20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20! I absolutely love getting reviews, so if you leave a comment it would probably make my day. Enjoy!

"I don't feel good." Kate complained as Jay poured her a bowl of Cheerios. She looked up at her father with wet eyes. "I feel so bad." Two weeks after surgery and the little girl was still in pain. The medicine she was taking helped slightly, but it also made her nauseous, sleepy and downright miserable. Jay and Erin were at a loss with how to help their daughter, who had been improving so much but now seemed to be stuck in a permanent state of being scared and in pain.

"Oh Squirt." Jay lifted her into his arms and rubbed her back soothingly. "You'll feel better soon enough." He pressed a kiss into her hair.

"I'm so sleepy all the time," she moaned, "And I feel so sick."

"How about some apple juice to settle your tummy?" Jay pulled out a sippy cup full of juice from the fridge. "Your body just needs time to heal, Squirt."

"It's taking too long." Kate grumbled before resting her head on her father's shoulder. "Where's Mommy?"

"Mommy's at work already. She and Hank got breakfast early this morning." Jay sat down at the kitchen table, Kate still in his arms.

"I want her." Kate whimpered, turning her face into Jay's shoulder, "I want mommy."

"Guess what. You can come to work with me to see Voight and then Mommy can take you home so you can nap." Jay forced a smile, "Sergeant Platt has me and Atwater working violence reduction duty tonight, so I'll be back late, but you and Mommy are going to have a nice time together, okay?"

"Mm." Kate replied, shaking her head slightly against his neck, "I'll miss you." Jay felt his shoulder dampen and when he leaned away, he could see that his little girl was crying.

"Squirt," Jay cooed, running a hand over her head, "I'll be okay and then tomorrow maybe we can do some Christmas shopping for Mommy, huh? Maybe pick out a few things she would like?"

Kate nodded and wiped her eyes, pulling away slightly from her hold on her father. "We gonna have Christmas?"

"Yes we are, sweetheart." Jay felt his heart clench and felt like an idiot. Of course Kate had never experienced Christmas before. Men who exploited children weren't the kind of people to buy gifts or put up a tree, "And we have to get a tree for the living room, too."

"A real one?" Kate looked up in surprise, "A real tree goes in the living room?"

"Oh yeah. We'll go pick out a nice pine tree and then we get to decorate it with all kinds of lights and ornaments." Jay smiled sadly, realizing that since Kate hadn't been at school, she wasn't with other children who knew about the holiday and all it entailed. He made a quick mental note to pick up some Christmas stories on his way home from work. "Have you ever heard about Santa Claus?"

The little girl narrowed her eyes, thinking intently. "He brings presents, I think. Big Joe talked about him once," Jay felt his stomach drop at the mention of one of Kate's abusers, anticipating the worst, "and he said that if you're good, he brings you presents. But cause I wasn't, that's how come I didn't get any."

Jay almost burst into tears at his little girl's memory. The poor thing had been told that she wasn't good enough to receive any type of present and it shattered his heart. "Oh, no, sweetheart," Jay held the child tighter, "It wasn't because you were bad," he paused, trying to think of a reason that Santa wouldn't visit to a sweet little girl like Kate, "Sometimes Santa doesn't know about certain kids, but this year, I'm positive he's going to pay you a visit."

"Because I didn't have parents?" Kate guessed, "And cause now I do, Santa's gonna come?"

Jay swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded, "He's coming here and he's going to fill the stockings and put presents underneath the tree while we're sleeping."

"He's coming in here?" Excitement spread across the little girl's face. "How does he get in?"

"Through the chimney," Jay smiled, gesturing to the fireplace, "He lands on the roof and slides down the chimney with a big sack of toys and games and books."

Kate thought for a moment, fear filling her eyes, "But Daddy, if Santa gets in through the chimney, what about the bad guys?" Her voice quivered, "I don't want them getting in."

"Oh, no, Squirt." Jay quickly refuted, realizing his error, "Only Santa can get though the chimney, because he has Christmas magic. It's what makes the reindeer and the sleigh fly, too."

"Rain-deers?" Kate asked, relaxing at the reassurance that it would only be the jolly old man entering the apartment through the chimney, "Why does he have those?"

