Sometimes, I Relax. (23.3)

…

I woke up and I felt horrible.

As expected, confronting my problems head on had been a stupid idea.

Just as it had been the last time I did it.

"Whoever made the amulet did an impeccable job, Hachiman." Hecate gave me a nod as I clambered up from the cot. No one else was present within the Hecate Familia's dorms. A whole Familia filled with morning people. Forget traumatic memories, I didn't want to join the Familia just because I'd be expected to wake up early. "You woke up exactly 6 hours after I placed the necklace on you."

"You get what you pay for." I paid a lot, just so you know. Well. The money was technically not mine. I didn't think Fels was going to be complaining, though. "So, what happened?" I shook my head. No. I knew what happened. A whole lot of half-crazed, barely coherent nonsense that was more suited for Super Sentai villains of the week. That wasn't the right question to ask. "Nevermind. Was there any progress?"

"You were able to talk about Linnaeus and everyone this time. You weren't able to last time." I trusted Hecate. No. I trusted everyone who I gave an amulet to. However, unlike everyone else, Hecate was someone I could rely on without feeling ashamed. Cranel, Arde, Erisuis, and Nelly … everyone else had matters to attend to. They were out there getting stronger, polishing their skills, and living their lives. I couldn't ask them to do this for me. Hecate, however, was… was the stranger who I was closest to in Orario. I could rely on her to help me see my issues through. "It's a single step forward, Hachiman, and this time I didn't even need to ask anyone to hold you down for the Amulet."

"…Thanks for doing this, Hecate." I didn't bother trying to sound anything besides grateful. Letting myself fall back onto the bed, I couldn't help but feel like I was attending some sort of therapy. In a way, I suppose I was. What else can you call talking about your issues, no matter how uncomfortable they might be, and trying to fix them? Knowing that Hecate wouldn't talk about what was happening helped a lot, so that was technically patient confidentially at work. As far as mental issues go, I didn't have a direct path to overcoming the ones constantly harassing me. "So, when can we do this again?"

"Must you always ask that question?" Kinda. I want to make it clear that I'm not making you do something you don't want to do. I mean, this sort of thing is pretty creepy! If I was offered to talk to a guy who had mental issues that grew exponentially and who could go berserk, I'd honestly say no. Yeah, isn't that weird? I suppose that I'm just an outlier for thinking things like that. Yep, yep, without a doubt most people would be perfectly happy talking with someone with half-a-dozen mental issues so that they could try to fix them up. "As I said before, Hachiman, that is up to you. I will make time to see you well again."

"If I were you, I'd have kicked a guy like me to the curb yesterday, so I can't help but keep asking." I could name a hundred better things to do than this. Why don't you go have fun? Meet a nice, decent person? Again, this conversation wouldn't be happing if you were the one with issues and I was the guy who you asked for help. Well, maybe I would help out in the first part a few times, but I sure as hell wouldn't give you a bed or be around when you woke up in the morning. I'd do it for the novelty experience of seeing someone go insane right before my eyes a few times, but you'd be lying in the curb or in your own bed alone when you woke up. "Frankly, Hecate, you're the weirdest person I know."

"I believe that by "weird" you mean nice, Hachiman."

"You can go ahead and think that."

"Regardless, after seeing your progression from your previous state, I would be foolish to not continue helping you." You're not being paid to do this, y'know? There's no benefit in this for you. Well, besides this Hikigaya Hachiman's gratefulness. None of his money, or even a promise to help, just his gratitude. I'm going to go ahead and tell you that you're not getting what you deserve for what you're doing, ma'am. Hecate gave me a nod and a smile while rising to give me some time alone. "If you wish to do this again, to surmount your fears and worries, I will be ready to help you, Hachiman."

"…" I've never believed that the best medicine was the bitter one. However, frankly, I knew next to nothing about what I was doing now. Therapy? Recovery? I'm just about 22. Or was it 21? I never expected to deal with things like this. Hell, my own brain was working against me most of the time. Was it possible that I was missing an easier way to solve my problems? Yes, but I didn't even know if they existed. I'm Japanese. We isolate and shun our mentally ill people like proper, civilized cultures! "Hecate, thanks for doing this."

Presently, talking to Hecate was all I had.

"You're welcome, Hachiman."

…

I didn't have many friends.

That was the way I preferred it.

Relationships are inherently threatening. Being alone means that you have no one capable of hurting you. Well, emotionally hurting you. If you're scrawny and a wimp, I've got bad news for you, buddy. Anyways, some people will probably get the idea that society and relationships are wholly worthless. While I can agree that some parts of society and many relationships are worthless, that isn't an absolute. I'll leave things like that to teenagers with too much time on their hands because they don't know how to groom themselves or talk to other people (I'm sorry, past self.)

Being able to help someone and being able to hurt someone lie in the same path. A person who could help you with work can choose not to help you anymore. Someone you like to spend time with chooses to spend time with someone else. A person you care for doesn't care about you as much as you care about them. Relationships have benefits, but they also have their detriments. Nothing is perfect. There is no such thing as care without cost.

Everyone will hurt and be hurt by another person.

So, the best I could do was be careful about who I kept close.

"Oi, I'm back."

"Sensei!" Cranel skidded to a halt after I heard his rapid footsteps. Oi, brat, you better not be running around like that on the carpets! I swear if I find any tears on those you'll be repairing them yourself! My white-haired student didn't get my unspoken message to slow down. Like some sort of missile designed to be fussy, he reached me and immediately began to look me over. "Where have you been!?"

