Waiting for Him to Die

While Qiu Ling prepared to set his plan in motion, Jing Yi looked at the black eyes of the person in front of him in bewilderment. "This … Where is this?" This certainly wasn't outside of the demon king's palace! No, this rather seemed to be deeper inside. Had he been tricked?

Jing Yi bit his lower lip. Ah, why had he trusted this man so easily? He hadn't even said that he knew Qiu Ling! But then again, he had immediately asked whether he was his lover when he brought up his name. Didn't this mean that he knew him after all?

The fallen god didn't answer and just continued to examine Jing Yi's face.

"You … Just what do you want to do?" This didn't make any sense! If he was on their side, then he should have brought him back to Qiu Ling. If he was on the demon king's side, then why had he brought him to another place? Or was there somebody else involved in this? Somebody he didn't know of yet?

The fallen god blinked. "Didn't I tell you yet? Your soul is cracked. We have to heal it."

"That …" Jing Yi closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. "Thank you for worrying about me but you don't need to. Qiu Ling already noticed and he knows someone that can help me. We were going to take care of that when the demon king appeared. So … how about you bring me back to Qiu Ling? Then he can help me repair my soul."

The fallen god shook his head. "No."

"Why?"

"It'll get worse."

"Worse? You mean my soul?"

The fallen god nodded. "It cracked because of him. So the cracks are likely to get bigger when you're with him. We should heal it before you go back."

Jing Yi stared at the fallen god, unable to believe what he heard. "That can't be. I … I did this myself. I don't really remember but wasn't it that I took some kind of weapon and engraved my soul? And then it cracked because of that?"

The fallen god nodded. "That's true. But why did you take that weapon? Wasn't it because of him?"

"It was because I wanted to be with him."

Once again, the fallen god nodded. "That's true."

"And now I am with him. Why should my soul crack further because of that?"

The fallen god didn't answer immediately. He looked at Jing Yi before finally turning away and walking further into the room. He stopped in front of the wall and looked at the weapon that was mounted on it. "Do you know about the trials of the gods?"

"Not much." In fact, he had only recently heard about them.

The fallen god's lips lifted slightly but it didn't seem like a smile. He reached up and gently stroked the blade of the weapon. "Three times. It's three times on average that the gods descend to the mortal world and take on a trial. Their goal is to experience emotions.

"It's funny if you think about it. The dragons love deeply and hate deeply. The demons are shallow in everything they do. The gods … maybe they are mediocre. At the very least, that would explain why they would need to do a trial, wouldn't it?"

He looked over his shoulder but Jing Yi could only stare at him blankly. He didn't understand anything.

The fallen god turned back to the weapon and lowered his hand. "They are mediocre but they still think they are above everything. In the Nine Heavens, nobody will tell you what it means to love. And those trials … they will be seen as something they have to do but they don't feel that they can learn anything. So they descend. And then … they pass their trials and continue their life just like before."

He stepped back, his gaze still locked on that sword. "Do you know what the major trials are?"

"No."

"Decision. Trust. Regret." He turned around his lips falling back into a straight line. "Love."

"So … love is very important. That … I think I understand."

The fallen god shook his head. "You don't. Or maybe you do. But he doesn't."

"He?"

The fallen god walked back toward him and gently grabbed his shoulders. "Back then why did he engrave his soul?"

"You mean my past self?" He lowered his gaze. "I don't really know. But he loved Qiu Ling very much. It must have been because of that."

"He did. He loved him. Loved him to obsession. And this engraving … he created it because he was afraid. Because … as much as he loves him, he can't trust him."

"That can't be true." Jing Yi shook his head. "Qiu Ling … Qiu Ling was always there for me. And even though I don't remember everything, I'm sure that it was the same back then. Why shouldn't he have trusted him?"

"Because his soul was fragile to begin with. This god … His soul was already worn thin before he descended for his trial. If nothing is done, even if you pass the trial and return to the Nine Heavens, your soul … it will still continue to crack."

Jing Yi's gaze flickered. Pass the trial. Didn't this mean … "You mean to say that my previous self isn't dead? I am merely … a trial? In fact, this human life … is nothing but a trial for somebody else?"

The fallen god paused but finally nodded. What use was there in putting it in pretty words if the other had already found out?

Jing Yi staggered back and sat down. "Then Qiu Ling … Qiu Ling is … waiting for me to …" He stopped and closed his eyes, biting his lower lip. How could this be? Qiu Ling didn't actually want to spend his entire life with him? He was actually just waiting for him to die so the person he had loved back then could return?

Jing Yi covered his face and his shoulders trembled. Maybe … Maybe his past … no, his true self wasn't wrong with not trusting him. It seemed nobody could be trusted easily, even if it was someone you loved this deeply.