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Mystical Encounters

Autor: ILLYAchan
Fantasía
En Curso · 170.6K Visitas
  • 53 Caps
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  • 4.2
    27 valoraciones
  • NO.200+
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Resumen

What would be the world like when humanity has supernatural abilities? This story revolved around a young girl named Irvene whose entangled in the world of magic. She strived to live and become the strongest. However, she's known to be the weakest. She's known to be an orphan, fragile, poor and a girl without knowledge Yet she goes through the forest, she builds her home and she knows alchemy. What is her true identity behind her innocent facade? ______________________________________________________________________________________________ The story is a fantasy with a bit of mystery but they're still on planet Earth. The protagonist is struggling to find the truth behind the ruler's disappearance and the traitors within their country. She will be accompanied by Vaughn Estrama, Sid, Meryll and her other friends in solving their country's problems. *** Tags- Fantasy, Female Lead, mage, action, mystery, revenge, original, magic, spells -unedited (Read at your own risk :>)

Etiquetas
3 etiquetas
Chapter 1Chapter 1

The world, in an endless time, would always be a dangerous place, nevertheless humans would strive to live, survive and prosper. Granted magic as they were born, the world they live in differ from others. Powers beyond human physical, mental and emotional abilities were their natural aspect of life.

With its use, they began competing to themselves. Surviving wasn't anymore against nature.

The strongest would aim for the top while the weakest would stagnate at the very bottom of the hierarchy.

However, beyond bloodbathe war, a certain person ruled his countrymen in almost perfect harmony. With his unrivaled wisdom and intelligence, their country became the most powerful one along its five neighboring countries.

That place where he ruled was known as Soul'e Empire. The only empire against kingdoms in their continent albeit the emperor was known to be called with only a 'Ruler' before his name. Only their royal family were humble enough to ignore extravagant, daring, and elite titles. There were no such thing as princes and princesses neither emperor and empress.

On the other hand, the wise ruler disappeared without a trace. A once peaceful country was now in dire situation, the worse that could happen was to be imprinted in histories, only to be remembered as "The Fall of the Great Empire".

Amidst all of that, a country of harmony was not entirely immune against conflict. Internal conflicts. A few, luring in the dark, waited for this final day. The day the throne was theirs to covet have come.

But then, someone was bound to stop them. The ruler, himself only disappeared, and not his loyal subjects. Whoever made him disappear, his people would be up for revenge. The person who held him with deep respect, his youngest daughter harbored deep anger yet sorrow overcame first her mind.

This young daughter who could not accept the harsh outcome left her hometown. She hid herself to the farthest place she could be and promised herself to become stronger. To eliminate those people with ill intentions in Soul'e country is her ambition.

Today, the young lady could be seen in the middle of the forest. Her hand held a silver staff with intricate golden runes around its handle. Then, she swiftly ran through the woods as she turned her head in left and right directions.

Her eyes twinkled upon seeing the animal she have been hunting for hours and hours. It was a giant rabbit half her size which then suddenly bared its fangs as soon as it saw her. It tried to be intimidating but it was nonsensical.

She took a step backward with a grim smile and attacked it with her magic powers through the silver staff.

"A carnivore rabbit is a sight to behold," she said as her red eyes lit up along with a grin.

With her provoking gaze, the giant rabbit's eyes turned in a dark reddish color and showed its fangs once more. Despite being a rabbit, it didn't fancy eating grass. They feast for meat.

Irvene nailed the staff into the ground a bit and chanted a spell. "Living monster fire as fiery as its name, I summon thee!" 

Strong winds blew in their direction as the temperature started to increase at a rapid pace, making a fire that began to shape itself. A man emerged from it with his hair flowing like fire and with eyes of burning passion to turn everything into nothing but ashes.

With the rabbit within his sight, a fireball then formed on both his hands.

