January 2019

I meet someone today. Should I tell you this next time? Would it change anything if you knew someone else could get me?

Anyway I'm not expecting this to turn to anything.

He's really great, good. The perfect opposite of you.

He kissed me.

At first I was shocked. Then ...

Then sick.

It was wrong. It felt wrong.

He didn't smell like you. His lips weren't soft enough, his arms didn't come around me like yours did every time.

He just wasn't you. That was the moment I became really scared for myself. Can I have a future with somebody else than you?

How did you mess me up like this?

Ah I know. Five years going on, and on, and on.

Every few months intoxicated from you, addicted to the though that you would come back.

Making me believe that we were destined to be together, because you would always come back to me.

Making me believe you needed me, like a drug.

But do you really? Or do you just enjoy in making me yours? Proving that nobody could make me feel like you do?

Or is it just the satisfaction of knowing that you can have me whenever you want, in every circumstance ?

Someday I will get over you.

Someday when I'm ready to let go of this fairytale.

When I'm ready to lose you.

But now... having you every few months is better than not having you at all.

Someday..