Chapter 6:HOPELESS

I suddenly feel a feeling of comfort and I immediately realise I'm not at home and this is not my bed. I jump up! I notice all the posters of cars and I'm about to get up when I hear the door open.

"Josh?"

"Ashley, how are you feeling? I'm sorry you kind of just passed out and I didn't know where else to take you."

" I'm fine thank you."

I'm putting on my boots when Josh sits down beside me.

"Ash listen about what happened it was terribly wrong in every way possible."

"No shit hey."

" Ashley, I don't know how you feel right now but I'm here for you if you need anything."

"Well thanks but I don't need no sympathy from you, why did you leave school for me there was no need for that?"

"Can you not just say thank You? Just try it!"

"Uhhh no thank you Josh."

" I just want to be your friend, is that too much to ask for?"

"See I don't have any friends, why should I be your friend? Everyone just pretends and I got some trust issues."

I turn my back and walk away from him not even knowing which way to go. I make my way to the door and rush out!

I'm outside when I turn around and see Josh stare at me. Here's your car key.

"See you around Ash."

" Thanks Josh."

As soon as I got home I made my way to my electronic diary also known as laptop.

I ran to it and started typing...

Dear sky

I know its been a while since I last updated you but anyway...there's the good bad and really bad that's been happening.

Someone did something that made me lose all my self respect. I know nobody really cares about me but this is just really bad.

I don't know how to accept this or deal with it anymore. I feel so alone I feel like doing something stupid.

I feel like there's no hope left for me... I feel as if there's nothing left for me in this hell hole called earth. There's only so much we can take as humans. Sometimes pain kills us and sometimes we do things to kill the pain. I just can not bare this hell anymore so I decide to pick option two. Those of you that think I'm stupid please note that you had no idea what I was going through. You have no idea as to how severe the situation is. Most importantly you do not know how deep the cut is.

~Cloud...

All I feel is pain physical and emotional. My hand hurts from all the cuts I made and my heart aches with all the memories of my family. I miss what having a family feels like. I think about all the times I was rude to my mom and I regret it so much I really do regret it. I should have been lucky that I still had a mom because there were others out there that had no one. Just like me now. I miss washing the cars with Andrew. Mom and dad left me but he should have stayed. The best part about everything was, they never found Andrews body. There were only two which were mom's and dad's. Dad was the strongest man I ever knew, he always told me that I should always be brave and never run away from my problems as the only way to solve them is to face them. Dad thought me how to be strong. He worked so hard for us. He made sure we had whatever our hearts desired. My father was a honest, he had the most pure soul I had ever seen in anyone. I would give anything to have my precious family back.

I think about it all and decide to give life one more chance. There should at least be something good coming my way right? I can't help but think about Josh. Oh come on Ashley his just another person that feels sorry for you so his being nice to you. He just wants to be your friend so that he could feel good, like how people give goods away to charity organisations so that they can feel good about themselves. That's exactly how Josh wants to feel. It's nothing more than that.

After all I was just a freak. Who would be interested in a girl like me? I belong in the trash after all. If only they would give this broken soul a chance. They would see there's so much more to me.

I hear a beep come from my laptop and that's when I can't take it anymore. That picture was spreading really quickly and people were saying such horrible things about me. The world around me became dark and the atmosphere filled with sorrow. Just the way a cloud prevents the sun from Shining it was like a cloud of sadness blocked my happiness. Suddenly I can't take it anymore and i change my mind. I rush to my bathroom, open the cupboard and grab a bottle of pills. I empty out the whole bottle and throw all of the contents into my mouth.

I sit down and lean my head back against the sofa, a burning sensation attacks my chest and i find myself regretting what I just did. Everything hurts and it felt as if my organs were being squeezed, my chest was tightening and my head was pounding. I hear a car hoot and look over to the window.

It's Josh, I'm glad his here. I try to open my door but I don't find the energy to do so.

"Ashley?"

I hear Josh knock on my door.

"Josh! Help me please."

"What in the world?, Ash whats going On? Are you Okay?"

"No!" I yell.

Just like that everything around me was now starting to fade away and it felt as if life was leaving me.I felt like a feather just flying smoothly as a cold but gentle breeze blows me to my new destination. A place where happiness exists. A place where I do not have to be alone. Most importantly a place where loneliness does not exist.Just crowds of good people that actually want to be around you. A feeling as if I'm going to be with my family again. I will see them again...