Chapter 318: Fear

There is silence, there is so much silence even though there is a lot of noise around me. Too much silence doesn't let me hear my own thoughts.

It's been a long time since I felt this disgusting feeling.

The problem with loving something is the fear of losing it.

There is no fear if there is no love because there is no greater fear than losing what you love.

Whether it's the obsession, possessiveness, dependency, or addiction, nothing is scarier than losing what you love.

A drug addict needs his drugs, an emotionally dependent person needs his emotional pillar, a loving father needs his family, and even God needs his believers.

It's scary, too scary. Nothing is scarier than losing what you love.

Before the awakening of my system, I did not love anything or nobody. I was not afraid of death, pain, or loneliness, but I was also apathetic toward life and I had suicidal desires because my life had no meaning.

When I was able to love my wives, I felt that my life had meaning, which made me able to bear the stupidity that surrounds me.

Despite the good times I've experienced with my harem, the Samsara Cycle made me discover something troubling. I have become a coward.

I am afraid of losing my wives and daughters, but there is something that terrifies me even more. I am terrified of the possibility that I will harm my loved ones.

Fearing one's own power is stupid, I don't regret gaining strength and becoming a monster, but I'm afraid of losing self-control.

Destroy all entities that are not part of my harem…

Turning my loved ones into puppets without freedom of expression…

Destroy all the Worlds of the Multiverse that are not under my absolute control...

These kinds of thoughts flood my mind. I am even formulating plans to achieve those goals.

I can get BB to help me destroy the minds of my wives and daughters.

I can get Abby to take me exploring every corner of the multiverse.

I can make Gogh destroy everything that is not under my control. I can even manipulate her into helping me destroy the minds of BB, Abby, Aotian, Ortro, and Nyaruko.

I can hurt Gogh's heart so that she chooses to sleep for eternity inside my mind, so she will never be far from me.

I can do all of that and the fact that I have detailed plans to achieve it is what terrifies me.

When I heard that a group of nuisances came to ruin my vacation, I was about to start these plans.

First, it was to destroy the mind and will of Tsubaki, Yoko, and Nia. They would be the first to notice that something was wrong.

Ortro is obedient so she would help me without hesitation.

Navi may try to say something, but I can convince him that I am willing to collect all the women. So, it will be too late when he finds out about my plans.

BB and the strongest women are on a mission to help [Paranoia]. I only need to go to Paradise to ambush them. When they are hurt, I can destroy their minds.

There are factors that can interfere with my plans, but I continue to analyze the options.

It was less than a second, it was less than a nanosecond, it was an instant almost impossible to calculate, but for a moment, I was about to carry out that plan.

If Umaru, Tsubaki, and Nia hadn't helped me regain my senses, I would have attacked them.

I'm not afraid of my power. I'm scared of my lack of self-control.

Attacks of insanity cause an Outer God to be overcome by its obsessions, desires, fears, traumas, and nightmares.

'Obsession: Yandere' makes me want to take away the freedom of the women I love, even if it makes them hate me.

'Obsession: Spiral King' makes me seek absolute freedom, even if it makes me destroy the emotional ties I love so much.

'Obsession: Anti-Spiral' makes me want to control everything around me, even if it makes me hurt my loved ones.

[Reader's Madness] makes me want to understand the truth of all things, even if the search for truth destroys the Multiverse since breaking the fourth wall would cause an apocalyptic disaster.

The combination of my fears and my desires has created self-destructive longings that are fragmenting my mind.

I thought I would be able to keep things under control, but the situation has gotten out of hand.

I can no longer hide my emotions with [Mythomania]. I'm too scared of my own longings.

This has reached the point that I developed another skill.

[System Notification: The energy 'Reader's Madness' has generated the ability 'Phobia']

[Phobia: No! Get out of me! Do not look at me! Do not touch me! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Upon activating the skill, the user's fears and traumas use the Energy of Destiny, Rasen, and black blood to materialize the user's fears, which will turn the battlefield into a nightmare. The user and entities close to the user will be exposed to materialized fears.

The greater the fear, the greater the power of materialization.

Warning: This skill does not distinguish friend or foe]

[System Notification: The user has prevented the skill 'Phobia' from materializing the fear 'Agoraphobia']

The decline of my mental health directly influences my strength.

In terms of strength, I am currently at my best, but in terms of mentality, my mind is falling apart.

Under normal circumstances, my willpower would be enough to suppress my fears and would just cause me a strong migraine, but now, my willpower is trying to power my fears due to my Obsession stats.