"Reindeer are special animals that fly Santa's sleigh around the world, delivering presents to kids," Jay explained, "So on Christmas Eve, we'll leave some cookies out for Santa and some carrots out for the reindeer to help fuel them on their journey."

"Christmas sounds fun," Kate murmured, leaning against her father's chest. Jay kissed her forehead gently, holding her close.

Erin was sitting on the couch, knees drawn to her chest, with a mug of herbal tea and the TV remote. While Platt had assigned Jay to violence reduction duty, she had gotten off the hook. It was weird for her to be at home while her partner was at work as they spent most of their days together, and Erin found herself feeling somewhat lost. At two in the morning nothing much was on TV. She sighed, and turned it off. After setting her mug in the sink, Erin headed for the bedroom.

The apartment was slightly cold, and she wrapped her arms around her thin body. Jay had told her about his conversation about Santa earlier that morning and Erin had felt absolutely gutted. The worst part about it was that she remembered what it was like to be a little kid and be told that you weren't good enough to receive gifts for the holiday. Bunny barely made it through the holiday season alive and by the time Erin was Kate's age, she had no belief that Santa or anyone would arrive with presents. Jay and Erin decided that this year, they would decorate the apartment from top to bottom and make sure that they partook in every cliché Christmas tradition.

The bed in the master bedroom looked cool and uninviting, so Erin turned and quietly opened Kate's bedroom door. Thankfully, the little girl was sleeping peacefully, her small hands clutching Tiger. As carefully as she could, Erin climbed into the bed and pulled the covers over herself.

"Mommy?" Kate turned her head and opened her eyes, glancing at the woman who was in her bed.

"Shh, baby, go back to sleep." Erin said gently, stroking her child's cheek.

"Why are you awake?" Kate whispered, closing her eyes. She snuggled closer to her mother and shivered slightly.

"I was just missing Daddy, that's all," Erin kissed the top of Kate's head, "Go back to sleep baby."

"Where's Daddy?" Kate mumbled, her voice fading as sleep overcame her.

"He's not coming home tonight." Erin breathed, closing her eyes as she relaxed in the comfort of her little girl's presence.

"Why?" Kate's voice grew panicked and her eyes shot open. "Why isn't he coming home?"

"He has to work." Erin replied sleepily. "We'll go see him in the morning," She carefully threaded her fingers through Kate's hair, trying to coax her back to sleep. "We can bring him a change of clothes and breakfast too, hm?"

"But he has to come home." Kate croaked, her voice desperate. "He has to."

"Not tonight baby." The young detective closed her eyes again. "We'll see him tomorrow, bright and early."

"No!" Kate shouted, suddenly jerking upright. "He needs to come home."

"Sweetheart, it's okay." Erin reached for her hand, but the little girl scrambled off the bed. "You'll hurt yourself."

"Mommy, he has to come home." Kate let the tears stream down her cheeks. "He just has to."

Erin climbed off the mattress, dread filling her stomach as she heard Kate's harsh pants punctuate the still apartment. "What's going on? Daddy works late all the time, just like me."

"No!" Kate cried, "He needs to come home, he needs to!"

"What's going on baby?" Erin repeated, looked quizzically at her daughter. "Daddy's just working. No different than any other night. He's going to be home before you know it, I promise."

"Mama, please, Daddy has to come home." Kate said frantically. "Please."

"He's going to be home a little later. He's working." Erin took a step closer to her daughter, but the little girl shook her head and stepped back, pressing her body against the bedroom wall. "It's okay, Kate."

"No, no, no!" Kate shrieked. "They'll come and get me if Daddy's not here!"

"Nobody's coming to get you." Erin assured the little girl. "You're safe here, with me."

"No!" Kate wailed again. "They'll hurt you." Kate sank to the ground, pulling her knees closer to her quivering body. "Please Mommy."

"I'm here, baby. Nobody's coming to get you. They'll have to go through me first." Erin stepped closer to her daughter and knelt down in front of her, reaching a hand out.

