Unholy Relic To This Toilet Goddess!!

Fixed, changed version of the chapter. I also added new things. Yet the webnovel doesn't want to save this chapter... Again...

***

At this point, Aqua has already accepted that she won't be able to go back into her relaxing throne until she defeated the Demon King.

'What a silly mission for a goddess like me! But I feel like they shouldn't have allowed this geek to take me away... I don't know anything about this world...'

She looked around the forest and noticed that the boy who summoned her, was cringing in pain on the ground near her.

'Wait... Is that the same guy? Awawawa... He looks scary! Those guys up there completely changed his appearance... What was his name again? Let's call him a geek until he mentions his name again.'

"Mhm"

She noticed that the boy stopped squirming and was likely to wake up at any moment, so she brought herself into the saddest pose she could imagine and started crying. It was obviously all fake. As she is a goddess of water, she can summon droplets of water from anywhere on her body.

She used this tactic in heaven a lot when she wanted to get something or be forgiven. She would start crying.

'It always worked! All I need to do now is to charm him with my beauty and excellence and I will be using him as my ticket home!'

The boy woke up and noticed the commotion.

'Jackpot! He is looking at me! It must have worked!'

She silently waited for a few seconds before she looked at him through the gaps of her fingers, only to see him leaving.

"W-Wait!! Where are you going! Don't leave me behind you geek!" She threw herself on the ground and started rolling around like a kid, throwing tantrum.

Yumi turned around and looked at her pitiful display, "I am going to explore the area. You can stay here if you want to."

Aqua sighed in relief as he didn't plan on leaving her behind and said, "Yes! Good job! Oh, and once you are finished, bring me some snacks and wine!"

Yumi frowned and said,

"On the other hand, I feel like I should just leave you here." Following which he turned around and went to explore the surrounding area.

"W-Wait... You were joking, right? Don't leave me here!"

***

'So annoying. I brought her along out of spite and anger. I am so stupid. I just wanted to punish her for her behavior. I wouldn't mind if she went back into heaven. I should have just picked that Undetectable Stealth skill instead, it would be useful in this forest. Who knows what lurks in it.'

Yumi once again looked around the area before looking down at his own appearance.

'Something about me has changed. I am not sure what, but this new body isn't the same as before. It feels a lot stronger, I can see the strength seeping through me...My muscles are stronger than before, even my stomach is nicely shaped. All of my body hair disappeared and my long beard is gone as if it was cut just now...Also...These clothes...'

From what he remembered, Aqua told him that he died naked, so he is grateful that they gave him some clothes. He had a tight, black, long-sleeved shirt and loose-fitting white martial arts pants.

'I look like I just came from an anime cosplay convention...although I am grateful that I have clothes, if I had known it sooner, I would have asked for a normal change of wardrobe befitting this world. I don't know what the standards for this world are...I may look weird compared to other residents. '

He dug around his pockets and found something he didn't expect to see.

'Oh... At least I brought something with me into this world.'

It was a black butterfly knife. He bought it at the Warcraft convention in Japan. It cost him more than 55k yen, which was roughly about 500 dollars. It was really sharp too.

'This will be my weapon for now, even though it looks weak, a knife is not to be underestimated. At any rate...I am not hungry yet, but I am a bit thirsty. I need to find some kind of water source.'

It took him an hour to find a water source. He looked towards the sky and noticed that it was beginning to darken. It also became more difficult to move through the terrain.

He walked towards the water source and looked at his reflection.

"What is this...My face... It changed so much."

His eyes changed from his usual hazelnut color to yellow and with his new sharp eyes, people might mistake him for a delinquent.

But the thing that bothered him the most wasn't his face, but his hair. It turned white.

"It looks as if I had some kind of illness... But it's a magical RPG world... White hair can't be that rare!" Yumi tried to reassure himself.

He leaned over the water source and drank a handful of water.

'Mhm... It's tasty. At least I won't be thirsty now, but I need to find some kind of bottle to fill it up with this water.'

He looked around the place and found a small cave near the water source. The cave gave off a dangerous aura as if it was trying to keep him from entering.

'I don't feel like going inside, as there might just be a bear or something more dangerous. Like a dragon, for example, this is a fantasy, right? There are bound to be dragons everywhere. Moreover, I don't have a flashlight nor a torch. Seeing something in such darkness is impossible.'

He threw the idea out of his head and walked away. Once he returned back, he saw that Aqua was sitting on a big rock, drawing circles into the dirt with a stick.

"Ah, you came back! I knew it! Where are my sweets?"

Yumi just rolled his eyes and replied, "Of course I didn't bring them, we are literally in a forest, how do you expect me to find sweets? But I found something better, there is a water source near our location, so if you are thirsty, you can use that."

"Hey um...What's your name again?"

"It's Yumi Yudai. We met an hour ago, how can you not remember my name?! I always thought that gods were supposed to be some higher beings, but what is this useless aura I am sensing?"

Aqua jumped from the ground and declared,

"Who are you calling useless! I am useful I will have you know! Here, look at this! Create Water!"

A water stream escaped from her palm and Yumi watched in amazement,

"What was that?! Was that actually magic?"

Aqua gave him a triumphant look and said,

"Of course it is! I am a goddess of water Aqua! I can create as much water as I want and that means that your whole exploration trip was useless! Pfufufu! However, if you beg nicely, I might summon some water for you once in a while, so that you won't need to walk so far away!" Her face shined, and it looked like she wanted to be praised.