Unlike the idealization seen on TV and in movies, mental problems are not cool or interesting, they are a complete self-destructive nightmare.

I feel sick.

It doesn't bother me to be afraid, because it helps me remember the love I feel for my family, what bothers me is the feeling that I am not in control of my own thoughts and actions.

I kept staring at my hands which wouldn't stop trembling.

I sighed heavily and closed my eyes.

I need to calm him down.

This is the worst anxiety attack I've ever had in my entire stupid life.

I can feel that Tsubaki is saying something to me, but her voice seems so far away that I can't understand what she's saying.

Maybe it would be easier to calm down if [Paranoia] was here, but it's not worth thinking about things that I can't change, I can only focus on calming down on my own.

I just need to regain my calm… I can do it…

I just have to take a deep breath and calm down...

Is not difficult…

[System Notification: A Spiral Puppet was destroyed]

....

I put the Abby-like doll on my back to access her spatial skills. I used an instant movement skill to appear in front of the hot spring inn.

My legs are shaking and I can barely stand up…

Even the chainsaw sword is too heavy…

No, it's the opposite. I feel an overwhelming amount of force in my body, but a single movement will cause Japan to break. I can hardly contain my strength….

I looked around me.

Everything is still silent.

Nonko, Yoko, Ortro, and Medaka are talking to me, but I can't hear them.

In front of them was a group of women in tight clothing. They seem to be ninjas or something, not that I care.

In front of the ninjas was a woman who held a simple-looking Japanese sword, it even looked like an old and rusty weapon, but there was red energy on the edge of the blade. It is a Conceptual weapon capable of destroying souls.

I knew they had that weapon.

Although I haven't activated [Reader's Perspective], my eyes can see the context and plot of everything around me. It's like [Reader's Perspective] is always on.

It's a fucking headache as I can't stop absorbing useless information.

I'm tired…

I knew that they had that weapon and that's why I was worried about Nonko's safety.

To protect her, I assigned a Spiral Puppet to be used as a meat shield, then Medaka could counterattack while Ortro removes out the enemy's weapons, so everything would end smoothly.

The ninja group are not bad people, they are just loyal soldiers who follow orders. They are disposable pawns that someone used to provoke my rage, that way, they could check the state of my injuries.

There is a Higher Entity hidden in a space gap. That person is in charge of checking my health condition.

I knew this would happen, I gave orders to Ortro and everything was happening as I predicted.

It is not necessary for me to intervene personally, but I am here, although I do not want to be...

I'm in a bad mood and I can't help but want to kill someone.

The woman leading the ninjas said something, but I can't hear her.

Ah, I think I've gone crazy. It is obvious that garbage does not speak….

I used [Rasen] to power up the chainsaw sword.

I moved closer to the woman which made her look nervous.

The other women held their weapons, so I generated dozens of [Anti-Rasen] energy chains to bind them. It's a hassle to kill them all, I'll only kill the leader.

I slowly raised my right arm which was holding the chainsaw sword. I can't make sudden movements or I may cause an earthquake in Japan.

The woman tried to attack my heart, but I easily held the sword with my left hand.

The sword's edge is a Conceptual weapon capable of destroying souls, but it is a very low-level artifact. That sword could only destroy a mortal's soul, that thing couldn't even cause a small scratch to a Higher Entity's soul.

I put some strength into my fingers and destroyed the woman's sword.

She tried to kick me, so I held her body with a [Anti-Rasen] chain.

The women around are screaming, but I only heard the metaphorical sound of silence.

I like a quiet life, but I hate silence. It makes me miss the women I love.

what a nuisance

I lowered the sword to destroy the nuisance.

"Hey Listen! You fucking dog, if you're going to break a woman then you break her ass, not her fucking face!"

...…..

Navi….

always so annoying...

Navi had appeared in front of the woman's face to block the chainsaw sword.

Navi is the toughest thing in the multiverse and not even Gogh's teeth can harm him, but it's a bummer that idiot protects trash.

"Move away" - I sighed and continued to increase the force on the sword.

"Wait you fucking idiot! Look at her, she's a MILF! You can't kill a sexy milf in tight clothes!" – Navi yelled anxiously.

Navi is tough, but she's not strong. The sword can't hurt him, but if I put more force, the chainsaw will hit the woman's head.

"If you kill her, then the idiots will have a justification to attack you and your vacation will be over!" – Navi said something annoying.

I sighed heavily and put away the chainsaw sword. I also scattered the chains of [Anti-Rasen].

"Please, just get out of here, I beg you…" – I started massaging my forehead, it hurts a lot.