"I told you that I was going to be busy, brat." Grabbing him and holding him aloft by the head, I moved him away from me like a crane would some rocks. Get it? Crane? His name's Cranel? Shut up, I'm the master of humor! Well, he was dressed in what amounted to pajamas in Orario, so he wasn't nearly as worried as he implied through his actions. So what had he been looking for? Some blackmail material perhaps? I'll have you know that I came from a country of great discretion and gossipmongers. I've been raised all my life to look the same whether coming home or leaving it! "Naturally, being the honest man I am, I was out working and being busy."

"Since when do honest people call themselves honest!?" Ah, I see you've learned well from my teachings Cranel. However, as always, I'm two steps ahead of you. You see, using those words mean you're assuming that I would feel guilty about calling myself honest. That can't be any further from the truth. The day I'll feel bad about saying I'm something I'm not will never come. As the son of corporate slaves, saying that I'll be anything besides a corporate slave myself would elicit guilt if that were the case! "Eh, there's no reaction from Sensei at all!?"

"Of course not, I don't mess around or waste time, unlike a certain student of mine." I looked towards Cranel. Huh, was that a grin on my white-haired student's face? Hmmm, the Loki Familia hasn't returned yet, so he shouldn't be this cocky about beating Rakia. What does he have planned? That look right there is far too smug to imply anything besides assuredness of victory! "So, what have you got planned, brat? What's with that smug look you've got on your face?"

"It's a secret, of course! I can't have you telling Rakia about my plans again!" It's nice to know that you can learn, Cranel. Hmmm, what do you mean I should know that by now? The truth is, my white-haired student, I'm never quite sure if you're listening to me and actually learning. You simply don't strike me as the studious type. "What's with that astonished face you're giving me, Sensei!? You're going to make me angry if you keep looking at me like that!"

It's possible for you to be angry!?

"Stop looking so surprised!"

…

Much to my surprise, breakfast was ready and waiting at the Hestia Familia's kitchen.

"Eheheh, Yama-chan wanted to repay you for the breakfast you made, Sensei." Looking over the dishes presented, there were two distinguishable groups of foodstuffs. The edible and the inedible. "The rest of us… tried to make some dishes for breakfast too."

"…you're all going to be fixing this kitchen and cleaning this place up." I only had to give my workplace a glance to learn that it was in shambles. I didn't want to know how soot marks appeared on the ceiling. The amount of failure I was looking at could be considered laughable by some. If it wasn't my kitchen, where I cooked to forget my troubles, I would've been laughing myself. All I could do was ignore the mess and take my seat. "Cooks are only exempt from cleaning if they actually make decent food."

"See girls, I told you sticking with unleavened bread and roast was the best idea!" Belka and the other Amazons were already digging in. Their smirks and cheers of congratulations weighed heavily on the shoulders of literally everyone else in the Hestia Familia. Yes, Arde as well. Like every skill, my Pallum student, cooking needs proper preparation and training to undertake. Also, please tell me you didn't make those burnt discs trying to look like pancakes. Tell me they're some sort of omelet or something! "A proper Amazon breakfast can't be messed up as long as you follow tradition!"

"My apologies, Hikigaya-sensei. My attempts at replicating your dishes were… less than successful." Yamato gazed forlornly at Cranel's plate. A half-finished meal sat upon my white-haired student's plate. Half-finished because I could see both overcooked and undercooked food sitting on it. Ganbare, Cranel. Do your duty and tell her it's delicious! "Ummm… if you wouldn't mind, can you teach me to cook in the mornings?"

"…Alright." At the very least, she was willing to learn, I'll give her that much. Don't worry, Yamato-san, I know that warriors aren't expected to know how to cook and clean. Honestly, you should really just train Cranel to do all of this for you, but I suppose this world's traditions will stop you from doing such things. "I won't wake you up or anything. If you're not there, I'm not waiting for you."

"I will be sure to pay attention and heed all of your orders, Hikigaya-sensei!" Oi, stop with the bowing and demure words. Someone might get confused by what you're saying. By someone, I mean the trash who like NTR. Those words are just begging to be misinterpreted, Yamato! Man, I'm glad this is real life! Wait, was that sarcasm!? I'm getting sarcastic to the point where I don't even know I'm being sarcastic! I'm evolving (maybe)! Though she spoke to me, I couldn't help but notice that her eyes were firmly on Cranel's unfinished plate. "I'll be sure not waste your time, Hikigaya-sensei!"

"Sure." You know what? I'm not going to say anything. Cranel can figure everything out himself. I mean, either he did figure everything out, or he'd be confronted by everyone out to get him. Was the student better than the teacher? Hell no. Ganbare, Cranel, you're going to get a taste of your own medicine in the near future! Don't think I've forgotten how you turned my hot springs visit into an intervention, brat! "But, until I say that you can cook, you're not going to, alright?"

More than one person nodded in assent to my words. Given how they looked at certain dishes, I was sure Arde and… uh… whoever the Runarl was intended to learn how to cook in the morning as well. I see. My days of peacefully cooking in the morning were now a thing of the past. I only saw days of burnt or undercooked food going into the trash while I had to cook more to make up the difference. Thankfully, we weren't poor, otherwise this was going to be a pain in the wallet as well.

"Alright, with that settled, let's eat." I paid my respects to the food before me. Though the food was of debatable quality, being nothing more than hunks of unseasoned meat and flat bread, it was still food that I didn't have to work for. Therefore, it was a good kind of food. Probably the best kind of food. Food that needed to be liberally salted and peppered, as well as supplemented by a very vegetable-heavy lunch, but good foods nonetheless. I never thought the day would come when I'd be disappointed with Manga Meat ™, but here I was looking over the greasy hunk of meat with bone protruding in the middle with disappointment. I wanted some miso soup every day. Was that really too much to ask? "Thank you for the food."

Ummm, no, guys…you don't need to say it along with me if you've already started eating.

As expected, my days at the Hestia Familia were never going to be dull.

…

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