However, after her rude remark, Yumi who was examining her water magic earlier, completely lost interest.

'This is why women are so...'

Even though he didn't feel like entering a relationship ever again, he could still feel a bit of sympathy for her situation as she was dragged here without a warning because of him.

His reasoning might have been childish, but she was acting stuck up and all-mighty ever since they met which pissed him off. Now that he brought her here, he might as well fully use her.

"Okay, listen here, Uggo. I didn't bring you here to listen to your whining. You are here to be my personal cheat ability. So act like it! If you can't even do that, then return back home and don't bother me. I want to enjoy this world as much as I can and you are ruining it."

Aqua screamed and pounced at him.

"Who are you calling an Uggo?!! I am a beautiful goddess you Geek! Do you hear me?! Millions of people worship me! How can you say that I am an Uggo?!! Besides, I am stuck in here because I need to defeat the Demon King! I can't go back home before that!"

"Uwaah... Imagine calling yourself beautiful. What a narcissist. While it's true that you are pretty, your personality is a demerit!"

"What are you talking about? Of course, I am beautiful. Every god, goddess, and angel is beautiful."

Yumi smirked and replied, "Yeah you are right, your exterior might be beautiful but your insides are rotten to the core! Just like the insides of every women, who like to manipulate men for their own enjoyment! I am still wondering how they allowed someone like you to become a goddess? How can a goddess laugh at someone's death?! Doesn't that make you sick?! I really feel like I should leave you in this forest!"

Aqua started crying, this time, it looked as if her tears were real.

"Did you just say that?! Do you realize what you just said?! Ignoring your insults about me, how can you just leave me here alone? You picked me as your cheat, right? That means you need to be kind to me, or else I won't help you! Be kind, sweet, worship me, bring food to my bed, buy me alcohol and defeat the Demon King for me!"

"Oh? Is that how cheats work now? Don't anger me! I really feel like taking a dump and if you want to continue with this charade, I will use your shawl as a toilet paper!"

(A/N: Shawl is the pink thing Aqua has around her neck all the time. Basically the scarf.)

Aqua grabbed her shawl with her hands and shouted in disgust,

"You disgusting creep! You wouldn't do that! This is a holy relic, capable of withstanding all kinds of debuffs and negative effects, you can't use it as a toilet paper! You must be joking!" She turned her back towards Yumi and tried to protect it with her life.

Yumi grinned like a madman and slowly crept towards her,

"Ara Ara...You should know I am being serious! After all, I am the man, who is so lazy that he pisses in pissbottles! You said it yourself... I am disgusting and I am not afraid to admit it! I never really used the toilet unless I was taking a dump! I will have you know, that my record is 17 full bottles of urine!" He slowly started unzipping his pants and went towards Aqua.

"No! You can't be serious...Right? Please tell me you are joking?! Why are you taking your pants off?!"

"Your shawl is a holy relic, right?"

Aqua nodded and warily mewled,

"Y-Yes...It has the ability to deflect against negative statuses. It's really useful. I-I know! We can use it in the battle against the Demon King...I-Isn't that a good idea...Please...stop coming closer!"

Aqua was freaked out. She never would have thought that such a human existed. She tried to protect her shawl with her body, yet it wasn't enough.

Yumi put his hand on Aqua's shoulder and said,

"That means it can even clean itself, right? Does shit count as a negative status? Let's find out." He pulled the shawl from Aqua's hands and watched as she screamed in horror.

"Please don't! I am begging you! That's one of my memories from heaven!"

Yumi turned around and smiled at her gently.

"Desperate times call for desperate measures. I thank you, the beautiful goddess, for this gift. I wish to share your memory." He turned around and left the crying Aqua on the ground.

He went to a bush and did his duty.

20 minutes later...

"Oh my god, this thing is awesome! Not only does it clean itself, but it also cleaned my butt. With this thing, we don't need to fear about running out of toilet paper in this magical world! I didn't think I would say it, but you've been useful to me! It was simply amazing!" Yumi was genuinely satisfied.

The urge to take a shit was too sudden, it's as if he wasn't used to his new body yet. He didn't want to use some leaves as his toilet paper, as who knows how many bugs were on them.

Yumi has an Entomophobia, which is an extreme and persistent fear of insects, so he was glad he found a solution. Other than that, he also has Arachnophobia.

As Aqua was lifelessly laying on the ground, Yumi came forward to check whether she was alive or not, and apparently, she was.

"How could..."

"Hm?"

"How could you do this...*Sniff* to my memento...*Sniff*"

"Ah...my bad...But it was great, here it is, I am returning it back. It's completely clean as apparently, feces count as a negative status!"

"I don't...*Sniff*"

"Hm?"

"I DON'T WANT IT BACK!" Aqua shrieked and grabbed Yumi by a collar.

"Woah...chill...Ah... by the way...Other than cleaning, there was one more function...It also vibrated a bit, which is weird since I couldn't find a battery anywhere... Was that magic too?" Yumi curiously asked.

Aqua stopped moving and muttered, "V-Vibrated? T-There is no way, now is there?"

Yumi looked at her face and couldn't help but freeze. Aqua was as red as a tomato and her body was fidgeting. Yumi felt that she was acting way too suspicious.

"Is this by any chance also a vibrat-"

"IT IS NOT! GIVE IT BACK!" She pulled her shawl back and ran away.