"No, no, no! They'll hurt you too! Please Mommy, they'll hurt you and then I'll have no mommy!" Kate burst into tears, tiny shoulders quaking as sobs wracked her body.

Erin suddenly understood what her daughter was afraid of. The nightmares, the abuse, the fear all fell into place. She scooted closer to her little girl and touched her cheek. "Kate, baby, listen to me. Nobody is going to hurt you or me. I'll right here all night to make sure of that."

"But Daddy…" Kate trailed off, her words dissolving into sobs.

"Daddy wouldn't let us stay alone if he thought everything wasn't going to be okay." Erin reached out and helped her daughter into her lap, the child folding against her in exhaustion.

"I'm so scared." Kate whimpered, nestling against her mother. "Don't go Mommy, please."

"I'm not going anywhere." Erin carefully lifted Kate and settled into her bed. She pulled the covers over both of them, bringing Kate in close. "I love you."

"I love you too Mommy." Kate closed her eyes, and eventually fell asleep.

Erin was awoken by a warm little hand on her shoulder. "Mommy?" Kate's voice was soft but urgent. "Mommy, I need you."

"What's going on baby?" Erin opened her eyes, realizing that she was in her daughter's bedroom. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she noticed that it was barely five in the morning.

The little girl pulled up her pajama top. "My tummy's bleeding." Kate's voice became more panicked. "It really hurts."

Erin quickly flicked on the lights. She could see clearly that Kate's incision had torn, and she was bleeding quite freely. The little girl was pale and wore a terrified expression, face contorted in pain.

"You're on blood thinners." Erin realized as she touched Kate's swollen and bloody stomach. She threw the covers off and sprinted for her bedroom. She pulled the emergency kit from under the bed and carefully placed gauze on her daughter's wounds.

"Ow." Kate winced, then folded over, clutching her stomach.

"I think your stomach stitches are beginning to tear." Erin dropped the box and led Kate out into the hallway. She placed an old coat of Jay's around her little girl's shaking body before grabbing the keys, her coat and shoes. "We need to go to the hospital."

Tears began streaming down Kate's cheeks and she grimaced again, unable to speak. Erin scooped her up and carried her to the car, lying her down on the backseat. "Hold on." she said, loosely buckling her up. "We'll be there shortly."

Erin sped to Chicago Med, right into the Emergency Department entrance. She quickly unloaded her daughter and brought her into the ED. "Ripped stitches." she explained to the night time shifters. Michelle, who ran the ED at night, directed them to a bed, where Kate's stitches were examined and redone. "Jay?" Erin dialed her boyfriend and breathed a sigh of relief when he answered his phone.

"It's early Er. What are you doing up?"

"Kate's stitches ripped. We're at Med right now." Erin choked out, glancing at her little girl who was lying in a hospital bed for the third time in two weeks.

"I'll be right there. I'll call Will on my way."

"Daddy's coming babes. He'll be here soon." Erin squeezed her daughter's hand, willing the tears that formed in her eyes to abate. Kate nodded blearily, just as the other Halstead pulled back the curtain.

"What's going on Miss Halstead?" Will asked, placing a comforting hand on Erin's shoulder. "Michelle said that you came to see me."

"I ripped my stitches." Kate replied groggily. "Sorry Mommy."

"No need to be sorry sweetheart." Erin gave her hand another squeeze and swallowed thickly. "Uncle Will is going to help you feel better."

"That's right." Will sat down in the swivel chair and scooted over to the bed. "How did you rip your stitches?" Will asked the little girl, re-buttoning the bloody pajama top that Kate had worn to bed.

Kate shrugged. "I just woke up because I was hurting and I saw I was bleeding."

"We need the ultrasound for her stomach, to see if anything else is going on in there." Will told Michelle, who nodded and sent for the machine.

"Erin." Jay's voice came from across the ED. "Kate." He rushed over to where his girls were, Erin's rigid posture radiating anxiety.

She hugged her partner tightly, melting into his embrace. "What happened Squirt?" Jay asked, gently rubbing Erin's shoulder. He could feel how tense she was.

"My tummy was leaking blood." Kate explained weakly. "I think I ripped my stitches by accident."

Will was ultrasounding Kate's stomach. "Erin, could I speak with you for a moment? Jay?"

