guess what that little girl/boy's name is?"

"I'll fucking murder you!" Crocodile yelled at Kai through the cage. "Nope, not quite correct. Anyone else have a guess?" Luffy spoke up. "Meat?" He asked. "No you idiot!" Nami yelled as she smacked him into the seastone cage causing him to fall to the floor weakened. "Shehehe! That's pretty funny! Who knew a big bad warlord was so scared about this getting out?"

"Wahahaha! As you all SHOULD have guessed by now. Not that you all have. The little kid's name was Crocodile!" Crocodile was fucking livid. "You're all going to die here! Too bad this will go to the grave with all of you!"