The woman was pale and unable to speak. She doesn't seem to understand the true strength of a Devourer, but her survival instincts told her that she almost experienced something worse than death.

The woman's silence is so annoying.

I held her neck tightly and forced her to look into my eyes.

"I see that you have people you care about, people you love… A sister, friends, trainees, a daughter, and a man with whom you want to start a family…." - I did my best not to break the woman's neck by accident. – "Get out of here and don't come back or I will look for each person you love, I will tear their skin and break their bones, I will remove all their organs and I will force you to eat them, but don't worry, none of them will die, I will not let them die"

I let go of the woman's neck and turned to go back to the inn. I need some tea, even though I hate tea.

"Hey Listen! You became the villain who is defeated by a pathetic protagonist and thus wins the love of the waifus with low self-esteem!" – Navi began to laugh next to me.

I saw Yoko look at me with concern as she sighed.

Ortro was looking at the ninja women angrily, she seems ready to kill them all.

Medaka and Nonko looked at me awkwardly. It seems that my actions from earlier scared them.

Not only them, but at the entrance of the inn were the women of the inn and they were also scared.

Only Tsubaki, Nia, and Umaru sighed.

I see. Now the women at the inn are afraid of me.

Whatever, I don't plan on forming a relationship with them, I only care about my family.

Even so…

"I can empathize with psychopaths who want to destroy the world" – I sighed tiredly.

"Hero of Harmony…"

I looked behind me angrily. – "I just forgave your fucking life, now leave me alone"

The woman had managed to stand up, although her legs are still shaking. – "I have orders, I need you to accompany me…"

I sighed. – "Tsubaki, Blades of Chaos"

Tsubaki disappeared from the inn and the Blades of Chaos appeared in my hands.

The woman tensed, but I ignored her.

I threw one of the swords into the sky and a piercing cry echoed through the place.

We're far from the city so no one must have heard that, although I really don't care.

I yanked on the sword chain, which pulled the idiot who was watching us.

In front of me fell an old-looking idiot. He looked strong, but the sword through his chest made him look like a corpse.

"How dare you?!" – The corpse yelled at me with hate.

The corpse wanted to attack me, so I put my hand on its face.

[System Notification: The skill 'Forced Empathy' has been activated]

The scream of the corpse is so relaxing…

I removed my hand from his face and sighed. – "Speak, tell me the purpose of this ambush"

The corpse was still convulsing so I cut off its legs. The shock caused by overwhelming pain can be overcome by less severe pain. It's like having suicidal depression and forgetting it by cutting the skin off your arms.

"D-Do you know who I am?" – The old man tried to sound intimidating.

"You're supposed to be a Japanese ninja, don't act like a Chinese cultivator" – I sighed and used [Forced Empathy] again.

"I'LL TALK! I'LL TALK!" – The old man began to cry.

I restricted the power of [Forced Empathy] so he only felt a bit of my migraine, but he's already crying. Pathetic.

"T-The Hero of Harmony was injured, so we thought we'd check how much strength you had lost…" – The old man cried like a child who saw how his pet was run over. – "I'm sorry, please let me go, I am one of the elders of the Okawa family and I promise you great rewards… Do you like women? You can have these women, I can give you more women and power…"

[System Notification: The 'Masochism' skill has been activated to empower the 'Sadism' skill]

what a nuisance

The old man began to wither like a dying flower. Slowly, his skin turned gray and he finally turned into a stone sculpture.

He didn't die and his soul is still intact, but his mind couldn't bear the pain, so he went into a state of hibernation to escape the pain.

I put away the Blades of Chaos and looked at the woman.

She seems to be thinking about things I don't care about so I sighed. – "Well, you see the situation, you are just a disposable pawn, now get out of here or you will end up like this garbage"

"..." – The woman took a deep breath as if she had a terrifying chill, then she looked at me and curtsied. – "I am very sorry for what happened and I will accept all the responsibility, I only hope that the Hero can forgive my companions"

"If you want to kill me then you can try, but at another time, don't interrupt my vacation again" – I sighed and ignored the woman to return to the inn.

I don't care if the women at the inn are now afraid of me and start avoiding me, I also don't care if the Japanese government considers me a threat. I'll kill the next idiot who interrupts my vacation.

Right, that reminds me of something.

I opened the message option of my system.

[Message to 'Shiki': I know you saw what just happened. Please make sure no one comes to bother me or I'll have to do some things you won't like]

I didn't wait to see Shiki's answer.

I went back to the hot springs and closed my eyes.

The shaking in my hands has not stopped.

I'm tired.

My head hurts.

This is bullshit...