Both nodded. "We'll be right back Kate." Erin reassured her, stroking her little hand. Kate nodded drowsily, barely aware of what was going on.

"What was Kate doing before she tore her incision?" Will asked, peeling off his latex gloves and disposing of them.

"She had a panic attack because Jay wasn't home." Erin was still pressed against her partner. She glanced nervously over to her little girl, who was dozing lightly in the hospital bed. "I thought it was a nightmare at first, but she was awake and absolutely freaking out."

Will nodded slowly. "From what I can tell, it looks like the stress caused her stomach to tear slightly. Luckily, it wasn't new, and should heal fine with the medication."

"Oh God." Erin put her hand over her face. "Her stomach always hurts when she gets worried."

Will grimaced, "That makes sense. I've prescribed some stronger meds in addition to what she's already taking."

"Is drowsiness a side effect?" Jay asked dryly, glancing at his baby who was still dozing. She looked pale and fragile, dwarfed by the size of the large hospital bed.

"Fatigue." His brother informed him, "All of these meds are going to do that to her, unfortunately. It's either drowsiness or pain, I'm afraid."

"She practically sleeps all day." Erin glanced over at her little girl again.

"Until she doesn't have to take her medicine, she will." Will shrugged, "But then she'll be better."

Jay sighed and ran a hand over his face, accepting that there wasn't anything else he could do. "Is she good to go?"

Dr. Halstead handed his brother discharge papers. "Sign here."

Jay climbed into the driver's seat after carrying Kate to the car. "Tired huh?" he smiled knowingly at his partner who had pressed the keys into his palm before exiting the hospital.

Erin nodded unenthusiastically. "I couldn't sleep without you."

He ignited the car. "I had a feeling."

"I'm sorry my stitches ripped," Kate mumbled from the backseat. Her eyelids were drooping and her little head was resting against the cold window. "I didn't mean to and I didn't want to wake you up but you said-"

"It's alright sweetheart," Erin turned around to look at her daughter. "It wasn't your fault at all, okay? And you can always wake Daddy or me up if you're not feeling good or if you're scared or you think something is wrong." Kate nodded tiredly, understanding what her mother was saying, "And we're just going to be extra careful for the next few months, okay?"

"Okay." Kate nodded again, closing her eyes. Jay pulled the Sierra onto the street and drove along in silence, thinking about all his poor little girl had been through in the past few months.

After a minute, Jay glanced the rearview mirror and saw that Kate was asleep. He glanced over at Erin, who appeared just as haggard as the child, "What happened? You said she was having a panic attack since I wasn't home?"

Erin nodded grimly. "She's convinced that if you don't come home at night, the bad guys are going to get her and take her away."

Jay tightened his grip on the steering wheel in anger. "Shit," he breathed, "I didn't realize she was going to react like that."

She grimaced and rubbed her eyes. "I think her nightmares are mainly about people trying to get her and take her away. She's got it in her head that if you're not there to fend off the bad guys, they'll hurt me too."

"Poor thing." Jay sighed. "Tomorrow I'll have Atwater install a security system to put her mind at ease."

"You're such a good Daddy." Erin smiled wearily at him as the car turned onto their street.

"Do you see a tree you like, Squirt?" Jay asked as they milled around the outdoor Christmas tree shop. Somehow, Erin had convinced Will to join their family on this outing so that he could help Jay carry the tree. Once he realized why he had been invited, the redheaded doctor had been pouting like a child in the corner.

"I don't know." Kate replied tiredly, one arm wrapped around Jay's neck as he carried her around the rows of trees, "Why is Uncle Will being silly?"

Erin chuckled, "He's just a little grumpy because I didn't tell him that he was going to have to help carry the tree to the car."

"I have very valuable hands!" Will called indignantly, "They save lives!"

Jay rolled his eyes and turned back to the plethora of trees, "How about a Douglas Fir?" He leaned down to sniff it, "Smells nice."

"What do you think, baby?" Erin asked, gently rubbing a gloved hand over her daughter's back, "Do you think this one would look nice in the apartment?"