The giant rabbit who's proudly fighting was now found on the ground with burnt flesh all over its used to be snow white fur. Meanwhile he used so much force to attack without considering his master's orders first as soon as he was summoned upon his slumber.

As a result, the monster's body couldn't take the intensity of he heat and was turned into ashes, only leaving a small black sphere that came out of its chest after the body was turned into useless powder. Suddenly, a loud pat on the back was received by the fire living element.

"What's that for!" he shouted with his loudest voice. His brows almost formed into one as he carressed his back with an awful expression.

"I didn't tell you to burn that monster! You're blessed enough that a Black Orb dropped from it or I'd choose to burn you alive!" Irvene muttered with a sigh.

It wasn't her intention to kill it, it was enough to incapacitate the monster because taking up a Black Orb from it was extremely hard. Irvene originally planned to catch it alive and seek help from her associate to bring out the said orb from its body. That close friend of him was skilled enough to take an orb inside the monster's body.

However, the aggressive movements of the monster forbid her from doing her plan. Her only choice was to summon him, so she could catch it alive, but he acted without even asking his master.

"Huh! How can you burn me?" he said. Though, he instantly dodged her when she raised her slender hands and attacked him with huge drops of water.

"H-hey, stop already! There's no reason to argue. Here's your precious Black Orb." he answered like a scaredy cat with his life on the line.

He hastily threw it to her using his left hand which the lady quickly caught with her quick reactions. She couldn't afford to break this one.

"You're lucky today! This orb only drops once in a few months and if we didn't get one earlier, I'll throw thousands of water ball at you!" Irvene said.

Because of this unexpected situation, Irvene changed her plans. She decided to go back to the town and chose to meet her friend later in free time. When Irvene reached the town, murmurs surrounded the area. Her whole existence was enough to stop the busy crowd of the town.

The young lady was known to be the weakest by the small town she's hiding, yet they had been deceived by her innocent facade.

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Sin suficientes valoraciones
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JohnnyKbca
JohnnyKbcaLv4

As I understand you're a beginner writer, I'll add 2 more stars to each review score, while the review part will show my actual evaluation. Writing Quality: 1: I think this is the aspect where you have the most to improve. First, I would suggest the use of some tool for text correction. In my case, I use Grammarly. It is by no means perfect, but more often than not it makes the right corrections, and it's really easy to use. Also, one suggestion I have is for you to try not repeating the same name so often. Here is an example from Chapter 5: "She went to the backyard and found Fluff in a corner sleeping comfortably. Looks like Elis had took good care of Fluff. She'll build a small shelter for Fluff later." This works to break some of the immersion. You could, for example, rewrite the sentence above so it reads: "She went to the backyard and found Fluff comfortably sleeping in a corner. Looks like Elis took good care of it. She'll build a small shelter for small creature later. And lastly, would be for you to take care not to mix past and present tenses. Stability of Updates 5: You seem to have a steady rate of releases, but even if you didn't, I would still give it a 5. Personally, I don't like this category, as sometimes the writer needs more time to finish up a chapter, but may end up sacrificing the quality to keep the release rate. Story Development 2: You seem to keep a similar pace for many of the story events, which is not good. In fight scenes for example, you should build the ******* a bit more. In just the first half of chapter 6, Elis: Incinerates a plant trap. Saves a group of people from a monster. Obtains a fire orb. And defeats someone from a rich family. I felt very little reading it. Character Design 3: I do think the characters have some personality. But, at least for now, it hasn't been very well explored, and I don't feel very much attached to them. World Background 3: Similar to the character design, you went over some details of the city and some countries, but nothing too deep or that made an impression, at least for now. Review score (1+5+2+3+3)/5 = 2.8 Score given = (3+5+4+5+5)/5 = 4.4 Sorry if I sounded harsh at any time. I do think that after some improvements, your story can be quite enjoyable.

luciel_707
luciel_707Lv2
Gourmet_DAO
Gourmet_DAOLv7

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