Life or Death

"That's the last of it" I said as I loaded the laundry into the dryer.

"We did so good today didn't we?" asked Harin smiling.

"And it's only 5pm" she said scrolling through her phone from her place on the couch.

I rolled my eyes at her for all she has been doing is sitting and shopping online. I didn't mind though. Keeping busy had kept me from thinking about the dream. Shit I just thought about it.

"What's running through your mind?" asked Harin as if she could read my mind

"Oh nothing" I lied.

She gave that 'I know you're lying eyes' but didn't press on any farther thank God.

"Wanna order pizza? I'm starving" I asked trying to change the subject.

At the mention of food it seemed as if her suspicion faded into hunger.

"Umm no. Let's go out to eat. Our night didn't go as planned last night. I got dressed up for nothing" she whined, "ouu we can go to a restaurant and eat ramen and chicken and whatever you want. It's on me I promise" she suggested trying to get me to say yes.

"I don't know. I'd rather eat greasy pizza and watch a Kdrama while cuddling on the couch under my blanket with my stuffed monkey" I whined back.

"Tally come on that's all you've been doing on a Saturday night since you came here. I don't even know what you see in that big headed monkey anyways, a little fun won't kill you" she said standing up and placing her hands on her hips.

"I wonder where have I heard that before?" I asked brushing past her to take a well deserved nap on couch, "and George's head is not big. He is my prince charming" I defended.

George has been with me for a very long time. He was a gift from my late grandfather. He holds sentimental value.

"Whatever but in all fairness I did warn you about Shiwoo but you just so happened to have to fall for him" she said appearing in front of me.

That jolted me from my napping position. Did she know I felt infatuated by him? No she couldn't for I do not like him. Do I?

"You're spewing nonsense for I did not fall for him." I defended.

"Oh please your mind has been absent all day. If it weren't for me you'd put the dishes in the washing machine and the laundry in the dishwasher!" she exclaimed.

"Okay but I was to try something new. You know me an adventure loving gal" I tried to convince her.

She gave me death glares following my response but I refuse to admit to her accusations.

"Fine I'll go out with you to eat but you're paying" I finally gave in.

"Whatever. Go get dressed" she said walking into her room.

I looked down on my jeans and top confused, "but I am dressed."

She stopped dead in her tracks and turned to stare at me as if I have just grown another head. She searched my face for a few seconds before bursting out laughing.

"I swear your sense of humor never fails to make me laugh" she said wiping tears from her eyes.

"Now seriously go change for I am not taking you anywhere looking like the house wife of a pauper" she said scrunching up her nose is disgust.

"Fuck you" I said to her retreating form.

"Whenever you're ready baby" she yelled from her room.

I shook my head as went to take a shower. She was right I did look like the housewife of a pauper.

When was the last time I called my family? I suddenly thought while in the shower. Ill do it soon for the time difference is a bitch. I miss them dearly. Memories of my childhood on the island replayed as I washed myself clean. Somewhere down the line my memories of my childhood turned into my memories of my dream.

I closed my eyes as I let the water hit against my bare skin imagining his lips all over me. I involuntarily moaned as the water gently brushed against my right nipple. I need to get laid I thought as turned the water off.

These zoning out and dirty thoughts are not healthy. I need to get them out of my head. I need to go church.

I wrapped a towel around my naked body and exited the bathroom. As I removed the towel to dry my skin and apply lotion Harin came barging in.

"What the fu-!" I exclaimed as quickly tried to cover my body.

"What?" she asked nearing me, "It's not like I've never seen it" she said rolling her eyes.

"That was one time you perv" I said wrapping the towel tighter.

I'm a very secretive person and I feel insecure about my body despite the many compliments I've gotten. I guess it stemmed from being chubby all my childhood then shedding the weight in my teen years that led people to look at me as if I am a piece of meat. Guy or girl they felt obligated to slap me on my ass. I've never let anyone , not even my mother seen me fully naked. It felt awkward and weird.

"Whatever. This is important," "life of death" she bargained.

I made a gesture for her to go ahead for I thought this was something serious.

"Should I wear a crop top with jeans or an overall with the crop top?" she asked holding my hands.

I blinked giving her a blank face fighting the urge not to slap her then and there.

"That's it?" I asked in disbelief mixed with annoyance, "that is what you barged into my room to ask? That's is your big life or death problem!?" I shrieked.

"What do you mean? It is important" she said pouting

"You have the power to kill or give life based on your outfit" she said seriously.

"Harin please to exit my room for I am this close to strangling you" I gritted out

"tsk tsk" she tisked.

"I'm not leaving until you give me your opinion" she said folding her arms.

About a minute passed and I was getting hungrier by the second, "fine, the over all's with the crop top sounds cute" I sighed.

"Really!?" she squealed.

"Yes" I confirmed

"Great because that was my choice" she said

"So what did you ask me then for?" I asked getting up from my bed to get dressed.

"Its always good to get a second opinion" she shrugged.

Pointing to my door I said, "leave."

"Finnee" she whined dragging her self out.

"Oh and by the way you've got a nice pair" she said while motioning a squeezing gesture to my breast.

"You perv" I said throwing a pillow at her.

"Only for you babe" she said as she dodged the pillow closing the door behind her.

I sighed as I undid my towel and stood in front of the mirror. I didn't like what I saw. In my mind I saw this chubby little girl with a low self esteem and not the strong and beautiful woman the world seems to see. I had serious body dysmorphia but I didn't like talking about it. I could have had bigger problems.

I honestly hate wearing a bra so I just decided on a spaghetti strap crop top and jeans. I'm going out to eat not to the runway as opposed to what Harin thinks. My stomach growled and I wasn't going to ignore her cries. I met Harin at the door of the apartment and she eyed my outfit.

"No makeup?" she asked

It's not like I was against makeup but I just didn't know how to do it as well as her. Plus it is time consuming and I have no patience.

"No" I said.

"I'm going eat some good food so why waste time doing my makeup?" I asked

"Touché" she said opening the door to let me through.

"Remember you're paying" I reminded

"Yes I remember" she said rolling her eyes.

We took the elevator to the lobby and walked to the restaurant. The good thing about Seoul is that everything is within walking distance and there are many options.