Kate nodded and glanced over Jay's shoulder at her uncle. "Uncle Will, you are being a grumpy goose!" She offered a silly face and Jay and Erin burst out laughing at their little girl's reference to Will's nickname for her.

"Yeah, c'mon Will." Erin teased, "Help us with the tree and beer and dinner's on us."

"Ugh. Fine." Dr. Halstead rose from the plastic chair he was pouting in and examined the tree. Jay passed Kate to Erin so the brothers could carry it to the Sierra. "I have sap all over my hands," Will complained, sliding into the backseat next to his niece.

"What's wrong, Uncle Will?" Kate whispered, out of earshot of her parents who were sitting in the front, talking quietly.

"Nothing, Goosey." Will sighed, glancing out the window, "Why do you ask?"

"Because you're grumpy. And you're never grumpy." Kate explained, looking at him like it was obvious, "I can tell."

Will chuckled, "I guess I just had a bad day."

"You know what might make you feel better?" Kate asked, offering a kind smile. Will raised his eyebrows in anticipation, "If you go say hi to Dr. Manning. 'Cause when you see her you always smile."

"Do I now?" Will rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "Well, she's a little bit cross with me, so I don't think going to see her would be such a good idea."

"So that's why you had a bad day." Kate quickly put together what was causing her uncle to be so grumpy, "You should 'pologize. That's what Miss Carlson said to do when you do something wrong."

"What makes you think I did something wrong?" Will asked jokingly. He received a 'duh' look from the little girl, causing him to laugh, "Okay, you're right. I should apologize."

"Apologize to who?" Erin asked, turning around in the passenger seat.

"Whom," Jay corrected, not taking his eyes off the road. Erin glared at him. "Sorry."

"Nothing. Just a secret." Will replied, his refute drowned out by Kate's little voice.

"Uncle Will made Dr. Manning mad!" Kate informed her parents, causing Jay to glance knowingly at his brother in the rearview and Erin roll her eyes and turn back around.

"I said it was a secret, Goosey," Will gently scolded the little girl, crimson rising in his cheeks, "That means you don't tell anyone."

"I know what a secret is. But I don't keep secrets from Mommy and Daddy," Kate smiled sweetly, "Right?"

"That's right, kiddo," Jay grinned, "So man, what did you do?"

"Ugh." Will leaned back against his seat, "I don't even know."

"I told Uncle Will that he should 'pologize," Kate said, "Because sometimes 'pologizies don't fix the problem but they make it better."

"How did you get so smart?" Erin smiled at her brilliant little girl, "Maybe you should be a doctor since you're definitely more clued in than your uncle Will."

"Humpf." Will replied, staring out the window dejectedly, "You're right."

"Wow!" Kate exclaimed, in awe of the Christmas tree that Will and Jay had struggled to set up in their living room. Erin had the Halstead brothers decorate the tree with white twinkly lights and place a few of the ornaments she had on the tree. Will had brought over a box of their mother's old ornaments as well and Kate had been highly amused by the pictures of baby Jay and baby Will. "Uncle Will, you were so cute!"

Jay chuckled, "It was all downhill from there, wasn't it?" He hung the ornament that he had made as a child on the tree. Kate nodded in agreement, unsure of what she was actually affirming. Erin laughed, giving Will a slight nudge.

"Come on, Dr. Halstead. Help us decorate the tree. You're coming over for Christmas, right?" Her eyes twinkled at him, "Maybe Santa will bring something for you, too."

"I can probably stop by in the evening," Will said, "But unfortunately there are a lot of accidents on Christmas Eve, so I'll be needed in the ED."

"You can't come for Santa?" Kate looked crestfallen that her uncle wouldn't be there for Christmas. Will smiled and lifted the little girl into his arms.

"I wish I could, Goosey, but there are going to be a lot of people who need me. But I'll come over later, and we can read some Christmas stories and eat leftover Christmas cookies." He tapped her nose and she giggled.

"Okay." She nodded and wrapped her arms around her uncle.

A tiny note: the stomach ulcer was something I went through when I was like 7 or 8 and it was easy to write about hence the many chapters surrounding it. Not to worry, the family will finally catch a break in the next few chapters!