Chapter 11

As I park the car, I notice Amy has already arrived. She is now wearing a big black hat that covers her face. People keep coming to shake hands with her, some women hug her and tell her encouraging things. I wonder how encouraged does Amy really feel when she hears them talking. I wonder how will I feel.

I help Sunshine get out of the car and place my hand on her waist. I start feeling everyone's eyes all over us, and I instantly grab her hand and hold it tight. I won't let anyone judge her. They can gossip and have something to say about me, but Sunny will remain untouched. We make way to Amy, through the sea of people that whisper really silent and walk slow in small groups. As I expected, my sister is frowning at me and I'm starting to see the dark bruises on her neck, that she has been trying to hide, showing up. She looks mad but also surprised. I'm not in the mood to fight nor to make a scene.

'Who is your girlfriend, Josh?' She whispers into my ear as we take a seat next to each other.

I'm still holding Sunny's hand and as I take a look at it I realise it's almost red.

'Gosh, I'm sorry. I'm a little stressed...'

'Don't think about it.' She smiles and grabs my hand again.

I feel a different kind of warm I haven't felt in quite some time. Will this redhead ever mean something more to me? Will she ever let me close to her? Will I ever let her close to me? And all of a sudden I hear Amy asking me the same question again.

'This is Sunshine, Amy. Sunny, this is my sister.' I decide to answer Amy, and I watch my sister analyzing Sunshine, from top to bottom.

'My sincerest condoleances, Amy.' Sunshine says and smiles beautifully. The wind outside is playing in her hair again and she struggles to keep it down. Her skin is so light and I almost feel like if anyone would touch it, it would break in a thousand pieces.

'Thanks.' My sister mumbles.

'She's a friend, okay? Don't make a fuss out of it, please. This whole... circus here is already enough.' I tell Amy as she's scanning Sunshine again.

'Is she really blind?'

'Why would she wear those glasses if she wouldn't be? She has such beautiful eyes.'

'She's not your girlfriend, huh? Maybe I'll introduce her to cousin Craig, then. She's single right?' Amy tries to annoy me.

Craig is our dad's oldest cousin, known in our family for divorcing five times. Fun fact, he was always the one to initiate the divorce, getting bored to stay comitted to one woman for more than one year.

As the ceremony is about to start, I see uncle Martin and a few other men dressed in black tuxedos carrying the coffin to the front row, where my sister, Sushine and I are sitting. Everyone is quiet, the whispers end and I recognize aunt Christine coming up to the front to leave a white roses bouquet near dad's big portret. When she turns around, she notices Amy and I and sadly smiles to us, in the exact same way as she used to do when we were accidentally hurting ourselves in her garden as children. She takes a seat next to uncle Martin, on the second row; I realise how much I missed seeing familiar faces around me, dear people that contributed to my happy childhood. But from all the people gathered here, I think Amy's and Christine's pain is the most real.

When the priest starts his sermon, I start thinking about the reality of this moment. About how I haven't been to any funerals in a long time, and how I never thought that, at mom's I would cry my eyes and heart out, and at dad's I would stay silent and untouched. Is it fair to them? Was it fair all this time to never try to make things right, to not do my best to reconnect with my other parent? Even if, maybe now I do not feel more than a slight regret, will I look back in five years and judge myself?

At one moment, Amy leaves her chair and I turn around just in time to see her running to her car, with her hand covering her mouth. She's grieving; aunt Christine looks at me as if I should go talk to her, but I don't know if my sister would want that. She'll probably just reject me, like she always does. And I can't leave Sunshine all alone here. Chris keeps starring at me, and even if I haven't seen her in a few years, I still feel like she just made me do the dishes.

'I have to go get my sister back. I won't be long, is it okay?' I whisper into Sunny's ear.

'Sure, go.'

Her answer makes me realise I actually wanted her to ask me to stay. I was hoping she's want me to protect her, as I did till now by holding her hand. But she's stronger than I'll ever be. I get up and leave my chair, thinking about what should I tell Amy to keep her calm and bring her back. I find her locked in her car, crying in the backseat, wiping her face with a tissue and yelling at herself. I knock on the thick glass window and watch Amy screaming at me to go back and leave her alone. As I expected.

'Amy, open the door. I'm not leaving till you do it.' I tell her with my most calm voice, showing my sister that she can hear me through the car window without me yelling.

She refuses to look at me, so I just take a seat on the grass, right beside her car, and I wait. After a few minutes, I hear the lock-up. But there's no Amy coming out, the open door leaving me with the invitation to go in. I close the door behind me, and Amy locks it back.

'I'm not getting out looking like this.'

Her red lipstick is now gone, its marks being left on the tissue along with some black stains. Her eyes are red. I sigh and hug my sister for the first time in a long time. I know she doesn't want me to think she has any weak points, but we are all human and we're far from perfect.

'Why won't you tell me how you really feel, Amy?'

'I don't know, that's the problem. I'm lost. Dad has been close to me, and I never got to thank him for it. I never showed him how much I loved him.'

Hearing Amy talking like this about our dad breaks my heart.

'I know.'

'Yeah, you do. But this is all so stupid. I feel like I'm about to crack, I'm losing control.'

Her voice starts shaking, and I assume she is thinking about that guy who abused her. For a moment, he slipped my mind, but now he's back making me even more angry.

'It's okay. I would think there's a problem if you wouldn't react like this. I don't know how to make you understand that I care about you...'

'Josh, no. I'm not telling you who that guy is, cause I'm sure this is what's this all about. I don't wanna be responsible for a cage fight between you two. If you want to prove your... fighting skills just go to a gym and box or whatever.' She won't look at me.

'I don't wanna know, Amy.'

She looks a little surprised, but she chooses to laugh ironically.

'I'm serious. If you're that scared that I'm gonna make a move...'

'I'm not scared, I'm just not stupid. You should thank me for it.'

Her tears are dried off and she starts putting on make-up again, using some products she's getting out of her huge bag. Amy must be bipolar, crossing the borders to a completely different mood in seconds. While she does her thing, I'm starring at the only red hair in the dark crowd, wondering what's going inside her head.

'Why did you bring her?'

I'm not even gonna try to explain to her what happened when I felt like she can be the only person to help me process the news and ran to her house.

'Just did. I don't care how these people feel about it.'

'She looks familiar.' Amy says while drawing a black line on one of her eyelids.

To be honest, I expected more complains and questions from my sister about Sunshine. But I guess I'm thankful this is not one of her usual good days.

I check the time on my phone and tell Amy the sermon should be close to end. She adds a little powder on her face and then unlocks the car. She looks like a different woman, her attitude is changed and her looks don't show any signs of crying. I can't seem to escape the wish to teach that guy who broke her a lesson. I want him to see her like this, looking powerful and fearless. I want him to see that the only thing he really did was to boost up her confidence. And I really hope Amy's heart doesn't think otherwise. If she could only let me into her soul...

We get back together and take our seats. Sunshine seems more beautiful than ever, and I dare to take her hand in mine again. She does not refuse.